As a crossdresser, do you consider yourself to be a "real man"?

This poll asks if you consdier yourself to be a real man.

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  • Yes
  • Yes, but...
  • No, but...
  • No
  • Other
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  • #673283
    Holly Morris
    Participant
    Registered On: April 15, 2022
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    Hi ladies.

    This poll may upset a few of you, but I’m posting it because some have taken umbrage at a few comments I’ve made that as crossdressers, we’re not real men. I’ve received messages like, “I’m straight, I just like to dress like a woman, so I’m a real man” or, “I just enjoy the transformation into a woman for a little while, but I’m still a real man,” and so on.

    Well guess what? I disagree with you.

    Why? Because what we as crossdressers do is not anything a real man would ever think about doing, much less look forward to doing and do on a regular basis. If you feminize yourself to the degree of removing all your body hair, painting your nails pretty colors, using shapewear to simulate the wonderful curves that a real woman has, and then put on lingerie and stockings, a dress, makeup, jewelry, perfume, high heels, and a wig and then go out in public to be seen as a woman, guess what? You’re NOT A REAL MAN! And that’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with that!

    But again, a real man wouldn’t do the things we do. If you see a pretty woman wearing a nice dress, you’re looking at her differently than a real man does. A real man looks at her and wonders if she’d go out with him, whereas you’re looking at her dress and wondering how it would look on you. When a sexy woman walks down the road, a real man sees that cute wiggle, whereas you’re looking at her and making notes. And on and on and on…

    In other words, there are differences between real men and us, which is just fine.

    So of course, that got me to wondering…

    As a crossdresser, do you consider yourself to be a “real man”? And by that, I mean a real man as the world and society defines him. The alpha male. The head of the household. The strong male who doesn’t exhibit emotions. The male who is masculine and wouldn’t have it any other way. In other words, the true male stereotype of what a man is supposed to be.

    I don’t, and I’m not. And I’m just fine with that.

    Hugs,

    Holly

Viewing 63 reply threads
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    • #686541
      Lola Caprice
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      Registered On: May 26, 2021
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      I can see a beautiful woman, admire her, desire her (but it stops there because I’m a devoted husband) all while wishing I could get my eye makeup to look as good as hers.  What does that make me?  Oh wait…I don’t CARE! 🤣

      I consider myself a real man because I spent my early adulthood concentrating on being a good husband, father, and provider for my family.  That’s MY definition of a “real man”.  Does the fact that I have now allowed myself to explore my feminine side and I own breast forms in three different cups sizes make me any less a man?  I say no.  I earned that right.  But does it also mean that I fall somewhere on a trans scale from 0 – 10 where 0 = your definition of a “real man” and 10 = fully transitioned living as a woman, yeah…probably 2 or 3.  And I’m totally ok with that.

      Thanks for your post, it really generated some great responses!

      💖💋🎉👗👄💄👩Lola

      (With all the emojis I could find to make me feel girly again after my testostrone laced reply 😊)

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      • #686542
        April Sinclair
        Duchess
        Registered On: April 29, 2022
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        Awesome great take!

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    • #686525
      J J
      Lady
      Registered On: September 13, 2019
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      I have do disagree with your initial premise of what a “real man” is.  Real men do not have to be the caveman you seem to think they are. I look in a pretty woman in a dress and think wow, what a beautiful woman and I would love to pursue her if I were not married. I do that dressed or not. I also look at how she is dressed and think both that it complements here well and whether I would look good in in. I honestly think a lot of “real men” fantasize about women’s clothes, there are just not man enough to try them on.

       

      “In other words, there are differences between real men and us, which is just fine.” No, there is a difference between you and your definition of real men, please do not lump us all into your category. No doubt many here feel as you do, but that does not make those of us who think differently not “real”.

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      • #686643
        Holly Morris
        Lady
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
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        Hi JJ, thanks for your reply.

        That’s what I love about these polls — they drive discussion and get people animated and expressing different perspectives and points of view.

        Now that said, let me also say that your response to me lumps me into a category (your words) just as quickly as you believe I did to others. That’s never my intention with these polls I post. I post topics that will let people have fun, that will get people talking, and that will get people thinking. Why? Because there are a LOT of different points of view in the world and as crossdressers, we need to be aware of them as they can affect us and impact our lives. That’s the point of discussion and different points of view. And by the way, I will sometimes voice a particular point of view in order to help stimulate discussion on the topic. Whether you believe that is my real personal opinion is up to you to decide for yourself.

        So I hope you continue to read and respond to all my polls, as sometimes they’re fun, sometimes they’re controversial, sometimes they’re designed to foster discussion.

        Hugs,

        Holly

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      • #686538
        April Sinclair
        Duchess
        Registered On: April 29, 2022
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        Appreciate your comments. Ditto

    • #686471
      Michelle Trott
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 7, 2021
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      I have been told that I am a mans man with a strong presence. When I am dressed I am just another woman.

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      • #686644
        Holly Morris
        Lady
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
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        Hi Michelle.

        Believe it or not, so have I, which at times makes it really fun. It’s kind of like being a superhero with a secret identity!

        Hugs,

        Holly

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    • #681751
      Davina
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: April 15, 2022
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      Holly, thank you for another very thoughtful and interesting poll. I answered “ yes, but”. I love the many diverse responses from our friends here at CDH. That is what I love about this site. We can comment, disagree, agree but it is always with mutual respect.
      For me, I would separate the term “man” with male. Yes, I am male. I am married, have three children and 12 grandchildren. I worked for 53 years with one company to raise my family. I am now retired. I played sports such as football, basketball and baseball as a male. To that degree, yes I consider myself a “real man”.

      The “But” for me is that if a real man is considered to be of the “macho” type, then no I am not. I am a male who has always had feminine thoughts and desires. I always identified myself more closely with my mom than my dad. I like to clean, do housework, but am a terrible cook. Thank God for my wife feeding me! I go to the hair salon and have my hair permed and roller set. Yet, I chop wood, mow lawns and do the other things that many males do for 95% of my time. Again, “but”, I love to wear dresses, nylons, heels, bras,  panties and other female lingerie.
      For me, in summary, I am a male (therefore a man, by definition), who loves to wear female clothes and by definition am a crossdresser and I am damn proud to be one!!

