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    • #35484

      Hi Vanessa,
      Didn’t have to tell her,she caught me so my secret is out.
      Hugs and kisses, Angela

    • #3923
      Jenny J
      Lady

      She knows I like to wear panties and lingerie on occasion but she really isnt in to it. As for fully dressing its more of a “dont ask dont tell” situation. But she will give me hints as to when she will be out for the day so I can dress up as she knows I really to love to dress and try to be femme even for a day. I guess Im lucky in the sense that I do have a Trans friend that I can go visit and dress and learn as Im pretty new to fully dressing with the goal of being able to semi pass. I do still hide my limited clothes collection other than a couple pairs of panties she knows I have. Its not the ideal situation but Im gad to have her and that shes as accepting as she is even on a limited basis as many wives and partners aren’t at all.

    • #3925
      Vanessa Law
      Managing Ambassador

      Hey Jenny,

      Sounds like you’re luckier than most girls I know!
      I know sometimes you just want to get out there and strut your stuff, it’s great that you’ve got a trans friend. Nothing like some support to gently push you out the door when you’re feeling hesitant 🙂

      Hugs,

    • #4247
      Holly G
      Lady

      Well I hadn’t planned on it but one night I came home from work and the family is in the kitchen getting ready to eat. My wife nonchalantly mentions that my son needed some running shorts and she knew I had a pair that was too small on me that I never wear so she went digging for them…then she looks at me with this quizzical look…then I remember I had a pair a black platform heels hidden in there!!! “Oh!” I exclaim and she’s like yeah oh…
      After the kids went to bed we had the talk. It was very hard for her to comprehend but at the same time she was more hurt that I hadn’t felt comfortable enough to tell her earlier. I was terrified of the possible fallout from this but she basically said ok she knows and let’s leave it at that. She doesn’t want to be a part of it which is fine. I’m not really sure what I wanted to happen But the important thing is she accepted it as another eccentric part of me and life has moved on.
      I’m so thankful for her open mind and heart. I’m blessed to have such a wonderful wife.
      It was an incredible relief to get that off my chest after so many years!
      ????????????
      Holly

    • #4722

      DADT is hard to deal with.

    • #5063
      Anonymous

      I plan to but I don’t know how to break it to her without hurting her. Lately I have been asking her questions about why she likes this or that while browsing online.

    • #5449
      Anonymous

      I opened up to my wife early June. I had by this time already made several purchases and been out of the house en femme twice, once a quick walk to the drugstore for lipstick, and the second out to the mall where I got a makeover, threaded eyebrows, and some cute accessories. I struggled for a week or so trying to find the right time, the right words. I told her during a car ride back from pricing charcoal smokers… I said I was dealing with some gender identity issues, and I thought she was taking it well, but when she wouldn’t even open up a dialogue I knew something was up. She clammed up on me and over the next couple of months the tension in the house ratcheted up, and with me breaking my right foot (so I couldn’t drive) in early July added to work stress, I ended up with a weeks stay in the psych ward. My wife thinks my trans issues are due to a brain tumor or a psychotic break… but it could be worse. I’m not sure how, but I know it could be.

    • #5451
      Vanessa Law
      Managing Ambassador

      That’s a good idea Heather. This can be a sensitive time for all involved, and having a professional to help you work through it will be very helpful.

      Best wishes!

    • #5452
      Vanessa Law
      Managing Ambassador

      Aubrey hon, I’m sorry for your rough road, you have tremendous courage and resilience. We’re here on Crossdresser Heaven to help and support you and your wife.

      I wish you all the best in the coming weeks. They say it’s always darkest before the dawn, I pray your dawn comes soon!

    • #5517
      Khloe West
      Duchess

      Best to you!

      I’m really new here, but have had potentially the most amazingly comfortable ride ever for someone who arrived late in the game, clueless, and married 3+ decades before abt of this merriment.

    • #5518
      Khloe West
      Duchess

      A silly long story of recent history, but the wife knows. After a couple of years to digest it all? She helps.

      I went from zero (even in my own knowledge) to “Drag Makeover” on YT to being (good naturedly) “outed” on FB in under a year,

      Been a hella’ ride, and I regret nothing as far as being “out” anymore. 300K+ have seen the vid with my boy side profiled. There would be no point of going any other direction.

      I *could* have untagged my boy name from the lady pics. Not knowing who had seen them already tagged and considering that it may look cowardly to those that HAD seen them?

      I just sucked up a deep breath and thought “Here we go!”

    • #5848
      Holly G
      Lady

      Khloe, you’re awesome!  Just accepting it and running with it come hell or high water is so amazing!  I’m still figuring out my personality as Holly considering it’s been very recent that I even came to grips enough with this to come up with a fem name! All I know is the girls on this forum have been wonderful and a huge relief to talk to and understand that we truly are not alone.

      Lots of hugs!

      ????????????

      Holly

    • #5865
      Anonymous

      i have dressed with my girl friend lol wish she would dress me

    • #5881
      Anonymous

      I haven’t.  I want to so much, but I’m simply afraid to, I have a 15 year old son, and I love my family and my home so much.  I have tried and more and more I get closer, but can’t make that last step into the unknown.

    • #5890
      Vanessa Law
      Managing Ambassador

      Gillian it’s a tough tightrope to walk – between being yourself and possibly losing what you have most dear.

      I lost a lot when I transitioned, but I gained a lot as well. Even if you’re not transitioning, the repercussions of coming out can be dire.

    • #5899
      Khloe West
      Duchess

      Thank you for the kind words, Holly!

      I utterly understand what you might be going through in that “self discovery” period. I spent the better part of 2 1/2 years really wondering what gear in my head had stripped, before I came to terms with the fact that all the cogs were still intact…just in a rather different order than I had imagined for 52 years.

      The FB prank that started this all? Still can’t believe it or the odd turns that my life took after the prank that led to the “drag makeover”, that led to the now. Utterly surreal.

      After reading of the woes of many of “us”? The reveal at the makeover was the best/worst gut punch ever. “I look great as a girl!”…followed with “CRAP! I look great as a girl?” ??? I simply knew at the point of the reveal that no matter how it played? There was no way to stuff the girl back in the box, despite he being there longer than I could have ever imagined.

      Have no clue as how outbound links work here as a noob, but link to the “makeover” to follow. If it fails? Hit YT and search “straight husband goes drag”.  I’m kinda’ the only thing that pops up.

      😀 Khloe

    • #5908
      Khloe West
      Duchess

      And BTW, Holly?

      My “drag name” was arrived upon by an old gal pal of mine and I after exhausting every “drag name generator” that produced weak results.

      We decided to cross “Modern Day Celebutard” with “Old School Hollywood” My name is a mashup of Khloe K and Mae West.

      On other fronts of the amazing? I actually show up in Google! :O

    • #5910
      Vanessa Law
      Managing Ambassador

      That’s awesome hon! Wow, quite a transformation!

      The video seems to come through for me!

    • #5913
      Khloe West
      Duchess

      Thanks Vanessa!

      As a noob here, I just didn’t know how outbound links worked and whether they were welcome.

      They did  a nice job, although they left a few even more improbable twists and turns out of the story that landed me in the makeover spot.

      Sometime this fall, I hope to make the vid that plugs those gaps on my own YT channel.

      Since then? Unbelievable…more when not headed to bed! I’ve been here through it all and I don’t even believe the ops that have rolled out for me!

    • #6042

      I am fortunate in that I have two homes, in Hungary and in Germany. I travel between the two, but my wife stays in Hungary almost all the time. Thus I can be the woman I am in Germany whilst still pretending to be the man I’m not in Hungary. I have told my wife of my transgenderism and of course she knows that I wear tights all the time,summer dresses when it’s hot and that I always sleep in a nightie. Naturally she also knows that I’m utterly impotent as a man. However, she rationalises what she sees and hears, so I don’t think our relationship is truely open. However, I’m working on it!

    • #6785

      Yes, I most definitely have. I told before we were married and she was supportive. But she never really internalized it until about 8 years into our marriage, when she realized that I was dressing from time to time and when I would go on trips. Lots of talking ensued – and we’re still talking, and talking, and talking. The first time we went out together it really clicked – she said “It’s still you – just in different clothes. You’re the same person you always are.” It made me feel wonderful that she understood that it all goes into making me, me, no matter how i am dressed and what name I am using.

      The toughest part is ignoring 5o years of instinct to hide it. Our biggest challenge is not hiding things from each other – when we do, we have challenges. When we are open and honest, we are the happiest.

    • #7402
      Claudia C
      Ambassador

      I took a completely different  approach  with my girlfriend  ( now my wife). It was a bold act but I mustered the courage.

      She ran out to do some errands and when she came home, I was laying in the bed wearing a tshirt and a pair of nude pantyhose.

      Scared – yes.

      Comfortable – yes.

      After the shock, we talked for some time and even though  she didn’t  like it, she accepted  it.

       

      Years later, I received a gift for Christmas  that I had to open without anyone around…. a beautiful  black dress.

    • #7412

      I came out to my wife in March, 2 months after I came out to my therapist. I told here I found the source of my depression and went on to explain how I felt I was a woman trapped in a man’s body. Probably not my best moment in 30 years of marriage, but it was the best way I could explain my need for femininity. Needless to say that has opened a new can of worms and had to explain I am not gay, not looking to surgery, etc. The reality set in when I showed her the results of my last pedicure and my lovely pink toes.

