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So, as time passes, I get more dressing experiences under my belt. I’m starting to be less careful about hiding my dressing, and caring less if anyone notices. I just did a load of laundry and hung my clothes out on the line to dry. This included 5 pair of panties in various colors/styles, 2 bikini swim bottoms (I’ve taken a liking to using them for comfortable, all day tucking), 1 gaff, and a running skirt. My clothes line is clearly visible to the neighbors and anyone driving or walking by on the street. Not to mention, I hung the laundry out while wearing another black running skirt. I think I push the limits more and more, because deep down inside, I don’t want to be in the closet or hiding anymore…
Am I the only one pushing the limits of what will eventually get me “caught”? Do you other girls think that others maybe know more about our dressing than we think or admit to ourselves?
Birel
Briel,
If I said that I wasn’t pushing the limits, I would be lying to myself, and laughable. About 4.5 years ago, I decided that it was more important to be me than hiding. Today, I dress as I wish to take care of my business about town. I will admit that I am less overt concerning family and work, but I no longer dress completely masculine. And it is also important that I do not mask that I am a man (my goatee and military short haircut would make that difficult.) whether I am wearing a dress or something more androgynous.
MacKenzie Alexandra
Briel. I too have found that I am being less careful if who knows/sees me dressed. Recently I’ve gone to physical therapy dressed in girls Jean shorts, panties, cameo, a girl top and my girl sandals. Wearing a bit of eye shadow, mascara lip stick and my girl sandals. The lipstick is a neutral color and the top could have passed as “men’s” but I did it! Yesterday I had a few hours to try a new wig so I dressed, light makeup and went outside to go in the basement. Nervous as all get out but I did it! I live in a small town where everyone knows your name so am I hoping to get caught?
Thanks for your post
Hugs…BillieHi Birel I believe it is quite normal to feel the way you do in fact I think it is alot more healthier for you emotionally. You are out and exposed to the outside world.What could be healthier You are letting the neighbor’s know who you are and it is up to them how they want to treat you. You on the other hand have said you donot care I am who I am. Love me or hate me it does no matter You have decided to just get on with your life. Good for you. Luv Stephanie
We all want to be feminine and beautiful. Its isolating and hard keeping our secret and not good for our mental health so I think deep down we all want to be seen and accepted. Its just natural.
Hi Birel
Yes I am slipping more and more Bianca into my daily life and nobody notices or cares enough to comment. Shaving all my body hair, gradually shaping and thinning my eyebrows, wearing scents advertised for women, women’s jeans, tee shirts, sneakers. Less black brown beige, more pastels pinks Summer colours. And yes hanging my underwear out to dry, but I have a cover story, an 18 year old daughter! But again never had to lie and say my underwear is hers. And she would never do anything as mundane as hanging up/bringing in the washing🤣
Slowly letting ‘me’ out more and more.
If overtly feminine, a dress, skirt heels I would still slip into full femme with a wig and make up. My beautiful disguise.
❤️Bianca
Hello Birel, It is possible that you are right in what you say, as we do more CD we get more adventurous in our ways. Like yourself, I have started putting my washing outside on the clothes line, knickers/bra/tights & skirts/tops. The difference in my case is that the neighbours know about my CD as I told them at the beginning of the year. I frequently go in to the garden fully dressed & talk to them so no problem there. The line is also on full view to anyone who walks along our rear allyway, so that is a bit daring I suppose. I have also been going out in public more this year then ever before, so there is a chance of getting caught by someone I know & does not know about my CD, oh well it is to late now. love, Helenmarie
Hi Briel it’s definitely the “I really don’t care anymore”category for me. Soon I think soon……💕💋 Katie
I too find myself pushing the limits, Birel.
I take the garbage to the front yard late afternoon fully dressed, I water the plants in the back yard, fully dressed, I only wear female shorts and T-shirts now complete with padded bra when out and about,
my girl yearns to be out and the more she is, the further I push.
One day soon Im sure of it
Hugs, Regi👸💕Since been on HRT been more out then any other time. Work wear the limit in fem clothes where safety allowed. When off or at home more out going places like stores or visiting with some friends. Come the end of year be perm out.
Donna
hypervigilance still rules around here.Had no close neighbors when I moved here, but plunk, new house landed next door less than a year later, and, even before COVID, there’s always someone home, it seems. Once in awhile, I can wait till dark, turn off outside lights, risking tripping, and go sit on the back deck as Kelli.
Since moving back to my home town, (were I grew up, caring for my mom is why) and the wife passed I don’t dress as often. I train, ride young horses for a job, and 99% of the people I do that for are family’s I did that for before joining the Marines.
Rainy days in the covered pen attached to the barn I’ll wear something, or going out of town.
