- April 13, 2019 at 6:06 am #168099
stephanie plumbParticipantRegistered On: November 17, 2018Topics: 61Replies: 476Has thanked: 506 timesBeen thanked: 914 times
I ask this because when I am out and about in the countryside en femme, as Stephanie, I am much more relaxed if I come across women, either singly, or in groups, or in mixed family groups, and are more likely to pass them close by. But if I see a man or men coming towards me, or looking in my direction, I go into panic mode and take avoiding action, until it is clear they are not a threat. It is worse the younger the man is too. But I am still much more inclined to avoid older men too. Is this simply a matter of seeing a man as a positive threat whereas women are not? Or is it I think a man will be more disapproving? As a man I am not at all worried by other men out in lonely places because I can handle myself quite well. But Stephanie feels very vulnerable and sees men as a real threat. Am I feeling what women feel when out in the country? Do women automatically see men as a threat? I have noticed that when I am out as a male, women on their own do seem a bit apprehensive as we approach each other and usually avoid eye contact. On the other hand a woman with a dog is much more relaxed if I am also with my dog.
So, are you more scared of men when out en femme?
- April 28, 2019 at 9:54 am #172524Roxanne LanyonParticipantRegistered On: November 11, 2018Topics: 3Replies: 724Has thanked: 125 timesBeen thanked: 352 times
Sometimes I am. I always try to be sweet and gentle when I am near them, and an occasional kiss or hug does wonders. But I do watch out for those that want to be rought with me. I do need a sweet, gentle, loving one, though. He could could make my life so wonderful, if he is sweet on me.
- April 25, 2019 at 9:26 am #171609Jennifer SwansonParticipantRegistered On: April 20, 2019Topics: 19Replies: 91Has thanked: 1385 timesBeen thanked: 205 times
I go out cd quite often. Men tend to look away and are rarely confrontational. Women are either warm or confrontational. I had a wonderful chat with my female optician, talked with the hostess at the restaurant, with fellow shoppers in the women’s clothing departments. When I stopped to get gas a woman gave me a prolonged stare. Walking on the street at night you just have to be aware of your environment, not that different than what I would do as a man. But women are much more open and to talk with because we pose no threat.
- April 25, 2019 at 9:07 am #171606Natasha MariParticipantRegistered On: April 20, 2019Topics: 2Replies: 36Has thanked: 46 timesBeen thanked: 74 times
I have been thinking about this quite a bit. Not for myself, but for others. I haven’t gone out yet, I feel I wouldn’t be afraid, but on alert. After 30 years of martial arts, I feel i can handle most situations if it came to defense. What I also learned was how to not look like a victim. What I mean by that is: don’t avoid eye contact, keep your shoulders back, chin up, eyes forward, don’t be distracted, if to feel safer have yours keys in your hand but do not clinch in a fist but have the hand ready to close up (don’t want to cut off blood flow to your fingers). When I say make eye contact, use a cursory glance this is a signal that I see you and know you are there, I now at least have a good chance of knowing if something is happening, they can’t jump me unaware. Since I started dressing, I want to get some sturdy heels (should probably look for dance heels) so I can work some techniques with different footwear (never done a roundhouse kick in heels).
If any of you have any questions please feel free to message me. My other self learned this for me to share with others.
/hugs and be safe girls I don’t want to see any more of us get hurt
- April 25, 2019 at 8:10 pm #171731Tiffany AlexisParticipantRegistered On: March 28, 2019Topics: 16Replies: 458Has thanked: 679 timesBeen thanked: 685 times
Never had formal training in martial arts but I have a lifetime in EMS in hardcore urban systems. Any one person I do not fear if they are unarmed. Even if they know martial arts I know enough evil tricks to hurt them and get away. And I live in a world where I’ve had to use them, a few times a year. The key is the getting away. Dont have to win the fight. Guy who taught me them was ex special forces. Now I fear th3 hell outta groups of young men tho. Mob mentality is dangerous. Usually the brief eye contact works, but I’ve never done it en femme, and I’m bit scared of that scenario. I busted up a curb stomping once, lucky I didn’t get stomped myself.
