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Over the years since I have been in this community, a recurring theme has been that of becoming submissive when transforming into a woman – and more than a few times, I have seen the term FLR mentioned.
Without going into detail, I must say that this resonates with me and think it is difficult to unravel the Submissive Impulse from the Urge to Transition (or at least to Present as a female to varying degrees).Certainly, for me there is an overlap and and the two are so well interwoven that I no longer know which came first.
My late wife was not only an avid supporter and enabler of my desire to explore and express my Feminine Dimension, but was also intrigued – and excited by – the concept of being “dominant” (but without being “domineering”).
We both saw ourselves as each other’s absolute equals but invariably, as my wife drew out and cultivated the woman in me, she also tended to position this emergent woman as her “junior” and thus relegated to me traditionally “female” tasks and responsibilities in which she was more skilled or practised and therefore she would by default become my supervisor or manager.Although, in my male persona, I might have found such an arrangement uncomfortable, it was not only natural but also pleasant when in my female persona to accept my wife’s authority when acting either as her personal secretary or housemaid. (Mostly housemaid).
I could ramble on but would neither wish to lose your interest nor attract the criticism of the administrators of this site and will leave you with a question:
How many of you have been – or are – on a similar path and would you care to share with us your experience? (I am quite curious).Love,
KatherineI’m not sure if this qualifies as your definition of “submissive” but in relationships I have always been envious of the woman’s role – and power – of being the pursued rather than the pursuer. It is a wonderful sensation to feel sexy, attractive and to be the object of desire.The flip side is you also have to be wary of potential predatory advances, and we find out how that feels from a woman’s point of view as well…an education in itself.
I agree with Kris on the powerful feelings that come with being desired and sexy, balanced with watching out for red flags around me. I’ll add that I don’t necessary feel submissive when en femme but I do find myself really wanting to please others and be more accommodating to others’ needs and wants. Not that I’m a jerk in male mode but there is definitely a shift in my mindset en femme. It is kind of cool actually
I have to agree with you as well. Only once in my male life have I been pursued. It felt great. Not that it turned out well for me at all! But it was reassuring.
Don’t know how this applies, but I’ve had conversations with women my whole life about the male advances.
“How would you like it if a handful of women whistled and gawked at you from across the street?”
“Hell I wouldn’t mind it at all!”
Yes it is nice to switch roles and be the one pursued. I began taking on the role of a housewife several years ago but without any real discussions with the wife about it. I do all the housework and cooking now. I tell her she has a house maid and personal shopper and she loves it.
Hi Katherine
Bringing out and fostering this wonderful feminine side of me has definitely led to changes in my persona.
I have been a single parent for many years so the home chores you identify as filling the submissive role have been part of my life for a long time.
Personally I feel the opposite would be true now. Standing on my own two feet and bringing Bianca to the fore out in public with friends I actually feel immensely empowered.
I work with a lot of younger women and see such a positive change over the last 2-3 generations. The submissiveness of the past is rapidly disappearing.
The power women possess today is totally different from what men used to possess and I am trying to learn snd foster that strength within my growing Bianca.
It’s not a testosterone driven power which compels men to be the top dog, the alpha who needs displays of his dominance by subverting or beating others.
It’s a soft power, an intelligent relaxed friendly demeanour. Hey I can be as feminine as I want but don’t try to relegate me to a submissive role.The old male me would probably have got my hackles up but the new me will stay calm, try to talk it through, compromise, be fair, and yes maybe walk away from an inflammatory situation rather than fight, but that is perhaps being intelligent rather than submissive. When I feel an anger growing in me I think ‘is this my testosterone?’ and try to suppress it, which is becoming easier with practice. Driving is another example, I now drive a lot more defensively, not so easy to anger, flash lights, use horn etc. life’s too short, let it go, but I don’t equate that to being submissive.
Hey some may like being dominated like women used to be in the home, if that floats your boat then go for it, but that’s so not me in 2022. I do housework because it needs to be done not because somebody ordered me to do it.
B x
Wow: now this is another one that has got me thinking!
