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Vanessa’s original post:
Megan left me a lovely note this evening, that got me thinking how much more we are than the label ‘transgender’ or ‘crossdresser’.
We are doctors and painters and engineers. Mothers and daughters, lovers and confidants.
We are people, some trapped in the wrong body longing to get out, others with a duality that brings them joy.
We have fears, and triumphs. We experience love and loss. We hope, we dream. We are human.
Who are you, when your identity is not confined to be transgender?
I am a husband and a father. I am an automotive repair and maintenance professional. I am retired from the Army after 22 years of service. And I am very much enjoying my journey exploring my “duality”.
As the journey progress’s thoughts and mindsets may change and will certainly evolve. At this point I am sure that I do not desire gender reassignment, although I am pursuing a more feminine appearance.
I would like to express my appreciation for this wonderful cyber space that you have provided so we can come and sit and discuss what ever we choose to. It is a wonderful place filled with wonderful people!
I am a father, a grandfather a husband the bread winner who is happy I can take care of my family, even to the point we are now raising our 5 year old grandson. I am a Army veteran and I am a proud transgender person who is trying my best to make the ones I love happy…
I am a husband, father, grandfather and Navy veteran of the Vietnam era. I’m also a retired cop from the SoCal area. I relish in the time allowed me by my wife to dress as Kathy and be able to open up to my feminine-self that I keep repressed on a daily basis. If only she would be open enough to participate, I’d be in “Crossdreser Heaven”.
I am a husband, father of one teen and one pre-teen, Summa Cum Lauda college graduate, an inactive CPA, former bank officer, former financial analyst, and current Assistant Controller for a manufacturer.
Husband, proud father of two, friend of many, IT business analyst, self employed, consultant.
I am a father of one preteen and divorced. I served for ten years in the U.S. Navy. I am a bus driver for an assisted living facility where I help take care of grandpa’s and grandma’s. I believe that due to Elaine I can be more empathetic to how these are to be treated. I also really enjoy the few friends I have that love Elaine. To be able to tell others what we are feeling without being judged is the best I think, so thank you for this site Vanessa.
I’m currently an RN taking care of patients at a VA Hospital. I’ve been a social worker, a costume designer, and a history teacher. I’ve moved all over the country due to working for the VA. It’s hard for me to believe that its been about 25 years since I first allowed myself to participate in the supportive world of transgender and crossdressing persons.
I am a Husband/Partner/Lover to a wonderful wife, a father of 3 teens (Just sent the 1st to college), a major sports fanatic, I have been a business manager, I have been the head of my church, I am a Boy Scout and currently I am Insurance Producer and Customer Service Specialist.
And to all that have served I thank you, it is not something I could have ever done! God Bless!!
I am, and I think always have been, searching for who I am… not aside from anything, but inclusive of all. In my life to date I have been a burger flipper, a grocery bagger, a bookstore employee, a night watchman/security guard, an automotive mechanic, a theme park entertainer (underwater performer!), a business form pre-press technician, and a U.S. Navy administrative and security professional (which I have been for the last 10 years). This is not my identity exclusive of transgender, but instead I think my journey to unity and completion… Transgender/cross-dressing/whatever you may name it is just one more aspect of the complex individual identified sometimes as “Aubrey ShayLeigh Dominique” and sometimes as “Phillip Anthony” (the latter of which really makes me cringe, so I usually go by my title “YN1” or “Petty Officer”).
Who knows… I may not be in the service much longer. Or I may end up retiring… I don’t know yet. As I grow into greater comfort with who I am in toto, my desires may change in how I choose to serve my fellow man (maybe over a pilaf).I am a college freshman. A son, brother, and friend. I am a martial artist and musician with a love for the outdoors. I am both a boy and a girl with a very similar personality but with a better sense of fashion. I have had my share of pains and joys along with a multitude of other emotions that we all have.
But most of all, I am who I am and no one can change that. For I will always be me and only me. Be that Shannon or (insert actual male name here).
