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Hi ladies!
As I’ve gotten older (Gasp!), I’ve realized that there seems to be an interesting phenomenon among our crossdressing community — that as we get older (let’s say over 50 here), for a lot of us, we want to move from just crossdressing as women to actually living more (and more frequently) as women. In other words, we seem to have the desire to move from CD to TS, or at least closer to that end of the gender spectrum.
Why that is, I don’t really know. Perhaps it has something to do with the reduction in testosterone in our bodies as we age, or maybe we want to make up lost time for not being able to express our feminine desires that we’ve always had and felt since we were younger, or who knows… All I know is that for me, I definitely feel that way!
So of course, that got me to wondering…
As you get older, do you feel you’re becoming more TS and less CD?
Hugs,
Holly
Always have been more TS that CD, One question I like to ask is if space aliens arrived and one of the things that have is the ability to make you a true female or male (depending where you start) would you?
I have seriously considered HRT, the one sticking point is the loss of strength, I have over the years maintained all I own and have saved a ton of money doing so. At 69 I have lost a lot of strength to start with, but “Never say Never” who knows what the future holds.Zenn
Hi Holly, once again you already know my answer, LOL! I stopped being a typical crossdresser long ago as I’ve known I was really a girl at heart, so Yes, I am firmly over on the TS side of the spectrum. I know I am a trans woman and have transitioned, living and working as a legal female.
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Holly, As always a great question.
I’m not sure about leaning more towards being TS then a CD, but as I have grown older I have felt more of an urge to lean towards being bi. I only started feeling this way in the last few years. Before I never had any interest in men. I was only interested in crossdressing and women. I always titled myself as a male lesbian. Making love to a woman as a woman. But since recovering from cancer I guess I have opening up my mind a bit more. As much as I have thought about transitioning I know I never would. It’s not easy at times being us, at least for me!Lisa Leigh
Again I feel that the answer is best served by a clear distinction between gender and sex. Most cross-dressers attest that their initial experiences derived from the desire for feminine companionship leads to the raising of the question, “What’s it like to be a girl?” Experimentation along those lines also proves useful in providing a sort or ersatz-companionship.
Being feminine is quite delightful and becomes a goal in itself. After all, Femininity has virtues and pleasure far in excess of masculinity; at least for some.
Fairly recent events, particularly with the advent of the Internet, has led to greater understanding, acceptance, prevalence, awareness of the phenomenon of a person wanting to be feminine.
True, in my salad days I was curious about the possibility of transiting (usually magically and reversibly) between male and female but transiting between masculine and feminine became not just acceptable but even more desirable. Even to the point of questioning as to whether I would also desire to feminize my anatomy and biochemistry and become legally female. Some persons desire to be permanently feminine but only find the initial stages of transition to meet their needs. Some transit completely with often justifiable results. They should lead a thoroughly feminine life. Some, however, find they are unable to authentically make the transition which can be a hardship. This is why treatment for pre-teen children delaying the onset of puberty is presently advocated.
The desire to be feminine is not quite the same as the necessity to transition. It can be unexpected, even overwhelming but the premise that one must be female is tested by the very fact that so many males want to be feminine, not necessarily female. This is, within the past, few decades, news. Assumptions were otherwise not long ago. For example that all cross-dressers are homosexual. Well, first there are no cross-dressers, just people who like to be feminine. There is no ‘cross’ only ‘dress’. Secondly, there are no homosexuals. The meaning is someone irrevocably, sexually oriented towards males. No one is attracted to the full subset of humanity sectioned by sex. They are males attracted to masculinity. Some are, invariably masculine and attracted to masculinity while some are feminine and attracted to masculinity. There are other variations, basically gender-based. ‘Homosexual’ is neither accurate nor adequate in describing a more complex issue than is suggested by antiquated conceptions.
Males attracted to femininity in males are still ‘heterosexual’ but the meaning of the term (other-sex-orientation) is, in terms of gender, applicable. One is attracted to masculinity and the other to femininity. Sometimes their own.
However, Academe can both static and argumentative as the ‘debates’ tend to delay resolution. ‘Antiquated’ terminology is often replaced by buzz-words based on the same concepts further than apt than before. This makes comprehension difficult.
I do not equate femininity with being female. There are female rabbits who are, I am sure, feminine in their way., but the concept of gender is largely applicable to people, It largely based on observed human behaviour and many conclusions (many quite recently disproven) derived.
So, I would suggest, for a little while, to live full-time as a lady and see if that is enough. You may not necessarily need to be female to be genuinely and pleasantly feminine.