Everyone have a great weekend
Im more out than ive ever been gosh ive been out a lot and even got chatted up by this young chap who said i looked very glamorous for 1.40am in the morning! Made me chuckle and he gave me his mobile number too. Hehe i did say too him im a little old for him as he must of been around 22years old. Tg
Am I the only one pushing the limits of what will eventually get me “caught”? Do you other girls think that others maybe know more about our dressing than we think or admit to ourselves?
Hi Birel,
I’d suggest most of us who aren’t completely in the closet ‘push it’ a little bit no matter where we are on the spectrum – intentionally or not. Even slight changes in behavior or dress or appearance which might have felt a little challenging to us in the past don’t seem quite such a big deal after it’s been repeated or maintained for a while.
Do others know more than we think? Well, unless they’re all idiots, I’d assume yes, some do. I don’t think perceptive insights are limited to cdh members. But perhaps, since most people have no experience of cross dressing in the community, they have no framework to hang their insights on?
Marti xxx
Yes, I pushed my boundaries before I came out. I think it was subconsciously intentional. Beth wanted out so she made it happen a little at a time until someone said something (the mail carrier). That opened the door and let Beth out. It was scary but there was no going back. Now I look at how I was discovered and I see it was no accident, sneaky little Beth made it happen.
So if you are pushing the boundaries it will happen. When you are discovered you will have to come out. Grab the moment and run with it. It’s terrifying, exciting, scary and thrilling. But most of all it is best for your happiness.
❤❤❤
Beth
Well now! I know I’m pushing the limits that have been set by at least the majority of the people I work with, but I find i don’t much care. I shape my brows and wear makeup on them. I only wear ladies jeans at work. Out and about I’ll wear short shorts this time of year, showing shaved legs. I wear clear nail polish on my fingernails and nude lippy. I’ve got pierced ears and wear all kinds of earrings, but nothing long and dangling at work for safety. I’ve taken to wearing ladies t shirts at work, at least some of the time. Although I haven’t shaved my arms, I do dye the hair blonde. I also wore a trans pride t shirt a couple times to work last month, and I’ll likely continue that, as I’m trying to find more of them.
Bridgette
Oh, thank you Bridgette, I forgot those pushes, lol.
I too have my brows shaped and coloured every day, wear nude lippy, and have my fingers painted Ruby Pink, and my toes Passionette pink, lol
I also wear shorts every day, and my hairy legs have been smoooooth for 7 months, now, as is the rest of my body.
Hugs, Regi👸💕
Hi Birel,
Just recently I have become more and more purposefully careless at home. I always wear skirt outfits and if there is a need to go out in the yard for something, I just go. I have at this time one denim skirt and two sports bras out drying in the sun and for all to see.
This is not in the larger city-status town where I shop and go for lunch enfemme, this is the small village where I live. My neighbours in the village are… shall we say… not so cosmopolitan. I do, however, carry my shoulder bag… which has obviously been manufactured with women in mind, and I always wear a sports bra and one of my tops that could be thought of as unisex, but leaning more towards the feminine side. I wear my ‘Aurora’ name bracelet as well and, most of the time, forget that I have it on for all to see.I am happy for you that you are finding the confidence to push the limits, Birel.
Aurora
Denim skirts. YUM!!
Got THREE through eBay this week. All 80’s – different lengths. One acid-washed ‘midi’, a ‘Jordache’ straight ‘mini’, and an unlabeled 3-tiered ruffled mini. There’s just something so HOT about denim skirts!!!
I’ve been wandering around my yard a lot less drab these past few weeks, it’s been wonderful and my closest neighbour is actively avoiding eye contact so I suppose I’m either paranoid or I’ve outed myself.
Frankly, neither one bothers me in the least.
Hi Rei,
My neighbour at the back has most definitely seen me mowing the lawn wearing a skirt and top. Later on I sat on my bench in the backyard reading. Nothing has been said though. Mind you, he rarely speaks anyway.
I have a feeling that I may by now be the talk of the village as I have been going out and coming home enfemme just as I would when not enfemme.
I find I am much the same way too. The hiding and pretending gets a bit tiresome, and I just want to be myself! Whatever that happens to be, I don’t believe I will ever really want to fully transition, so sometimes I am male, sometimes female.
This extends to shopping in drab, if I’m asked, I simply say the items I’m buying are for me, likewise with cosmetics, and I’ve never had a bad reaction. Naturally there are some who I worry about finding out more than others, due to disparaging comments I’ve heard them make over the years. So I’m still alright with a certain level of secrecy.
