- April 13, 2019 at 6:06 am #168099
stephanie plumbParticipantRegistered On: November 17, 2018Topics: 30Replies: 200Has thanked: 192 timesBeen thanked: 266 times
I ask this because when I am out and about in the countryside en femme, as Stephanie, I am much more relaxed if I come across women, either singly, or in groups, or in mixed family groups, and are more likely to pass them close by. But if I see a man or men coming towards me, or looking in my direction, I go into panic mode and take avoiding action, until it is clear they are not a threat. It is worse the younger the man is too. But I am still much more inclined to avoid older men too. Is this simply a matter of seeing a man as a positive threat whereas women are not? Or is it I think a man will be more disapproving? As a man I am not at all worried by other men out in lonely places because I can handle myself quite well. But Stephanie feels very vulnerable and sees men as a real threat. Am I feeling what women feel when out in the country? Do women automatically see men as a threat? I have noticed that when I am out as a male, women on their own do seem a bit apprehensive as we approach each other and usually avoid eye contact. On the other hand a woman with a dog is much more relaxed if I am also with my dog.
So, are you more scared of men when out en femme?
- April 21, 2019 at 12:14 am #170261karley delawareParticipantRegistered On: October 23, 2017Topics: 5Replies: 172Has thanked: 488 timesBeen thanked: 186 times
I have not gone out fully in femme, but sometimes my dressing is somewhat “questionable”, wearing above knee shorts, perfume, pony tail, and maybe some modest jewelry like a cheap ankle bracelet. I am cautious around men and avoid groups of men. I carry modest weapons like keys, bright flashlight, monkey fist and a tile cutter knife. I am on the short side in height at 5.3 and have taken an urban self defense class just in case. So far, nobody pays me any mind. My neighborhood is inner city.
- April 15, 2019 at 4:46 am #168615Tiffany WellsParticipantRegistered On: April 10, 2019Topics: 6Replies: 47Has thanked: 72 timesBeen thanked: 88 times
Haven’t been out in femme myself but I think it’s more of men disapproving more because like u said when I’m male mode u can handle your own so in femme mode if it came to it ud be able to do the same thing. That’s just my view on it. Have no fear dear( lol coming from me who scared to leave the house in femme)
- April 15, 2019 at 7:26 am #168646Cherrie LlewellynParticipantRegistered On: January 10, 2018Topics: 4Replies: 21Has thanked: 57 timesBeen thanked: 32 times
Hey girl. I was the same way as you, too scared to go out as cherrie. Fear is a string emotion. I built up enough will power and strength to go out one night with some friends that are drag queens. And by the end of the night I had an exciting time. It felt like I had won the lottery. One day at a time time Tiffany that’s all it takes. If you want to go out in femme, you will get enough courage to do so. I hope when that day comes I would like to be the first one to know.
- April 14, 2019 at 6:53 pm #168522Dame Veronica GraunwolfParticipantRegistered On: May 8, 2017Topics: 44Replies: 1746Has thanked: 1467 timesBeen thanked: 1312 times
- April 14, 2019 at 2:15 pm #168458Imogen MannParticipantRegistered On: March 2, 2019Topics: 2Replies: 116Has thanked: 52 timesBeen thanked: 134 times
Purely because men are ‘generally’ more aggressive towards trans people, and it;s well documented that lone females run into trouble too… Yes, I avoid them, not fear, just self preservation and common sense.
- April 14, 2019 at 7:08 am #168346Anne PreussParticipantRegistered On: December 13, 2018Topics: 2Replies: 257Has thanked: 309 timesBeen thanked: 259 times
The situation definitely dictates my level of fear. I’ve been en femme during the daylight hours with an older gentleman glancing (leering) at my chest. Since other patrons were there, my level of fear was nonexistent. I’ve never gone clubbing but if I were and a man were hitting on me, my level of fear might/would escalate depending upon how he came across to me. Now if I were walking from my car to a bar or club at night and I saw a man, my fear would definitely escalate until I could be in the security of others around me.
- April 13, 2019 at 7:21 pm #168236Nancy GammsParticipantRegistered On: March 1, 2017Topics: 11Replies: 106Has thanked: 7 timesBeen thanked: 155 times
I’ve had some cat calls before but was in a bit of a public place and not worried for my safety. I think having mace as a woman is a good idea.
- April 13, 2019 at 6:26 pm #168229Sa·man·thaParticipantRegistered On: January 21, 2018Topics: 37Replies: 355Has thanked: 896 timesBeen thanked: 542 times
Yes Stephanie…not sure I’d describe it as “fear” per se…I tend to be suspicious of everyone…but I feel like women are more liable to accept me whereas men are less liable.
