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I have been reading lots of posts and thinking about where we fall in the family in terms of when we were born. I have read a lot of posts where some of our Mothers have told us that when they were born, that they were hoping for a girl. But what got me wondering was if you were born the last child in a family of all boys, do you think that, even though you were never told that your parents wanted a girl, you were inclined to crossdress, because you were the last sibling in a family with all sons.
I’ll be curious to know. I know that I was the last male born in my family, and my mother was always very protective of me and seemed to consider me special, but she never told me that she wanted a girl, but I have my suspicions that she did.
I’m an only child, so in some ways I’m both. Although it still gives me pain to admit I think the most important element for me growing up was that I was so sheltered. My desire to break free and do/be something different than what was expected of me plays no small role in where I am today, and crossdressing is one manifestation of that.
Interesting topic.
I am the oldest of 4, having 3 younger sisters. I led a fairly sheltered life and spent most of my time, especially during the winter, playing inside with my sisters. We would play dolls, tea party, dress up and such. I never thought anything of it as I didn’t have anything to compare it to. As I got older I did start to play baseball and hang out with other boys in the neighborhood, I was in Boy Scouts and went on camping trips. I’m not sure if it was loneliness or something else but when I was about 12 and home alone I started dressing in my mother’s clothes. It was only for a few minutes as I was afraid of being caught, but I felt good when I did it. As far as I know no one ever knew of my dressing until I came out to my wife a few years ago. There was one time in college that I dressed for Halloween with the help of my girlfriend. It was interesting and I enjoyed it though I was nervous.
XOXO
SuzanneHi Jennifer,
Yes, I am the youngest. Have two older Sisters. Our family has a high frequency of female births. So, this may explain a lot!
Lanna💋❤️
I am the youngest of three boys. I do not recall my mother or anybody treating me any different so I honestly don’t think it was an influence.
That said, I have heard of studies that suggest last born males have a slightly higher tendency towards being gay and if true may suggest there is some hormonal or behavioural aspect to it. It could also just be a statistical fluke, but in Catholic society in the past the last born son was often destined to the priesthood…
In my case it was just my older sister and myself… i found myself drawn to ladies’ clothing at an early age, but didn’t actually begin crossdressing until i was 10. As i was also raised in a Catholic family, i had no desire to become a priest, but would have loved to join the Convent and become a nun.
Jill, I’m the youngest of two boys, my father died when I was 2 and mom remarried when I was 7. Enter an older step sister by 7 years, she was an only child. I was the little brother she never had and I was totally taken by all the pretty things she had and so began my cross dressing. So it really didn’t have anything to do with my mom wanting a girl, it was in me from the start.
Sherri
I am the oldest of 4 children (3 boys, 1 girl) with my sister being the youngest. We were all close as children, and continue to be close as adults. As children, we would play together, combining our different toys in one elaborate world (GI Joe, Barbie, My Little Pony, He-Man, Star Wars, etc.).
MacKenzie Alexandra
Yes I was the last son, I had the urge to be en femme at age 6. My mother only once did something that now in later years made me wonder . Around age 8-9, on Halloween she suggested that I go out as a girl. She even offered to get a neighbor girls clothes that would fit. Knowing by this time I was “strange” I said no way. Still scared to go out, but regret to this day I did not say YES! Good question Jen. C3
I’m the youngest of 6 siblings, and was the ‘oops’ baby for my parents in their early 40’s. At the earliest I can remember the oldest 4 had left the house so only myself and 6 year older sister lived together. I spent most of my childhood with my mom and sister as my dad worked and travelled a lot. I remember many many times doing ‘girly’ things with my mom and sister, mostly because they couldn’t leave me alone at home. Things like shopping, salons and such I was always there and found this attraction to those things at an early age. My mom never said she wished for a girl, but my sister did and she would regularly want to dress me up and play with my hair, for which I was ok with. I think I just liked the attention. When my dad was around that wouldn’t happen but it wasn’t a secret.. plenty of photo evidence to this day, lol. My dad did not approve or disapprove, kind of indifferent, so to me this then was ok. He was a great male influence on me so growing up I learned I can be a boy when with boys, and could be girly with the girls.. not so much in my mannerisms or wanting to dress with girls, but that I could talk and understand and compliment the things that girls liked. This went a long way with having girlfriends throughout my teenage years, but also some challenges with male friends.
