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Registered On: August 25, 2015Topics: 124Replies: 1398Has thanked: 819 timesBeen thanked: 2227 timesAs I look into the mirror, I am scared of what I see,
Tear filled eyes return my stare and I can feel their plea.
The person I’ve been hiding for so many, many years
Is looking back at me, and I can see how much she fears
That I will lock her up somewhere so no one else will know
How she’s become so big a part of me-I just can’t show.
The world is not so kind to those it does not understand-
Who do not fit their images of woman or of man.For some it’s all so clear- their body doesn’t match their mind,
They know their only choices are to die or else to find
A way to change their body and to free their inner soul.
So finally they’ll have the chance to be complete and whole.For me, though, it is not so clear-my thoughts seem all akimbo-
I’ve lived my life not here nor there –instead I am in limbo.
Not certain yet just who I am, I float from day to day-
Grasping for signs of where my future lies but who can say,
Though doubts and fears abound, I trust that SOMEWHERE there’s a plan-
A reason for the way I feel –I just don’t understand.
And though I’m so much older now and both my kids are grown
And many times I feel my destiny’s to be alone-
I somehow still hold out some hope that one day I may find
One who will know the inner me and keep an open mind.
Would they be male or female? I’m not sure that it would matter-
For living life alone seems worse and certainly much sadder.So guess I’ll close this out-I thank you all for your kind ears-
Your friendship is so precious that it oft renews my tears.
And to that frightened girl who from the silver mirror peers-
“We’re one-and never will we part-we’re in our golden years!”Total of 28 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.
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That was something so special Cyn, It made my eyes well up reading that it’s just how i feel sometimes, looking in the mirror and seeing a reflection of a stranger, knowing that the only people that i share my Fem self with is the girls on here, it’s been hard hiding Roz away from everyone i know,
Hugs Rozalyn X
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- Registered On: August 25, 2015Topics: 124Replies: 1398Has thanked: 819 timesBeen thanked: 2227 times
Thanks so much for replying; so much of what I wrote for the site was in the early years and many folks who joined later haven’t seen them. Taking the time to comment means a lot to me!
Cyn1 user thanked author for this post.
You have a special talent Cynthia. I hope that the confusion inside one day gives way to happiness and peace.
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You don’t say exactly why you can’t show the world–For a lot of it’s “”Literally”” all about Money–We Have to protect our jobs or very easily could become homeless–It’s That simple-
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- Registered On: August 25, 2015Topics: 124Replies: 1398Has thanked: 819 timesBeen thanked: 2227 times
As an FYI I originally wrote this back im 2018. Since then I have made some significant progress long my journey’s path. Went pretty much full time in 2020 everywhere outside of work; and this year started HRT and told my work about Cyn. Yes that took a while for the reason you stated-had to get to the point where I was comfortable to allow coworkers to know and see me as I am.
Cyn4 users thanked author for this post.
Telling our Co-workers is Not something most of us can do (unless we want to be unemployed–I know there are some laws to protect us but these laws are only useful if you have the right type of job (usually Union) or you have enough savings to tide you over till the lawsuit is settled (plus money for the Lawyer)–Even “IF” your successful good luck finding another job after suing your last employer–
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- Registered On: August 25, 2015Topics: 124Replies: 1398Has thanked: 819 timesBeen thanked: 2227 times
Totally agree-I am fortunate to work for a large corporation committed to diversity. I also have worked from home remotely since March 2020. I have been in the office twice this past fall and had no issues and seen several coworkers at a football tailgate party who were very accepting which was pleasant. I DO understand that many if not most are not as fortunate as I.
Cyn
You made me cry, such an honest heartfelt revelation. I want to hold you.
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Registered On: November 21, 2015Topics: 17Replies: 536Has thanked: 99 timesBeen thanked: 175 timesAnother beautifully penned work of art lass. Well done, my eyes swelled with tears as I read this. Feel like the proverbial scgoolgurl….just a wee bit older.
Lovely words. <3
- Registered On: May 8, 2017Topics: 55Replies: 1969Has thanked: 1755 timesBeen thanked: 2171 times
Cynthia. Be not sad that you are alone. For you are in your heart and mind. Even though you wander the wilderness, you gather strength of heart and mind….Maybe this is your destiny as it is mine. Like Moses we wander and receive strength and knowledge from the universe. The journey will end and you shall both be together again. We all will be rewarded with wisdom, strength and kindred spirits. We are all here for you.
Dame Veronica
Dame Veronica
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- Registered On: August 25, 2015Topics: 124Replies: 1398Has thanked: 819 timesBeen thanked: 2227 times
Thanks for your reply Persephone (and Giselle for yours). I know you write here in the poetry forum too-it’s nice to know that at least a FEW people actually read them! Though of course much of poetry is written for the author themselves to reflect on their thoughts and emotions.
Cyn1 user thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: January 19, 2018Topics: 18Replies: 270Has thanked: 704 timesBeen thanked: 364 times
I love this poem Cyn. Deliciously introspective. The mirror is such an expressive figure. In this piece I appreciate the fusion between body and soul. It shows an admirable peace of mind.
Curiously I am about to post a poem in which I just mention the reflection in the mirror and I have found in these verses a deepening in the subject.
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