Basically no, I don’t feel submissive: indeed I feel the most submissive I am is when I give in to society and other people and Don’t dress and behave as Gabby! But I do recognize times when I yearn to receive care and love and nurturing: given spontaneously and without initiation from me. As a bloke there are times when I feel I am expected to initiate everything. I wouldn’t criticize my relationship with my wife for a millisecond: but as a product of our society even in a relationship as good as ours I have always felt there was an onus on me, the bloke, to start any intimacy. Amazingly since coming out to my wife although things have been very hard and she is finding it very difficult to come to terms with me, our intimacy has improved hugely and she is taking far more lead than she ever did before. I suppose I feel being able to share initiation and leadership and decision making shouldn’t really be about one gender being submissive to another but rather a type of team work that recognizes both sides. Not sure how often that happens in real life though…
Hugs Gabby
I’m almost certain that I spent most of my life hiding my truth behind the veil of submission. I’ve always known I was a submissive (not a doormat, not a pushover), and I’ve always been attracted to strong women. All throughout that time I was very drawn to ‘forced feminization’ and I know now that it’s because it was a way for me to hide from the truth about my own feminine nature; I was ‘forced’ after all, it wasn’t really ME, it was just something I was doing because I was a good sub. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the truth, and I could not have done so without the safety and support of my wife. Even she thought that my crossdressing was just a kink at first, a product of my submissive nature. It’s only been in the last year or so that the veil has been lifted enough to see how I hid behind my submission because it was easier than confronting the truth that I’m not cisgender. Coming out to my wife was a formative moment in my life, and now that I’m out to her, I can fully embrace this huge part of me that I’ve been hiding from my whole life. I’m still a sub, whether I’m a good boy or a good girl, but what is most interesting is that Nikki is not a total sub like male me is. She has some latent dominant urges that are totally fascinating.
I really hope I’m not breaking any rules here. There is nothing shameful about any of it, and it’s absolutely INTEGRAL to my journey. Without it, I’d still be estranged from myself, incomplete and uncomprehending.xo, NikkiHi Katherine, as a male I am definitely not submissive but once Trish takes over I must admit that I am probably a lot more submissive and would not be confrontational but rather more understanding and willing to talk things out. Like one of my sisters said when I’m driving I’m a lot less aggressive and a lot more careful. But when I get hit on by a man I do become more submissive than I normally would. I don’t think this is abnormal since, as I’ve said more than once, we have two separate people living in our bodies both with their own style, quirks and behavior. I enjoy both people inside of me probably Trish more though. She’s a lot easier on my mind set than boy me. Thanks for posting this, the responses have all been very interesting to read.
Trish 💖
I had to really think about this question. I had coffee with one of the lovely ladies I work with and I asked her what she thought. She laughed, and said: “You were in such a shell before, you were so quiet, you were seen as being very kind and gentle but certainly not assertive. Now you’ve changed so much it’s like you’re a different person. You were a quiet shy man before and now you are a confident woman who believes in herself, enjoys her new life and shares it with us!”
What she said certainly summed it up better than I could have said it. I am a trans woman, I have transitioned and now live as a woman who is thrilled with her new life and proud of who she is. If I don’t agree with something I will say so, I don’t accept ignorant or intolerant comments, if I get ‘clocked’ I will look the person in the eye, smile, and tell them in my sweetest voice to have a great day. I was never like that before. I would always defer to the other person, friends use to tell me I needed to learn how to stand up for myself.
So the answer is obviously ‘NO’, I am not submissive when enfemme, which, for me, is always.Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Great question and one I need to explore further as I has thought about this recently. I have noticed my wife shifting into a more dominate, or masculine roll in general. She has never been “girly”, but lately I have noticed she is less so. She has a home office that anybody who sees it would not think it was a woman’s office. When I retired and she kept working I took over a lot more of the “typical” woman’s shores around the house. I always did help with cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc, but I soon starting doing nearly all of it, most often while dressed when she was at work. I told her it was fun cleaning house in lingerie or a dress, so while she didn’t usually see me, she was aware.
She always had a moderately dominate personality, and I have always been easy going, go with the flow type, and she was one the one who perused me back in the day. Yet, in bed she much prefers the submissive roll even when I am in lingerie and she is naked. At times I try to get her to be dominate and take me her way, with some success, but mostly she prefers to be submissive in bed.
On a related note, outside the house I tend to be dominate, but not necessarily by choice. Any time I am in a group situation I try and let others lead, but most of the time find myself taking charge so things get done or decisions get made. I have a professional degree and ran my own business, so I had to be in charge a lot. Now that I am retired, I just to let others run things, but I still find myself taking control. I suspect that is one of the reasons I like to dress en femme, at least in theory I can pretend to be submissive for awhile.