I am the youngest, my mom never said or indicated that she wished I was a girl. I used to share a bed with my older sister (4 yrs older) until about age 5 or 6. then was moved into the boys room when my oldest brother got his own room. I think this is where my cross dressing started, thinking io needed to be dressing this way.
My mom had three sons and no daughters. The first two sons were born a year apart and were the best of friends. I was an oops baby five years later. Due to the age difference, I did not really become as attached to my brothers as they were to each other. It was a very macho family, and I just did not fit into that model. Nevertheless, I never wanted to be a girl, i just did not want a macho life, Perhaps my mom wanted a girl when she was pregnant with me, but I never saw any evidence of it,
I was drawn to homosexuality as a youth and identified as bisexual early on. The crossdressing came much later. I may have tried on my mother’s clothing but have real recollection of that. I never had a sister, so I never had the opportunity to try on a sister’s wardrobe.
There may be something to the theory that the last born boy may be the candidate for diverse sexuality or crossdressing.I am the youngest with 3 older brothers. My mother told me often how she wanted me to be the girl. In fact, she said she was led to believe that I was to be a girl. After reading post by others in this forum as well as others. It’s made me wonder about how much influence a mothers wanting a girl may have had on a fetus.
I wonder how much 9 months of wishful thinking had on me. My early experiences with dressing, always felt wright. It was like putting the last piece of the puzzle in place. I never knew why.
Interesting question Jennifer I am the second oldest sibling of four; I have three sisters. I always wanted a brother and made my youngest sister who was 6 1/2 years younger than me play catch, wiffleball, basketball, and throw the football with me she was actually a very good athlete and ended up getting a scholarship to play softball as a pitcher. Growing up and being and adult I do not remember my mom ever saying or for that matter anyone saying that she thought when she was pregnant that she was having a girl or wanted a girl. I was always treated as a boy as far as I can remember. My mother is still alive but has Alzheimers now and has forgotten a lot it would be interesting to ask a few questions of when I was a child to see what she says as she still remembers things farther back not very good with anything recent. I do not remember ever wearing anything from my sisters while young. I do remember trying on my sisters Eight grade formal dress that was hanging in the bathroom when I was in seventh grade and home alone one afternoon though only had it on for a minute and someone came home and I hurriedly took it off braking the zipper hung it back up never heard a word about it. I do have a few memories of trying on my moms heels for church and walking in them 3 or 4 times between 6 to 11. Always felt guilty doing it never was caught. I never tried on my moms clothing but do remember going through her dresser draws and feeling her bras and pantyhose. I never tried on pantyhose till I was in high school when I tried some on that had been hanging in the bathroom to dry after being washed in the sink. As an adult i have wondered if I went through a hormonal wash in the womb. Or if i had Klinefelter Syndrome to explain why I am the way I am.
I have a few distinct events that left an impression on me growing up when I was six or seven trued a dress on at a multi family get together after several other boys did we all got laughs from the girls. I had a friend who when I was in grade school would go to his house to play maybe 8 to 10 times from age 6 to 10 and half the time he would put on his moms bras,dresses, skirts out in the laundry room that was completed and connected behind their house to a detached garage. He would ask if I wanted to try things on but I always said no. When I was about 9 one of my friends came to the school Halloween carnival dressed as a girl by his sister in a white lace dress with white umbrella and fancy hat with white lace gloves with finger tips cut out his fingernails were all painted and his sister did impeccable makeup on him . He was so happy and looked like a real girl out of a movie. I could not believe how he looked. I remember seeing a few other boys dressed as girls for Halloween the next few years and I suppose all these events planted a seed in my head.
Then in Jr High I saw Tootsie and then a couple of segments on crossdressing review shows on TV on Entertainment Tonight and could not believe how they looked like real pretty women. A few episodes of Donahue with crossdressing as a topic. Then being a young boy hitting puberty being shy with beautiful girls I liked. As I was tall and real skinny I played sports was good at basketball but was awkward I am sure and lacked confidence with girls. I was also reading porn stories of feminization from forum magazine and penthouse letters of crossdressing. I lived the beauty and the seductiveness of the beautiful women in the porn magazines. Within those magazines I saw adds for Michael Salems crossdressing store these events and seeds all played a part for me in my desire to try crossdressing as it made me become sexually aroused. I was too scared to ask to be with any girls. I went to a few school and or church dances from 12 to 15 but never danced more than a handful of times as I didn’t know how was awkward felt self conscious. Had some dreams growing up of being with sexy girls and also of dressing as a girl to was a way to be with a pretty girl since I couldn’t in life but in my dreams i could either with one or dressed as a girl. I was very attracted to Farrah Fawcett, Cheryl Ladd, and Heather Thomas growing up.
