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I have mentioned before that I’m not sure I am a good participant to this site……….do I really fit ???
Here’s my thinking……………..
In my world, I don’t consider going out to be in my best interests……..for basic physiology reasons, and my SO’s requirement this to be OUR’s only…………..
In the course of ONE YEAR, Mikki comes to play, ONLY from Oct to March……..and she really does it all!!! Then during these months, maybe ONLY two times per week, maybe three…………..
Simple match concludes that Mikki may appear at most 60 times per year and then the REST of the year, the man is very much the man……!!!!
Do I STILL quality as a full-fledged member of the cross-dressing world ??? Or am I just a man who has a very livid fantasy that has evolved into Mikki and not really a crossdresser ??
What about the person who only wears panties and nothing else, ever ?? Is he then earmarked as a crossdresser ??
From what I read here, most crossdressers have adopted an ALL-YEAR long adaptation to appear somewhat fem, almost daily, and then desire to evolve a woman’s mentality, and they try to fit this into their marriage, if they are married………isn’t this a pathway to more of a trans identity ?
Where does the feminization fantasy stop and a true crossdresser identity begin ??
Is there an accurate definition of a crossdresser ? Who is and who just might not be ?
Wouldn’t it be just simpler to admit liking the feeling and excitement of the transition from a male presentation to female from time to time, or when the urge comes upon you, than declare you MUST be a ‘crossdresser’ and have to endure ALL the misunderstandings that brings ??
Is there a key element that you cross that THEN you would be classed as a legitimate crossdresser, like shaving all over ??
Does anyone think, that our society will EVER get over the stigma attached to a man wearing woman’s clothes and doing those things that a woman does, like makeup and shaving ??
Personally, I like shopping for woman’s clothes and I am very particular……..yet it feels like everyone is staring at me if I am alone………..is that ME, or is the thinking there than a man ‘shouldn’t be’ looking around at lingerie or dress’s still prevalent and will never simply go away ???
Just thinking out loud………..
Mikki
Mikki,
I’ve only been dressing for about a year and a half, but almost all the CD’ers and Trans Women I’ve met talk about the “Trans Spectrum”. This is a wide ranging area, and includes people who just underdress (panties, bras), to folks who just dress at home occasionally, to those that dress and go out once in a while, to those who fully dress daily, to those who dress and live as a woman, and onto those on HRT and planning SRS, to those who have fully transitioned.
If you enjoy dressing up in clothing of the opposite sex, no matter what style, what time of year, or where you do it, you are a member of the Trans Spectrum.
And, in my humble opinion, this forum is exactly where you belong. You are accepted for who you are and how you choose to dress. No judgement, no dressing rules to follow. The only restrictions here are common sense ones; no porn or overt sexual advances. Respect each other.
I’ve found CDH to be quite unique and very valuable to me.
(I type this sitting fully dressed up in a skirt and blouse and sandals, with no where to go today! Just had to do it for myself!)
Leah
I had never heard of this ‘Trans Spectrum’ before………..but I understand the logic……..I’m quite linear in my approach to most things…………then everyone has a nominal spot on this spectrum, then the term crossdresser is a bit of a misnomer, as ON the Spectrum seems much more accurate……..would you say therapists also know very much a ‘spectrum’ spot and be able to have different approach’s to counseling depending on where that person is on the spectrum ?
I’m kinda new here, and never before had communication with anyone else and maybe it shows….but I’ve found it better to find out more of what one is all about than not……….to me it’s really not about the clothes as it is to release a total different personality that just happens to be a sultry and appealing 40 yr old seductress……and I find this totally something better than all the other possible choices……….I guess it could have been a ‘cave-man’ presentation !!!
Thanks for taking the time to explain something I’ve not heard before…….
Thus, I remain
Mikki
I’ll thank you for your post too, Leah! I’ve felt gender-fluid since kindergarten and I’ve been an on-and-off underdresser for quite a while, but I didn’t even know there was a term for that until I joined CDH. Everyone here has been so welcoming and accepting and I’m learning a lot about myself. Tonight, I loved reading what you wrote about the spectrum. It makes perfect sense. Just as there’s a well-known spectrum of gender identity, there’s also a spectrum of how we respond to the outward markers of gender. By markers, I mean everything from hair, skin, shape and anatomy to dresses, tight jeans, yoga pants and lingerie. Each of us seems to take a little of this and a little of that, to make our own personal recipe for being in the world.
Hi There, I am only here once in a blue moon! Anyway,in my email your question caught my eye. from the sounds of it, you are a part time crossdresser. If you do it only part time totally en femme, then you are a full time crossdresser, but for only those periods.
I consider myself either a part time CD, or a man who just occasionally likes to either likes to wear women’s clothes or admire them. I have this thing for shoes and stockings though.
Anyway, that is my short answer to this. I am sure that the other ladies can give much more input.