I am a husband, a host father to 7 beautiful girls and 1 boy. I am a retired 20 year veteran of the Navy. I love classic MOPAR Muscle Cars, hunting and fishing, and anything that involves the outdoors. My incredible wife and I are currently in the middle of trying to get our house sold so we can start our new adventure in life in Montana.
I am a father of two great kids who are now young adults, husband to a wonderful wife who I love and admire, successful consultant, recreational hockey and basketball player, lover of jazz and R&B, travel bug, dog lover and generally a happy guy – but I don’t get to feminize as much as I’d like and I would like to work on that
I’m a father of two beautiful son’s 15-23 yrs of age,a husban to my wife (hopefully for life) formerNvy vet.Security professional ,musician and a beginning photographer. Bigtime PACKER FAN!!! And Always femalw in spirit and mind.
hoping to seriously start HRT unfortunatly my wife who i dearly love but she can’t and or won’t accept my “Duality” so i truly feel free to start Hrt and hopefully on to Srs my son’s accept me fully
.A golfer (8 handicap), retired government employee, retired from the US Army Reserves, and retired from a defense contractor – making me a triple dipper. Also father of three including two school teachers and an Air Force officer. Most of all I am a beloved husband of a wonderful woman who tolerates my desire to cross dress although she doesn’t really understand.
Hi all, there are so many great stories here. It is terrific just reading through them. I am a Dad to two great kids who left home years ago, one is a stay at home Mom (making me a grampa) and the other is a firefighter. My wife is a full time volunteer who contributes a great deal to our community. My job is high profile, political in our community hence my wife’s concern that I keep my crossdressing private. I have two dogs that have become used to my crossdressing, they weren’t sure at first. Every year I try to pick some cool experience: from being in the world’s longest ball hockey game, to running the “Death Race” (google it), next up is a trip to Everest Base Camp. I am a Past president of my Rotary Club which means I do a lot of volunteering such as driving a fire truck 3,000 miles to donate it to a city in Mexico. (Did that twice) Hugs to all, Krista.
Hi Cynthia, different death race (don’t think I would survive in the heat being used to colder temps in northern Canada) our death race is 125 km going up three mountain tops. Held in early August, the year I did it, it snowed a foot the night before. I guess people used to the heat wouldn’t be used to running in the cold and snow. Either way it is a challenge. I ran in the Santa fun run in Vegas and the heat was stifling (mind you we were all wearing Santa suits). And the next day was a half marathon at least that started really early in the morning so it was cooler. Oh and I forgot to mention that I love my corvette and I am sad that I had to put it in storage already in prep for the winter.
[quote=12203]I am semi retired labour force warehouse worker married 39yrs to a lovely lady have to adult sons love pets and watching favorite tv shows with my wife plus some hockey games. also a beer league player and enjoy my couple of brews afterwards nice to know we come from all walks of life [/quote]
Julianne-good to hear from you again! and happy to hear that I could make you smile! I love to do that for people-most times it only takes letting them LOOK at me and they bust out laughing! And if society doesn’t get us that’s THEIR loss! You’ll always have MY love and support as well as the whole CDH comunity!
I almost feel like the ‘ugly duckling’ here. Thrice divorced and now also retired. Just recently had my name changed legally. Enjoyed summer camps (mostly) as a kid. Father to 6 children one deceased the other 5 grown and cast to the winds. One son keeps in touch along with 2 granddaughters. Enjoy reading, various games and watching good movies. Grew up mostly as a loner and always an outsider. Finally daring to be ME as I am I have become more outgoing and often flirty. Have not related as male in many years but have no plans for hormones or srs as, for me, these would upset my balances. Growing up I went camping (we had outings at summer camp), enjoyed the camp activities like swimming and capture the flag, archery, shot hoops, played touch football, jumped rope and played hopscotch. Never did many of the male activities, never liked beer and, while I enjoy watching a good sporting event, never got to be a “fan” per se.