I never dressed to any great degree until I was married at 20 years of age to my first wife. Prior to that I had only really tried on pantyhose a few times and they felt erotic and sexy to me. My wife and I played an adult game the neighbor gave us to play I do not know the name of the game to this day. You rolled dice and drew cards and removed clothing and sometimes had to wear clothing of the other sex will this only made me horny for sure and unlocked my desire to want to dress as I felt sexy erotic and sensual. I then dressed a few times wearing the wives clothing to make love as a surprise to her. She enjoyed a little bit for awhile.
I digress as I have rambled on, their were factors that all played a part in my progression of crossdressing but now I don’t worry about the why as it is a part of who I am and it feels exciting, good and relaxing to dress and gives me balance in my life. I have enjoyed manly professions working in construction, concrete, and being a leader in Law Enforcement I was shy growing up to a degree for sure but was an extremely hard worker who was good at Sports and attaining goals I became very opinionated and was a leader while working I was an asshole to my kids and others at times I know as I hated this part of myself for so many years too long. I have learned to accept it and as a result I have been a kinder happier man because of my acceptance that April is a part of who I am that gives me balance and understanding and allows me to be the best I can be as a husband to my second wife and best friend, a father, grandfather, brother, son, uncle, friend, neighbor, and girlfriend to others and those I care about and love. I enjoy my times dressed as April and the outings I have had they have been challenging but so much fun and I have met so many wonderful people as April she sings Karaoke and dances and enjoys being out sharing time with others.
April
Yes, I am the youngest of 5 children, have 3 older brothers and one older sister. My earliest memory of crossdressing was trying on my sister’s babydoll nightie when I was about 13. But only became serious about crossdressing much later, around the age of 50… I sometimes wish I had started much younger, when I had a glorious head of long blond hair. Unlike now, when my hair is thin and gray. Thank goodness for wigs!
At 68 I am the oldest with three younger sisters. Always wanted a brother but they were my only friends. I was always picked on in school and hated school as a result. I have grew cold to all my classmates as I was never accepted. As life wore on I became a specialist at skilled trades and was highly sought after. Now that I am retired many people want to know what I know and I help them along the way. Some of my work even scares me how talented I am from this GOD given talent. BTW……..GOD never created junk. This is what has always kept me going.
Hi Jennifer I’m not the youngest in my family I’m about the middle of a big family there were 9 of us in my family, the thing is i have 1 older sister and 2 younger sister’s so nothing was said about what kind of children my parents wanted, I’m not sure where my desire to cross dress came from, all i know is one day i was alone at home one day and i saw my older sister’s bra in the laundry basket and the curiosity got the better of me and i tried it on, my fate was sealed after that there was no turning back so at every opportunity the lingerie had to go on and here am i still dressing up when ever i can X
Hugs Rozalyn X
Ah, good question, Jennifer,
I’m the middle child of 3 boys from my mother’s first marriage (as I’ve mentioned, my father died in a horrific accident when I was 4), and then she had 2 daughters from her second marriage. So I was only the youngest for about 3 years, and then just the middle child for 6, then just another child. I suspect after my mother had my older brother, she probably was a little hoping (I suspect as this is usually the case, my brother had a boy and a girl, my one sister had a boy and a girl and my 2 adult children who married each had a boy and a girl. Interesting how that all worked out. They’ve all stopped of course). She was also probably hoping for a girl when my younger brother was born, but I have no doubt the sudden death a month later probably forced her to consider lots more important things. But….
Since my younger brother was 1 month old when my father died, that left me as the youngest self-aware and basically self-functioning child. And you know, these several threads are forcing/encouraging me to revisit all that and maybe that’s why when I asked if she could make me a dress, which she did, (kraft paper and it lasted about an hour or so but I went outside and played in the yard), she was momentarily reliving that thought of having or now never having a daughter, because I wouldn’t be surprised that for a long time, she might have thought that us 3 boys were going to be it for her.