The fact is, this is not always so. A second fact is, so far I haven’t felt that anyone of whatever gender has mistreated me any time I’ve been out.
But yet, I’m more anxious about men. Women have equal capability for confrontation and violence, let’s bear that in mind as truth but yet it’s men who have that reputation. I really think these stereotypes need to be revisited with an objective eye. Ever been in an abusive relationship? I have some baggage here.
To be honest: it’s that I’m afraid of being judged harshly by other men, whereas I don’t feel this fear about women. The counterpoint is that I can charm a man, women will be immune to my charms, most likely. The situation has never arose but I always keep weaponry close at hand. I avoid seedy places and keep aware of what’s going on about me.
- April 13, 2019 at 5:16 pm #168219Michelle LiefdeAmbassadorRegistered On: May 27, 2018Topics: 33Replies: 749Has thanked: 901 timesBeen thanked: 556 times
I think being aware of your surroundings and those around you is just a smart thing to do. Do men scare me? Well people in general do because of how easy a simple situation can escalate. I have not gone out as Michelle, but thanks to many stories I have heard over the years from GG and Trans Women alike, I think we should be confident but vigilant.
- April 13, 2019 at 6:12 pm #168228Sa·man·thaParticipantRegistered On: January 21, 2018Topics: 37Replies: 355Has thanked: 896 timesBeen thanked: 542 times
Yea? What kind of stories were those Michelle?
- April 13, 2019 at 6:32 pm #168230Michelle LiefdeAmbassadorRegistered On: May 27, 2018Topics: 33Replies: 749Has thanked: 901 timesBeen thanked: 556 times
Stories of being harassed by men in public places, feeling uncomfortable riding the train or walking in a park by oneself. And some stories that I will not repeat here involving a whole lot worse than feeling uncomfortable.
- April 13, 2019 at 5:08 pm #168217Dasia ThePhoenixParticipantRegistered On: April 12, 2019Topics: 4Replies: 20Has thanked: 18 timesBeen thanked: 12 times
Not at all. I could hold my own and I don’t have sacred reverence for their gender. Meaning I’m my own person and I think we all are.
- April 13, 2019 at 9:04 am #168129Kayla CFounderRegistered On: February 8, 2018Topics: 19Replies: 188Has thanked: 247 timesBeen thanked: 149 times
I think this is a great topic. As a GG when out in public especially at night, parking lots, etc I really try to be very careful and have some safety measures in place. It is always better not to be along but this isn’t always possible for me. I try to make sure I’m not on the phone, keys very close, and confident. I actually have more male friends that female so I wouldn’t say I am scared of men. It is just important to be careful and aware. We live in a strange world and it is very sad that we have to feel we could be in danger.
- April 13, 2019 at 6:22 am #168105Mikki MonroeParticipantRegistered On: March 24, 2019Topics: 10Replies: 171Has thanked: 220 timesBeen thanked: 184 times
I’ve never been out…………but I can answer—I hate men…………..but deep inside me, I’d like to meet other’s like me……….and prone to my style………maybe not totally passable, but shapely, smooth, and glammy……and shows that they work hard on that appearance…………then………….I could be totally engulfed………maybe just a fantasy—–but I do ‘go there’………….
- April 13, 2019 at 6:19 am #168104EricaParticipantRegistered On: April 10, 2018Topics: 1Replies: 32Has thanked: 109 timesBeen thanked: 35 times
In man or woman mode, or just everyday somewhere inbetween I am cautious of men. I find women more comfortable to be with. I do think women are cautious of men. I also think I was less approving as a younger guy. We need to unlearn what we are trained by movies and TV. Scociety teaches us. I wish I could share my full self with the world but fear dictates a lit of behavior on both sides. In me and the world around me. Great question. Would live to hear other opinions.
- April 13, 2019 at 6:19 am #168103Tiffany AlexisParticipantRegistered On: March 28, 2019Topics: 2Replies: 75Has thanked: 106 timesBeen thanked: 100 times
Never been out en femme, but if I was, and if it were more than one man esp a group of 3-5 young men, yes. I live in an area that violence against cds can occur easier than in most. Any one man I am not afraid of, I know how to handle myself and he will come out the worse unless he has a weapon. Two, I could hurt enough to get away. But more than that, unless you are a SEAL or something, and I am not, I know I’d go down. I’ve seen quite a few of those fights (lifelong emergency services/rescue in hard core urban systems) and they end poorly and yea they scare me. Probably my second biggest fear, after my wife finding out I dress lol.
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