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    • #681738
      Stephaniewy
      Lady
      Registered On: September 24, 2021
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      I have been a manly man for all my life, but knew deep down that I had a fem side as well.  Just no outlet for that side so kept that desire hidden.  Now I am in my early 60’s and trying to let the macho man go and embrace my stephanie side.  Its hard living in a small rural town where everyone knows you as a macho man.  Stephanie loves to come out when home alone or traveling or camping.  Lots of underdresing when out and about locally.  My wife understands and is supportive to the point where I can dress with her around.  Sometimes I feel like the desire is steamrolling full steam ahead and the pink fog is thick.  Cant believe I am  eagerly awaiting cooler temps so I can paint my toenails, wear my leggings etc.

    • #681735
      Deborah Sullivan
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      Registered On: February 27, 2020
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      Just know I have always been passive and submissive and much prefer being a wife and living the life of a woman

    • #681718
      Kelly Lee
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: February 26, 2018
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      I never been this macho man, alpha male, “real man”, and I never been interested in trying to be it. In male mode I aim more for blend in and hide. I understand if some people are attracted to the macho stuff but count me out of that.

      Now, the “real women” and I’m not talking about what you mostly see on the streets today, I mean the look of a well dressed women in good makeup, skirt/dress and heels and so on. That is something I been more interested in to look like.

      However, the way society seems to move today it seems like everyone, man or women and everything in between, dress the same. As this continue, in 100 years will you be able to tell the gender of a person by looking at what they wear? And the rest, will we see more techie women and more men do fashion/beauty stuff (or whatever your stereotypical male/female work/task is)?

      /kt

    • #678250
      Lovisa Kevätdóttir
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 11, 2022
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      Heading that viewpoint I now agree with you lol. Stated facts. <3

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    • #677349
      Jenny Liu
      Lady
      Registered On: January 27, 2022
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      For me, it has to be dependent upon whether I am crossdressed or not.  When I am crossdressed, I “transform” into a woman; think/act like Jenny.  But when not crossdressed, I am just a regular guy doing guy things.

      As of now, my Jenny time is still quite scarce (due to multiple personal factors).  I wish I had more Jenny time.  As I progresses through life (time), hopefully in ten years time, I’ll be 90% Jenny!

       

      Jenny

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    • #677004
      Trish White
      Baroness
      Registered On: December 2, 2021
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      Hi Holly, in answer to the poll I consider myself a real man when I’m in boy mode just as I consider myself a real girl when I’m in girl mode. Simple as that, like if said before there are two people living in our bodies and they are both totally valid people.

      Trish

    • #676937
      Jessica Ann Flowers
      Registered On: July 18, 2021
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      Hello,  Ladies:

      What an interesting,  intriguing question.  Holy, thank you for asking it.

      I answered no, but…

      For me I have always struggled with my sense of my own masculinity.  I am not a big, strong, manly man. Add to that the I am a crossdresser with bi-curious leanings and you get a person who has self-esteem issues  in that area.

      I have often wondered what woman would ever want me. I’ve have often wondered if I have in me what it takes, masculinity wise, to please and fulfill a woman. I mean that emotionally, romantically and sexualy.  Add to the equation that I have never had a girlfriend  and maybe you can begin to understand just where it is that I am coming from.

      What is a man; a real one or other wise? For that fact what is a woman? We all know what society has traditionally told us what each of those are supposed to be. But the older I get (I’m 51 now), the more I realize that there is no one way to be a man or a woman. Anymore then there is no one way to be transgendered.

      I guess that in the end I am my own unique example of what a real man is. I’m no hunk, I’m no macho man’s man. I have effeminate ways to a certain extent,  love wearing a dress with my breast forms underneath. But the masculine side of me is a real,  natural part of me that has his own unique voice and way of just simply being. So yes, I am a real man.

      As to the but in my answer. I do have a feminine side that likes to come out and play sometimes. That side of me crys out more and more for her time in the sun these  days, that’s definitely for sure.

      I don’t know.  In the end what is that I really want is to have the sense of comfort and self confidence to allow either side of me to have there day in the sun when ever it is that they want it. Heck, maybe even to let them both  feel the suns rays at the same time. All that I know is that either way I very likely will be underdressing. Love, love, love my bra and panties. And don’t even get me started on Gloria Vanderbilt jeans.

      • #676987
        Gwyneth
        Lady
        Registered On: January 21, 2021
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        Jessica,

        I am one who is much like you are. I was athletic in an earlier life. Good, but certainly not great. Married twice. Neither fulfilling. For anyone! So I think I would make someone a much better wife. Really!

        Gwyn

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    • #675866
      Felicity D’Amor
      Lady
      Registered On: July 16, 2020
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      First of all I would like to greet all of you girls and sisters, because I haven’t been in the forums for a long time and I realize that the discussion is interesting with valuable points of view, reading them makes me feel that I am not alone and that there are others like me , many like us who enjoy being ourselves although many times society despises us and we must repress ourselves from being ourselves without masks… I don’t know you girls, but I would really be very lucky to have friends like you in my real life and not only virtual… as for the subject, the complicated thing is to define what is real and what is not, and that would be a never-ending discussion, we are all real men, that is a factual fact without discussion, the other is the differences in the levels of identification or not with masculine and feminine identity, which is difficult to standardize as a physical law, because if we are human beings, it is diverse and different, never duplicated, kisses girls and I hope to continue enter more frequently to the forum felicity

      • #686533
        Lola Caprice
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        Registered On: May 26, 2021
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        Thanks Felicity.  I too have been gone for a while and just recently returned.  I’m glad we’re both back.  Also, I really appreciate your point of view on this subject.  I will post my own response butit wont be as elequently stated as yours.

        💖Lola

    • #675688
      Staci Gal
      Lady
      Registered On: August 9, 2022
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      I do not want to be a woman, I just want to dress like one…

      • #686539
        Lola Caprice
        Lady
        Registered On: May 26, 2021
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        Amen sister!

        💖Lola

    • #675617
      Cerys Burton
      Lady
      Registered On: February 2, 2021
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      “Why? Because what we as crossdressers do is not anything a real man would ever think about doing”
      Utter tosh!
      Define what a “real man” would or would not do…. So many real men these days shave all their body hair, use hair products, moisturisers, have manicures, trim and fuss, use fragrances that are almost identical to female perfumes…. All of these things would have been laughed at or mocked not that many years ago.
      I am a man. Am I a real man? Who knows. I look like a man. I walk like a man. I talk like a man. I think like a man. I haven’t shaved my body hair (other than legs). I’m a man. Yes I love to dress as a woman, but when in male mode, I don’t wear male fragrances, pink shirts, or anything else that the modern man wears…. The various things that have been branded as feminising men, I do not do in male mode. As far as I can tell, I am a real man, but one that loves to wear female clothing. it doesn’t change who, or what I am.