I’m just a simple girl who loves the woman I have become from the man I never was all that good at being.Rosaliy,
Welcome to what I have called Elephants. There is straight, gay and Elephants; everyone is always trying to pigeon hole us so I clumped us all into one group, Elephants. You are who you are in your heart. Congrats on the almost retiring, still a few years from there. As for here you have found a home of wonderful friendly ladies that have one thing in common with you, we dress. My wife says it’s just clothing and that is really all it is. You will find the warmth of friendship and support here, and no one judges. So Welcome and I hope you find on the site some of the answers you are looking for.
Codille
AmbassadorI enjoyed reading the replies. I myself am so happy to find a community that I can relate with.
My first job was mowing lawns with my dad and grandpa at 11 years old, I was the kid with a lot of candy money, then i flipped tacos for a few years(Shift Supervisor a Taco Bell), worked as a gas station clerk for while and then city services(golf course maint, parks and rec maint, wastewater treatment), yes that last one is a sewer plant, which is really fascinating. LOL! And currently, I am a freight train conductor.
But most importantly, I am father of three great kids who I love more than life.I am a former factory worker that is retired due to disability. I have worked in many different manufacturing areas, as well as being a deck hand on a tug boat, a produce warehouse worker, bar manager of a local restaurant and a mail room clerk. I love the outdoors so I live in the woods and I’m an avid archery hunter. I have 5 successful grown children and an accepting wife of 30 years. I have been active in church and have always done a lot of volunteer work. My wife is the only one that knows I crossdress, and will probably be the only one that will ever know. I don’t think my children would be as understanding as my wife, as it goes against their religious upbringing. I’m thankful for this site so I can open up to others, even if it’s only anonymously.
Jojo,
Religion and dressing is a tricky one, add in kids and you have a pretty good handful. I am sort of in the same boat but on a different tact. As for the kids, all of mine are teens and yes I am not out in part to protecting them. On the religious side, like you I am heavily involved in my church and have wrestled with the morality of crossdressing in a religious sense for a while. What I finally figured out was this, I believe clothing is just clothing and what has been socially accepted has changed constantly through time. But lets say crossdressing is a sin, I am going to make a BIG assumption based on your post you are Christian, if that is so then what was Christ’s sacrifice for us? Christ died for us to take ALL the sins of the world away from us. Not just some sins or sins that the church chooses ALL sin. That goes for being Gay, a prostitute, a pro life believer and even a crossdresser. God’s word, Christ’s sacrafice… not the churches opinion. SO don’t worry about the outcome of your final judgement based on wither you crossdress or not but wither you believe.
This is a heavy subject and I don’t like to talk religion here but I strongly believe that all of us should not be ashamed or scared of who we are because of our religion, no matter what religion that may be. Have faith and be true to yourself. The rest of things on this end will work out in the END!
Codille Benton
Ambassador and FriendCodille,
I too have a strong Christian background though since my divorce I have not been an active member of a particular church. I believe that being transgender in any degree is part of the great diversity that God placed here on the earth and that each of us has a purpose i Hus plan that we must strive to discover! In the last few months, I ‘ve come to believe that God led me here to show love and support to others who like me don’t fit the typical male/female binary that most of the world does. If I can help even one person know that God loves them just the way they are, then I will count my life a success!Ray Boltz a Christian music artist who came out as gay after years of producing countless inspirational music has a song that exemplifies this. It is called Scars and the words and link to the video to hear it are below. Remember-no one is righteous enough on our own but God loves us just the same!
Luv,
CynScars
By Ray Boltz
Scars
Words and music by Ray Boltz
I heard Him call my name
He said I’ve come to save you
But I was so ashamed
I turned to walk away
He reached out His hand
And said I have something to show you
And what I saw changed my life that day
I saw His scars
No He didn’t try to hide them
He said, Come and look inside them
They are a window to my heart
And don’t forget I love you
Just the way you are
I knew it must be true
I saw His scars
I said Lord my scars are deep
And I don’t want You to see them
So many of them were caused
By things I chose to do
He said, Look again
At the ones that I am wearing
Don’t you know I chose these scars too?