- April 26, 2019 at 8:44 am #171915Natasha MariParticipantRegistered On: April 20, 2019Topics: 2Replies: 36Has thanked: 46 timesBeen thanked: 74 times
What i was commenting on was more of the one on one contact you might get with a single person. In an unruly urban center or multiple men would definitely require more caution including avoidance. Again I would say walk with a purpose with your shoulders back and chin up. I say this because your eyes should be up and scanning your surrounding. You don’t know if there is a threat if you don’t see it. If you a looking at your phone or watching your feet as you walk, you lose most of your peripheral vision. Exercises I like to do is go to the mall and scan every person I can by just making a quick glance and make a quick mental note of a detail, like what color shirt, what are they carrying, are they wearing a watch or glasses? Through time you can scan and see more and make more notes. This is all to help make you more aware of your surroundings. Almost every co worker I have had has tried to scare me, the thing they don’t know is I already knew they were there before they even started to make the attempt. Again this is for just walking around where you don’t need to focus, Emergency personnel usually can’t afford to divert their attention where they have to stay focused for the emergency on hand.
Really to stay safe is be cognizant of your surroundings, park close in a well lite area, go with friends if possible, if alone and you are afraid to walk, get your keys ready, have 911 already set on your phone ready to make the call with one button push, if you have a self defense device make sure it is at the ready not stuffed in the bottom of your purse and I won’t go down a dark alley by myself even in drab unless I had a deathwish or I was looking for trouble.
Be smart and stay safe because all you ladies are precious.
- April 25, 2019 at 4:55 am #171567AnonymousRegistered On:Topics: 20Replies: 523Has thanked: 582 timesBeen thanked: 673 times
I am also too tall to pass.never gone out……….but if Mikki ever goes to Vegas or NOLA, she will have a bodyguard, a CCW licence carrier, trained and certified, and have studied asian hand-to-hand defense strategies…………….but my Lord will lead me to my destiny……….let it come.
- This reply was modified 2 months ago by Kayla C. Reason: Scripture isn’t allowed
- April 25, 2019 at 10:16 am #171624anne-marieParticipantRegistered On: August 26, 2018Topics: 3Replies: 174Has thanked: 252 timesBeen thanked: 187 times
I’m not sure that we can be to tall to go out ‘en femme’. I know for myself, I stand at 6’4″ so quite tall. I have seen some women almost as tall as myself and have glanced at them thinking I wonder. I have also done the midnight rambles dressed with little issues of concern. I will also go for a long drive fully dressed ‘en femme’ again no issues Its not because I pass because I just don’t even come close to passing. Perhaps it’s more that most people are to wrapped up in themselves to give a damn about a man in a skirt. But there are idiots out there, I don’t think there are as many of them as we think – a little bit of paranoia there – but they do exsist. Despite the idiots we can’t let other people dictate to us what we can do or what we can wear or if we can access the outside world whilst dressed ‘en femme’. I do however understand the concern.
Take care girls.
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- April 25, 2019 at 12:14 pm #171637AnonymousRegistered On:Topics: 20Replies: 523Has thanked: 582 timesBeen thanked: 673 times
thank you Ann-Marie—-I use that ‘too tall’ excuse as a ‘catch all’ for ALL the other reasons I can’t pass…..not that I’m overweight, I’m not…….but perhaps broader in the shoulders, too rough looking feet, or just plain MAN FEET………..and the only one I know of today that would be with me is a diminutive 5’6″ 130 lb SO, and THAT walking next to GODZILLA isn’t going to fool anyone……..!!!
I DO mean, the female kind of GODZILLA !!!!
- April 26, 2019 at 1:26 am #171806anne-marieParticipantRegistered On: August 26, 2018Topics: 3Replies: 174Has thanked: 252 timesBeen thanked: 187 times
A female type of Godzilla. That is so funny. Really did make me lol.
I hear what you are saying about having so many attributes that identify you as a male. Shame that people can’t see beyond the wrapping sometimes.
I also have a whole range of the same issues ne it hands that your average guerrilla would be proud of, thick neck, face like a leg of lamb etc etc.
Being single also helps because I could do the walking after midnight en femme thing without being given eardrum gbh from a misses. Its all the CCTV and posting footage to You-Tube and the like that put me off my walks. If I want outing I will do it myself. It’s not for some bod to do it so all the world can laugh at my expense.
Still go for an ‘en femme’ drive though so not totally closeted. I think we just have to be inventive and take whatever chances we have.
Take good care Mikki.
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- April 26, 2019 at 2:02 am #171816AnonymousRegistered On:Topics: 20Replies: 523Has thanked: 582 timesBeen thanked: 673 times
You are very sympathetic to suggest, ‘try something’…………….going outside is one thing (which I can do, on my own property) but in public ???? For me, there’s just nothing to gain. I’m going to wait until ‘our group’ of ‘fun-loving’ beautiful seductress’s have a New Year’s Ball, and NO obvious men are allowed….just us…………THAT just might be the reason to ‘let Mikki’ suffer the stare’s/comments in getting to the door. !!!!