Amy
Birel,Today I unintentionally pushed the limits at my favorite wig store.I brought two of my wigs to be cleaned ,set, and styled and was chatted up by a husband and wife shopping for a wig for the wife.After being asked if I was holding both wigs for my wife<which I do not have because I am single>,I answered “Both of these are mine because I am a crossdresser”.Quite a few questions followed from both of them and they seemed to be relieved to have met a real crossdresser.I may have confused them as I was wearing one of my NRA tee shirts .lol.I dont worry about passing 100% any more,life is tooooo short to worry about what you cannot fix.
-
I guess I am more ‘out’ than I thought based on events of today.
I was having an AWESOME day being Tara today. Dropped the wife off at an event she wanted to go to, so I had her car and time that I knew I could be en femme. I wore a very similar outfit to when I went out dressed at the mall, except I decided to take my newly shaved legs for a test drive and I wore a skirt and my cute Skecher wedge sandals. I was also wearing a high ponytail ballcap because my hair wasn’t cooperating wearing it down. ANYWAY, I stopped at a drug store and bought several cute hair items for $1 each (cuz I knew they had them on sale), then I went to a shoe store and bought some tie dye Skechers slip on shoes that were on sale. I love them SO much and they are SO cute and SOOOOO comfy and they would go PERFECT with my tie dye bodycon dress. What a great outfit for our pride festival!
So, flying high at this point. I just love being out dressed! Then I ran over to Walmart to buy some cheap foundation (they were out of my color) and some concealer. I also found the CUTEST dress for only $10. I went to the self checkout and I was next in line. One of the registers opens up and then……GUT PUNCH!!
The young lady working that area said, That register is open, SIR…..OH, I mean, Maam.
Oh. My. God. It was the lowest I’ve ever felt in public. She wasn’t being mean and she did correct herself, but it was a shock to the system. Here I was, THINKING I was passing and actually looking pretty good. I guess not. I bought the concealer, but the dress didn’t have a scan tag. I just said screw it and left it there. I paid for the concealer and slinked out of the store and drove straight home.
I know that passing shouldn’t be the end all be all, but for me. it is (was) really important. Call it vanity, but I really thought I was passing. It throws a wet blanket over the other times I’ve been out. Was I clocked EVERY time?
So, after having a nice pity party this afternoon and with the help of my friends here, my realization now is that if I pass, I pass. If I don’t, I don’t. I am me and that is all I need to be. I still want to pass, mind you. But I am not going to let that dictate the rest of my life. I really would have liked to bought that dress in retrospect. And I should have gone up to that young lady and had her help me. She was nice enough to correct herself after all.
*kisses* tara 🙂
Tara, I had that happen to me late one night on the way home from a great dinner and evening out with a bunch of CD friends, and stopped for a coffee to refresh me. So the young guy says the same thing, “Here you are sir, oh Ma’am” Also I thought I looked pretty good, and it was such a downer, but I resolved that I wouldn’t let it ruin my night. Which it didn’t in the end.
Amy
I think I’m sort of edging that way.
my earrings are getting more obviously femme.
my necklace (rose gold heart with diamonds my wife bought me on 4 July) hasn’t been off since she gave it to me.I’ve had my eyebrows done femme…
and my nails are done… I’m taking a huge risk… but I’m caring less. I feel better as Mallory.
It’s funny, before quarantine I was out and about en femme more and more. But it was still an insular, afraid of getting caught thing. Then during quarantine, I opened up more to my wife to the point that I literally have no secrets. So now, as things open up more, I find myself looking forward to going out more as katie, and not feeling afraid or embarrassed. That’s way more out than I ever imagined I’d feel.
I can’t dress at work. But I always have some feminine touches that stand out. I just don’t care what people think. I always shop in drab except for my first venture out totally en femme.
The last three times out en femme, I wore my Trans Pride pin. The very last time, I even had my trans pride tee and socks on. I get so many more compliments when I show that pride. The last time was just amazing how many positive comments I got. If I were in stealth and totally pass, I may not even get a comment. But being inundated with compliments does wonders for this girl’s self esteem.
As an experiment, I am going out next weekend and not going to wear my pin. I still may not totally pass and I am not expecting to. I do want to look my best and I will be curious as to how much attention I get vs when I don’t wear the pin.
My wife thinks I want to be “caught”. She may be right. I may be crazy (Sorry, Billy Joel).
She says that I’m always “pushing the envelope”. Like you, Birel, I’ve gotten to a point that I don’t care who knows. In fact, I’d love to introduce the whole world to Dawn & get this monkey off my back. But my wife’s biggest fear is, if I came out, what people would think of her.
I think the neighbors probably know. I’ve occasionally gone out in broad daylight. They see this woman getting into “the neighbor’s car”– and it’s always “his” car, not the missus’. I’m sure they’ve put two & two together. I’ve jogged & biked, in the neighborhood, en femme. I’ve gone to the mailbox. I’ve sunbathed, in the back yard (where we have no trees, bushes or fence), in a bikini. I’ve sat on the front porch, in femme attire, enjoying a few brews with my wife. Most of the neighbors know that it’s just me & my wife who live here. They probably know I’m a crossdresser, but none have ever said anything.