      Cerys.

    • #675226
      Raquel Smith
      Lady
      Registered On: August 26, 2021
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      Holly,

      I voted “other”.

      The poll doesn’t upset me. What upsets me is what I see as your narrow definition of what a real man is. That viewpoint, that mindset, that attitude in the population at large is what forces many of us to be ashamed, embarrassed, scared to be honest about who we really are. It’s extremely binary.

      I’m so much more than a man. I’m Raquel, dammit!

      I still love you, though. 😉

      Much love,
      Raquel

      • #677027
        Jessica Ann Flowers
        Registered On: July 18, 2021
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        And there is definitely nothing wrong with being that, Rachel. As my beloved mother would always say to me, “What ever floats your boat.” Here’s to hoping that the more we are true to ourselves the more that our boat will grow into a yacht.

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      • #675266
        Holly Morris
        Lady
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
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        Hi Raquel (and others as well).

        First, let me say again that I value all of the varied and diverse opinions and replies to all the polls that I post here. Those differing perspectives are what fosters great discussions and helps to open people’s eyes and minds.

        Second, just because I post a poll doesn’t necessarlly mean that is always my opinion or perspective. A lot of times I’ll write something to support a question or poll topic to help stimulate discussion (like this one apparently did!).

        Third, it’s better to have diverse perspectives on every topic than only one narrowly defined opinion — that’s part of the problem with politics and leadership around the world today. People state that they’ve gotten more “open and diverse”, but in reality they’ve actually gotten more narrow-minded and closed to other opinions that don’t align with their own. And just like you said, Raquel, that is part of the problem.

        So…, do I get upset when someone, even you Raquel, disagrees with me and what I’ve written?

        No.

        That’s the great thing about a forum like this one. If you don’t like what I wrote, post your own poll, write an article from your perspective, put your opinion in writing, etc. It’s all good and it all helps to open up discussions.

        You see, the one thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is that I don’t have all the answers, and I can learn something from everyone. Everyone has their own unique set of circumstances and experiences that they’ve gone through that shapes their view of the world and how they respond to things. That is not something I can argue with, since I’ve not lived their life.

        So keep them coming, ladies! And unless all my sisters here on CDH tell me they don’t like my polls, I’ll keep trying to think up interesting topics to post that will continue to challenge you and make you think.

        Hugs,

        Holly

        • #677089
          Trish White
          Baroness
          Registered On: December 2, 2021
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          Hi Holly,

          That was very well written and, from my perspective, very accurate and to the point.

          thanks girl,

          Trish ❤️

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        • #675382
          Gwyneth
          Lady
          Registered On: January 21, 2021
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          Holly,

          I want to be like you when I grow up.

          Gwyn

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          • #675582
            Holly Morris
            Lady
            Registered On: April 15, 2022
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            Gwyn, thank you! That is so sweet and nice of you to say!

            Hugs,

            Holly

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      • #675255
        Lara Tucker
        Lady
        Registered On: September 29, 2021
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        👍🏻

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    • #675159
      Rhonda Lee
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
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      Good insights from all. I personally don’t believe experiencing my fem side makes me any less a man. In some ways I am more of a man because a “real man” to my mind is unafraid of taking risks, of exploring truth that many fear doing because,  for many, image and conforming to norms of society is more important than being authentic. Truth be told, every man has feminine characteristics, but some just don’t want to admit it or explore it. Such men miss out on a lot by denying  and/or being afraid to explore what is true. Women have a lot to offer. All men can benefit from deeper exploration. Most men with open minds will likely find there is a part of themselves which is truly feminine and is meant to be explored and enjoyed. We are complex beings. We can’t be all we can be by denying we have any feminine aspects. Is a man not “real” if he cries, empathizes, enjoys the feel of nylon, the color pink, or many other things society has us believe are reserved exclusively for women? I believe real men should be unafraid to explore everything about themselves without fear that they may discover pleasures thought by many to be reserved for women and, if finding such, feel they must deny what they discover to be their personal truth if they are to remain “real” men. I, for one, have no desire to be such a “real” man. I prefer to be my authentic self, whoever that may be.

    • #675054
      Cece X
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      Registered On: April 8, 2020
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      I am a real man. A bisexual real man even. I have no interest in being anything other than a hairy, masculine man. Whether my partner is a man or a woman, whether I am wearing femme wear or masculine clothes or a combination of both, I am a real man. I have no interest whatsoever in embracing any feminine identity.

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    • #675047
      Katherine Boesemann
      Lady
      Registered On: October 6, 2019
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      I consider myself a man (an authentic one) – every inch a man – and I thoroughly enjoy being a man.

      I may not be wildly good-looking in a movie star sort of way, but I seem to posses a range of masculine attributes that make me attractive and desirable to women – and I thoroughly enjoy the attention they pay me as a man!

      I am strongly attracted to women and love all their feminine attributes, whether physical or behavioural.

      I enjoy the “femininity” of women so powerfully, that I sometimes wish to emulate them – to become like them – to BE them and merge with them in their circles.

      I therefore have a fantasy persona (a female one) that allows me to enter this intriguing and thrilling “woman’s world” (at least, the way I imagine it).

      I therefore don the garb of a woman from time to time, in order to enter this female universe where I experience bliss and relaxation – a wonderful “holiday” from my life as a man (with all its attendant social pressures).

      Much as I enjoy parading (and masquerading) as a woman – whether housewife or elegant secretary – I have no desire to be “permanently trapped” in the body or social roles of a woman.

      This may seem hypocritical, but I cannot see that I do anybody any harm by engaging in this fantasy – least of all, myself.

      Love,
      Katherine

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      • #675168
        Marlene Roberts
        Lady
        Registered On: December 9, 2019
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        Many years ago 10-20?) there was a saying (commercial/ad?) that stated roughly “real men do not eat Quiche”. My reply to that was “real men eat what they damn well want to!” So with everything. Best. Marlene.

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      • #675166
        Marlene Roberts
        Lady
        Registered On: December 9, 2019
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        I agree: Well put. Best, Marlene.