I saw His scars
No He didn’t try to hide them
He said, Come and look inside them
They are a window to my heart
And don’t forget I love you
Just the way you are
I knew it must be true
I saw His scars
And one day in Heaven
When we are on our knees
We’ll look up at Jesus
And I believe we’ll see
We’ll see His scars
No, He will not try to hide them
He’ll say, Come and look inside them
They’re a window to my heart
And don’t forget I love you
Just the way you are
And we’ll know that it’s true
We’ll see His scars
We’ll see His scars
No He will not try to hide them
He’ll say, Come and look inside them
They’re a window to my heart
And don’t forget I love you
Just the way you are
Oh we’ll know that it’s true
Because He died for me and you
Oh we’ll know that it’s true
We’ll see His scarsWhat a lovely reply, Codille. I am a Christian, though no longer involved in any church. I no longer felt any peace at church. Through all of my involvement, I found that all of the hypocrisy was too depressing. I have found my peace in what I call “The Church of the Great Outdoors”. I have a home in the middle of nowhere in the woods. Also, the thought of any of my family members finding out horrifies me. I am truly happy and at peace being able to dress at home. My wife totally accepts me and also encourages me. Living near a small town stops me from going out in public. I do look forward to the day when I am comfortable enough to spend a weekend in a somewhat nearby progressive big city completely dressed. I get excited just thinking about that. Once I’m more used to wearing makeup and learning feminine mannerisms better is when I’ll take that huge step. Pictures posted here will certainly follow after that. Until then, I am a happy girl right now. Love to all, JoJo.
Jojo,
I understand the hypocrisy issue in a lot of churches you are talking about.
Now “The Church of the Outdoors”. I live there too. Out on the mountains in the early spring on mid-fall where the air is clear and the temp in the low 60’s where you can wear shorts to hike but need the sweatshirt in the morning and a good campfire at night. Ya, I know that place and it is where I truly find peace and connection with God.
Some twenty years ago I was lucky enough to spend two weeks in the High Sierra camps in Yosemite National Park, one of the last nights we camped at Volgelsang base, it was late July but we were in HIGH altitude, 10,300 feet. It was a relatively short hike from our last camp to this one maybe 12-15 miles and a group of us decided to drop our pack and make a run to the next camp where there was a supply store… AKA beer and wine, is was a 7 mile up and back we did in little time with day-packs. That night after a good meal, and having cooled the beverages in an ice cold stream the 15 of use just laid out on the still warm rocks, looking at the next peak over covered in snow, and watching the stars. I have NEVER seen so many little twinkling lights. That was the first night I truly understood how small I to the universe but also found a great connection with God that night, how couldn’t you. So the church of the outdoors is a place I know well, and understand.
We are all here to support each other so please truly know you are among friends, and I say that to all of you that have found your way here like I did. We are a part of an amazing and supportive community where there is no judgement of who we are and what we wear. Embrace who you are and don’t be ashamed. My opinion, God made you in his/her image, so be yourselves, let others make their own opinions but don’t let that sway who you are inside.
With Much Hope and Friendship,
Codille Benton
Mother nature in the mountains is creation at it’s finest. Back in 1977 I was camping near Mt Rushmore with 2 friends. On our last night we heard there was a big storm approaching so we packed our tent and gear to spend the night in the van. I remember sitting in the front seat watching the storm get closer. It was the most incredible lightning show I have ever witnessed. We were all in awe. The lightning lasted for hours. It was the perfect end to our time at Mt Rushmore. To this day, every time I see lightning, it takes me back to that night. I can close my eyes and still see that non-stop show. Of course, having a few too many drinks that night may have skewed my view a bit, but the memory is crystal clear. I wish I could see it again. Hugs to all, JoJo.
I once corresponded with a person in England who characterized himself as “a bloke in a dress.” That might be the best I could come up with to describe myself. Bearded, masculine, heterosexual and mightily turned on by wearing feminine clothing. It seems from some people’s reactions that such makes me a pariah in this community. Is that so?
