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For all the bad that 2020 has brought, this year has finally brought my wife and I face to face with dealing with my dressing. For years she’s been in denial after finding out and it’s caused a lot of tension. This year, she finally realized that it’s not going away and we’ve started to very openly talk about it. We’ve read books together, watched documentaries, listened to podcasts, and had a lot of very hard talks…BUT this has all lead to her starting to accept me and all my colorful sides. In fact this last week we painted our nails together…it was the first time in my life I’ve had my nails painted for more than about 3-5 hours and it was WITH my wife! Yesterday, it went a step further and we went out with friends…we talked about my nails before going out and she left it to me to decide if I’d keep them. I told her I wanted to and she helped me with how to explain it and it went amazing! We have great moments of bonding like that, but I know and see how she’s struggling with all of this. I’m very very interested in meeting and talking with other girls who are in the midst of their SOs adjusting to dealing with their femme side. This means so much to me and I would love to have others to talk to about this. Please comment below for everyone, but if you’re in this situation PLEASE friend and private message me! I’d love to have others to talk to on this!
Hi Holly , little steps as Emily mentioned & continued communication with each other , but don’t have CD as the only topic you talk about. Things can & will become overwhelming , we’re several successful yrs down the track , the rollercoaster is occasionally riden but nowhere near as often. Listen to each other and if necessary work on compromises . 🌹🌹Tiff
My wife and I have just started going through this. It has been little steps and it started with me painting my nails. My wife and I talk about it a lot as she sees how happy it makes me. I told her I wouldn’t consider anything like HRT for at least a year so we can figure out if this is just me having fun or something more serious. This helps her too as for now it is “just clothes” as she put it. There is nothing permanent so far and I am not “killing her husband to become her wife”. It is a different way to look at it for your wife. I don’t know if that helps.
My magnificant other is truly exceptional. She has known of my crossdressing since our third date. When I introduced her to Darlene she first thought I had another girl living with me, but after demonstrating my dressing for her she was relieved. She enjoys having Darlene live with us. Now as we reach retirement age she is even more accepting. During the day I wear skirts and revealing blouses that accentuate my perky teenage breasts. At night we watch a girl flick in flowing robes. I am blessed. That was not the case with a previous girlfriend or my ex-wife. Both of them eventually ran away. My current fiance is going slow towards marriage. She has had two husbands and I one ex. We are not in a hurry, which makes our journey even more special. Darlene is her housewife, and she is my outdoors spouse. We share a single wardrobe except for shoes.
Tiff, that’s great advice! I’ve actually come to realize that myself. Once that topic is at the forefront, it can be hard to discuss anything else and then you can just get completely overwhelmed. The other side effect I’ve found from that is it keeps it in the forefront of my mind making the desire to dress even more!
Cassie, I haven’t even thought about taking HRT or anything like that. The big step for me is my wife is getting me laser hair removal for my chest and neck for my birthday with the understanding that it’s completely for my femme side. I totally get the idea of losing her husband. My wife told me that I have to understand that she is now married not only to me, but this other woman and that’s really hard for her to wrap her head around because it wasn’t part of the original plan, but like I just said, she’s still trying to understand and work with me.
Holly , my wife has said much the same , she now lives with my mistress also 🌹🌹
Hi Holly,
For my wife it was a big shock to her and she was very unsure about things for a while. I think it was after I came home from my first shopping trip and she saw me happier than I usually would be. (I never enjoyed buying drab lol)
I think it was a shock to both of us, whilst I don’t dress fully on femme around her (we have a 5 yr old daughter) but she accepts my stealth drag, tie die or tiger print leggins, tshirt dresses and bobby stockings lol
Recently we visited Brighton and was ok with me wearing mascara and my platform trainers.
I don’t think she is ready to shout it from the rooftops, but in only a few months she has been very supportive with make up tips and doing my nails when I screw them up 🤣
Hi Holly,
I think maybe for more than a few its a continuous evolution of acceptance, as we travel further on our journey they try to evolve with us. My gf is wonderful with most things but still has some added anxiety with the thought of someone being ignorant while we’re out and about, I try to make it easier by allowing her to pick my outfits sometimes if we are going out together, it seems to help.