Araminta.
And then there are those like myself. I ALWAYS knew that I was supposed to be, and ALWAYS wanted to be, a girl! There was no curiosity involved. Throughout my younger years I would dress completely in my feminine clothes and go out in public, even to the college I went to. I knew about crossdressing but never felt like that was what I was doing. I never got a sexual zing from it, it just felt right and I always had a great sense of peace when I was dressed in what I considered the proper clothing.
Today, I have transitioned and I’m a trans woman, legally a female. I can tell you that the absolute joy I experience from being the woman I was meant to be is impossible to describe, and I get to do it every day!Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Dear Holly, yes yes yes! In a way this was why I joined CDH. I’d dressed all my life, always in secret, and early on I suppose you’d say it was classic CD. Over many years now though I’ve felt it changing, and now the dressing is only one part of what feels like a longing to Be female. In the last year it’s become almost all encompassing, with me mourning the female experiences I won’t be able to have. Hence my reaching out to CDH.
Thank you so much for bringing up the issue! As with so many of these difficult, confusing things it is wonderfully reassuring to find others have felt the same way!
Hugs, Gabby.
I voted no. I am clearly CD. I have no desire to become a woman, or wish I was a woman. I simply want to take on the appearance of a woman, experience the world at least superficially from a woman’s point of view by taking and posting photos of my alter ego, connecting with others and recently going out publicly en femme. I find it greatly enjoyable and quite satisfying, and although it is sometimes hard to return to reality I also recognize that for me it is fantasy, and I always do. I enjoy the duplicity! My only concern is how far down the fantasy road I might be enticed to venture.
I am also in the CD side of equation. I feel the way Kris does , I like to dress up and get made up as a woman. I also like to go out and do meetups with other crossdressers. But my boundary is that I would not want to go out alone dressed up. I would feel too nervous. Also, I feel safety in being out in numbers. And, I also could never transition as I have had too many health problems.
Well I’m not really sure if I’d say TS so I voted maybe as I do find that it feels natural to be dressed in my femme things and I want to be dressing as much as I can. Going out in public fully dressed or makeup and perfume wearing mostly woman’s things while still presenting as a man without a care in the world. This is who I am.
Oh yes I’m more of a trans then a crossdresser and the urge is getting so strong that I’m considering HRT and hopefully live 24/7 as a woman
I really believe I’m about a year away from doing that and how many of us has been called a female pronoun I know I have and seems like it happens more and more it really makes me feel good
Sarah 👄
I’m not certain that age has played a part in this. It’s only been in the last 2 yrs. that I’ve fully dressed. What I have found is that the more that I’m dressed the more I want to stay that way. For me I think it’s just coincidental that this has happened later in life. When I was younger and only underdressed or partially dressed. I saw myself as a male CD, who was posing as a woman. Once I started fully dressing, I realized it was truly the other way around. I was really a female posing as a male all those years.
As I’ve always wanted to dress, I just wouldn’t let myself go.
I am so happy you have found yourself. I have noticed you are so much more comfortable just being you. Your trip definitely showed you, and the world, the person you really are. I hope you keep developing into the Roman you now know you are.
Holly –
You do bring up some thought provoking topics in your survey’s. I enjoy participating in them and sharing my thoughts on the topic. It is also nice to see that: 1- I’m no alone with some of the issues you bring up, 2- it is nice to hear how others have handled the situation and 3- the feelings of others on the topic.
With that being said on to the topic at hand.
As I finally crawled out of the closet (not very far, but out) I think that I would define myself as a crossdresser. I have no desire to transition, partly because of my age and the complications it would create. First, I know that there are those that are older (I’m 68) than me that transition, but having been fairly healthy throughout my life and going through the aging process I don’t see a need to add a possible complication. As to the complications, there are family considerations as well as social. Based on conversations we’ve had my wife is okay with my dressing but would not be supportive of transitioning. In addition it would be too complicated to explain to my sisters, son, daughter and grandchildren. I know that it is my life and taht I have to do what is best for me and that will make me happy, however, I do need to consider other’s feelings. I will readily admit that there have been a couple times in my life that I have wondered what it would be like to have breasts and not have anything dangling between my legs, but alas that is what it must remain. I am very happy being able to dress when I get the opportunity and no longer have to hide it or more importantly deny it.
My apologies for being a bit long winded.
XOXO
SuzanneHi Sally.
TS = transsexual (or transexual, depending on which dictionary you look at).