Sincerely,
Victoria-Rose
Anybody bold enough to break through the gender stereotype barrier, to say ‘why can’t I ?’ ‘I want to shop womenswear’’I want to be able to experience what women get to experience’’I Love the feel, the look,the variety’.
Doesn’t matter about your sexual orientation, social status, occupation, physique, how often you try on clothes from womenswear, you just love to experience it.
As far as I’m concerned the more who give themselves this particular ‘label’ the better. Hopefully one day it will become so socially acceptable the term will become redundant and we can all just wear what we want, where we want, when we want, and it be seen as ‘normal’ by the whole world. I have a dream !
And not just the clothing but the personal grooming, smooth skin, make up, nail polish,accessories,jewellery etc etc all come under this cross dressing umbrella as far as I’m concerned. If it’s what we want to do, is doing nobody any harm, makes us feel good about ourselves and is good for the soul, why shouldn’t we ! It’s our body, our choice.
love
B
Labels are really difficult to use. We as a society use labels all the time. They are very helpful at times. We just need to be able to understand and recognize that there are always variations. Happens all the time in science. Be who you want to be and who you feel you need to be. I have studied this subject on my own and found the CD label works for me. My Wife said once it would be easier if I just transitioned. That she could understand. Or if it just stayed a panty fetish. Well that’s not me. And because of all the playground bullying being a sissy was to be the death of me, so I learned to hide it all very well. My wife knew of my panty fetish before we married. I guess it was cute back then. Now the shame still haunts me and there are days I don’t wear anything fem and I feel like I am a fraud. Today I am an emotional mess because I am trying to.pleade other people and not myself. When I get home I may throw on my panties and skinny Jean’s, or I might just take a bubble bath and shave away the anxiety. Either way the femeninity I want will be waiting for me when I need it. I do hate the games we need to play to pay the bills. I like the label CD because that describes me better than any other and no one needs to know except those I choose to share it with.
Hello Mikki! Hmmmm I guess I’m the type of person that doesn’t really like labeling. I’m just now exploring and expressing a part of my personality that has always confused me. Last night was my first time dressing. 6 days ago was when I had decided what it was all about expressing my femininity. I came to the conclusion I wasn’t trans or gay or bi. Maybe people will see me that way but I could care less.
6 days ago I went into a store and bought some panties to wear. I was extremely scared and excited. I thought people would see me and think I was some freak looking at them but I confidently confronted it and took my panties and cashed out and I felt so liberated. I finally shopped for some actual clothes, lipstick nail polish etc and a bra Saturday and Sunday. I don’t have everything I need yet to go out in public but I plan to soon.
I got dressed last night and took and posted a bunch of pictures and it felt so good I felt so pretty and sexy and that’s what matters. 😘❤️
NO ONE here will do anything but cheer you on !!! God made you, relish in the gift !!! Any help needed, just ask outright ~~~!! Someone will answer, welcome to the boatload of people !!!
Mikki
There is absolutely no question in my mind whether I am or not! I love the feeling when dressed in feminine clothes, even if it is just underdressing with a cute bra and panties. I don’t see how I could *not* be a crossdresser. Our society is so interesting when it comes to clothing and how opposite gender clothes are viewed to change people. Pretty crazy.
I sometimes feel we’re all afflicted by the social conditioning that calls what we do ‘crossdressing’
Why not just ‘dressing’?
Why can’t anyone of any sex, age or predilection dress any way they choose, without any judgement.
What does it really matter what anyone wears as long as they like it?
Unfortunately, there are too many biased, judgemental, self-righteous people in this World. I hate that. I have no time for anyone who tries to force their opinions on others.
OK, rant over… 🙂
Hi Ladies. Definition: Word to describe action or thing. Depth of definition…….is it a partial thing/action or is it full blown involvement?????
My definition of above…..whatever, floats your boat……
Whether you wear just one ladies sock or go full regalia………it boils down to whatever you like to do. I would say….sure…you are a cross dresser if you wear the sock or you were the outfit. You could call yourself…….unisex dresser.
My motto: Call me whatever you like….EXCEPT………late to dinner!
Hugs…….
Dame Veronica
Labels in categories, categories in labels. Ultimately we (a category/label)are all here because we wear clothing marketed for, made, and sold to another category/label. I, of course, am speaking of crossdressing mainly in this regard when I ask, does it really matter how much one person or the other strays from norms that society puts there for us? This site is for those of us that live by the Pop-eye mantra when it comes to wearing the cloths we do, “ I am what I am and that’s all that I am”. As I think i’ve mentioned, my cd’ing activity mainly takes place in the same time frame as yours. Quite honestly during the heat of summer, I have little ambition to do it. That’s just how my whatever you want to call it works in my regard. I think one of the good things about this site is the different similarities between everyone. One thing brought everyone here, but we all do it a little differently… yet similar, lol
Hi Gurls,
Crossdresser is an interesting term. I like many here may dress once a week or maybe once in a month.