Hi Girls,
My wife discovered my Crossdreaaing just before Chritmass. We have talked a few times. I dresses in front of her a few times, t shirt jeans, high heels. She has since told me she does not want to see this side of me. I have been underdressing and doing my best to be discreet. The other day, she came to me and talked about not knowing if she can accept me dressing at all. She even talked about moving out. I don’t want her to move out. But I don’t want to give up Paula.
She has calmed down for the moment. I hope she will come around and let me dress in front of her.
My hope one day is to go out as Paula with her by my side.
For now I am happy she hasn’t packed up and moved.
Loved all the stories it gives me hope.
Paula
Holly, Great to see your wife bend a little and help you. I hope she sees how happy this outing made you. Don’t forget her, her feelings and thoughts will probably all over the place. Keep the communication lines open and love her so much. Hope for both of you that she will let you continue to explore this side of yourself.
Sandy
I would say I’m a work in progress and always will be!
I’m so much more accepting and supportive than either of us ever thought I would, given we’ve been together for 30yrs and there has been times where certain “interests” have always been there and at times I was not accepting of them so it’s always a learning curve, for both of us!!
Very interesting Emily you’ve seemed to reached a great place in your
marriage how great that must feel.
I’ve been in the closet with my wife up till recently when I start ed to shave my legs & body & she kind of excepted it,& little by little I’ve been buying shoes & nylons & it has not been an issue.
We don’t have sex so I try to explain that by my dressing, Danelle has taken her place as the other women who can give me some relief.
Hopefully I can completely dress when she’s home & all the closet stress
will be gone..
I think by slowly revealing Danelle.It has brake down a lot of barriers .
Hey Holly,
This pandemic has definitely pushed Jessica’s (alter ego name or real ego?) role in my relationship with my wife. I came out to her 3 years ago and she was accepting to a point. We went to a marriage counseling and individual therapy for about a year. Things were much better than I could have ever imagined. Fast forward to now, and a few months ago we went shopping at Target and she was helping me pick out clothes for Jessica. When we got home, I wanted to try the clothes on since there are no fitting rooms open. She wanted to see how the clothes fit me as well! OMG what an experience. So since then we have been weaving through these new experiences. So yeah, definitely working on wives working on accepting and to what degree. Would love to continue this chat with you.
Jessica
Hi my name is Lisa, and I am new to all of the Open crossdressing. Honestly though, I must say that once my fears of losing him, a gone, I rather enjoy the thought of a “girlfriend” someone that I can laugh with, talk with, and share all of the silly things tjat are not silly to women, but may be to men!
I painted my big toenails silver, a few months after my wife took me for a pedicure. I had hurt my back and my toenails were needing cutting.
A few weeeks later we were laughing and I said I painted mine silver…and she was shocked she hadn’t noticed. That Christmas I had the saloon paint them all green.
We recently did our feet at the saloon, and I had my toes painted an aqua / green color. Last night I mucked about mixing a few colors, and painted my finger nails a light denim blue, and matt topcoated them.
I wear women jeans and teeshirts, as well as mens. (I started the keto diet may 2019, and have lost 40kg.) I fit well into stretchy size 12 jeans.
I wear tights and pantyhose in the cooler months, and often shave my body.
Last year she bought a BB Cream and said I could use it any time.
It’s important that she knows I’m her husband. And I love her as my wife. Crossdressing can become extremely narcissistic and self centered.
Finances often spent where they should have been spent elsewhere.
I suspect when we don’t “demand” our wives accept us and what we do – but instead still maintain responsibility in our spending, and spending time with our wives as she needs us too – it then becomes easier for them to accept our CDing.
I gotta admit a lot of self restraint is needed. It is addictive.