Hugs,
Holly
I went out yesterday in a dress and heels to go bra shopping at Kohls. There were other women there who totally ignored me. I felt comfortable in my clothes and didn’t want to take them off when I got home. I guess I am becoming a transgender woman after all these years of crossdressing.
What an interesting – and complicated – question! While I’ve been dressing for a long time, I never even considered the question of being TS until I started looking at crossdressing sites on the net, hence I can’t say how I would have felt if, say, I had been 30 years younger, not married and not a father. I still don’t view myself as TS and certainly would never consider surgery, though that may merely be because of my intense dislike of the idea of going under the knife. I suppose I’d have to say that I may be becoming more TS – but that’s possibly just because the option didn’t really exist when I was younger, plus I’m certainly not going to do anything about it now. I’m definitely not becoming less CD though…… Holly XXX
I wanted to dress more when I was younger but social stigma stopped that but I would have loved to have dressed everyday. I had no idea of any titles except for Transvestite or Drag Queen,
Like many here, and it does seem of a certain age, life carried on and circumstances didn’t allow for much time to develop or even think about the subject. Once life calmed and there was more time then the thoughts and desires return.
Now there are a plethora of terms and we seem to have to nail our colours to the mast. Transvestite has been changed to ‘Crossdresser’ which is a term I was happy to use although I never recall saying to people that is what I felt I was, they could make their own choice as I would say I had always been like this. Today I use trans gender as it seems to be a term that suits and is acceptable to my employers and for any official dealings. I have crossed genders as I have gone from male appearance to a female one.
The issue is complicated as has been said before but what matters is how you feel about it and where you are in this diverse spectrum. The joy is that here you are not judged, and should never be, for what term you use.
Hi Holly,
Well…no. Because I know I’ve always been TS/TG since almost the beginning, just never made the choice to go all the way. But!!! as I have aged, so have my children and they’ve moved out to their own lives which has provided far more moments available to me. And I’ve retired (more or less). And in finding other pursuits, I’ve also been able to indulge in my desires a lot more. Or let’s say a lot more often, just not for the lengthy periods I had available before (when they went on vacay and I stayed home, for example). I’d get maybe an hour here or there several times a month, and maybe 3-5 days at most twice a year. Now it’s several hours several times a week, but practically no longer periods anymore. And like I’ve mentioned, my spouse knows of my desires, and it’s been a rather tacit agreement that if I do indulge, it will be in private situations where there’s little to no chance of friends, neighbors, or surprise visits by the kids to get surprised in their own way.
When I got those longer times I’d dive right in, full cosmetics – toe and nail polish, perfume etc, with full changes of clothes, day and night. And doing the expected chores appropriately feminine dressed, laundry, ironing, vacuuming, dusting, dishes, cooking, rearranging, and so forth. Now it’s just one outfit at a time.
Oh, and of course, no more business trips with those opportunities now gone.
So that’s been the biggest change. I just deal with it all as best I can.
Hugs, ChloëC
When I first saw this note I thought that I would not answer since I thought that it didn’t apply to me. But it was always in my mind, so here I am today 2 days later trying to express myself. As an intersex person I’m sort of like the Amphicar of humans. I’m like a MTF transperson with naturally self administered hormones. I wear women’s clothes daily because they fit my body best. About half the time I’m gendered as male and the other half as female which no longer bothers me. My hair is long and I only wear makeup when I’m dressed up and going out. For a long time I thought of myself as sort of an “IT “or modern day Elephant Man and was angry and ashamed. After I learned to understand my condition and accept myself, I became very much more at ease. So, am I really transitioned? Perhaps, but more likely I’m just accepting myself as I am. In fact I’ve accepted myself to the point that I think I just need to live my life and blend into the world and leave all the boards and discussions behind. But then in retrospect I remembered that the reason that I joined the boards was to share what I live so that it might be easier for someone else in the same situation. I remember so desperately looking for any information to help me and finding very little. So, it’s right and necessary for me to pay it forward. And as I’m getting older I feel that I’m not really going toward anything or leaving anything. I’m just being. Thank you Holly for your always thoughtful questions.