      She doesn’t get it, but trying to understand and has seen the change in me being happier, less stressed, and no depression. So for now we just keep moving forward.

    • #7413
      Anonymous

      Claudia C,
      I have no idea if I might have handled mine better, or if I should have shocked my wife the way you did, but she hasn’t left me yet.  Although with the way she has been (understandably) upset, I wish she’d just scream at me or kick me out or something.

      In my less charitable moments I think the reason she hasn’t left is because of the military spouse benefits…

    • #7529
      Claudia C
      Ambassador

      Aubrey, you may never know the true reasons. There really is no good way to show your yoursself, shall we say.  But make the most of it hon.

      But upon marriage, for better or worse as I recall the traditional vows. Make it the best of the situation if you can.

      LooK forward… we all have faults. Is CD a fault or is it an asset to make you a complete person.

      Sure I rolled the dice. Expect the worst, hope for the best.
      <p style=”text-align: center;”>Message me if I could help. We’re  here to support, help, and build a safe community  to share our thoughts  and experiences.</p>
      Claudia

       

    • #7537
      Anonymous

      Had to tell my wife over a decade ago. I had just started to discover that there were other people out there like me when I researched the internet. Some of the links that came up were questionable and yielded results that were somewhat pornographic; not what I was after. At some point my wife got very curious and checked the internet search history and thought I was spending hours looking at porn. I had to finally spill the beans that I was searching for crossdressers, and crossdressing, and trans, etc. I was so nervous to explain what I was going through that I actually had to write out the explanation to her. I think she might still have the letter hidden somewhere. She admitted that some of the qualities that attracted me to her were more feminine in nature. Since then, she has been supportive to a point. Everything is ok as long as I keep things behind closed doors. Eventually that wasn’t good enough for me so she has felt very uneasy about me going out once or twice a month. I even took a week-long vacation en femme in March to an event called Diva Las Vegas. She wonders where all this is heading. For me, I’m on a journey where I can no longer stand still. I’m not even entirely sure where all this ends – or maybe doesn’t end at all.

    • #7549
      Anonymous

      Claudia,
      Thank you. You are right, there is no right time or way to “reveal one’s truth” especially if it is in conflict with someone else’s truth about you.
      I feel most days like I have very literally opened Pandora’s Box, except all the ills and woes of the world mugged and murdered Hope and left it’s bleeding, broken body in the bottom of the box.
      It doesn’t help that the already dark tint yo my world view has taken an already dark situation and made it worse in my eyes.
      I know suicide is a long term solution to a temporary problem, but those thoughts have been with me for decades, and this “short term problem” has lasted nearly my whole life.
      On top of that, I often wonder if crossdressing and “being trans*” is just a bs cover to avoid “real issues”… and that induces a fear of loss (new friends, community, a sense of belonging) that borders on debilitating. Have you ever felt like your entire existance is a lie or series of lies and that the lies are inextricably woven with the truth so that you can’t tell one from the other?
      I am lost and confused and most of all hurt that the one person who I hoped would love me enough to help me through this is so wrapped up in her “secondary pain” that she’d rather believe I have had a psychotic break or brain tumor than believe I might actually be transgender.
      Hell, I’d almost rather believe it myself…

    • #7570

      Hello Ladies,

      A quick answer, yes my wife knows and has known for 23 year. I told her right before I was ready to propose to her. She took a few weeks apart and thought about things. She called me and we talked a bit more. She then told me what she continues to tell me, “I love all of you and always will.” a few months later we were engaged and have been now married for 20 years. I am blessed and I know it and thank God everyday for her!

      Codille

    • #7625
      Vanessa Law
      Managing Ambassador

      Aubrey dear,

      I know that dark place you are in intimately, and have experienced it many times. I have tried to commit suicide twice, and have stared at the abyss so many times I know it like an old friend. Here’s how I felt a few years back, in a situation very similar to where you are now – torn between who I am and who those I love had asked me to be – The dark abyss of being transgender

      Perhaps there is something in you that relates to that hopelessness?

      Many times people have quoted me the pithy ‘permanent solution to a temporary problem’ when describing suicide. Yet in my darkest days I think it’s more than that, it’s a permanent solution to every temporary problem you could have.

      And yet, life is more than the sum of our problems – to give a fair view you need to count the blessings and the joys among life too. Even a tumultuous life full of heartache can be worth it for a few moments of exquisite joy.

      I encourage you to read Samantha’s story of overcoming darkness to find the beauty in herself, and Debra’s story about gathering the courage to live as she is.

      I’m not going to try and tell you that suicide isn’t a solution, because I know that you’re looking at all solutions, desperately trying to find one.

      But Aubrey, I am going to tell you that when the answer is suicide, you are asking the wrong question. Maybe it’s your top choice at the moment for how to end your pain, but I don’t think it makes the list when you ask yourself, ‘How can my life be meaningful?’, ‘How can I best serve those I love?’, ‘How can I experience, on balance, the most joy in my time on earth?’.

      We are here to support you dear, and I encourage you, with all the love and care I have in my heart to call the wonderful folks at Trans Life Line. (877) 565-8860

      It is a hotline staffed by transgender people, people who know what you’re going through, people who care.

      It gets better.

      This evening dear, take a few minutes to hear from others who have been in your shoes, and take a few minutes to watch some videos on It Gets Better.

      So many of us weep with you, and look forward to the day when we can laugh with you as well!

      With love, and blessings

      Vanessa

       

       

       

      https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/it-gets-better/

    • #7627

      Aubrey,

      I am not an expert so I don’t pretend to be. I have had some dark times but never gotten to thinking about ending it all. That is not to say I don’t know exactly how I would do it. With that said, another great place for TG help on these issues is Laura’s Playground where they have professionals to talk to TG/CD individuals about suicide and that is in chat form. They are good people and another support system. This is not a reversible decision so talk to some one and stick around with the rest of us Ladies!

      With Prayer,

      Codille

    • #7629
      Anonymous

      Vanessa,

      Thank you.

      Thank you for caring. Thank you for recognising the pain that few others even see. Thank you for taking your time to put together an email that cuts to the truth of it all.

      Most of all, thank you for understanding that the “permanent solution” is NOT the only solution I have contemplated… for not playing the “consider all the people you will hurt” guilt trip card… for not making me feel worse by trying to make me feel better or thinking ill of me for my weakness or breakage.

      And I am a supporter of Trans Life Line… Under the presumption that I will absolutely need it someday, and that if I will, so must there be others.

      My situation is a Gordian Knot comprised of several intertwined issues, the unraveling of one inextricably causing the tightening of another… And yet, counter-intuitively, if I can unravel one or two of them, several others will simply fall apart and become “non-issues”. The trick… knowing which string to pull to unravel the maximum number of problems.

    • #7631
      Anonymous

      Codille,

      I am in therapy, and the attempt was less an actual attempt and more a loss of self control when my coping mechanisms failed under too much strain.

      Like I said in my earlier post, the ideation has been with me since high school, possibly as early as puberty; and yet, up until recently, my coping skills have been phenomenal and have served me exceptionally well. By which to say, I may have thought it, but never attempted in any serious or damaging way.

      I am trying to work thru my issues and ensure my continued existence; a difficult proposition considering the tangled nature of my issues (again, referenced in a prior post). message me if you want the full list, otherwise I won’t bore you…

      I don’t want to die, nor do I want to kill myself. I just want the anguish of being so lost for so long, and having the respect of those around me for “knowing who you really are” (I choke on the irony). I am complimented on my genuineness, my integrity, and I fear their compromise…

    • #7692

      Khloe,

      To have made that massive leap and have unwavering faith that no matter what you are wear it is still al you on the inside is inspiring. What an amazing and wonderful journey!!! More ladies need to see your story and I think most would gain great strength from it!

      Cheers to you Khloe!!!

      Codille

    • #8638
      Anonymous

      Tried to talk to my wife as my therapist suggested but my wife say’ “she didn’tmarry a woman ” so decisions will have to be made some suggest that “at your age let it be!” but if one is truly Mtf it isnt that simple my therapist agrees

    • #8701
      Elaine
      Duchess

      We were going to attend a Mardis Gras party so I told my wife I wanted to go in drag like is customary for men to do. It opened to a great conversation in which I admitted that I really liked to dress in women’s clothes. It was not a total surprise to her. For some years she had been hiding a pair of her thongs in my luggage whenever I would go on business travel. And when asked if I had worn them I would always admit that I had. She’s been a doll about this adventure – just doesn’t want me to go outside of our home.

    • #9264
      skippy1965 Cynthia
      Ambassador

      Any one who tells you to just let it go because of your age obviously has no clue as to how the feeling of dysphoria do NOT lessen with age but actually increase for most people who are in our boat. Your profile doesn’t list your age (how like a lady 🙂 ) I am 50 and am in the same position of feeling the need to stop hiding who I am and determine whether crossdressing publicly(part of full time) is enough or whether full transition with or without HRT and/or SRS will be my ultimate destiny.

      No matter where I end up, I have to be the person I feel I am inside. MY wife left over 10 years ago and my kids are grown. THe things stopping me now are concerns about career and the fear of losing . family and friends.