I had this all in hand !!! We’d had a really big chat , agreed to see someone to help and been for the first how can we help session!!! All at the end of 2019 !! I’d said I would do my best to calm it down until we started councillors Set up to see our councillor in March !! Yep you guessed it .All cancelled all turned to rat shit ( you agreed you’d stop till we spoke to someone !!!!!) un yeah nearly a year ago !!! Can’t seem to find a local councillor that will see us face to face as a couple only separate, just have to hope I find one before either of start looking for a divorce lawyer!!!! ( hope it doesn’t come to that again!!!!) Roll on 2021
sonia xxxx
Hi Holly,
I wish I could help. My SO does not agree, accept or like my doing this. We have not been intimate for about a year now, as she does not like my smooth body.
My situation was made worse too by the following. Before we were married I had worked up the courage to come out to her, and tell here about my desire to dress. One night we were talking about things and her first husband came up in the conversation. She was telling me about why things did not work out and one of those things (she confided) was that he liked to wear panties and pantyhose. I could not believe it! I thought, “what are the chances?”
Needless to say that altered my plans and pushed me further into they closet. Years passed before I said anything to her. Of course she was surprised, shocked and flat out voiced her displeasure with it all.
Several years later when I hit my 60’s I thought, that’s it! I developed a method of dressing, began buying and wearing some things. She did not say too much about it, still does not like it, but our relationship hasn’t fared well because of it. Literally, we’ve had sex once in the last 2 years. Maybe twice but that is stretching it.
At this point in my life I realized I missed out on so much by not following what made me feel good. So slowly and way too late in my life, I’m enjoying some of what I’ve always had a desire to do.
I hope you find your way!
Love and hugs,
Rebekka
Hi,I am a S.O working very hard to accept my S.O s femme side. For the most part, after lots,of talking, (well arguing) we have agreed to try our hardest to make our marriage work. We have both agreed to try and accept and maybe even understand the others issue. I guess the most important thing that I realized, was just how much I love my S.O,and I will continue to try and accept the fact that I may have married a man, but that was not him completely, and I truly believe that our love will wether this storm as well as others it has weathered. I am in no way saying that it is always easy, but I will say that, if my S.O loves his femme side,then I will try my hardest to love her too,because I know that he is the most important thing in my life, and I also know that if he thinks she’s special, then she must be. I also need to add that not accepting, and trying to insist that the Femme side goes away, will only make the S.O. resentful, and feeling less than loved. There are some ground rules ,but for the most part, I have realized, that I am happy, because the love of my life is happy. I am sorry for carrying on,I just wanted to reply to you, and tell the asking party,that if you truly love each other, you will find a way to accept each other’s baggage.
Can I just say well done to you Lisa – I’m also another supportive wife and totally agree with what you have said. Penny Jay is part of my husband, we both know that now and I love my hubby with all my heart so I love Penny Jay as well as she is “just” an extension of him.
Have you joined the Wives – SOs private group? As there are a few of us in there for any time you need to rant, vent, get support, have a laugh and just know that you are not alone (strangely that’s the thing I struggled with more than the dressing, was feeling isolates and that I must be weird for being accepting).
Mxx
As I have just come out to my fiancé a week ago I think she’s still in the accepting the fact that I told her stage which in part is trying in her own way to accept me as a crossdresser.
One of her biggest concerns/fears is that I’m trying to hijack or steal her femininity or in some way take it from her. What I want is to join in femininity with her and that is exactly what I told her.
We have a long way to go to acceptance and hope that one day we get there. I know it’s hard for her and I will let her go at her own pace. I try to tell her I love her as much and often as I can. I certainly don’t want this to end in her leaving.
I hope you and your wife continue in a direction that is agreeable to both of you.
Jessica
Lisa and Mandy, thank you both so much for sharing that there are wives out there who can learn to live with this part of their SO. My wife and I have actually made a lot of progress since I’ve posted this. In fact she has encouraged me to go out this Halloween to finally meet up with other trans and crossdressing women for a costume party I was invited to. (She’s actually helping me with my Belle costume, although she still doesn’t want to actually see me dressed yet.) It is definitely not always moving in a positive direction as it’s such an emotional topic for both of us, but we’re both trying to figure out how to make this work together because like you’ve both said about your situations, we’re still very much in love and don’t want anything to get in the way of that.
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