I am retired civil engineer,a husband, father to 3 children, grandfather to four. Married 33 years to a wonderful wife who does not understand or accept. Been a crossdresser since age 8-9, kept it secret for 50 years until 8 years ago. Out to children/spouses, close friends, pastor,sisters. All have no problem except my wife and her family which is a work in progress filled with hills and valleys. She has left twice and came back and willing to work on the marriage but it is tough going.
I am a women of few words, so here goes I am a multifaceted person who is all encompassing. I am at this point me the man, me the husband etc. all in one as Rachel I am still me there is no separation of who I am. In life everyone plays different roles at certain times in their lives, the roles are either of choice or thrust upon them its how you deal with each situation. I hope everyone finds a happy point in their lives continues to pursue it.
Rachel
I am a semi retired communications technician .I used to install and maintain small business telephone systems for Telstra in Australia . I have done extras work in TV and movies but have stopped that temporarily as I have osteoarthritis in my hips from football (Rugby Union) long distance running and Triathlons and it limits my movement and flexibilty. So no heels for me at the moment . I am being treated for this now at a wellness centre where people go for rehab after their knee or hip operations . I’m not at that stage yet(operation) and hopefully it will be a long time coming , if at all .Time will tell.
I am single , never married , no kids and live alone in a suburban area close to the beach.I have no family except cousins who are scattered up and down the coast who I never hear from which suits me just fine .I am an only child as was my father and his father . Mum had a brother hence the cousins .
I have a small group of friends which I am close to. I prefer the company of my female friends and spend more time with them. I haven’t revealed my secret to the closest of them . I just can’t bring myself to do it . It’s the proud male ex jock in me I guess . I’m in the best position to do it I know . Maybe one day .
I’m really enjoying exploring my femininity right now and am really grateful to be able to express my feelings as Jodi on this site. If Vanessa hadn’t reached out I don’t know what I would have done as I was going a little crazy . Usual stuff , what would happen if someone found out ? Look at all these female clothes , three times as much as my male ones at least . Oh well, a girl has to shop doesn’t she ?
Anyway , gotta go .
Forever grateful , Jodi xDear Vanessa, I often think to CDh community like my home. And I simply love it. Because all I have found here make me feel like home, make me feel free. And this is the very first I need.
It will be boring to write all your words again that you to find that we think in the same way. This is the second thing that I need and founded here. On the other hand, there’s no use to think different in a community.
The title is so complete and the answer must be like. I am a 50 years old crossdresser MTF, a bisexual, who seeks and founded friends, ( it is a very interesting situation: over 80 new friends after my return from hospital), who here, on CDh, founded the strenght to move forward. Forward into my life, free for frontiers, free for fears, free for ….. free to have my life. And this is the third thing that counts.
Last but not list: here I’ve founded girls like me or like you, with a lot of experience in crossdressing or not, with problems and fears, shy or courageous, but everyone, in she’s very own way, showed me that the concept that you’ve put it in web space works.Time will show how powerfull will be us (girls ) in this world and how ( we want in good light ) the outside world will see us. This spirit of (if I have the permission to say so ) our community is the last thing that counts.
Helping and being helped,
Loving and beeing loved,
and all the stuff that are between and inside these sentences, you, ( can I say so ?), dear Vanessa, you have put it inside CDh. For this reason, who am I when my identity as transgender is not confined? This is not an answer only for your eyes only but the whole world: I’m stiil Roberta and I’m alive!
with all my love and friendship, your Roberta,
kh@me
I am a 59 year old husband(25 years and counting, this time), father of 7,and grandfather of 11. I spent 25 years working in oilfield manufacturing, and currently work as a donation attendant for the local Goodwill. I consider myself a historian, as I have studied it most of my life, although I don’t have a degree. I am socially liberal and fiscally conservative. I read 3-5 books a week, in addition to the daily newspaper and other things on the net. I consider myself to be a highly intelligent and logical person, and spent years trying to figure out why I felt this need to dress, and why it felt good when I did. I feel that I am heterosexual/bi-curious, although I don’t feel that I could be involved with a man unless the wife was involved, too. And since 20+ years of taking antidepressants have robbed her of most of her sex drive, it probably won’t happen. That being said, I am glad to have her.
