- This topic has 11 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by Anonymous.
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- May 12, 2018 at 5:55 pm #99098
I had a wonderful day Thursday went to the mall dressed as my feminine self. Was in and out of stores all morning when i got hungry I decided to go to Panda Express for lunch. I ordered my food and right before the paid the guy who got my food for me asked “can i get you anything else SIR.” I retorted a quick and silent no as I was stumped by the one word. I didn’t correct him that I wanted to be call mamma but it defiantly decreased my confidence in my appearance. When I told my counselor she said I should have corrected him. I didn’t want to be confrontational so I let it go. I did my best to walk it off after words and went about my day shopping.
Has anyone else had a similar experience and what did you do?
- May 13, 2018 at 8:08 am #99165
My first dressing in public at 17 was wearing pantyhose with guys short and shoes. I wanted to show off my legs better so I began buying and wearing short girl’s shorts. That was better and showed more leg but the footwear needed improving too.
I bought some girl’s shoes that were not too sexy looking. They helped show my legs better but what I really wanted was platform wedge sandals. When my girlfriend and other girls wore them, their legs and feet looked so great.
I got some platform wedges. I fell in love with them from the moment I put them on. Shiny tan sheer to waist pantyhose with short shorts and the platform wedges was the perfect look I was seeking. I wore the shoes secretly in the house and hid them in the back of my closet. I had other pairs I hid in the trunk of my car. I would wear them when I was driving. I wanted to get out of the car wearing them but it took a while to get my courage and nerve up.
Wearing tan pantyhose it was not immediately obvious. Someone actually had to notice my legs for some reason and have it occur to them I might be wearing pantyhose. They would have to get closer to be sure though. I had that happen several times. You can tell by their behavior.
Guys shorts were much shorter then. My girl’s shorts were a little shorter but not too extreme by comparison. My girl’s shoes were nice and definitely fem but not super obvious.
Platform sandal wedges changed everything. They were super fem and sexy. Did I want to go that far in public? Of course I did, but I was fighting that battle between really wanting to do it and the fear of going too far. There was no subtle with platform wedges.
I finally got the nerve to to get out and do a few short walks with no one close. Then a few longer walks getting closer to people. Then I finally decided to walk the length of a shopping center and back. I felt like the first time I wore pantyhose with shorts. Certain everyone would notice. I didn’t look anyone in the eye. I just slowly walked from one end and back. I didn’t hear any snickering or comments or notice any behavior where I thought anyone noticed anything unusual. That gave me my confidence.
Back then I was thin and had longish hair. Looking back, I seemed to be able to gender bend and pull of androgynous look pretty well. I would go shopping and get asked how I like the pantyhose I’m buying and is it what I’m wearing. Or things like, “oh honey you just reminded me I need some stockings too”, or “sweetie, you have a run in your nylons”.
When I went to dressing fully fem, I would get referred to as her or she. I was honey and sweetie a lot. I don’t recall being called sir or being referred to as him or he.
- May 13, 2018 at 11:15 am #99187
I recently spent nearly a week at Diva Las Vegas and never left my room unless I was presenting as female. Only once was I misgendered and called “Sir”, and that was by a server at a restaurant where I was having a solo lunch. I was shocked at first but when he returned I told him “I didn’t go to all this effort to be called sir.” He dropped immediately into denial but apologized and called me Ma’am the rest of the time I was there.
I don’t know if it hurt or helped the next trans person to eat there, but I hope it raised his awareness. There have been times when I’ve responded via email to the management of an organization or business when they had trouble finding the correct ways to interact or refer to members of our community. I try to keep it professional and not confront or condemn anyone and consider it a teaching moment. I’ve never received a negative response from those contacts particularly when I couch it as a way to make their customer service better than it already was. They like that.
Sarah
- May 13, 2018 at 7:19 pm #99226
Personally, I do not have a problem with being referred to as sir when I am generally presenting as feminine. Be addressed as ma’am, though nice, is not a goal of my dressing feminine, nor is crucial to my view of my gender identity. I am not saying that your opinion and concern in the contrary is wrong. I just wish to bring attention to a differing opinion, and those of us who have different goals in our journeys.
MacKenzie Alexandra
- May 14, 2018 at 12:36 pm #99277
I was in Vegas and bought something at the hotel/casino convenience store en femme. An older asian woman was working the counter and said “Thank you sir, I mean maam.” It was disheartening but I’m glad she corrected it.
- May 15, 2018 at 11:08 am #99425
One of the biggest surprises for me and I should have corrected him when it happened, was when I went to a gay/CD bar one of the very first times I went out. I entered the establishment and the guy at the door took the 5 dollars and said thank you Sir. Now the other times I have been out I was always recognized as female or used the proper pronoun but I would have figured this would have been a no brainer in a place visited by CD and transgenders as well as others of the LGBT community. Kind of upset me and as I say I should have corrected him but I was scared as a grasshopper in a aviary. So I just went and walked in. Only time since I have been referred to but I have not had a lot of interaction with non CD public except waiter staff and they are all really nice and polite at the places we go.
- May 15, 2018 at 4:42 pm #99469AnonymousLady
I have been asked before about my preferred pronoun and simply tell them my name is Carolyne. I have had one female, a lesbian with her partner at a club refer to me as he and before I could even register or respond a man I did not know standing next to me turned and told her “does she look like a man to you? Refer to this lady as a LADY!” Then turned and went back to his friends. She apologized and spent about an hour yaking away with me after that. Usually its drive throughs where I have to really speak up that gets the “sir” thing until I get to the window to pay then its ma’am without missing a beat. I don’t try to get upset unless I think its done as an intentional slight then this girl puts her size 10 heal down and sets the situation straight. Good luck out there with all the jerks ladies.
🍷C
- May 18, 2018 at 12:58 am #99738
It happened to me at my one and only time at the Aussie version of Southern Comfort/Diva Las Vegas, last year. (AKA Transformal.) I was dressed to the nines in my favorite “Mother of the Bride” 3 piece ensemble and trhe barman called me mate!!!!
With circa 200 CD’s there you’d think he would have known better.
But such is “CD La Vie”
Caty
- May 21, 2018 at 6:13 am #100116
Thanks for the input, I was out last week and did get called ma’am made me happy so it felt like i was doing something right.
- June 24, 2018 at 6:40 am #104889
I was ordering lunch via a drive through and somehow reverted to my man voice. When I pulled up to the window with my long dark hair flowing over my shoulders wearing short white shorts, a tank top, and DD breast forms in full makeup and jewelry, I reverted back to my feminine voice and asked, “Who called me sir?” The girl who had taken my order was so apologetic I almost felt bad for her. I had a little laugh and went about my day. I have gotten so used to being recognized as a woman I think I have taken it for granted. I still get pleasure being addressed as “miss” or “ma’am”.
- June 25, 2018 at 9:25 am #105052Anonymous
It happens occasionally to me and although I don’t like it I accept it. Apparently cis-women get called Sir quite often too depending on what they are wearing, how they look physique-wise, etc…
- June 25, 2018 at 9:29 am #105054Anonymous
It happens occasionally to me and although I don’t like it I accept it. Apparently cis-women get called Sir quite often too depending on what they are wearing, how they look physique-wise, etc… so there is no point being hung up about it. I suspect among people who are more traditional it almost seems right to err on the side of the caution so to speak and go with Sir if they are not sure?
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