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    • #674315
      Lissa
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 31, 2015
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      Real men are boring men who have not bothered to find the time to discover all the things that this life can bring you and your body, Too bad they are going to miss out on one of lifes real pleasures.
      I am not a real man and thats ok. X

      • This reply was modified 2 months ago by Lissa.
      • This reply was modified 2 months ago by Lissa.
    • #674314
      Peta Mari
      Lady
      Registered On: September 30, 2020
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      I’m a real man. I have fathered 2 sons.  Therefore my genetics / chromosomes / DNA are that of a man.

      A couple of centuries ago, men painted their nails and wore makeup. They wore leggings and high heeled boots. They wore frilly and colorful outfits. Smocks and frocks were daily wear. And stockings. And perfumes.

      Anyways fast forever a few centuries, i happens to be a man who enjoys wearing traditional manly garb.

      • #675172
        Marlene Roberts
        Lady
        Registered On: December 9, 2019
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        Why oh why do we men let ladies dictate what we cannot wear or not wear?; OK some kick over the traces like CDs but the vast majority do not. Women have stolen all the good stuff in men’s clothes and make up that men used to wear in earlier centuries as mentioned above, and made it almost impossible to wear what we used to wear. without scorn We need to strike back.

        [Interesting to me is that in the early nineteenth century at the time of the Napoleonic Wars men were all fancied up and the women wore bosom/breast baring dresses. Well sadly, to me, the men gave up the fancy garb, and it is a pity, to me, that women gave up their very decollete dress.]

        Best, Marlene.

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    • #674046
      Jill Quinn
      Lady
      Registered On: July 24, 2021
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      Holly,

      First off, since when do we care what society says? Aren’t we all here because we’re figuratively giving the bird to those so called “rules”? Too many in that same society say that the LGBTQ+ community have no rights, and that women don’t own the rights to their own bodies. A lot of them would also say that we’re all going to Hell for wearing womenswear. Personally, I think way too many people in our society are a bunch of raving lunatics that I wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire.

      Now I respect your point of view and can even understand it, and on a case by case basis might agree with you,  but overall I have to disagree and here’s why.

      Long before I ever embraced my feminine side, I was called a lot of things (nothing complimentary) because I didn’t own a truck, drink beer, pound long lines of women, hate and torture cats, or I didn’t hunt (I do now but for myself not them) or a hundred other silly reasons, but never was I called a “man”.

      After a lot of thought about it, I came to the conclusion that a man, a real man, is a guy who takes care of his responsibilities in an honest, lawful, and honorable manner. A real man also never uses force to hurt others expect when defending himself or others. This also means he protects women and children from harm. A real man also makes mistakes and acknowledges them and tries to make up for them

      So, if a man takes care of his family by sewing doll clothes and selling them, or he’s a pastry chef, an interior decorator, or whatever his job is, it doesn’t matter. He’s just as much of a man as a mechanic or a plumber. And what he does to make himself feel good, as long as it doesn’t violate the criteria I mentioned, is a man, even if he likes to wear women’s clothing and embrace his feminine half.

      With much respect and love for my sisters, Jill

      • #681747
        Davina
        Duchess - Annual
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
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        Jill, I LOVE your response!

        2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #674235
        Holly Morris
        Lady
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
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        Hi Jill.

        Thanks for your reply! I truly love your reply because it shows the diversity of thought even here within our little community, as well as sparks continued discussion on the topic, which is always good.

        Thanks again!

        Hugs,

        Holly

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        • #674272
          Jill Quinn
          Lady
          Registered On: July 24, 2021
          Topics: 2
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          Hi Holly,

          You’re very welcome and thank you for the thought-provoking question. It’s clearly a question that has been on my mind for a long time.

          Hugs, Jill

          4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #674233
        Janet Woodham
        Lady
        Registered On: January 21, 2021
        Topics: 1
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        I have never been a “real man” and I am no longer prepared to try. In many ways I am very feminine and finding peace in accepting that fact.

        Thank you for such a well-expressed post, Holly.

        Janet x

    • #673908
      Lea
      Lady
      Registered On: March 23, 2016
      Topics: 90
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      I feel more “man” than most non-CD men because my manliness beautifully includes my womanliness without any reservation.

      Want to face off in sports, I can do it in a dress. Want to drown in pints of beer, I can do it in cute wedges (heels are risky). Want to debate for hours, I can do it with a bra on and panties underneath. Want to race, I’ll do it in flats. Want a bodyguard, I’ll do it carrying a crossbody purse. Want a shoulder to lean on, I’ll do it wearing a necklace. Want help moving, I’ll do it in skinny jeans.

      Nothing I wear changes the fact that I am a man, who could be a woman, and feels like both.

      • #674043
        Katherine Boesemann
        Lady
        Registered On: October 6, 2019
        Topics: 5
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        Brilliantly articulated.  I feel the same.

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      • #673929
        Aurora Borealis
        Duchess
        Registered On: October 25, 2021
        Topics: 1
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        I think youre spot on.  Aurora B.

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    • #673894
      Lisa Leigh
      Lady
      Registered On: April 20, 2022
      Topics: 5
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      I voted No.
      When I’m dressed as a female I am Lisa. I have never felt like “a man in a dress”. I know other people may see us like that, but I don’t feel that. My mannerisms are that of a woman. I think, feel and react as a woman. I am a different person. Sometimes even when I am dressed as a man I need to hold back my female persona. Sometimes Lisa will poke thru if I get excited. I guess you could say with me it’s a state of mind, not physical so much.
      One big difference is as a man I have no interest in other men only women. I will admit at times those that look like a women I am attracted too. As Lisa I desire other cross dressers, women and maybe an attractive man or two. I have always called myself a bisexual male lesbian, it kind of covers it all!
      I think if I ever sat down with the psychologist he would probably diagnose me with dual personalities. But ever since a very young age I always felt I was female, but was told by my mother to keep it to myself (long story).
      I do dress up in lingerie, stocking and other fineries with the wife for our pleasure. Once I threw on a dress over myself and she surprisingly protested! Saying that it hurt her image of me as a man! But I can wear lingerie and it doesn’t? But that’s on the outside. On the Inside, when dressed and sometimes when I’m not, I really don’t feel male but rather female.

      Lisa Leigh

    • #673817
      Alison Anderson
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
      Topics: 15
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      I am a real man. I’m a faux woman.

      I think you’re succumbing to the belief that if a woman exudes masculine traits, she is still a real woman, but if a man exudes feminine traits, he is not a real man. Just because I hate “macho” doesn’t take away my man card.