Hercules being punished by serving as Omphale’s cross dressed slave was a big influence on young Wanda on her journey. I think sexual submission and femininity are congruent and complimentary urges for me. Before I was married I had an experience with a friend who was a Domme who “forced” me to do what I was reticent to do on my own, e.g. shop for women’s clothes in a store. It was all dressing up and spankings, no sex, and I loved it! (She’s a dear person and still a friend.) I’m a pretty mellow guy, typical Jewish husband like my Gramps. Dream Girl and I don’t have any role reversal in our lives except in the bedroom where she’s the top. Let’s just say it’s very stimulating for both of us, unprepossessing as we might be with both of us in frillies. That’s complimentary to but distinct from my daily dressing.
For years I was the Alpha male type (military & law enforcement). Probably because I was trying to hide my true self. Now I just want to be a submissive girl in touch with my feminine side. Am I wrong to feel this way?????
Hugs, Liara
Not at all.
In either mode, I’m relatively meek, but I wouldn’t say submissive.
As Raquel, in public, I have an air of confidence, slightly more so than when I’m out en drab, I would say.
In my relationship with my wife, where there is no Raquel, we share a balance of power. Although neither is exerting power, but rather, sharing responsibility.
My wife has always been the dominate person in our relationship and I have been the more submissive one. I focus on her happiness and I very much enjoy viewing myself as the wife. She does not like to see me dressed so that limits my ability to enjoy that role as much as I would like. I do wear a cute apron and heels sometimes though when I am making dinner.
Ive been crossdressing for most of my life and only recently opened up to my wife about it, not by choice but by accident. Thankfully she is very supportive. Since then, we’ve been able to open up and revitalize our sexlife which had been wayning for quite some time. She has realized the enjoyment of being dominant and I have been able to finaly express my submissive desires. Of course there are boundaries and limitations. She still wants me to be the man at times. So its become more of a “switch” role dynamic. Its still evolving, but its been an amazing ride so far!!
Hi Katherine,
I have thought about this a lot since reading your post a while ago. My late wife was a very strong woman and certainly liked to be in charge. I believe our marriage worked well but because I accepted this about her but was capable of standing my ground when I felt it was right to do so. I also believe she appreciated both of these aspects of me.
I believe I am naturally feminine and submissive but must be treated with respect.
Hi Katherine I’ve never really thought about it, I’m still in the closet to my wife so it’s not a question about me being a submissive female to my wife, all our married life my wife has shown signs of being a dominant woman and i suppose I’ve shown all the signs of being a submissive I’m not sure how it turned out that way, maybe it goes back to when i was a child, I was always a sickly child with one childhood illness after another spending half my childhood in and out of hospital, even now i seem to do all the housework from doing the dishes to the laundry to the spring cleaning, sometimes i wish i could do it wearing a dress and apron X
Hugs Rozalyn X 🎀
Have you thought about “Playfully” telling her that a maids outfit might make things more fun/interesting— ???
An emphatic “YES” for me. i love my life en femme and am naturally, totally and very happily submissive. Men tend to love and appreciate my surrendering to them in all aspects, including addressing them as “Sir,” as well as standing and sitting in a submissive posture. It is entirely natural for me.
Not really since mostly I am a guy in a dress. If dressed in bed my wife and I can get quite passionate when I am dressed, but I make sure to please her in many ways, so stay pretty assertive. That said, sometimes I let her be very dominate in bed, which she seems to enjoy occasionally, but not necessarily when dressed.
Omg what a beautiful question this is YES I AM VERY VERY SUBMISSIVE IN ALL WAYS ESPECIALLY WHEN I GET DRESSED.I LOVE DOMINANT MEN SO MUCH IT REALLY MAKES FEEL LIKE THE WOMAN I AM NOW AND IM LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT SO SO MUCH IF A MAN TREAT’S ME AS HIS WOMAN I DEFINITELY TREAT HIM AS A MAN GROWING UP I DID ALL THE HOUSE WORK AND LAUNDRY FOR MY GORGEOUS MOTHER LIKE SHE TOLD ME THATS MY JOB AND SOMETIMES SHE SAID I MUST COOK DINNER FOR HER ALSO AND GET HER A HOT BATH READY SHE’S THE ONE WHO MADE ME THE WOMAN I AM TODAY AND SUBMISSIVE TO I HAVE NO REGRETS AT ALL IM SIMPLY LOVING IT SO MUCH
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