      Listen to your therapist and follow your heart. We’re here for you as well whenver you need to vent or talk!

      Cynthia

    • #9305

      All,

      Age is irrelevant. Your relationship is what is relevant. What is in your heart and psyche is relevant. And yes your spouse is very relevant. I from my sofa cannot tell you telling your significant other is easy. 99% of the time the first talk is a emotional bumbling mess that goes in 360 degrees. The question is when the needle stops where does the relationship stand and is that position a good enough for you and your partner. Wither your 18 or 80 when you decide it is time to come out to your partner is YOUR choice, if ever.

      I was one of the lucky ones in that my fiance at the time said she loved all of me. Now 20 years later I am staring at the next jump, telling kids, family and friends. So at 23 I was ready to tell my partner but it has taken until I am 46 to be ready for the next leap of faith.

      Age doesn’t come into this with the exception of when you have the confidence to take the step. Sometimes the younger you are the more your willing to say f-it and jump or maybe you need age to be mature and finally let yourself be who you are. Everyone is totally different in this. Is there an optimal time, yes, when you are ready to say world here I am.

      With much luv and support,

      Codille

    • #9403
      Khloe West
      Duchess

      @codille is quite right. I think that one of the things that made it far easier for me was the fact that I was old enough to no longer give a damn about what other folk thought of me.

      K

    • #9621

      Dear Friends,
      I came out to my wife about a month ago and life seems to have gone from bad to worse.

      We have been struggling financially for a long time and our stress levels have been very high at times. During these times, I have found the need to dress more and more as a means to handle the stress. I gradually became more and more bold in expressing my femininity. I was taking baby steps towards telling her about the big stuff. She seemed to be okay with me shaving my legs, painting my toenails, and caring a purse, but she never actually told me how she really felt about it. It can be very difficult to get her to open up about anything.
      Anyway, as I was saying, I was getting bolder and bolder with my dressing. I had increased my wardrobe to three outfits and two gorgeous pair of pumps, one red with 5 inch heels and royal blue with 3 inch heals and a reptile finish (the red ones are my favorite). I was dressing more and more when my wife was at work and my boys at school and was taking more an more chances. I had a couple of close call and was almost caught wearing a couple of times. I really enjoy wearing a skirt. They are pretty, stylish, versatile, and comfortable. With a half dozen skirts and ten or so cut tops, think of all the combinations you can make! If I knew I could get away with it, I would wear a skirt every day. But I digress.
      One time when I was home and doing some household chores like a happy little housewife, I got so used to my skirt, that when I went to pick up my boys from a friends house, I almost ran out of the house before I remembered I still had it on! It would have been really awkward to explain to my boys and their friends why there dad was wearing a skirt.
      So, on the one hand, I felt so good every time I dressed and wanted to do it more and more. At the same time, I was also terrified I would get caught and that my wife would hate me and want to end our marriage. So I decided to tell her before I got caught.
      She seemed to take it well at first, but she suddenly seemed colder than usual and every time the topic came up, she would act all angry and upset. Then she would start telling me how wrong I was and what I was doing was evil and perverted and that she thought I was gay. Which is totally not true. I am actually a lesbian. Some of the things she said a were so hateful and hurtful it would bring me to tears. I am trying to understand how she feels and what she is thinking, but it is so hard when she won’t talk to me without insulting me. I love her dearly and it would break my heart to lose her. The thing is, I can’t live with myself unless I can be the real me. I have felt so awful that I had planned to take drastic measures to end my pain and suffering. I even tried once. And I have scars to prov it. A dear friend of mine made me promise that I would never try it again. I intend to keep that promise.
      They say time heals all wounds. I hope that it is the case with me and that she and I can at least come to a compromise about my crossdressing. And if not, I guess I will have to learn to live without her.
      I am currently receiving counselling from a social worker at our local LGBT center and have attended one of their support groups. This has really help a lot. Not only is it a supportive place to go, it is also a safe place for me to dress and not feel guilty or embarrassed. It is so great to hear them call me Rachel and treat me like I’m a woman. The first time some one called me Rachel, I was so happy I almost burst into tears. Now its like no big deal because that’s my name when I’m there. It seems funny to me that I have gotten so used to it, I have almost introduced myself as Rachel a time or two outside of the center.
      As much as I would love to write on and on, I have got to get to work. I tend to ramble a bit once I get going. Its like, “Help me! I’m talking and I can’t shut up!” I better close before I write a novel.
      Thanks so much for being here for me and letting me vent my feelings. It warms my heart to know I can get love and support where ever I have an internet connection.
      Hope you all have a lovely day and I will talk to you again soon.
      Luv,
      Rachel

    • #9648
      skippy1965 Cynthia
      Ambassador

      Rachel! SOOO glad to have someone else like me here….someone who rambles and does stream of consciousness posts–what did you think i meant 🙂 Kidding girl! Been there done that got the cami! My ex could never accept the feminine part of me(even though I think that part is what made my personality attractive to her in the first place) and we ended up splitting up. PM me when you get a chance and I can go into more details. I’m still exploring my gender issues and learning about myself and where my life may end up. It’s a scary but exciting adventure when you examine your soul. But a little less scary when you go through it with a friend! Hope you will be a companion to a fellow traveler on the way to discovering who we really are.

      Cynthia

    • #9778

      I didn’t come out to my wife on purpose, more by stupidity. I had a Facebook account set up for my femme self, and one of her friends came upon it. Of course my wife was called, and like a good wife, she denied to her friend that it was me. Once she got home and the kids went to bed, the yelling started. A whole lot of “How could you?” and “I can’t believe you did this to me!” came out from her. I honestly didn’t know what to say other than “I’m sorry.” She demanded that I go see a therapist to figure out ‘what is wrong with me’. I have been seeing a therapist since March, and I know that there is nothing ‘wrong with me’, it is just I don’t fit into society’s mode of the ideal man.

      We have chatted on and off about it since I started therapy, and sooner than later, it will probably be the end of our marriage. She steadfastly does not approve or will even tolerate my dressing, and I know I can’t live without it. I wish things were different, but it was the cards I was dealt.

    • #9779

      Bobbi Anne,

      I am going to put this in plain English, that sucks and I am sorry you are going through this. I wish I could say you were alone, but your not. There are a lot of Ladies here going through the same thing and there is a TON of friendship and support. We may not be able to fix the problem but we may be able to at least help ease some of the heartbreak and pain.

      Keep your chin up and you are correct, in most cases there is not a damn thing a therapist can do to help “Make you Normal” but they can help you through your thoughts and feelings.

      Hugs,

      Codille

    • #9787

      Codille,

      Thank you. You are right about the fact that things suck, but it is the bed I made so I have to lie in it. I already have gotten a lift from some of the stories from the ladies here, so keeping my head up won’t be a problem. LOL!

      Some of the stories inspired me enough to go to my therapy session today somewhat in femme. I wore a pair of black stretch pants that look a lot like a pair of black jeans, a pink top, knee high hose, panties, Spanx bra, and my breast forms. I was going to wear a pair of heels in, but chickened out at the last minute as other patients were walking in for the other therapists. Usually, I am the only one in there with my therapist around then.

      Hopefully next week I can get the courage up to go all out. I want to wear my black skirt, print top, bra and panties, breast forms, pantyhose, and my heels in. I want to wear my wig and get all made up. She said I looked cute today, I want to knock her socks off next week. Now to only find the courage to follow through. LOL!

      I do appreciate all the support and advice, as well as the stories and testimonies from the ladies here. I am hoping to make some great friendships while I am here.

      Hugs,

      Bobbi Anne

    • #9829
      Anonymous

      I came out to my wife while we were still dating. We were getting out of bed and getting dressed when she made a joke telling me to be careful I don’t grab her panties to put on. I blushed incredibly and didn’t say anything. After a pause she asked me if i had ever worn women’s panties. I was a bit scared to admit it but I knew I should be honest so I told her about it. (I grew up in a house with 4 sisters and my mom. I had lots of opportunity to dress in their things. From the time I was a young boy I loved their pretty underwear and clothes and would try them on whenever I had the opportunity.) My wife (girlfriend at the time), to my great relief, was very understanding. Right then she handed me her panties to wear and gave me a few more pair to take home and use. Later she would surprise me with gifts of very pretty and sexy underwear and nightgowns to wear. Years passed like this and we eventually got married (together now for 30 years) but over time it developed that she did not want to be a part of my crossdressing. Since then I have kept it to myself and continue to do it in private. I don’t regret letting her know about that part of me. I feel sad and alone sometimes now because I have to keep it to myself, but I think it would have been worse to try and hide it for all these years. I am glad I was honest with her and shared that part of myself.

    • #10156

      I came out to my wife about two weeks after we married. Felt couldn’t hide it, and if it ment marriage over, there wasn’t too much at stake. She was showering, and when she returned to bedroom, there I was. In her sheer wedding nightgown. She was ok, and a little cautious. After many conversations, she told me well weather dressed male or female, your still my husband and I love you. That was 31 years ago, and she is very accepting and helpful to Brandi Lynn.