      Removing body hair is not masculine? What about swimmers, cyclists, or boxers? How about male porn stars? A few months ago the woman who waxes me told me she had waxed a man who was about to get married. Biblical priests had to shave their bodies before performing certain duties. I had a friend who had no body hair because of medications he was taking.

      Wearing a dress or skirt is not masculine? I’ll bet almost every man has worn a towel as a skirt when coming out of the shower, or has worn a bathrobe wrap dress. The Scottish wear kilts, male hula dancers wear grass skirts, and other cultures have men wearing skirt like garments. (Look at Star Trek: The Original Series episode The Apple.) Boxers sometimes enter the ring wearing a satin wrap dress. The head of a certain religion wears a dress but gets away with it by calling it a robe. People in the desert used to wear kaftans (think Laurence of Arabia). Scrooge and Wee Willie Winkle wore nightgowns. Renaissance and colonial noblemen wore blouses with lacy plackets and lacy trumpet sleeves. High heels were originally designed for men, and can still be found on cowboy boots. Robin Hood is usually depicted wearing a tunic, and Friar Tuck a dress. Roman chariot drivers wore miniskirts. Greek men wore togas. Everyone on The Flintstones was wearing a dress.

      Actors wear makeup. TV personalities wear makeup to undo what the harsh TV lights do. Native Americans wore war paint. Catchers sometimes wear nail polish so the pitcher can see the signs easier. Men now wear jewelry including earrings.

      I can tell you that I would love to be able to go out wearing a skirt or dress and not have to make myself look like a woman. But men who dress in obvious (as opposed to androgynous) women’s clothing are ridiculed, stared at (and today people will take photos and post them online), or questioned. I don’t feel like having to explain myself every time I go out, so I learned how to make myself look like a woman. Over the years I have come to enjoy the whole process, but that’s not my core needs. Also, both men and women treat women differently and have different expectations. Sometimes we just want to be treated differently.

      You can’t make generalizations on what men are thinking. Maybe they’re thinking the woman is too “girly” or high maintenance, or “She’s out of my league,” or “If only I were X years younger.” Maybe the man is gay and doesn’t look at her with any interest. Are any of these people not real men?

      No one fits the stereotype exactly. We all venture outside that stereotype. Football player Rosie Greer did needlepoint. There are plenty of male designers of women’s clothing, or chefs. How many times have you heard of alpha males going to a dominatrix because he wants someone else to make decisions for a time? If you lose a close family member, males will still show emotion.

      I think your definition of a “real man” is just a fantasy. We’re complex beings with complex needs.

      • #673880
        Holly Morris
        Lady
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
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        Hi Alison.

        I love your reply! These are the types of answers I love seeing because this type of response really helps open the door to further extended discussion on the nature of gender, femininity, masculinity, etc.

        Thanks again.

        Hugs,

        Holly

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    • #673766
      Danni Ash
      Lady
      Registered On: October 24, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      I answered yes-but. It seems that I have a split persona, part of me is masculine though I have never been what you would call a manly man and part of me has always been what would be considered feminine. My mother noticed that from the time when I was very young and just let me be who I was. There were times that I would do what was considered boy things and then there were times that I would play dress up and she just went along with it and never tried to stop me from being me. One Halloween I didn’t want to dress up as the usual Wolfman or Superman but wanted to be a Bobby Soxer form the 50’s so she helped me dress like one. She went all out to help me be just what I wanted complete with hose, panties, bra, poodle skirt and even saddle shoes and bobby socks. She did my makeup and wig so that I would look my best and then let me take my younger siblings’ trick or treating, the best part was that some people thought that it was nice of me being a good sister and taking the younger kids out. I have been dealing with this most of my life and I have gotten to the age that I am going to be who I am and if people don’t like it then they can stuff it. I am a part time man and a part time woman and whichever part of who I am shows up on any given day is total and complete. Yes, I am a man and I am a woman and being a Gemini I feel that it just comes naturally.

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    • #673745
      Pattie Obarito
      Lady
      Registered On: December 25, 2019
      Topics: 14
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      I am a man. regardless of what I wear (or wish I could wear daily). in all the ways that matter, I am a real man. as I have stated elsewhere, a man takes care of his family, is a provider, is a protector, nurtures his children, loves and never mistreats his wife, and other things.

      for me, my dressing is like a man who is not an alcoholic but throws back a few beers now and then, maybe even gets a little drunk. sometimes you just gotta bust loose, right?

      but that hypothetical man doesn’t abandon his family or do something irresponsible for the sake of getting drunk. some CD’s let dressing take over their life. they reach a point where they are willing to sacrifice their marriage/family/job/etc. and choose their lifestyle over everything else.

      that isn’t me. what I wear takes low priority compared to everything else.

      having said that, if I happen to be underdressed at the time when I need to defend my family, I am not going to be thinking about my underwear. I will be thinking about winning the fight, whether it requires hand to hand or precise trigger control. if my kids need food, my budget will not be spent on more clothing for my collection. if my wife needs a doctor, my clothing can wait. and so forth.

      a man can still be a man even if he has a hobby that is decidedly unmanly. That just means he is not a stereotypical man.

    • #673734
      Anonymous
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      I have to pretend to be a man 95 % of the time for my family who expects me to be a brother and son.  When I’m alone I get to be a woman which I cherish.

    • #673726
      Rozalyn Richards
      Lady
      Registered On: July 27, 2022
      Topics: 0
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      Hi Holly,

      I try to be a man when I’m in man mode but most of the time i fail I’m always looking round at the ladies when I’m out and about it’s not that I’m lusting after them it’s that I’m looking at what they are wearing and thinking to myself would i look good in what they are wearing, have you seen what a lot of the young girls are wearing them very tight leggings it’s like they are wearing a second skin, I’m not sure i would get away with wearing something like that,

      Hugs Rozalyn X

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    • #673699
      Kris Burton
      Lady
      Registered On: August 6, 2022
      Topics: 1
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      The term “real man” has far too many negative connotations for me to associate myself with that designation. As a person, I have both positive and negative personality characteristics, but none of them have anything to do with my gender or sexual orientation. If anything, my crossdressing enhances my humanity as it frees me from the restrictive stereotypes of the “real man”. If my proclivity for crossdressing disqualifies me from being a “real man” I will gladly turn over my man card. Hence, I vote “other” as I choose not to be so narrowly defined.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #673635
      Greta La Folle
      Lady
      Registered On: August 6, 2022
      Topics: 6
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      I ladies

      In my opinion it is useless to argue on this issue since the perception of what one is like is very personal.