I guess you have to determine where you fit with that description.I do know its more than just wearing all the sexy cloths though.Its the feeling of and getting in touch with your femininity.You just have to be careful how far you go down the rabbitt hole.
The best thing about it is that this site is here and being able to realize how many people are like you and being able to talk to them.Patty
I must admit, Mikki’s question is one that has troubled me since I joined CDH last December. Am I a real “crossdresser”? Am I even “qualified” to have a membership here at CDH? Reading the Forum topics, and the replies to this topic so far, I sort of figure there are some (maybe not many) like me at CDH, but I certainly feel that I can’t come up to the standards of most CDers at CDH.
So far, I like Leah’s (Santini) analysis the best. According to this theory, I feel confident that I fit comfortably into the lower end of the “Trans Spectrum,” but at least I made the cut!!
Thank you, Leah, for renewing my sense of belonging, not only at CDH, but in the “crossdressing community” in general.
Hi Mikki. I used self analyze this stuff , labeling and defining this or that. Then there would be the internal mental struggle of man or women,……… dressed as a women, but having the mind-set of a man,………. dressed as a man but having the mind of a women. Confusing to the outside world as they react and I react to their reaction. Then the purging because the mind is not in tune with emotion ( my mind says I am a guy, but emotionally I want to be a girl). I eventually threw all that analyzing @##@@# in the dumpster, and let myself evolve. ##@@%% what other people think. What I do in private is for me. We are all evolving. It seems it could start with the most innocent of things, like wearing pink socks, then maybe panties then evolving to full out femme 24/7. It is late. Hope I made some sense………..karley
I think I want to take a step back here and just look at the term cross-dressing. That is, wearing clothes not typically asigned to one’s gender given societies view of how biological genders should be dressed.
So in other words ignoring those fabulous heels and lace from the victorian ere which were all initially made for men…
I think there’s a lot of want to call something a thing in order to better define it and understand it. Helps to communicate with other people, and we’re social animals. Names and labels are super important. Problem is that “gender” is fluid within the individual and then further fluid as a concept (and dynamic) within a population. We’re human, incredibly complex, and I think at that stage one might let go of terminology and simply embrace what one enjoys doing, then label it if that might help understand it.
I myself LOVE being and AM a man. No question about it. I see my cross-dressing as something private, and for myself to enjoy on my own time. I have other hobbies and interests, this is simply one of them. I only ‘dress up’ every now and then but I love under dressing every day. That’s simply what I enjoy doing, however I shy away from labels as I think they come with a host of assumptions which can be both helpful and even somewhat inaccurate at times.
Either way, no judgements, call yourself what you want to, no one here’s going to judge. Just be you, as hard as that can be sometimes! Self acceptance is a process, one that’s required and helps the general understanding for everyone else (non trans spectrum folks) as to the depth and breath of who we (here at CDH) all are.
Just be you 🙂
That’s all we want anyway.
Thanks Tiff—it makes me a little more confident, and being in the middle would allow me to have lifesavers on both sides of me if the ship sinks……….
Good ventures ahead for you, have fun !!!
Mikki
Thanks dear…………you’re my definition of a true PATRIOT !!! I don’t like rules, either…….and I can’t drive 55……………and……………I love to bang my drums all day long………..gonna someday win me a beauty pageant !!!
Mikki
Maybe that same specie of mosquito bit us late in March………..that sent us to CDH……….and I’ve been doing the Mikki thing a long time, never thought much about the ‘why’ of it………SO said to DO IT GOOD or don’t and I’ve just done what works for me………….yet, I am the epitome of Alpha otherwise……literally two different people………..and I like it………….I just wonder how far this Mikki is going to take me…….???
Mikki
What do you need to do to be a Patriot, suppose us Red Coats are not allowed in that club.
As Tiff said if the threshold is 60 times a year then I fall below that myself so I would not be a cross dresser. However if I lived alone I would breach the barrier so outside influences have a bearing. Like my privacy as Donna for now and jeans, t-shirt etc when as male. Don’t have any doubts Mikki you are a CD as well as a witty human. Don’t leave me I would have no one to bounce off.
Thank you Donna…………..I have no doubt who and what I am, I’m really told old now to be anything other than what I’ve been…………..sincerely, wish you well.
Mikki
Well stay as you are we wouldn’t have you any other way.
Easy–RESIST TYRANNY and the status quo and RULES and EXPECTATIONS that others impart on you. NEVER SUBMIT !!!
Always resist !!!
Didn’t Ghandi say that ?? Words to live by….certainly
Mikki
I will have to agree with you Stephanie. If you work as a Engineer, Nurse or Pilot part time you are still a Engineer, Nurse or Pilot. So on that basis a cross dresser is a cross dresser whether 24/7 or a couple of hours a month. My opinion only, others may disagree.
Donna.
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