At Odds with My Appearance

[Aurora Eden]

Hello Ladies,

Well, it looks like spring is on its way here, although we had snow overnight. However, soon we will be able to put our winter clothes away and dress for wamer weather.

I come from England originally, by the way, and it’s always weather first for us.

I am pleased to report that I have become very confident when out and about and have even improved my make-up techniques, thanks to genetic women and youtube.

Today then, I had lunch at one of my favourite restaurants where I was complimented on my make-up and first attempt with perfume. While in the restaurant I never garnered a second or even inquisitive look so, as you can imagine, I was feeling pretty good.

When I came out of the restaurant I went to fuel up my car. I had gone through all the steps then inserted my Airmiles card, which the pump did not accept. A notice came up that I had to seek help from the attendant. This in itself was not much trouble, however, after conducting business at the desk I had turned to the door when said attendant called out, “Sir, I have set up number two pump as the one you were using is not working.”

Not being one to make an issue of this, I thanked him then got on with the business of refuelling.

Later I went to one of the ‘Winners’ stores and, after looking around for a while, I picked out a denim skirt that was on sale. I went up to the pay stations and presented my TX Style card. The saleslady told me that we would have to wait until the lady at the next till had finished as her computer was not working. This being so, I was asked to step over to the next till where the saleslady said to her colleague, “He has already presented his TX Style card.”

On the one hand, those two incidents left me feeling a little deflated, however, the positive side to it is that I am able to go out and about dressed as I want to dress without garnering second looks or negative remarks.

My feeling on this is that when a person is dressed in obvious feminine style… more so than most women as I’m sure other members of this group have observed… then one should not have to state one’s preferred pronouns.

I must point out that such incidents are not the norm and that mostly I am referred to either by name, Ma’am or she… which, of course, I much prefer.

Hugs,

Aurora Eden

10 users thanked author for this post.

Liara Wolfe, Bianca Everdene, April Flowers, Angela Booth, Deborah Sullivan, Michelle McQueen, Cassie Jayson, Roberta Broussard, Stephaniewy, Roberta Lane

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[Fiona Black]

Aurora,

It is a rare CD that truly passes for a female 100% of the time. Just enjoy yourself.

Fiona

3 users thanked author for this post.

Tina Que, Stephaniewy, Aurora Eden

[Bianca Everdene]

Hi Aurora

Im always referred to in the feminine until…I open my mouth and my male voice raises its ugly head LOL. A giveaway.

B x

 

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Stephaniewy, Aurora Eden

[April Flowers]

Hi Aurora,

I can’t state I have had that experience that I’m aware – maybe my hearing is going(LOL) where I am never positive if the person stated “she” or “he”. However, when out in public, which is most of the time if dressed up, I am comfortable, having fun and have stopped worrying if anyone “reads” me. Who cares – LOL! There have been many times when a woman has stopped me and asked where did I get the blouse I was wearing, coat, heels etc. Had a few men make the same inquiries where I suppose they are looking for a gift for their S.O.

However, once when in a women’s clothing store(White House – Black Market) I had thought the very nice sales woman had referred to me as “he” when talking to my S.O. However, when trying on a skirt in the dressing room, the sales lady asked if everything was OK and then stuck her head into my dressing room in the midst of my change. Would she have done this if she thought I was a male? The rest of the time I keyed in to her words and all I heard was “she”.

My credit cards are in my male persona. There is a certain credit card I own that has no limit whatsoever. As a result, the sales person is required to ask for my I.D. for theft protection. In each case, I hand over my license and state “that is what I used to look like”. Each time the person looked at me and stated “You look great” and ran up the sale. A nervous possible “outing” turned out to be a compliment.

What I’m stating is go out and have fun. I believe the possibility is very high these situations can turn out to be a compliment.

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Aurora Eden

[Aurora Eden]

Thanks April,

I have had the same experiences with women asking me where I got my boots or shoes as they love the style but could not find them in their size. I always tell them Torrid as they do have the larger sizes.

I have also had compliments from women saying I look great, so the positive aspects do tend to outweigh the negative.