      Many of us want to be as feminine as possible, but don’t accept being labeled as transgender MTF because that would affect their perception of the gender identity they have of themselves and flaunt in public.

      To make peace, I would divide the MtoF CDs between wearers of women’s clothing and impersonators of female characters. And this regardless of whether they profess to be real men or not.

      As far as I am concerned, I do not ask myself the problem and I do not consider it of vital importance, being a sexually versatile and sentimentally polyamorous person.

      I currently wear 90% of men’s clothing, but under my underwear including socks it is totally feminine for the remaining 10%.
      If someone asked me to choose between being able to live male like Mr. La Folle or female as Mrs. La Folle I would have no doubts in saying that I would like to be Greta 24h a day for the rest of my life, women’s clothes are much more beautiful and more comfortable than men’s and then how wonderful to be able to leave the house finally wearing make-up and have the opportunity to go to the beautician a couple of times a month.

      Then if this means that for someone else I do not have to consider myself a real man it is not my problem …… I repeat I do not get my morals explained by someone who goes up to the pulpit wearing a long skirt to give me the sermon.

      I prefer to be defined as a real human, my soul has no gender, because love has no gender!

      XOXOX from Italy
      Greta 💜❤️💙💚💛

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    • #673623
      Kimberly Ann Victoria
      Lady
      Registered On: September 6, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      I don’t consider myself a real man, I love feminine things

    • #673610
      Revel
      Baroness
      Registered On: December 5, 2020
      Topics: 15
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      Yes, but…

      What I mean by a “real man” is a real person who has a strong masculine side, and is content being a man. However, I also have a very strong feminine side, and I LOVE being a woman part-time! I’m not a macho man. I’m a man who has a feminine side, and frankly, being a CD makes us more balanced and more level headed people. So in that sense, we’re better men. Ha-ha. 😆

      Rev

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    • #673599
      Carolyn Kay
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: August 25, 2016
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      I answered “other” because, I feel I have never really fit in any definite gender label. I know I am different from most people out there but, I know I am a “real person”, and a good person. I find definite comfort when I am femme dressed, something so many just cannot understand.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #673556
      Kelli Marlowe
      Lady
      Registered On: August 4, 2020
      Topics: 13
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      I spend less than 10 percent of my waking hours en femme, the rest of my time is in male mode, doing male work/hobbies-sports, cars.
      I never miss an attractive girl on the street or in a store, and my foremost thought is that of most any heretosexual male. I do, at times, take note of what the girl is wearing and would it look good on me.
      The little time I spend as Kelli is merely an escape from the stresses of the world, I’m still a lot closer to the real man image than anywhere else.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #673550
      Marlie Shyly
      Lady
      Registered On: January 26, 2020
      Topics: 0
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      Originally, I voted yes but, because I have a hard time seeing past the male I have always been. I do all those non-alpha male things. I don’t have the ability to go all out dressed as my wife is staunchly opposed to it. I would like to. So I spend my time observing and practicing what I can. After reading this, I have to change my vote to no but,. Estrogen has made me sterile and shrunk my ability to get an erection(not that anybody would be able to see). I loved the read Holly.

       

      Marlie

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    • #673545
      Amanda Woods
      Lady
      Registered On: November 26, 2019
      Topics: 1
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      Has thanked: 181 times
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      I would like to be more feminine, i used to think i was 75% or more male and 25 % more female but the older i get, i feel more like 50/50 and who knows what it will be in the future.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #673542
      Elizabeth(Liz)
      Lady
      Registered On: October 7, 2021
      Topics: 36
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      At the end of the day, I believe I am and always will be a man.I believe God created me as a man even though at times I don’t think I am. I base this on my Christian faith of which I make no apology for. I just love to wear female clothing. I look at a woman in a skirt and say wonder how that would look on me. I certainly don’t want to transition because I don’t believe God doesn’t want me to. If he’d wanted me to be a woman he’d have formed me as one. I’m not trying to force my opinion on anybody I’m just expressing my opinions. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me and I respect your opinion to disagree but I respect people to respect my opinion

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    • #673536
      Natalie Sierra
      Lady
      Registered On: August 20, 2022
      Topics: 3
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      I consider my self a real man. I love to dress up as a woman at times but could never live as one . Im assertive in every day life and not submissive. In fact crossdressing has made me more confident in my male body.. after shaving my legs and wearing dresses and skirts that emphasize my figure, I see my body as beautiful. It’s hard to explain but for me I don’t see it as dressing up as a women but as just wearing MY clothes . Which happen to be clothes made for women. Then again I’m a little different from most CDs because I have no interest in shapewear or wigs.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #673531
      ANDREA RAVEN
      Lady
      Registered On: December 21, 2017
      Topics: 6
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      I voted ‘Other’, let me explain. Firstly you have to define what you mean by ‘real man’, if it is the very macho man with his friends in a bar talking loudly, loud laughter, sexist ‘jokes’ making sexist comments at women in the bar, then that is certainly not me, and never has been. But if you think about it, I live part of my time as a woman, I have a very strong feminine side, I have two female friends that consider me to be a woman, but I have to live in the real world, I have struggled for a good proportion of my life trying to work out who I am on my own, at the same time doing a very manly job and bringing up a family, I have been through hell and back, suffered from a poor educational system that failed to recognise my dyslexia, but I fought through to be the very proud and strong person I am now. I managed to do that, mostly on my own, because I have a very strong will power and strong work ethic, I don’t give up……..  The result is a very loving caring supportive person, no I may not be a ‘real man’ when compared to Mr Macho man in the bar, but I am a much stronger person in many ways. All of us on here have to balance our feminine side with what the world expects from us, in many cases it’s not easy, but we manage somehow, because we are strong, in the eyes of the world we may not be ‘real men’, we are much better than that, we our true selves……………..

      • #673580
        Holly Morris
        Lady
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
        Topics: 88
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        Hi Andrea.