I am beginning to get more comfortable with myself as a woman so I have started to dress and live fully as a woman lately and I quit my job and got a job where I can be as a woman all the time and nobody seems to care. I work in a department store selling female clothes and I love my new job. I hope to start taking hormones soon and my dream is to get SRS.
I am a teacher, 14 years, 2nd grade, middle school ESL, and now in a new school-temporarily trying to find something new. I am an aerial artist (fabric and hula hoops) well learning anyway. Had one performance in January, a major moment in my life. I have a 12 year old son.
I am married. My feminine natures a source of conflict in our marriage. in itself this is a long complex issue.
I am like the ice princess holding everything inside. It sometimes hurts so much. I have always been a girl. Attracted to things normally associated with females. I like to look female. But I feel like my identity is so much more complicated than gender. If I could become a woman right now that would be amazing but I would still be faced with all the things that have made me closed off and stopped me from being myself and following my dreams.
I really appreciate this post because I think we are all so much more. But I this space dealing with gender we are given a chance to really se how amazing our life can be.
First and foremost, I am a husband who has been married to the most wonderful women for almost nine years. I have been teaching mathematics at the secondary level for sixteen years, the last ten at the middle school level. I also coach soccer, swimming, and lacrosse at the high school and an active volunteer with both the Boy Scouts and Special Olympics.
bravo !
i was a child guidence counseler for a group home agency that specialized in abused hardship cases.
Oh I hope you are having fun being a female. I too dont work anymore. And I too work in a ladies dress shop, mostly in the stockroom but I get to strut thru the dispay floor a few times wearing my pretty dresses.
It is so fun to be the girlie person we want to be. I wish all of the cd’s of the world could really experience what it feels like to really be a girl/
I am married to a wonderful woman and have two beautiful adult daughters.
I attended and finished law school, but soon realized that it was not my passion. I decided to Pursue other things. For the last twenty years, I have worked as a commercial real estate developer and have enjoyed it very much.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Although I lived as a girl until the age of thirteen, I only recently returned to following my heart. I started by joining this site. After reviewing many of the members posted photos, I felt sure that I could not and would not ever post one of myself. After about four weeks of chatting, exchanging messages and receiving support from many members, I posted a pic of myself.</p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Two months ago, dressing in femme in public was out of the question. Two days ago I went shopping and had lunch in public dressed in femme.</p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>I’m finally following my heart. I have great support and I the happiest I have been in years.</p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Thank you all so much.</p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>VickieJ</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”></p>
I’m a husband to a wonderful, supportive, caring woman. I’m a father of two teens, a boy and a girl. I’m a computer programmer who’s making the transition into what amounts to a system administration role. I’m a freelance writer and editor.
I’m a nerd. I love games, especially board games and card games. I love roleplaying games – the “pen and paper” kind, not those on the computer. I’m not much of a computer/console gamer – I just always seem to have other things to do in front of the computer (see the previous comment about freelance writing and editing), and spend little time in front of a TV as it is.
I’m an introvert, a soccer coach, an uncle, a brother, a son. Once a year I take a week or two of my vacation time and do some sort of remodeling project on my house.
And the fact that right now I’m wearing a red dress with black stockings doesn’t change any of that.
I am a ski bum who works and lives at ski resorts across the country. I am single and only worry about me when I am not worrying about friends or families that are having issues. My sexuality rarely comes up because nobody ever seems to care but if it did I would tell people that I am gay because that is what I am.
I don’t think I would tell them that I am a Transgender Woman because I am not doing anything to become closer to being a woman, they are just feelings and sometimes dressing up in the comfort of my own home. I guess its also hard for me to tell other gay friends from my hometown that I am Transgender as well and I am not sure why.
I just look at it this way. I am a Transgender Woman trapped in a Mans body 24/7
I’m a 19 year old student aiming to be a psychologist and a writer. I’m also a nationalist taking part in petitions and marches to help free my country and a protester who holds the government to account for their misdeeds.
Yeah, If it has anything to do with politics or activism i’m your lassie
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