- April 24, 2019 at 6:04 pm #171487Sandy StormParticipantRegistered On: April 10, 2019Topics: 2Replies: 17Has thanked: 25 timesBeen thanked: 37 times
I actually hear this a lot from my sisters around the world, but this is something I have never had to deal with….I am an extremely large crossdresser, I am not passible in my mind, I try to portray myself as a female powerlifter or bodybuilder. but with 22″ biceps and a 24″ neck and 52″ chest (less breast forms) nobody ever says anything negative to me or the sisters I am with. I have seen some stares but I also get that in male mode
- April 24, 2019 at 12:52 pm #171378Celeste StarreParticipantRegistered On: June 26, 2018Topics: 3Replies: 149Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 181 times
Well I don’t know this for a fact but I suspect that the vast majority (if not all) of people that have murdered transgender people have been men.
- April 24, 2019 at 12:21 pm #171374MarthaLouiseParticipantRegistered On: March 27, 2019Topics: 11Replies: 55Has thanked: 14 timesBeen thanked: 65 times
I am cautious of everybody.
But I would not worry about a friendly, courteous male.
I make a great woman and would like one day to have a steady man! And who knows!
- April 21, 2019 at 12:14 am #170261karley delawareParticipantRegistered On: October 23, 2017Topics: 5Replies: 201Has thanked: 544 timesBeen thanked: 221 times
I have not gone out fully in femme, but sometimes my dressing is somewhat “questionable”, wearing above knee shorts, perfume, pony tail, and maybe some modest jewelry like a cheap ankle bracelet. I am cautious around men and avoid groups of men. I carry modest weapons like keys, bright flashlight, monkey fist and a tile cutter knife. I am on the short side in height at 5.3 and have taken an urban self defense class just in case. So far, nobody pays me any mind. My neighborhood is inner city.
- April 15, 2019 at 4:46 am #168615Tiffany WellsParticipantRegistered On: April 10, 2019Topics: 6Replies: 60Has thanked: 105 timesBeen thanked: 154 times
Haven’t been out in femme myself but I think it’s more of men disapproving more because like u said when I’m male mode u can handle your own so in femme mode if it came to it ud be able to do the same thing. That’s just my view on it. Have no fear dear( lol coming from me who scared to leave the house in femme)
- April 15, 2019 at 7:26 am #168646Cherrie LlewellynParticipantRegistered On: January 10, 2018Topics: 7Replies: 40Has thanked: 72 timesBeen thanked: 55 times
Hey girl. I was the same way as you, too scared to go out as cherrie. Fear is a string emotion. I built up enough will power and strength to go out one night with some friends that are drag queens. And by the end of the night I had an exciting time. It felt like I had won the lottery. One day at a time time Tiffany that’s all it takes. If you want to go out in femme, you will get enough courage to do so. I hope when that day comes I would like to be the first one to know.
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- April 24, 2019 at 4:35 pm #171427AnonymousRegistered On:Topics: 20Replies: 523Has thanked: 582 timesBeen thanked: 673 times
Me too…I want to know also………….
- April 14, 2019 at 6:53 pm #168522Dame Veronica GraunwolfParticipantRegistered On: May 8, 2017Topics: 49Replies: 1911Has thanked: 1613 timesBeen thanked: 1535 times
- April 14, 2019 at 2:15 pm #168458Imogen MannParticipantRegistered On: March 2, 2019Topics: 2Replies: 136Has thanked: 53 timesBeen thanked: 177 times
Purely because men are ‘generally’ more aggressive towards trans people, and it;s well documented that lone females run into trouble too… Yes, I avoid them, not fear, just self preservation and common sense.
- April 14, 2019 at 7:08 am #168346Anne PreussParticipantRegistered On: December 13, 2018Topics: 2Replies: 331Has thanked: 420 timesBeen thanked: 371 times
The situation definitely dictates my level of fear. I’ve been en femme during the daylight hours with an older gentleman glancing (leering) at my chest. Since other patrons were there, my level of fear was nonexistent. I’ve never gone clubbing but if I were and a man were hitting on me, my level of fear might/would escalate depending upon how he came across to me. Now if I were walking from my car to a bar or club at night and I saw a man, my fear would definitely escalate until I could be in the security of others around me.
- April 13, 2019 at 7:21 pm #168236Nancy GammsParticipantRegistered On: March 1, 2017Topics: 11Replies: 125Has thanked: 9 timesBeen thanked: 177 times
I’ve had some cat calls before but was in a bit of a public place and not worried for my safety. I think having mace as a woman is a good idea.
- April 13, 2019 at 6:26 pm #168229Sa·man·thaParticipantRegistered On: January 21, 2018Topics: 45Replies: 473Has thanked: 1232 timesBeen thanked: 812 times
Yes Stephanie…not sure I’d describe it as “fear” per se…I tend to be suspicious of everyone…but I feel like women are more liable to accept me whereas men are less liable.