        I agree with you, and would go so far as to say that those of us who crossdress are actually much stronger in many ways than the stereotypical “real man” that I reference in my poll. Why? Because we’ve had to deal with not only the typical male issues, but also with a myriad of other issues that real men aren’t even aware of, so they never have to deal with. Being crossdressers puts us in a unique position to not only observe life from both sides of the gender divide, but also to participate in it from both sides, at least to some degree. Couple that with all of the other issues, fear, living dual lives, hiding our true selves, etc. and the physical, emotional, physiological, psychological issues are compounded significantly. To be able to deal with all of that requires a strength that I would venture to say not many real men possess.

        Hugs,

        Holly

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    • #673507
      Jennifer Lynn
      Lady
      Registered On: August 15, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 307
      Has thanked: 133 times
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      I don’t consider myself a man at all. After living as Jennifer 100% for the past 27 years, why would I? Everything I do, I do as a woman including only dating men.

      • #673584
        Holly Morris
        Lady
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
        Topics: 88
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        Hi Jennifer Lynn.

        I’m sure I’m not the only girl on CDH to say that I’m very jealous of you having been able to live for so long as a woman. But I’m so happy for you that you can! 🙂

        Hugs,

        Holly

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    • #673505
      Lori Stark
      Lady
      Registered On: August 31, 2018
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 110
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      The poll asks us a question based on definitions and semantics. The phrase “real man” carries a lot of baggage, and probably much of it comes from characters in movies. Those guys are strong, silent, determined and totally in charge, but if you give it a moment’s thought you realize that these are just fantasies, not real men. In real life I have met precious few of these movie-style heroes, and the ones I have encountered struck me as entitled, arrogant and somewhat menacing. So I’ll settle for just being “a man,” pretty much like all other men, except perhaps a bit more in touch with my feminine side than most.🙃

      I answered “No, but….” as that seemed to closest to what I think: I’m real, and I’m a man, but I’m not the stereotypical “Real Man.”

      • #673568
        Holly Morris
        Lady
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
        Topics: 88
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        Hi Lori.

        You’re spot on, this question definitely hinges on semantics. How each of us defines and interprets the term “real man” is going to be based strictly on our own personal life experiences. That in turn will inform how we interpret the question and how we respond to and answer it.

        Thanks for a great observation.

        Hugs,

        Holly

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    • #673502
      MacKenzie Alexandra
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: May 20, 2016
      Topics: 43
      Replies: 690
      Has thanked: 186 times
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      Holly,

      The clothes that I choose to wear does not change who I am.  I am a man, husband, brother, and friend. I am proud of who I am.  That I choose to wear feminine attire is simply me expressing who I am.  It does not define me.

      MacKenzie Alexandra

    • #673493
      Giselle Reeves
      Lady
      Registered On: July 10, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 23
      Has thanked: 133 times
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      i am somewhere between a man and a woman, just wish i was one or the other and not stuck in the middle.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #673476
      Janice Goode
      Lady
      Registered On: May 25, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 37
      Has thanked: 191 times
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      As the woman I am when I let Janice out, I wouldn’t dare think of myself as or want to be considered a man by others. However, when I’m out as a guy, I’m out as a guy and would like to be thought of as one.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #673472
      Emily Alt
      Hostess
      Registered On: August 24, 2019
      Topics: 22
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      Well I’m trans so there’s that.  But I knew years before that I was different.  Would I have considered myself a “real man” back then?  Probably not.

      I would take the “real man” argument a step further and offer that most CD’s are somewhere on the transgender spectrum.  One does not have to be full-time or desire a medical transition to be trans.  The various labels we identity with are widely considered to be on the trans spectrum by mental health professionals.

      As a practical matter, saying you’re trans is more likely to be accepted these days.  Most people know what it means.  However, they probably don’t know how being a CD is different….and may assume the worse about someone who claims to be a CD.  In public, I claimed the trans label well before I knew I was trans.

      Emily

      • #673563
        Holly Morris
        Lady
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
        Topics: 88
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        Hi Emily.

        I agree completely with you that any of us who crossdress are definitely on the transgender specturm, so I consider myself to be trans as well. However, where on the transgender spectrum each of us is depends on the individual and their specific situation; there is not one answer for all of us. And being trans does not mean you need/want to transition, it only implies that as biological males, we’re also more aware of and in touch with our feminine sides. Is that due to hormones/lack of hormones, environmental factors, how we were raised (the old “nature vs nurther” question) or what exactly? No one really knows. Interestingly enough, I wrote an article on that topic a while back, so maybe if I find it I can post it here as well.

        Hugs,

        Holly

        • #674239
          Lauren Mugnaia
          Duchess
          Registered On: November 1, 2021
          Topics: 19
          Replies: 491
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          Hi Holly, I live as a woman, I am trans, 100% a trans woman and have been since birth. Even though the term CD has been used to describe what I was doing, I never experienced any sexual gratification from dressing in female clothing. They were MY CLOTHES! I have a strong memory of putting on one of my mother’s bras, tucking my private parts between my legs, looking at my reflection in the full length mirror, realizing and saying, that’s who I am!! I was only 8 years old at that time but knew when I was 4 that I was supposed to be a girl.
          There is ample scientific and medical proof that we are, quite literally, born that way. It isn’t a choice we make at some point in our life.
          For those of you that can’t accept that, you are true CD’s and I wish you all the best. For those of us who know we are trans, and live as women, we were never “real men”.

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          • #674294
            Holly Morris
            Lady
            Registered On: April 15, 2022
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            Hi Lauren.

            As always, thanks for your comments and observations. While I probably never will have the opportunity to fully transition, I understand exactly what you mean, as I’ve felt the same way since I was a very small child. Even today when I dress, as you said, I am wearing my clothes. I’m not women’s lingerie that I am appropriating for some other reason, those are simply my clothes. I just wish that my situation was somewhat different so that I could take those next steps, but…

            Hugs,

            Holly

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    • #673465
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
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      I said no but nearly said no, but or other. Yes I am not a ‘real man’. I just want more and more to BE CASSIE. So that says I don’t care to be a man I would rather try being a woman right now.

      . Cassie

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    • #673458
      Nancy
      Lady
      Registered On: May 3, 2020
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      Well, this thread really reaffirms my identity as non-binary. The desire to wear soft or lacy clothes in different styles no more invalidates someone’s manhood , than a desire to wear jeans/pants or rougher clothes would invalidate another person’s womanhood. They’re just clothes. Everyone is entitled to be whoever they are, and wear whatever they like, whether they are a man, a woman, both, or neither. I don’t buy into these imaginary gender rules that society has made up. Be yourself and wear whatever makes you happy.