She got her daughters and I had my cross-dressing/transgendered desires. Was this a chicken and egg conundrum, I wonder? Did my desires and her encouraging them come first, or did she turn to me for emotional support and my response was to develop this need.
I will never know, but I don’t blame her, and I don’t hate myself. So, it’s now just unresolved curiosity.
Hugs, ChloëC
I’m the middle child of 3 boys. Both my parents worked so most chores fell on us boys. We did laundry and dishes. Cooked and cleaned in the kitchen. Swept, moped, and vacuumed as well as dusting. We did outside chores too but I do remember volunteering to do the inside stuff more and letting my older brother do mostly outside stuff. This gave me chances to snoop in my mom’s stuff.
Also I was my mom’s side kick. I went to the grocery store with her. The mall for shopping. I remember sitting in the women’s section and sneaking peeks and feeling the materials. I know she had to have an idea that I was going through her stuff but never said anything about it. She did joke with me a few times about buying me a dress or bra. I never got anything but I wish I would have been braver and talked to her about it. Maybe one day still.
I’m actually the oldest child. It wasn’t my mom who wanted a girl, it was her mom and grandmother. My dad’s side? They were desperate for a boy who could carry on the family name, and I was the second to last chance (my little brother was the last chance)
I have an older brother and was often told jokingly I was “supposed to be a girl” (as if my parents had any control over that!). However, whilst that never directly influenced my mother in the way I was dressed or in the way she raised me, I often wonder if it was just another little seed implanted in my head that nudged me in that direction.
I’m an only son, and I was the first grandson of the family. I don’t remember my mother saying that she wanted a girl. But I’m quite sure that the fact I lived surrounded by women (my grandfather was the only man) had to do with my crossdressing coming out. I mean, I’m sure it is something I was born with, but the environment helped, I think.
No oldest of two brothers. Family “rumour” has it my Mum tried for a third to get herself a daughter, but we dont know how that played out.
Like many of us, I was in my early teens when I started getting into my Mum’s things. And here I sit 60 plus years later as a contented retired male, who has Caty time whenever he/she can.
Caty.
A few engineers here in this discussion, I think we’re on to something. Maybe that should be the next discussion forum question.
According to Mom she wanted a girl like most Mothers but had 3 boys instead. But her oldest son is right that now a days it seems she has a daughter. I was proud to be called a she last year and I loved it hun. So this year to be referenced again as woman. I love it. My appearance is really getting accurate to a woman’s.
I’m the oldest of 3 boys. I can remember as far back as 7 or 8 years old wondering what it was like to be a girl. I had not even thought about crossdressing. That didn’t happen until about 12 years old. Once that started there was no stopping, even though I tried. Now 70 years old and I can’t explain how much I really love dressing up in female clothing. It completes me.
Denise
Hi……….I am 3 of 4 boys. Mother grew up with sisters………..so you might think she would want a girl in there somewhere. Being 3 is like “Strike Three!!!” (bummer). Got the name …..Kim ……which is generally considered a girl name……………………..got teased a lot in school…..so I used my middle name …………….which was another set of ….problems because it was ……to exotic for a lot of people. I was told by a cousin ……swear to secrecy…………I was supposed to be a girl …………………………..later in life I asked my dad about the name …..Kim. He got very angry and claimed he didn’t know anything about that yet it’s on my birth certificate. I think mom knew about my CD because when I was 7……I found a box of girl clothes …….maybe” hope gifts” from my aunt who had girls. I would secretly wear them……………………once feel asleep after ………pleasuring myself wearing them. Woke up with a warm blanket over me………….had to have been placed by her . Brothers would have teased me……dad would have gone “insane”. She never said anything about it ……..but kept the clothes ……accessable……………………. I think she wished hard for me to be a girl ………..got a partial girl. K.
I am the last sibling in a family of all girls. I wouldn’t be surprised if a part of me did get a bit rebellious at that. I grew up having a lot of the “men’s” work foisted upon me. However, my family was still fairly progressive and didn’t see anything as “women’s” work, so I basically just got double the chores. Had to go out and shovel the snow then pop inside to help my mom cook dinner all the time.
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I’m an only child of my mothers who died about a year after giving birth to me. She had juvenile diabetes since she was very young and my birth was too much of a strain on her. Back then men didn’t raise kids on their own and Dad needed work so he left me with relatives and went north to work in the car factories.