I’m a performer & often wear studs in my ears (in my second holes) while performing. None of my regular attendees has said anything. I’m also letting my hair & fingernails grow. I suspect people will begin to wonder.
Like Holly, I have seen a therapist. She has never met “him”. It’s always me, & she compliments me on things like my choice of attire & my make-up.
I believe that, the more that we dress, the more emboldened we become. Frankly, I feel more uncomfortable in male mode. Femme mode feels totally natural.
BTW, closets are for clothes, not people.
Dawn, you go right on quoting Billy Joel songs, it was well done. I can understand your wife’s concerns, we have to consider how we are impacting our loved ones with Honesty, while fulfilling our need to be an Uptown Girl. If you want to be more out than she wants, just Tell Her About It. Perhaps your neighbors have seen you and believe, She’s Always a Woman. If they haven’t said anything, they hopefully accept you Just The Way You Are. They’re not Movin’ Out yet anyway, and sounds like they’ve seen your true self for The Longest Time. Don’t Ask Me Why I wish to let Birel out of the closet, but She’s Got A Way of using Pressure to move My Life more in the feminine direction.
Well, I could go on with this nonsensical rambling, but I don’t want to be a Big Shot.
Phew! I’ll be here all week! 😉
BirelSeriously though, it sounds like your neighbors have had plenty of opportunity to figure it out, so perhaps it’s likely that they have. But, if they haven’t said anything about it, well no news is good news (I think).
I find it very interesting that your therapist has never seen your male side. I’m just the opposite, I always go to therapy in drab. I have told him about Birel and some of my adventures. I did show him a pic of me all dressed up last week, and have been thinking about walking in to therapy in full femme mode, but haven’t done it yet. This could maybe turn into a new forum topic of discussion…
When I’ve thought about having “the conversation” and coming out to someone, intentionally getting caught seemed like a good way of bringing up the subject that is very difficult to bring up.
I live in a rural area, going out in public would not go well, fortunately for me our house is far off the road and I can go out of my house while dressed, I don’t fully CD often but sometime I would like to go out somewhere it is accepted, at least once.
My wife is against it but I frequently dress partially when working from home. I tend to keep blinds closed and be somewhat careful when in a skirt or dress. But lately when wearing leggings I’ve been getting the paper, grabbing packages, & taking the dog out. When home alone last week and after dark i would wear heels and do it and a very femme top. I made sure to turn off my motion light and figured at best neighbors might wonder what I was wearing if they even noticed at all.
My biggest concern is fully dressing and leaving the neighborhood. I’ve done it in the dark but only once in daylight and hid with a hoody. I would love to just not care and go like some of you girls do.
Well all you ladies, I don’t know how far out I am. In Church this last week we had coffee and bars after and of course I was in my male mode, but I have way to much fem showing. My long hair was tied back (but I had just gotten it colored purple) and my finger nails were long lavender. One lady came up to me and asked what my preferred pronouns were. Looking back I should have pushed it to find out how far I could push the Cassie side of me.
. Cassie
There are some people I’ve considered telling about my crossdressing. I haven’t followed through with it yet. Sometimes I wish I’d get caught, thus forcing me to have those difficult conversations. Not that I think that being caught would make it easier. It would just make it so that I have no choice but to talk.
As far as being “out” goes, I do nothing to indicate that I’m a crossdresser while in guy mode. However, when en femme, I go all out to pass as a woman.
In some respects, I had long worried that my own early ventures out might have had an exhibitionist component, but I’ve grown a bit more charitable in my self assesssment. I do think there is a subconscious desire to be discovered, coupled with a hope that the discovery will lead to acceptance and encouragement from others.
Your not the only one. Over time it has become second nature. I wear panties everyday and when I workout I wear leggings and sports bras. I started wearing panties daily. After a few months It came out at work that I wore them. People could see panty lines and one lady actually mentioned it to me when she saw my panties when I was fixing her work station. I had no idea anyone knew. There are only 2 other guys that work besides myself and a dozen or so woman. SO the woman didn’t care and they guys never mentioned it. Then to top things off just a few weeks ago I had just finished my workout and ran out to my car in my leggings and sports bra and bumped into my neighbor. So I am most certainly more out than I ever thought I was.
I think that there is a lot of subtle expressions that we have that we let out and aren’t aware of or are aware of and just don’t care. There are small things we do to express ourselves and I suppose out ourselves in some way or another. They don’t necessarily mean out, but things like growing your hair or nails. Painting those nails. Maybe even just practicing a feminine walk or gesture. None of these are really outing yourself, but I imagine plenty of people do those things.
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