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As I get to know more and more lovely ladies here on CDH, I’ve noticed a trend in almost all of us. I am also guilty of it. When I posted my first public photo, I was worried that it wasn’t good enough to show anybody that I actually looked like a woman. Then after I posted it, I received many positive comments from the kind ladies here. At first, I thought that they were just being kind, but as time went on, I started to look at that photo differently.
On several occasions I’ve been asked my opinion privately on friends photos. Almost all the time the lovely ladies here are looking really good, so it takes some convincing for them to share their photos. I’ve even witnessed some of our most beautiful ladies here questioning their photos. I know if we were GGs, we would know when we were looking good, but I think those of us here who are crossdressers and transitioning, are our own worst critics. So, I hope that you can see past that and post more photos of yourself, and allow your friends here to admire your beauty in your photos.
So, please share your feelings about being critical of your photos.
Hi Jennifer
What we do gives us such an insight into human nature. As I have come out to all of my female colleagues (I am part of a large female team of nurses) I feel I am now treated more like one of the girls. And as I get much more involved in girls chat I am now more in touch with how they think and feel. One thing I now know is that we are all self critical. Even girls I see as physically perfect have their insecurities and are self critical with comments like
’now you know how bad my skin looks without make up’
’I need to lose 20lbs’
‘I wish I was taller’
’my eyebrows are uneven!!’
I too am self critical when I look in the mirror, but on more than one occasion have had female colleagues say they wish they could look like me when I’ve got my Bianca on.
I have learned to love myself with all my imperfections. It is however so much fun to experiment, to be the best you can be, and not worry about what others think, because they are carrying their own insecurities as well. See the good in people, what is on the inside is far more important.
B x
OMG Yes! I’m the same way. I never feel my pictures are good enough. I do a lot of second guessing myself.
Lanna
I have to answer yes. I have always been like that no matter what I have done.
When I ran track in school I needed to beat my best time. I was always finding flaws in my uniform when I was in the military. When I wear a tie to some dressy type function, I am never satisfied with how the knot turns out. Hobbies? Same thing, “I should have done that differently.”
And so it goes with dressing. My wife will critique me and let me know if I did a good job on makeup etc., but I will usually counter with a “But I don’t like the way…”
So, yes, I can be my own worst critic.
I used to go back and forth all the time when trying to decide what photos to post. It’s really easy to nit pick myself into paralysis. I had to remind myself to not let perfect be the enemy of good.
Here’s a little trick I learned that instantly improves every photo I take.
SMILE
Yes a smile fixes any photo. You can tweak an image all you want. But if you don’t look happy what’s the point? Remember that the next time there’s a light post sticking out of your head! If you’re smiling nobody will notice you should be dead!
/EA
Oh yes! I have always been very critical of my photos, both as a male and female, and it has only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I’ve deleted 95% of the photos of myself as a woman but have recently decided that my skills with dressing and makeup have gotten to the point where it’s time to stop worrying so much, nobody’s perfect. So when I get back from Keystone I’ll post a few.
Fiona
I think I am my own worst critic. The trouble is the photos don’t pull any punches. Looking over a photo and zooming in on details can reveal a lot.
Emily says SMILE and I think that’s great advice but I find it very difficult. I sometimes take a step back and look at myself in the mirror and I’m trying so hard that I have an expression of extreme concentration on my face. I have tried to smile but it always looks faked. I need someone to tell me a joke like in the “that’s not funny” topic. I need to forget that I want everything just right and let go then maybe a smile would come through. I’m afraid that I might scare little kids with my scowl. I don’t smile much anyway no matter what personae I happen to be in. It just doesn’t come easy to me.
There is another related thing where I have this image in my head as I put the outfit together and I think it is all going to work but then I see it in a photo or in the mirror and it just doesn’t measure up to the image. At that point I have to accept it for what it is but there are so many things that could improve. But, you all know. Who can say their wardrobe is complete or that they have their makeup completely figured out? So far, as I peruse the galleries I feel like everyone does a better job than me.
JJ
I wholeheartedly agree that we are our own worst critics Jennifer. One of the major impediments we have is that we can see the person underneath which is always difficult to eliminate from what we see. Some of us are very lucky that they have natural attributes which make a transition of image easy to be passable, as for the rest of us it is a process of hiding and enhancing to the point of being acceptable in appearance as you fool some of the people some of the time but………
There are those sitting behind closed doors who have an acceptable appearance but haven’t the confidence because they are being critical of themselves.
I went through all this but as I began to show people images and then appeared in front of them the questioning all but disappeared.
In my experience, even GGs have a hard time accepting compliments and affirmations. We are all insecure in our DRAG and DRAB lives. The difference here is that we know the struggle and support each other. That doesn’t mean we tell “untruths” but we tend to support each other because we are a unique sorority.
I definitely suffer from this decease. If someone compliments my photo my thoughts are that they wouldn’t say that if they saw some of the other pics I took. I have a hard time feeling good enough. I am starting to realize that I need to stop being so self critical and just have fun with this. You are one of my friends that has helped me see that.
Hugs,
Michelle
Yes, I am as guilty as anyone of being overly self critical. I am getting better, and do occasionally share my pictures with GG friends, both because I value their comments.
Truth is, I have posted here in the past, but became concerned that pictures would be visible to non-members.
Well said Kim. this site is incredibly supportive, but the fear of someone misusing your own photo can be a concern to some.
IMHO it would be better if photos were only visible to members.
That’s good to know, Jenn. Thanks!
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When I presented as a male before I came out to the wife I didn’t give much thought about what I was wearing or even if I had shaved or not. Presenting as a female is a whole other game and now living in the pink fog, I critique everything from my skin to my clothes, etc. Never before, but now I have a daily skin care routine and something like a pimple, spot, or stray hairs are a big concern. I don’t have pics here because I don’t think I could ever look close to passable like the beautiful ladies pics on CDH.
Ok Jen, you and me again. There are 2 levels of ladies here. One are those poster girls , like you, that wake up with the desire to perfect their craft every day. The other are those like me that wake up every day knowing we won’t be a poster girl, doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy our lives. The wonderful thing about us all is that we support each other in what we try to do. We can all be comfortable in the hand we are dealt. Love ya sis.
I still think you are a beautiful woman. Lorraine, so you have proven my point that we are all too critical of our photos and presentations.
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