Aurora

[Angela Booth]

Hi Aurora,

You don’t seem to be too downhearted with the negative responses which is a good thing. The staff may not have done it with malice but reacting to the cards name. Alison said that you could get a second card in your femme name, which is something I did many years ago. My bank has taken the title off my debit card and has my initials and surname making it gender free. Not that it is scrutinised much now as everything is done by tapping the card. As for every other card such as memberships and loyalty are all in my femme name.

The positives so far are more than the negatives so you are on the right path and it will only get better as you find your style and build that confidence.

 

 

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Alison Anderson, Aurora Eden

[Aurora Eden]

Hi Angela,

As I mentioned to Alison, all my merchanising cards are in my femme name, so that is the name the saleslady would have seen. We didn’t get as  far as my debit card.

As you say though, I am not all that downhearted but such occurrences do tend to take the wind out of my sails.

The lady at the fitting room gave me the choice of which changing rooms to use rather than making the decision herself.

Thanks,

Aurora

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Angela Booth, Alison Anderson

[Jin Crocker]

I was able to do “Girl Next Door” pretty with minimal effort until my late 30s. Now I am obviously a male in women’s clothing. Most times I am greeted with feminine pronouns when so dressed, especially when approached from the back (long hair).  As long as people are kind, I don’t really much care what they call me as long as it is not “late for dinner:!

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MelanieElizabeth, Becky Davis, Aurora Eden, Deborah Sullivan

[Sandy Honey]

Once walking out of Walmart a redneck couple walked by me and I heard the woman say to the guy “I think that’s a guy”. I thought here we go, problem getting ready to start. He then told her “well she is a guy he has better legs than you”, they both laughed and walked on. I just kept on walking and giggled to myself, yes I do have better legs than your skinny woman. That was the first time anyone has said anything about me being maybe a guy and I know it will not be the last. But I’m finding most people are just too busy to notice and sales staff have always referred to me in female terms.

Go out and enjoy yourself, yes there will be A-holes occasionally but they will be there when you are in male mode or your beautiful girly self.

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MelanieElizabeth, Deborah Sullivan, Aurora Eden, Roberta Broussard

[Alison Anderson]

I have been misgendered both ways at times.  Yes, I was taught that you should use pronouns that match the person’s appearance.  Nowadays, even that isn’t necessarily so because of non-binary people.  It doesn’t bother me too much any more unless it is said in a malicious tone.

When you give them a card with your male name on it, they may get confused.  A lot of cards these days allow you to get a second card for an authorized user, and some even will allow a primary card in your feminine first name (but want your real surname).  This may help alleviate some of the confusion.

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Aurora Eden, Cassie Jayson

[Aurora Eden]

Hi Alison,

Thank you for your reply.

The store cards I have, like P.C. Optimum and the one for Winners all have my feminine name. It is only legal documents that have my male name.

I felt a little deflated after those remarks, particularly as I have been told on several occasions that I blend in.

I think we can all agree that we want to be called by our preferred gender voluntarily.

Thanks,

Aurora

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Alison Anderson

[Cassie Jayson]

Yes, I too have been misgendered both ways (for 40 years). I must not have really strong male characteristics, but just enough that I am sometimes ‘outed’ when out in fem mode.
Much of the time I don’t care so much if people use the wrong pronouns, BUT am thrilled when they call me her/she.

. Cassie

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Alison Anderson, Deborah Sullivan, Aurora Eden

[Aurora Eden]

Thanks Cassie,

I have yet to be referred to as she or Ma’am while in male mode but I think I would really like that.

I don’t go into the restaurants I normally frequent when in male mode anymore, but I was thinking yesterday about whether they would still call me Aurora if I did.

Auroroa

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Cassie Jayson

[Denise Little]

Great attitude, we do this for ourselves and not to impress others. Yes there is always room for improvements and I tend to take each public outing as an opportunity to enjoy and improve.  Me too, I have had great experiences and some well, they are in the past and life keeps on.

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Deborah Sullivan, Aurora Eden

[Aurora Eden]

Thanks Denise. It does feel good to go out and about as ourselves and, as you say, there is always room for improvement.

[Author]

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