    • #10157

      <p style=”text-align: left;”>Congrats on 31 years and a supportive wife Brandilynn!</p>
      <p style=”text-align: left;”>Wedding nightgown, interesting choice… hey it worked!!!</p>
      <p style=”text-align: left;”></p>
      <p style=”text-align: left;”>Codille</p>

    • #10158
      skippy1965 Cynthia
      Ambassador

      That’s fantastic Brandilynn-hope you remind her everyday how much you love her too-she’s special if she is accepting like that.

    • #10161

      Tell her I love her every day. She’s a honey, lets me dress as long as we’re alone.

    • #10162
      Anonymous

      leared the air shortly after we got married.  It is a hard thing to breach, and then have a meaningful discussion.  Remember, she loved you and wanted to share the rest of her life with you.  This part of your persona is also a function of the person she married.  Both are a reason you are what she found.  Clothes are simply cloth.  It was a discussion.  Not any screaming bout.  I was fortunate.  Be honest,  Never lie to her.  She will understand that you love her, but as some enjoy football, you enjoy a softer side every now and then.  I think though it is most important to make her sure that your “other half” is not a challenge to her, but a complement.

    • #10388

      Hi Ladies,

      I am fortunate that my wife accepts most of my crossdressing and even participates occasionally.  She is very accepting with almost everything except for wig and makeup, which seems to WIG her out a bit (pun is intended).   I think she is afraid (and maybe rightfully so) that I would want to transition fully or that it could evolve into so many other things that can be imagined.  Given what we do i can’t blame her and even as much as i have tried to talk through what i am and reassure her, who knows where her mind wonders regarding my path.  I try to keep an open line of communication and talk to her about crossdressing, but there is only so much of that you can do.  The net result is that i try to respect her wishes given that she is somewhat accepting and the other parts of my life a a woman i keep quiet.

      I guess digress a bit.  As far a coming out we started slow with panties when we were dating, which moved onto pantyhose.  The Bra, Breast forms and nighty took a few years longer.   She knows i have the wigs, makeup and clothing(dresses, skirts, blouses etc) stored in a large gun safe in our bedroom closet, but she never really ask and has never in 20 years asked for the key.  I assume that she doesn’t want to know.  All in all she has been great with the dressing, but will probably never fully understand my need to be feminine or live without some doubt.

      I do truely believe that my life is much better with her knowing and couldn’t imaging hiding what is such a large and important part of who i am.  i have come to realize over the years that this is who i am and i am comfortable and thankful for that.  Crossdressing and embracing my femininity  has bought me much happiness over that years.  Certainly more happiness than sorrow.

       

      Hope this helps

       

      Hugs,

       

      Heather.

       

       

       

       

       

       

    • #10396
      skippy1965 Cynthia
      Ambassador

      Heather -so agree that being open an honest is critical to having ANY chance of acceptance )or at least tolerance) from a spouse. I naively thought my desires would go away when I got married(pausing for the laughs and “I could have told you that wouldn’t happen) and did end up losing her =largely over my dressing.

       

      You are brav and wise to realize that you have to be true to yourself and follow where your heart leads you.  If you;re lucky, she;ll make the journey with you.  If not then it is her loss and she never truly completely KNEW you anyway.

       

      Thanks for sharing your story!

      Cynthia

    • #10478
      Petra Y
      Lady

      I realize I am very lucky. I told my wife long before we got married. She was very accepting and does not mind me being dressed around her. She always makes and buys jewelry for me to try. As we are the same size clothes wise she does wear some of my stuff and I wear some of hers. She would never accept going out in public with me but at home its all okay. This is wonderful to me as I wouldn’t ask for more. I have occasionally gone to CD functions and she is also fine with that. I haven’t come out to any one else.

      Yvette

    • #10506

      After my marriage dissintegrated, mostly on account of my need to crossdress/transition, I made it a point to make sure my next (current now) patner was aware that i had been a crossdresser in the past, and that i had actually taken hormones for a few months before chickening out.

      She was curious, but i was sure i had it covered and that it was “in the past” she made it quite clear that she wasnt into a “Crossdresser Lifestyle” and that if i wanted that id best go and live that lifestyle on my own.

      Anyway, you all know how that was always going to work out, the pressure has been building for years, Ive goten away with a small stash of clothes, and i meen small, had a purge a few years ago determined to not “do this” again, but its time for me to face reality and work out how to make the changes i need to make in order to become the woman ive been denying all these years. So yes, ive told both my SO’s neither time was a happy ending, but i guess thats the luck of the draw.

    • #10507
      skippy1965 Cynthia
      Ambassador

      Roberta-

      I only had the one wife but it went about the same-promised to stop but unable to do so.  I’m not certain yet about how far along the path toward transitioning I’ll end up going-could be just more public crossdressing,or living part or full time as a woman or even (gulp) eventually going all the way hormonally and/or surgically.  I do know I won’t ever stop dressing as Cynthia is who I am!  Thanks for sharing your story and good luck!

      Cynthia

    • #10514
      Leonara
      Ambassador

      I have been married 44 years… My cross dressing desires came about after the kids moved out and I was retired and fulfilled my desires when she went to work. It was a rush to go online to buy my own wardrobe and Breastforms. She has caught me twice. We’ve discussed it & since she couldn’t or wouldn’t understand my desires, I have been careful ever since. Only enfemme when the opportunity presents itself only at home. (Her request).
      This forum “coming out to your wife” inspired me to write my feelings & my profile. Thank you all for giving me this opportunity.
      Regards,
      Leonara

    • #10518
      skippy1965 Cynthia
      Ambassador

      Leonara,

      Thanks for sharing your story. I know it’s difficult  when the ones we love cannot accept/tolerate our need to express our feminine side.  Perhaps over time she will! Either way be honest with her and answer  any questions she has and perhaps you can work out some boundaries to give you at least a LITTLE more time to dress.  Good luck, hun!

      Cynthia

    • #10569
      Leonara
      Ambassador

      Thank you Cynthia,
      That’s one of the reasons why I joined the forum, sage advice.
      Leonara

    • #10578
      Kate24
      Lady

      Somehow my wife had always known.   I was caught wearing her thong.  She was fine with it.  She has been really supportive.   She helps me with shopping for clothes and makeup.   We have an arraignment.  I get fall and winter to be Kate.  She gets spring and summer for my alter ego.   It works out great.   Its hard to shave down in the summer.   Years ago I found out that her father dressed.   It made it easier for her to understand me.   I am one lucky person to have a soulmate like her.

    • #10620
      skippy1965 Cynthia
      Ambassador

      Kate,

       

      That’s great-to have inadvertently found a partner who already had a family member who dressed too! Fortuitous indeed (and darn lucky:)  ! )

    • #10626

      I came out to my wife of 33 years 8 years ago. I has been a rocky road since. She has left twice, filed for divorce twice and came back both times. I love her dearly but she is not accepting or understanding. My case is very similar to Racheal L comments on Oct 8/15. During a separation two years ago I started laser on the chest, belly, face and back. The hair is gone now. The “no no” is completing the grays. I still have to shave to get the grays but the rest is gone. She is presently not happy with this, has stopped all intimate relationship because I don’t lookor feel male to her anymore. I have told her it is my body and I can do with it as I choose. If she wanted tattoos I can’t stop her. She is Ok with the panties, the wearing of women’s jeans, slacks and shirt style tops. But nothing further around the house. I do wear bras if straps can be hidden. For bed she is Ok with tank tops and panties or silk PJ’s. She is Ok with me dressing and going out when needed just don’t involve her or let her see it. She stopped commenting on the light pink polish on the toes and hands in summer and in winter the bolder colours on the toes. She actually tells me when I need to go out as my mood changes. My stuff is out of hiding and in the closet. It all goes in the laundry, and ends back up on the bed folded. So in summary it has been a slow work in process but it is progressing one day at a time and we both have agreed to work on keeping the marriage.

    • #10951

      I have been married four times “yikes”. The first three ended in divorce. None knew about my cross dressing before we married. I thought I could change. It is not good to get married with secrets. I take the blame.

      However, after I finally accepted myself, I met the love of my life. She not only accepts Amanda; she is in love with me (Amanda) and me (B). She buys me clothes and shoes. I sleep in night gowns. I always dress for sex. When we make love, I am always Amanda. She says I have two female personalities. Amanda, and Amanda Rose’ (She came up with the name Amanda Rose’ name)

      When we make love I am Amanda. It is perfect. It has been worth all the pain and suffering to be at this place in my life. I had hoped to find someone who ,at least, accepted Amanda. To have found someone who loves me as Amanda, and who loves to make love to me is more than I ever dreamed.

      She not only accepts me, she encourages me. Sometimes I think she loves Amanda more than my male side.

      I’m a happy CD

      Amanda

    • #11328
      Anonymous

      Great Question: Yes, I have. Intellectually she totally accepts my crossdressing. Emotionally though, she does have some problems with it and prefers that I crossdress privately – like when she is out of town on business trips, during the morning when she is sleeping in (which is pretty much every day), or when I’m out of town on business trips. She has seen me completely crossdressed on a couple of occasions but would prefer not. Though I can get away with wearing leggings, certain ladies tshirts, unpadded bras, panties and my big fuzzy leopard slippers when I’m with her. Overall, I think I’m lucky though wish she could fully accept it. Maybe in time (like when I retire in about 14 months).