Marg
Hi Holly I’ve put maybe, maybe if i was single i would dress 24/7 , I’m with you on that as I’ve gotten older my desire to dress has increased, maybe my testosterone levels have gone down and i feel more feminine than usual, maybe i would go from just being a crossdresser to a transvestite I’m not sure if i would completely change to a transwoman that would take a lot of serious thinking about X
Hugs Rozalyn X 🎀
Holly,
I voted no because I equate TS with those who truly need to fully transition including surgery and that is not me at all. I was a lifelong closeted lingerie CD who only started dressing fully as a woman and going out in public en femme early this year. It has now advanced to the point where 80% of the time I’m in public it is as Fiona. I am not a woman trapped in a man’s body and content to think of myself as a cross dresser. But as Fiona has become a larger part of my life, I believe I have moved a little more up the transgendered spectrum.
Hi Holly, another good one for sure. For me I do believe that had I not married there was a good possibility I would have transitioned. For business I would travel to Vancouver twice a month. During these trips I would dress as Trish on the way down (5 hour trip) change when I got there and then go home as Trish again. This since my early twenties. I totally hated having to take the clothes and makeup off and often felt like calling in sick so I could stay dressed. Now that I’m older the desire is stronger than ever.
Thanks Holly ❤️
Hi Holly. You bring up such interesting topics for us girls to think about our journey. Thank You. I am becoming more TS than CD…………putting on my girl clothes is not dressing up ……….its just… getting dressed …………….I have to be mindful of the situation around me and find something to wear that’s femme ……….like a pink pony tail tie under my hat that has a cloth neck shade …….. or a bracelet hidden under my sweatshirt………….just something to feel girly. k
Greetings, Holly. I certainly dressed more often this year than in previous years, have stopped purging so I have more wardrobe than ever before, and have been more self-accepting and public about my identity as a crossdresser. I do not identify as transgender at all, however, and would not consider any kind of transition of body modification.
What changed for me gradually over time was the level of auto-eroticism I felt when dressing as a younger person. That has mostly disappeared, although sharing intimacy with someone while dressed is still a latent desire.Hi Holly,
Thank you for asking this question. My answer is “maybe.” I never really thought about it before. Over the years I have have had similar emotions and troubles other girls have had. The guilt and shame would cause me to suppress this part of me. I had several purges and lost many wonderful pictures and lots of fabulous clothing because of them. 😢
I now fully accept this side and have allowed Diana to become more prominent in my life. And as such I feel more feminine, especially when dressed. I also know that I could have been lead further into the trans side. I often wish that an attractive domme would have found me when I was younger and then lead me deeper into my feminine side. Maybe I would be living 24/7 as Diana if that had happened.
I also now find myself more willing to be on the feminine side of romantic encounters. My current girlfriend is happy to accommodate these desires.
Kisses
Diana
Hi Ladies!
I know what I am about to say is uncomfortable, but it is the only way I have to say it without violating the rules of the group.
Despite being the father of two girls, I always knew I was in a body that I didn’t feel suited to my typically feminine way of thinking.
For years to “satisfy” the homophobic anxieties of my family I have lived a life not mine.
Until at the age of 13 and thanks to my ex-classmate I finally realized that the real me was not being the son of my parents but the daughter …. Daughter who for the spirit of self-protection and self-defense in an LGBTQI-phobic environment he lived a life forced to be what he was not.
I was not even supported by the pediatrician, who to “correct” my femininity advised my parents to let me practice male sports: martial arts (judo, muay-thai, MMA), rugby.
With the passing of the years I have more and more alive in me the conviction that my being CD is actually on the contrary that is FtoM.This is what I had to say in this regard!
Thank you all for taking the time to read this.XOXOX from Italy
Greta ❤️I am not sure where I am. If I wasn’t married. Now that I am older and could afford it I would love to have full facial feminazion surgery. Then I guess I would present female much more often. But I think I would still prefer to be with a woman. The thought of being more feminine without trying so hard is so appealing. Although I am straight and happily married the thought of having someone in side of me is somehow present. So like I said. I know what I am. I just don’t know if it is what I would prefer to be.
I’ve been dressing off an on since my mid 30’s and at one time considered transitioning because I felt trapped in the wrong body . But as I got older I became satisfied with just being a guy who can dress anytime . Kind of like my secret super hero costume . I go from a shy man to a bold confident woman . I love my new lifestyle .
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Most definitely I have. Used to be sexual, now it is about acceptance.
I voted yes, but could have voted no, because I always wanted to be a girl as long as I can remember. Those thoughts and dreams at night of being a girl scared me. I played with crossdressing on and off always ending in purges. That is when I thought I was “just a crossdresser.” As I age, it is just a realization or acceptance that I am trans that I could not admit before. If I had this realization long ago, my life would look much different. I can’t change the past, so I move forward.
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