      Nancy

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    • #673449
      Mary Priscilla
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: May 23, 2020
      Topics: 4
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      Holly:

      You definitely have a talent for asking genuine, provocative questions; a talent that I appreciate. My response was “Yes, I consider myself a real man.” Now, the caveat. In my personal and professional lives, it has been my experience that the situation occurring in the moment dictates how I might respond either has a man or as Mary Priscilla.

      Some examples; the birth of my daughter had me internally stressed but had to remain in the real man mode as my wife had just come out of 14 hours of labor and was an emotional mess. Another one relates to when I was driving my grandson to school and we got t-boned by another car and ended up in a ditch. He was 7 years old and scared beyond comprehension. Fortunately, neither one of us were injured. I definitely had to be in my real made mode until I was able to arrange for him to be picked up. Once he was gone, I wept.

      There are countless other examples of times and circumstances dictated which persona needed to be in command. Essentially, life is an endless number of scripts subject to immediate revision.

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      • #673565
        Holly Morris
        Lady
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
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        Hi Mary Priscilla.

        First, thank you, I’m glad that you like my tpics that I post and that you consider them thought provoking. That really is my intent — to use these polls as a way to open up discussion on a variety of topics that are often not really discussed in the open. As crossdressers, we’re all affected by many of these things that I post polls on, so I’m glad to see more discussion taking place.

        Secondly, you raise a great point about being in the moment and with which persona we respond. I’d go so far as to add that regardless of what mode we’re in, male or female, for those of us who crossdress, the female side, that feminine persona, is probably not buried very far, except perhaps in the physical, external layer. We may not look like women on the outside, but inwardly, how we respond to situations may probably be more like a real woman might, that is, once we get past the adrenaline-driven incident that often requires the male persona to take center stage. And yes, I’ve dealt with those situations (like I’m sure all of us have) and then I’ve broken down afterwards.

        Hugs,

        Holly

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      • #673466
        Cassie Jayson
        Duchess
        Registered On: September 29, 2019
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        Good insight Mary

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    • #673417
      Anonymous
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      Generally speaking, I’m of two minds. When I’m dressed, I feel very feminine, comfortable, and extremely happy. When I’m in my male form, which is most of the time, I’m generally happy being a guy. Not sure what has to qualify me as “real” or not, but it is a fun journey either way. I love both my maleness and my femininity.

      • #673477
        Janice Goode
        Lady
        Registered On: May 25, 2022
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        I’m of the same mind. I’m happy being “all girl” when dressed up and want to be treated and thought of as such. But when I’m a man I’m also happy being conventionally masculine and just a regular guy haha. I sorta think genderfluid fits how I think about it sometimes but not sure I really want to label myself as anything either.

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    • #673383
      Mandy
      Lady
      Registered On: October 12, 2016
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      Thx Holly for the question.  1st time being back in a cpl yrs.  I’m not shy or upset to say I’m not a man’s man.  I def love to dress, makeup, shave body parts, anything to help to make me more fem.  I knew for a # of yrs I was like this.  Once I realized it was ok and accepted it more, it seems like the flood gates opened and felt less and less manly.  I am very emotional, I tear up I don’t know how many times a day and you know what, it’s ok.  It’s who I am, I love me and not ashamed.  I’m glad I came back to this question.  Have a great day all!!!

    • #673374
      Lara Tucker
      Lady
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
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      I didn’t ever get what a “Real Man” was supposed to be, so I guess I don’t fit that.

      I like to think I’m a decent human, and I try to be good to my wife, and family.

      If I like to put on something pretty sometimes does it take something away?

      I think labeling ourselves does us a disservice.

      💕Lara

       

       

    • #673368
      Susan Talbot
      Lady
      Registered On: June 28, 2022
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      Interesting question.  When I was younger I played the sports, wrestling, karate/MMA thing. Took on a high risk ultra conservative career but none of it ever suppressed my urges to dress and wear makeup. When I had the chance and the clothes I dressed. Having kids didn’t suppress it.  It was always there from a young age.

      Frankly the need to dress has always been there and the more I pushed it away or hid from dressing the more irritable, grumpy and depressed I became.

      Anyways I have always wanted to be a woman but surgery and weekly injections are not my thing.  So all I can do is balance the drab with dresses.  In the end I was born a guy and I will take a dirt nap as a guy.

      Susan

       

    • #673353
      Sara Scarlet
      Lady
      Registered On: December 18, 2020
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      All I know is, I’m definitely a real human, after that I don’t think it really matters that much.

    • #673350
      ChloeC
      Duchess
      Registered On: November 5, 2019
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      Interesting question, Holly.  But, really, I don’t exactly know what a ‘real man’ is.  Most supposedly ‘real men’ I’ve met are mostly A#1 a hs, um jerks.  Or maybe it was those guys who thought that was what a ‘real man’ was all about.  I only knew my real father for about a year (age 3-4 1/2) before he died accidently and if I understood the definition, I would have thought he was a real man back then, and now as I learn more about him, I think he was a ‘REAL MAN’.  Taking on the hard jobs, being a husband and father, serving in WW2, having friends who were probably gay, respected, well liked, father to 3 young kids. I have old movies of him clowning around, doing responsible things. He was college educated, was friends with important people, and if he hadn’t died, he was on the verge of a huge promotion (and accompanying move to another part of the country). After 9 years of marriage my mother was still madly in love with him.

      My stepfather, who some could easily have described as a ‘real man’ from what they saw on the surface, had a very hard growing up life (turning 18 in 1933 during the worst of the depression), had additional disappointments the rest of life, worked in a crappy job, and would occasionally hit me in my upper arm when he was dissatisfied with something I did, or didn’t or had assumed I did or didn’t do.  He was athletic, starting player on his HS basketball team in Chicago, was a amateur tennis player with LOTS of trophies, later in life an almost scratch golfer. He was in the Marines in WW2 and was shafted there if I read the few reports right. He still took on the responsibility of a widow with 3 kids, had 2 more with her, and then my mother told me after he died (too much smoking, drinking, and not taking better care) that he sort of confided in her that he hated kids.

      I think we’ve been led to mistakenly believe what we saw in the movies of the 40’s and 50’s. Those he-men, Bogart, Wayne, Gable, etc. That’s Hollywood’s version of ‘real men’, not the reality.

      Hugs, ChloëC

       

      • This reply was modified 3 months ago by ChloeC.
    • #673342