I was passed among my aunts and both grandparents staying with one for a while then another. My aunts had many kids so I was just another one in the bunch. Of course my grandparents had no kids at home. I never tried any of my female cousins clothes but one Easter about the age of 6 or so I saw them in their pretty dresses and I just knew I wanted to wear one of those too. I thought they looked beautiful and told one of my male cousins I wanted a dress like that. Of course that was a stupid thing to say because boys don’t wear dresses. From then on the whole family treated me like the strange kid I was. My male cousins teased me all the time and the adults looked at me with suspicion. Thank goodness I got away from my mean older cousins when I went to my grandmothers.
I don’t have many memories of dad until he came back home and got married when I was about 8 and he took me in. I eventually had 4 step brothers and 2 step sisters who were too young for me to identify with. I became the babysitter, housekeeper, and herder of toddlers. I still remember back then there were no disposal diapers so….. yuck!
Dads new wife was only 10 years older than me and we fought like cats and dogs. She was very attractive and I secretly admired and lusted for her. Puberty was very confusing and difficult. At this time I began sneaking looking at her lingerie for exciting moments. Dad got tired of the fighting and maybe she told him I was going through her things… idk. He let me leave home to again live between my favorite aunt and my grandmothers home. I was a wild teenager and could dress more often then but kept my secret never telling anyone again that I liked pretty dresses.
I could never determine if I became a crossdresser and bisexual from living with all that female influence as a child with little to no male influence or maybe something happened in moms womb. I don’t know and will never know. Some questions just have no answers. I only know after decades of denial and purges I’ve finally accepted this side of myself and have found peace with it late in life no matter how it happened. It doesn’t matter. I don’t think my story is very different than most crossdressers. We of the sisterhood share many similar things.
Sorry this became so long.
Dear Michelle,
I hope that you are well and happy when you read this. I am quite impressed with your story and strictly from a form standpoint, you very clearly spelled out a complicated youth, to say the least! Thank you for that. As for content, my Gosh i don’t know how you came out of the formative decade(s) as the person I have read often. We may even be friends.
I know that there is a book in you that could tell your story. Certainly on point today. When i think of my confusing childhood, I will kick ,myself and internally shout Shut the _____ Up!
Have a good life Michelle, you deserve it.
My Very Best….Jaime
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Hi Jamie.
Thank you for your kind words. Its mentally healthy to get things off your chest but I feel I sometimes go on too long and maybe stray from the subject but if someone can identify with my journey or if it may help someone in some way then its worth it. CDH is a great place to let go of old baggage.
I too tell myself at times to just… “Shut the F up!”…. some memories just need to go away. I hope your life is better now and you are happy. Tomorrow always holds hope.
Thank you dear… we all deserve the best life we can live
Michelle
Hello and good day!! Dear Michelle, please, from my point of you, do not apologize for long descriptions of your early years. I unfortunately do not spend time here in the Forum, but when i have gotten on a roll, I was too embarrassed to say I/m sorry!! LOL My experience is that every one of us are here because we are extraordinary !!! I believe all of us are complicated and have self analyzed to the point, in my situation, to easily qualify as professional counselors to those who also had “difficult” experiences. I do not write here too often anymore because i am not really a crossdresser in the fine manner that all that i have met here strive to express. I still love to dress, but you see i was dressed very effeminately when i was young, only in very dressy boys outfits(B. 1954) updated Little Lord Fauntleroy: still wore a sailor suit or Eton suit with Buster Browns single strap and saddle shoes respectively, at ages 9 and 10. Short pants knee socks peter pan collars, evolved with time and puberty with me dressing in my sisters school uniform and other fashions that reflected what i was dressed in before 11. And a huge part of me now is the humiliation i was almost overcome by wearing such outfits to church and facing the teasing Monday at school. (Catholic school/church).
Now I apologize for being so long. But Thanks To whomever you pray to for the blessing. I hope all who read this are safe and happy. Godpeed, jamie
I’m the baby. Two older sisters. I had a normal boy’s upbringing. Nothing, in particular, that I can think of, caused me to feel like I was the wrong sex. I was also the only person who could carry on the family name & I didn’t want to disappoint my parents.
For some reason, a memory just popped into my head. When I was about 6, some friends & I were playing circus, my grandmother offered to make us up to look like clowns, using lipstick. My friend was OK with it, but I resisted. My granny soaked some red crepe paper & wiped it on my face as an alternative
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