    • #11374

      My wife has known about Ronda before we got marred, she even purchased my first night gown,  and that was 46 years ago.  Now I’m her caregiver and dress pretty much dress most of the time, with one exception, I have a son who doesn’t approve so I don’t dress around him. <b></b><i></i><u></u>

    • #11410

      yes, she found a pic of me all dolled up. asked me about it and tried to tell her i feel more relaxed and depressed free, she did not want to hear any more. she lets me dress up when the 3 adult kids are not home. i have my own attire to wear so i don’t wear her dresses, have my own make up, perfume, jewelry,nylons and heels. she knows of my clothing and i think she is jealous that i have more then her and i look like a real female at times.

    • #12625
      Anonymous

      I have tried to tell my wife about 5 times over the 11 years we have been married and every time I get close to doing it she has a nervous breakdown . one of the times she even tried to end her life . I lover her deeply but it is hard because of that one time . I don’t want to be the one to push her over the top . she already said that if I die first she will follow me . when we were talking about a person we have in town they dress like a woman but doesn’t present like a woman and is very dirty and unkempt  and she said that if she was there wife they would be dead to her . is there any body that has any suggestions . I do want her to know because I do love her

    • #12706

      Julianne,

      First, congrats on 31 years of marriage, that is a long time these days. Not to overstate the obvious but your in kin of a no win scenario here. Trying to pretend that you are someone your not or losing the woman you love. I wish there were more wives on this site because yes you wife doesn’t understand, and honestly she is with 99.9% of the world. I like you have been married quite a while, 22 years myself, and like you my wife has known from the beginning. She doesn’t completely understand it, but gets that it is part of who I am and second, its just clothing. You are not stepping out on her I would guess and if you love her as much as I get from your note and 31 years together, you don’t plan on it. I need to ask has she asked you if you plan on becoming a woman or have you (if you aren’t) told her you don’t plan on transitioning? If that hasn’t been discussed it may be the issue. I would be more than happy to talk privately with you on this as this is a extremely hard and private subject. You will find lots of friends and support in every form here, but none of us (or least I don’t know anyone) are psychiatrists but just normal people like you that have this extra feminine side that has to come out. You are among friends!

      Codille Benton

      Ambassador and Friend

    • #12759

      Julianne,

      Honestly, it sounds like you have a plan and know what you need to do from your stand point it is just leaping and seeing where you and your wife land. I hope that with as much time as you have had together that she will see that it is still you and that you just want to express your feminine side as well as your masculine. She knows you don’t want to transition and your not gay and that you love her. What’s left is to show her all of you and hope she wraps around it at least somewhat how you feel and can slowly begin to deal with it, and that you can though moving forward can continue to be conscious of her feelings. I think we all wish you the best of luck and will be here.

      Hugs,

       

      Codille

    • #12769

      Sometimes I can’t tell if I’ve come out to my wife or she’s trying to out me.

      We’ve done halloween parties several times with me in total fem mode. She’s put out money to buy makeup, get my nails done, she’s done my make up, glued my eyelashes on, took me shopping to a family resale boutique, etc etc. And now, for ages afterwards, she’s been showing ALL of her friends, co-workers, family and just about anyone else that will look, pictures of me in drag. Thank god she’s not a social media person or I’d be facebook/twittered to death.

      If pressed, she says It’s halloween!

      Somewhere along the line, I’ve got to say, Hey! Let’s go to dinner… With me in a dress. And break free from the Halloween connection.

    • #12797
      skippy1965 Cynthia
      Ambassador

      Juliann(snd codille as well)-Thank for being so open and havng this conversation out in public space as I know it will help others in the same boat!.  I so envy both of you for KNOWING what you want-just have to communicate that well enough to your wives!  For me, I truly don’t know right now and cannot say that I might not end up going further toward transitioning(or needing to!)  Sometimes it feels  inevitable and  other times that it would be too far.  Needless to say, I’m not rushing into a decision of such magnitude.

       

      But either way things go, I would never have cheated on an SO-not when I was married or even if  I were just serious about someone!  I take my vows seriously and could never hurt someone that way-I’d rather hurt myself than do that.  But I also know these feminine feelings are a part of me-(perhaps the MOST important part!).  I hope you  and your spouses can share these feelings and experiences together.  i love you both!

       

      Cyn

    • #13315
      Anonymous

      I told my wife,but she saw be with a bra on with my business suit on first. I told her my whole thing after that. She does let me hang my girl clothes in the closet,but still does;t like to see me dressed. I dress,and go out all the time,and sometime she comes home early,but then she does’t say anything,but asked if I could get out of my clothes.

    • #14278
      Anonymous

      Funny how I seen this topic first. I’ve been cross dressing for many years secretively. But just recently it started driving me bananas and I came up with a scheme to reveal myself. So I accidentally “purposely” spilled a drink on my boxers I was wearing. I acted like I was trying to find a pair to change and said to her, Honey I cant find a pair of underwear can you lend me a pair of your panties for the night. She was like Are you serious? they wont even fit you. “but I’m a size 5 just like her, ;)” I said yes I need a pair. She brought me a pair of sexy cheekies and oh man did I ever get excited. This went on for a couple of days, pretending I needed her panties and my plan was working. So then I decided to go buy some makeup and purposely left i out on the bathroom sink. She found it and asked who’s make up is that, I told her “jokingly it was mine” She’s like, dudes don’t wear makeup so is it for me? I was stern and said no it’s really for me and that’s when I finally told her I have had this fantasy my whole life to be feminine and dress like a woman. Her response was priceless. Just let me say that we are happier now than ever.

    • #14440

      My wife know of my crossdressing before we married. we were married for 22 years. It wasnt until i wanted to live full time as a woman that we divoriced. We are still great friends. We talk everyday.

    • #14978

      I told my wife in 2010 – five years ago.  We were married 36 years at the time.  Now working on the 42nd year of our marriage, she is very aware I crossdress – even to the point of routinely seeing my panties and bras in the laundry.  I quit wearing mens underwear when I told her I am a crossdresser – 5 years ago.  She has seen Karen fully dressed twice but prefers not to see.  At one point, she asked me not to leave the house while dressed but I believe has moderated that position as she knows that I do go out as Karen from time to time.  She is also aware that I am very discrete.  I have been out in public but am cautious to to go where I could be recognized in any manner such as at twilight or when dark and only when I can be somewhat distant from others so-as not to be recognized.  I have acquired friends that I have revealed Karen to.  All of them are accepting.

       

      Predictably, my wife voiced several concerns when I told her that I believe are valid.  She was concerned about job security, acceptance and relationships with neighbors, friends and family especially our daughters.  Also she was of the belief that all crossdressrs were gay and wanted to know if I wanted to fully transition.  She was concerned for quite a while about having my lingerie in my luggage and being discovered when traveling.  Security where I work is very tight.  I do not work at an airport but security is similar to going through passenger security 6 to 10 times per day at an international airport such as Atlanta so she had concerns about me being discovered during security screens.  She also expressed concern for being discovered if I were in an accident during my long car commute to and from work.

      She was concerned about my “stash’ being discovered.  That problem was solved by designating 4 drawers in a dresser in the bedroom for Karen’s stuff.  I also keep a plastic trunk in my SUV with Karen’s stuff.  She accepts that I will shop for Karen occasionally.  She has even borrowed clothing from Karen a few times.

      Is it an ideal situation?  No.  It could certainly be better.  But it could be worse.  She knows I love her and is willing to accept that Karen needs her private time also.  So long as Karen doesn’t interfere with our family time, she seems to be willing to accept things as they are.

    • #15588
      Julie
      Lady

      No but want to just need to find the right way to do it. She knows and accepts panties like Jenny but I want her to know so I won’t have to hide it anymore.

       

    • #16036

      yes i have and she actually took it really well

    • #16072

      yes I have and she accepts it and even better loves it

    • #16136

      WOW, similar to me, nice to see that… been married for 35 years, been a cross dresser since I was 11 years old. (ran out of undies and my mother gave me a pair of hers to wear).  Been out in front of her for 8 years now and it is great. She even takes me shopping and picks out bra and panties for me to wear… as she knows what a turn on it is for me, she makes me try each item on in the store and walk out of the dressing room and show her and then she decides yes or know to purchase the item.  I have been seen by men and other women and love it. (of course we go to an out of the way mall or store) we have found Kohl’s, Sears, JC Penny, Lane Bryant to very accepting and allow me to try things on.  Of course once we purchase something, I have to go to the counter and pay for those things.

    • #16137

      YES, been married for 35 years, been a cross dresser since I was 11 years old. (ran out of undies and my mother gave me a pair of hers to wear, red silky ones with lace). Been out in front of her for 8 years now and it is great. She even takes me shopping and picks out bra and panties for me to wear, as she knows what a turn on it is for me, she makes me try each item on in the store and walk out of the dressing room and show her and then she decides yes or know to purchase the item. I have been seen by men and other women and love it. (of course we go to an out of the way mall or store) we have found Kohl’s, Sears, JC Penny, Lane Bryant to very accepting and allow me to try things on. Of course once we purchase something, I have to go to the counter and pay for those things.