The fact is, this is not always so. A second fact is, so far I haven’t felt that anyone of whatever gender has mistreated me any time I’ve been out.
But yet, I’m more anxious about men. Women have equal capability for confrontation and violence, let’s bear that in mind as truth but yet it’s men who have that reputation. I really think these stereotypes need to be revisited with an objective eye. Ever been in an abusive relationship? I have some baggage here.
To be honest: it’s that I’m afraid of being judged harshly by other men, whereas I don’t feel this fear about women. The counterpoint is that I can charm a man, women will be immune to my charms, most likely. The situation has never arose but I always keep weaponry close at hand. I avoid seedy places and keep aware of what’s going on about me.
- April 13, 2019 at 5:16 pm #168219Michelle LiefdeAmbassadorRegistered On: May 27, 2018Topics: 39Replies: 877Has thanked: 1004 timesBeen thanked: 694 times
I think being aware of your surroundings and those around you is just a smart thing to do. Do men scare me? Well people in general do because of how easy a simple situation can escalate. I have not gone out as Michelle, but thanks to many stories I have heard over the years from GG and Trans Women alike, I think we should be confident but vigilant.
- April 13, 2019 at 6:12 pm #168228Sa·man·thaParticipantRegistered On: January 21, 2018Topics: 45Replies: 473Has thanked: 1232 timesBeen thanked: 812 times
Yea? What kind of stories were those Michelle?
- April 13, 2019 at 6:32 pm #168230Michelle LiefdeAmbassadorRegistered On: May 27, 2018Topics: 39Replies: 877Has thanked: 1004 timesBeen thanked: 694 times
Stories of being harassed by men in public places, feeling uncomfortable riding the train or walking in a park by oneself. And some stories that I will not repeat here involving a whole lot worse than feeling uncomfortable.
- April 13, 2019 at 5:08 pm #168217Dasia ThePhoenixParticipantRegistered On: April 12, 2019Topics: 4Replies: 24Has thanked: 24 timesBeen thanked: 15 times
Not at all. I could hold my own and I don’t have sacred reverence for their gender. Meaning I’m my own person and I think we all are.
- April 13, 2019 at 9:04 am #168129Kayla CFounderRegistered On: February 8, 2018Topics: 20Replies: 225Has thanked: 310 timesBeen thanked: 249 times
I think this is a great topic. As a GG when out in public especially at night, parking lots, etc I really try to be very careful and have some safety measures in place. It is always better not to be along but this isn’t always possible for me. I try to make sure I’m not on the phone, keys very close, and confident. I actually have more male friends that female so I wouldn’t say I am scared of men. It is just important to be careful and aware. We live in a strange world and it is very sad that we have to feel we could be in danger.
- April 13, 2019 at 6:22 am #168105AnonymousRegistered On:Topics: 20Replies: 523Has thanked: 582 timesBeen thanked: 673 times
I’ve never been out…………but I can answer—I hate men…………..but deep inside me, I’d like to meet other’s like me……….and prone to my style………maybe not totally passable, but shapely, smooth, and glammy……and shows that they work hard on that appearance…………then………….I could be totally engulfed………maybe just a fantasy—–but I do ‘go there’………….
- April 13, 2019 at 6:19 am #168104Erica InsideParticipantRegistered On: April 10, 2018Topics: 3Replies: 109Has thanked: 253 timesBeen thanked: 135 times
In man or woman mode, or just everyday somewhere inbetween I am cautious of men. I find women more comfortable to be with. I do think women are cautious of men. I also think I was less approving as a younger guy. We need to unlearn what we are trained by movies and TV. Scociety teaches us. I wish I could share my full self with the world but fear dictates a lit of behavior on both sides. In me and the world around me. Great question. Would live to hear other opinions.
- April 13, 2019 at 6:19 am #168103ParticipantRegistered On: March 28, 2019Topics: 16Replies: 458Has thanked: 679 timesBeen thanked: 685 times
Never been out en femme, but if I was, and if it were more than one man esp a group of 3-5 young men, yes. I live in an area that violence against cds can occur easier than in most. Any one man I am not afraid of, I know how to handle myself and he will come out the worse unless he has a weapon. Two, I could hurt enough to get away. But more than that, unless you are a SEAL or something, and I am not, I know I’d go down. I’ve seen quite a few of those fights (lifelong emergency services/rescue in hard core urban systems) and they end poorly and yea they scare me. Probably my second biggest fear, after my wife finding out I dress lol.
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