      I am not Gay, but she knows I like to be treated like slutty gurl and we have been able to introduce a little dress up role play into the bedroom. I am hoping I will get a French Maids costume and heels for Valentines Day from her. It is such a relief to be able to dress up and be comfortable and play around.

    • #16234
      Catherine
      Lady

      Yes my wife know about my crossdressing, she accept that but at home only

      Catherine

    • #16656

      I have talked about it to my wife, somewhat, but not really seriously. I have mentioned that I would like to wear skirts and kilts and let my hair grow. I can grow my hair long, as long as it is combed. She really hasn’t said much about wearing skirts, I am allowed to wear kilts around the house but haven’t as yet out in public. I do wear skirts when she’s not home and I find them very comfortable. I would like to wear them most of the time but I seriously doubt she will accept that. Perhaps I’ll be able to convince her to at least let me wear them around the house.

    • #17309

      I am very lucky, my partner accepts it on all levels, when i met her i didnt cross dress, but i had often thought about it, but she encourages me, and if i want to go out dressed up, she tells me its ok. we have a festival called Sparkle, and one of these events was where i first went out in public, it was amazing, until my heel broke…. but a quick trip back to the hotel to change, and all was well 🙂

    • #17590

      no – not yet….   but…  I think she must know …

      For about 6 years I’ve not worn any ‘traditional’ mens underwear – no boxers, fly front…  Instead I have nylon “mens” underwear, thongs, and some cheeky ‘mens’ shorts…

      Then, about 2 years ago i was better at working out, going to the gym every morning at 430 am…. and said my trainer mentioned how well and toned legs look shaved… so ive been shaving waist down since…

      After that I switched from standard mens boring socks to first “over the calf” mens socks, then to sheer nylon socks.  At one point she said “are you trying to tell me something”?  Damn, there went that opening…

      She never blinks when I wear my runners tights – usually in the evening with a long tshirt to ‘lounge’…

      I guess I need to find the courage and opening to bring up more….

      I love the feeling of hose, love the way my legs look in heels, and still feel that Im a man.

      I just enjoy the smooth silky feelings…. and glamour of dressing….

      *sigh*   one day…..

    • #18533

      I did not tell my wife for years until she found my wardrobe, then we talked and she wanted me to go to counseling to stop this silly obsession and we tried to figure out a way to coexist with my desires

      she refuses to accept Maxine, she only wants Max

      she has questioned my shaving and knows that I am dressing again, she has now accepted a position in her company in CA and wants some time apart to think

      I don’t know if she is coming back, whether to NJ or me

      I have decided to start dating either women who understand or other crossdressers, I have gone on a couple of “indoor” dates with other crossdressers and find it very comfortable to spend time with other girls

      I am starting to like it and I want to date more CD’s and eventually go out, just a note CD’s make great kissers

    • #19336
      Anonymous

      She knows but doesn’t support. She recently found some video I shot of me all dolled up (very tasteful, I prefer business attire). She was crying and accused me of being gay. Well, I’m not. I just LOVE to dress up like a girl every now and then. I try to hide it from her, only dress when she’s out of town. I’m thinking about just hitting the issue head on. She’s actually seen Julie, that was over 20 years ago.

    • #19337

      I came out as a cross dresser 5 years into our marriage. That was 25 years ago (We’ve been married for 30 years). At for a long time after that, my wife tolerated it, but did not want to see me dressed. Recently, I’ve been able to convince her it’s not such a big deal after all, and she’s more accepting. She recently helped me take the photos in my profile, and in the photo forum! I don’t know if she will ever become supportive of my dressing, but I’m just happy she accepts it for the most part.

    • #19628

      my wife knows all about Penny and even buys all my clothes for me.

    • #19847

      Yes, I fully came out to my wife (girlfriend at the time) almost 4 years ago now.  I wanted to propose to her, but just felt like I could not do so with a clear conscious until I was completely honest with her with my biggest secret.

      I remember clearly the absolute wreck my brain was all night leading up to the point I actually told her everything, and her response was nothing but unconditional acceptance and understanding.  I TRULY lucked out.  It was so smooth, that I honestly had a hard time believing that she was OK with everything.  She just kept reiterating that she just wants me to be happy… and I should always wear whatever I want, whenever I want!

      One funny anecdote, not 10 minutes after telling her and the initial “shock and awe” had worn off (mostly on my end) she said, and I quote, “I cannot tell you how much easier it’s going to be to shop for you for Birthdays/Christmas now !!”.    🙂

      I very much lucked out in my situation, but my heart truly goes out to my sisters on here who were met with negativity, anger, or ridicule from their SO’s.  It’s such a hard conversation to have as it is, but I cannot imagine the hurt that would be caused by having it met with negativity.  *Big Hugs* to all who have had to endure this kind of response and I hope for things to get better in the future.

      <3  Lauren

    • #20001
      April (Pacific Princess)
      Ambassador - Editor

       
      <p style=”margin-bottom: 0in;”><span style=”font-family: Arial, sans-serif;”><span style=”font-size: 16pt;”>After 34 years of marriage, my wife and I have been having some difficulties requiring counseling (her previous emotional affair – current lack of sex) and I basically reaffirmed my crossdressing proclivities which I had suppressed since my early 20s. She knew about my crossdressing, but was not very supportive, and I basically didn’t dress for almost 30 years while we were raising kids (I still wore the occasional item and shaved body hair once in a while). For the past year it has become something of an obsession with me and partially because of counseling I’ve gotten to the stage where I’ve just become totally honest with her about the whole thing. I’m tired of hiding it and not being able to crossdress openly had really added to my depression, and so I’ve just decided I need to be “me”. She is still not interested in participating, but she is not openly hostile either.</span></span></p>

    • #20067

      April:

      In response to your posting of Apr 3 I can relate to what you are going through. I too have been married for 34 years, raised 3 children. I came out to her 8 years ago and we have been separated twice, she sent me divorce papers twice, and we have been back together for over two years now. It has not been easy. She is not understanding nor accepting but is agreeable to work on the marriage. I have been through counseling over the years,the results of which I can accept myself, quit feeling shame, guilt and stop beating myself up. She refuses stating it is not her problem. I disagree. There has been no marital relations since last July 2015. She is not interested since I got rid of the hair. I have never strayed since the day I met her. She is OK with me dressing and going out of the house just don’t involve her. She is Ok with me dressing androgynously daily which is a step forward however, She is not very warm to me anymore and I am almost afraid to hug, touch or even kiss her. I to, do not know which way to turn.

    • #20281

      Help! I told my wife last night after testing the water for a few days and it didnt go anywhere near what i had planned, she told mn she was not okay with it at all and that she didnt want me to wear panties anymore, that ” if it isnt from the men’s department you cant wear it” i need advice on how to convince her its okay and healthy for me to cross dress, i did everything thing it said to do online while i was telling her, im so lost i fear im going to lose one of the women in my life Veronica or my wife.

      P.s. She knew i wore panties all ready. I told her last night that i want to dress fully.

    • #20286
      Anonymous

      My wife of 35 years of marriage knows I dress and wear wigs.when I told her about how I wanted to wear women’s clothing she said that she had noticed some of her clothes had been tryed on before.She bought me my first panties and hose and told me to enjoy myself she sees the bags of cloethes from online shopping she knows how much good it makes me feel to dress and she is fine with me shaving my body it is time to go get dressed

    • #20371

      I read all these women who are so non supportive it blows my mind, my wife could care a less she told me what ever makes you happy, our relationship has blossomed since I told her, that was two years ago. In my opinion that is what all wife’s should think “What ever makes you happy” Isn’t that what marriage is about. I am truly sorry for all of your heartaches. I wish I could help all of you, but I cant. Me cross dressing has brought us closer than we have ever been as a matter of fact we are getting ready to go buy me a few new dresses and makeup. my heart bleeds for some of you good luck with your wife’s.

    • #20725

      I told my wife of 11 years a few days ago that I like to crossdress and she was so amazingly supportive! I am so blessed to have such a wonderful mate. I identify as heterosexual and I told her that I just like to dress up sometimes. I am not to the point that I want to go out all dressed up. I have gone out with lingerie under my normal clothes though, which was very exhilarating. Once she understood what I wanted she actually helped me shop online.  It has already heated things up in bed too! She has seen me in a few lacy things now and she has not been turned off at all. I could not believe the weight that had been lifted off of me once she knew my secret. I was raised in an ultra-conservative family and for a long time I could not come to terms with my desire to dress in women’s clothes. My wife’s family is more liberal and understanding, so I was hopeful that she would be open to me dressing. My wife has noticed a big change in my happiness since I came out as a crossdresser. I just feel so free. I am very excited to see how this all progresses. I feel very lucky to have the opportunity to be a new me.

    • #21332
      Patty Phose
      Duchess

      When I met the girl who became my wife, we were both wearing pantyhose with short denim shorts and noticed each other.

      Soon after, she came to my place and noticed a lot of feminine clothing around. I had been into dressing for a couple of years and managed to acquire a pretty extensive wardrobe.

      She thought I lived with a girl and it was a tense, uncomfortable moment. I decided to come clean and tell her I don’t just wear pantyhose. I dress in other female attire as well. She asked me to dress up for her to prove it. I picked out one of my favorite sexy outfits and got all dressed up including makeup.

      She was stunned. She couldn’t believe how sexy and pretty I was. I think she also was the first person I ever told about it.

    • #21470

      No and no. 🙂

       

    • #23526
      nicola
      Lady

      I’ve shared it with my wife and she’s been really supportive and helps buy my clothes and makeup and as I wear nighties she wants us to have the same nighties as well

    • #23661
      Anonymous

      My wife knows because of the charges on credit card for clothing and panties and hose she said it is alright with her she knows it makes me feel good.At first she bought me some panties and she likes my wigs I am very lucky

    • #23984
      Anonymous

      I told my future wife about it, but nothing became of the subject much, we married, and she started becoming supportive of the idea, helping me make sure I purchased the right size panties and bra’s, then started making sure I had other clothing that fit correctly. She began to teach me how to do the make-up, etc. even surprised me with a set of 40D breast forms. This went on for several years and 2 kids, but, like all good dreams, they end. One day, she came out and told me that “She never really liked the idea of me dressing as a woman” and that she only did it to make sure there was no fight. (Fight? why would there be one of those?) Shortly after I started noticing some strange goings on, high phone call bills to out of state numbers etc. I tracked it all down to find out she was cheating with a guy in another state. We are now divorced and I am pretty much back to square one with Michelle, as the divorce was verbally messy. Long and boring story short, while some know about her, it is kept quiet now and the only way she gets to see the light is when I am alone and away from the house I share.

    • #24290
      Candi
      Lady

      After 38 years of marriage I finally told my wife about a year ago. She thought I was telling her because I was going to leave her. It almost broke my heart when she said that. I would never leave her. Once we cleared that up and had some discussion, she has been supportive. We go girl shopping together now and she enjoys the company. However, she remains mostly passive when I dress, not really acknowledging when I am Dava. Although she is the one who gave me my name!

    • #24782

      I had come out to my wife a few years ago, but only recently did it hit another head and she took it upon herself to purge all of my feminine belongings, saying that they had no place in our relationship and that she couldn’t deal with it anymore. When I found out, I was very upset and she could not understand why. I tried to explain it to her that my feminine side was part of who I am as a whole, and that every once in a while I need to express myself as Bobbi Anne. I told her that I would do any dressing in private and not near her, but that wasn’t good enough.

      Just yesterday her and I had a major blowout in which we said some rotten things to each other, including her saying to me that, “Maybe if you want to go and dress like a girl, then maybe you can go and find yourself a rich husband!” That crushed me very deeply, and at that very moment I almost responded to her that I would, but instead I bit my tongue and let it slide, but it hurt me and I haven’t been able to get my mind off it since.

      Now, I am no stranger to being with men while dressed, although I have never gone “all the way” with one, but she doesn’t know anything about that. Now that she has made the comment about a rich husband, for the most part when I am alone, all I can think about is men and the fun I used to have with them. I feel like emptying out our savings and going to the store and repurchasing everything and finding that elusive sugar daddy that she referred to, but I know that won’t happen. If she keeps making comments like that, I am sure it will be the end of our marriage soon.

    • #25284

      I keep this dark secret of mine from my ex-wife for almost 10 years and have no plan to reveal to her.  It was through her new colleague and as a result, she divorced me after a week.  She told me that she can accept my crossdressing habits but not my past sexual activities.

       

    • #25290

      After surpressing my crossdressing by my own choice for almost 20 years, I  began to rebuild my feminine wardrobe again. At first, I was would only dress when my wife was at work which given the incompatibility of our schedules, provided ample opportunity to be MacKenzie.  However, I felt that I was being dishonest with my wife as we have never really kept secrets from each other. I really want to share with my wife, but I didn’t know how and I was fearful of the negative impact it would have our relationship. I took almost of month of trying before I was able to share MacKenzie  with my wife. My wife surprised me with her acceptance, support, understanding, and willingness to explore where this would take our relationship. It has not be all roses, but we have been able to discuss our feelings and our relationship is growing, albeit in an aspect neither of us had expected.

    • #25291
      Anonymous

      Yes and to one of her best friends she doesn’t say much but she knows it makes me happy. She sees my closet with makeup wigs and dresses and has bought me panties and pantyhose I am glad she knows

    • #25295
      Anonymous

       

       

      i came out to my wife of then 27 years 5 years ago this month.

      she was crushed and felt horrible, to make matters worse one

      week later our then 21 yr old son was diagnosed with testicular

      cancer. if not for this horrible diagnosis i think my wife would have

      filed for divorce very quickly.

      fortunately for me over time(my son is now 4 1/2 yrs cancer free)

      she did some research and came to realize that some of my best

      attributes were do to feminine side, she now is tolerant of Giselle

      but our physical relationship died and i have lost her complete

      trust. my advice(of course i didn’t follow it) is to tell your SO

      before you marry or get intimate.

    • #25318
      Anonymous

      If It is your ex-wife, I wouldn’t care what she knows,and If I had to see her i would dress as a female. When they become not my wife I don’t care what the says. All woman. My wife knows now,but tolerates it. I wish I had found a wife that loved the fact that I wanted to be feminine all the time. Kisses

    • #25767

      My wife and I have been married for 28 years. She found out about a year adter we were married. We moved and while I was at work she came across a box that had all my panties and bras. When I got home from work we had a long talk. She was upset but more because I hid it from her. We just had another talk last week because she could see I was depressed. I have wanted to dress more instead of dressing when she was at work.   had bought a skirt and some tops that I love to wear. After we had our talk she said she knows that I like to dress she just does not want my son who is 20 to find out, which i highly agreed. Now when it is just my wife and I at home I am free to dress in whatever I want and she does not have any problems with it. She knows that I can’t help being the way I am. She is a great wife.

    • #26609
      Anonymous

      My wide found out a little at a time. First there was the lipstick I carelessly neglected to hide (twice), then there was my bra (hidden, but found). One night lying in bed talking I decided to reveal all. A few days later my wife asked me to dress for her  (I think mostly out of curiosity). That went well as we made love with me dressed. Unfortunately she hasn’t asked me to do it again but patience is a virtue ☺. Tracey

    • #27219
      Anonymous

      yes i shared with my wife 4 days ago she is very suportive and joined  sites and is now a member of the partners group

    • #27338
      Anonymous

      My wife began to find out a little at a time. First there was the lipstick that I accidentally left in a coat pocket I managed to talk my way out of that one. However when she found another one a while later I had to confess that I liked wearing lipstick occasionally. Later she found other things (I was so careful for years but got sloppy). Eventually I had to come clean and confess. My wife wasn’t too bad about it (she even had me dress for her when the kids were sleeping), so much so that I felt confiden to order a wig & clip on earrings. When they came the reaction  was a but chilly. It’s taking a bit of time but she us slowly coming round. I emphasised some of the virtues.  We’re both about the same size so if I buy clothes & she buys clothes she’ll have double the wardrobe to chose from if we’re going out lol xx

    • #28864

      No wife, my girl found out about me dressing up from my sister before we could get married. My girl kept me as a friend and let me be her house maid forever. I got to dress a s a girl and take care of her home. It couldn’t have happened any better for me.

    • #28899

      Yes. I came out about a month ago. Unfortunately, she’s not happy nor accepting. I told her I will not stop. For right now, it’s been left with I am not allowed to dress up in front of her, or the kids.

    • #30125

      After several months in therapy for “GID” I felt confident enough to drop a few hints as to my gender confusion. I explained to my wife of 30 years that ever since I was eight years old I felt wrong about being just a boy. I always felt in between the binary maybe a little more toward female than male. I tried to explain my need to express myself enfemme. I told her about the bullying and how my non-masculinity effected my relationship with my dad.

      At first it seemed to be going well until the next day. I’m sure in my new found confidence I probably gave to much information. I know now that she had time to think on the information and I’m positive all of the most exagerated images of transvestite fetisismn pranced through her head. Thoughts of me being gay, looking like a hairy guy in a dress standing in some bus stop bathroom waiting for an encounter scared the holy hell out of her. It seems that no matter how much I try to convince her otherwise this is what she sees.

      I am currently holding back on addtional information and my needs until she gets to speak with the therapist. In the mean time I plan on allowing my softer side to continue to show more and transcend into our lives. she has noticed and liked the real me, the person who now feels comfortable showing my feelings, holding her for the sake of doing so, going shopping with her… all without having to prove my masculinity based on my genitals.

      I hope this is enough to get us through the difficult times ahead.

      More ahead for sure…

      Jenn

    • #30419
      Misti
      Lady

      yes I have. I’m not sure if she ever suspected or not, but I know one time she found a bra that I had misplaced and she questioned it when she found it. I opened up about it a few months ago while we were in bed, id had a few glasses of wine. I had been wanting to say something for a while – but how do you bring it up. Anyhow my emotions we that of  be scared, relief, heart beating 100 miles an hour. Lots of questions were asked – the usual ones we probably all research on the internet. I even asked if she wanted me to do therapy to better understand it and my self as well as possibly joining a local group. I know she has been looking into some websites and how this all fits into our relationship. obviously id love to make this a full time gig, but due to many complicated factors it is still closeted. After the first interaction which was taken w concern we have talked since, this time more relaxed, I told her to ask me questions any time. Basically I do my thing on my own for the most part, but she is interested in incorperating this to our bedroom once in a while. not sure how to do that without setting up an appointment. I hope to have more dialogue and openness in the future.

    • #30828

      My wife to be found out about me from my sister. So we never married, but my girl turned me into her personal house maid. Now I dress 24/7 in lingerie no matter where I go and I live everyday wearing all girls clothes

    • #31112
      Jeanny
      Lady

      Yes I have come out to wife and family and there has been much mixed emotion.  Wife is struggling, most of the children are accepting and the issue that is toughest is getting through to her to make her understand why I do this , why I enjoy it so much and that it is a large part of who I am.

      She hasn’t yet come to grips with my dressing and is tolerant at best but she is at leat willing to listen and learn I think.

    • #31841

      When I’ve hinted at cross dressing, my wife seemed very uninterested. I don’t think she would understand if I told her. I’ve been secretly CD for years. I read about others here whose wives or SOs were accepting, and I wish I could be in that situation. For now, it remains a secret. It’s lonely.

    • #31842

      My wife is not interested at all. When I’ve hinted at CD in general she seems totally not into it. Very conservative. You are lucky to have a trans friend with whom you can dress. For me, it’s those rare alone times when I can become femme. I envy those whose SOs are more understanding.

    • #31928

      Was married for thirty years to someone who was not accepting at all. She left me for someone else and started dressing almost immediately. Met someone a few years ago. Spoke the truth about myself and it was the best thing ever. Told others who couldn’t accept me and that was fine with me. I was not going to hide myself from the person who is closest to me. Oddly now there are several ladies who regret not just accepting me for me. Someone actually loves me where I am at. Isn’t that what both men and women want? Feels wonderful. G.

    • #32607
      Anonymous

      I told my wife before we got married that I wouldn’t mind being a girl and that I liked wearing women’s clothes she married me figuring with her past she had no right to judge so after many years during which I can’t remember wearing anything in her presence she becomes gods hand of judgement, a real righteous know it all about everything and then conveniently slips into her past life of dating other men and drinking herself drunk most of the time.     If I were to bring up the subject there is no telling what she woul say to how many people.     Something happened to her and she just isn’t the person I married anymore she’s become someone else    I would venture to guess that during one affair she had ,she literally became someone else’s wife and when he relieved himself of her she just came home to be better than the rest of her family I can forgive the past but if I want to wear panties I’ll lock the door since she insists on sleeping on the couch.     I don’t need someone to lie in bed with me and resent me all night    I need to be adored and admired for the pretty girl who is awakening within me. My wife seems to slip between personalities from the drunk to the know it all in seconds    Talk about conflict and confusion.    I mean what coul be so difficult about a woman saying hear honey try these on.   It must be some behavior learned from old school society    Perhaps she is prideful or just that deeply ashamed of her own life.    Maybe jealous that it looks better on me.    If she could only see how much more she could live through me by accepting me and what a beautiful friendship she is ruining by being right all the time

    • #32928

      yes my wife knows,we shop together for panties,camis and jammies. have a friend who helps with dresses.

    • #32982
      Anonymous

      i want to add to my comment! i didn’t want to imply my small penis/clit size has anything to do with me feeling feminine and cross dressing. i started in panties maybe age 14. my moms. i did know playing sports and military i was small down there but i also realize early on i couldn’t change that and except in locker room no one knew. i began thinking i had a feminine side when i got married first time. i kept it from her but i wore panties a lot on the side then progressed to camisole. my wife in bedroom talked about more than vibe down their and i agreed what the heck. we decided on a club in a town 55 miles north. we got tested for STD’s which was required and went . we were both very excited. the first time we both just wondered around watched and loved it. a month later we returned and she left for a little and came back and dropped her panties right on top of mine. i was wearing those damn tighty-whiteys. after a few minutes the lady sitting beside me asked me to put them on. i took off my underwear and put on wife’s panties..Wow! i felt like a chic. the lady said your a cutie and i had an orgasm without touching myself. That was the magic moment i knew i was a chic. my wife returned after an hour and driving home she asked had i gotten her panties. i told her i was wearing. she acted pissed, “you wore panties in the club in front of everyone?” i told her i didn’t parade but i loved wearing them and didn’t care…we settled in a routine of she finally found the right guy. i agreed but i wanted to watch and be  in panties. she was fine. as i texted earlier we didn’t divorce because of sex. my present wife and soulmate knew very early on i wore women’s intimates.. she seemed fine and still does. my small penis size didn’t start my CDing! i love feeling feminine because i am a chic. my breasts swell at certain times of the month due to low testosterone (took steroids in military). i dont take the shot because i dont like it. a marriage is about honesty from the beginning. i feel like all cross dressers should tell their wives. Dishonesty makes your other half wonder if there is something else you aren’t telling them

    • #33163

      Before the relationship got a bit more serious I told her. After many years in a DADT married life before I figured I wasn’t going to lie to anyone who wanted to be close to me. When I told her I also said not to answer right away. We could be friends if she wanted and that would be great. She called the next morning and said it didn’t change the person that is the true me and it didn’t matter.
      She has been great and life is less stressful that with someone who couldn’t deal with it. Still one of my favorite things to do is put on my nylons with her in the room. Honesty is a good policy. There were others before her that couldn’t deal with it so I moved on and didn’t waste their time or mine.
      One of her favorite things is the sound of my heels in the kitchen while I get the coffee and take it to bed for her.

    • #33197

      I told my Girl friend right away as we became serious.  Figured it was easier than trying to either hide it or have it come out later on.  She had a TON of questions, like if I wanted to become a woman. If I was gay, or bisexual.  So did she accept this? Well, she just bought me a dress, jacket and shoes for my birthday. 🙂

    • #33276
      Anonymous

      I just told her today, actually.  So we’re in the process of sorting it through.  She responded pretty much as I expected, with shock and tears.  I think she is unsure what this actually means; I think she still has an idea of drag queens when she hears cross dressing.  So I’ll update this as we move forward.

    • #33279
      Rose
      Lady

      Good luck, Anita.

    • #33282

      I once again have come out to my wife, but only because she found my hidden cache of Bobbi Anne’s clothes and shoes. We had an arguement, talk, cry, hug, and every emotion in between anger and pain and happiness that you can imagine. She tossed all my clothes out in one of the town dumpsters, and after that when we talked I told her that the dressing was something inside me that I couldn’t hide, and that I didn’t want to stop. She said she couldn’t deal with her husband wanting to look like a woman, and that I had to choose between the dressing and her. For the children we have, I have decided to do my best to suppress the urge to bring out my feminine self. I don’t know how long the suppression will last, as I have already been looking into rebuilding my wardrobe. I guess it is just a matter of time to see where it all goes.

    • #34880
      Anonymous

      My wife and I had the follow on conversation today.  First though we went shopping together which I thoroughly enjoyed and even though in male clothing much more in my own personality.  I was calmer and much more patient.  We went to a Trader Joe’s since there was one close by and I found myself being more demure than I would have ever been before.  I doubt my wife noticed though.  In the afternoon we took a walk, holding hands as always.  After coming home we sat down together and she asked some questions and I gave better answers than I would have a week ago based a lot on the support that I have received here.  Her main concern is that she does not want to lose her husband, and I can understand that.  But she is OK within bounds that will be reevaluated as time goes on.  She even had a suggestion for what I should start with which I thought was amazing.

      I married her because she was an exceptional person and she proved me right.  What I didn’t tell her, because I don’t think she can hear this yet, is that as a female, I am falling in love with her male side (it’s a running joke in our house that I listen to opera and she watched football).  At the moment, I’m feeling closer to her than I ever have. I only wish everyone could have the same relationship with their spouse or significant other.

    • #35366

      Wow Stephanie exactly the same thing. Left hints but didn’t actually come out and say it. I told her about the girlfriend I had a long time ago who dressed me but she ignored it. I can’t ever come out to her. I know what you mean about being lonely in it. With my financial situation I can’t afford to even buy stuff and hide it. I stretched out one of her bras once so that’s not an option. She is a cotton panty girl although she has one pair stuffed in the back that is lace, I tried it on and for a moment I felt great.

    • #35473
      Anonymous

      When I started dating my wife she wore pantyhose and she seen how excited it made me and she asked if I wanted to try them on I have been dressing ever cents when we are alone with out kids

    • #35717
      Anonymous

      I came out and told her she was so happy she help me buy my clothes and make up all the things I need to be the woman I want to be I was happy she was ok with it I dress all the time she put me on hormones but I had to stop but it gave some of what I wanted

    • #35768

      Well, as I had said previously, my GF not only knows, she accepts.  Saturday night we were sitting around and she brings in her makeup and proceeds to give me a makeover. Damn I love her! 🙂

    • #35862

      Yes I have told my wife she is unsure but has giving me 4 dresses 5 jackets and 2 dressing gowns they are fantastic I love them

    • #36520
      Khloe West
      Duchess

      Wife utterly knows and after a bit of an awkward start in the journey in my 50’s? On board and an advisor. Not only does she buy/suggest/make me things? She often does my brows when we go out.

      Feel for many of you, as she was hesitant in the start. Not disapproving. Just didn’t get it. The understanding has taken a few years.

      Much more to share and say, but perhaps another time when it’s not nearing 1 AM my time.

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