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  • #342928
    Allie Love
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    Registered On: May 10, 2020
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    My soon to be husband of 4 years came out to me a few days ago. He only came out because I was snooping in his phone. (I know, wrong of me). I have bad trust issues and anxiety but it’s still no excuse. I found searches for “feminization” “forced feminization” “femboy” and “Crossdressers” multiple times. The first few times, he swore up and down it was pop up ads and he never searched anything, he looked me right in the eyes and convinced me for days that he was being honest. A few nights ago, I found it again and I just sobbed, I said please I BEG YOU FOR HONESTY!!! Finally he came out with in. In 37 years he never told ANYONE. We didn’t have much time to talk because it was the middle of the night. The next day he went to work but he called and said he was leaving early because it was a hard day at work. Little did I know, he admitted to me today that he just wanted to get home to me  because he was so terrified that he was going to come home to his bags packed. I offered that we go shopping and get some items, I was expecting just a bra and a skirt. He went full in and you could see his face light up with happiness. He got high heels, pantyhose, a dress, and a matching bra and underwear set. We went home and as he was getting ready to try sex like that, I heard the heels clicking, hot tears streamed down my face but I got myself put together.  I was a mix of emotions and so up and down. I sobbed half the day.  I felt I pushed myself too far. We do feel closer now, it’s strange. But I can’t seem to get over the fact of how EASILY and good of a liar he was before. He swears that he is STRAIGHT and loves woman. He’s not attracted to men. He says the clothes just make him feel sexy and it’s kind of a fetish.  He doesn’t want this outside the bedroom, he said it’s just a sexual thing. I’m struggling to believe he doesn’t feel attracted to men. I can’t convince myself to believe him even though I’m trying. I’ve been a wreck.

    • This topic was modified 8 months ago by Kayla.
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    • #418206
      BillieJay
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: September 21, 2018
      Topics: 211
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      Allie, I love this…

      I hope you can stay the course and explore new things with your SO, as I do with my wife.

      we are also fragile in so many ways, and in most cases we’re not trying to find a way out of our lives, but to enhance them in a total different direction.

      I love that Mrs Jay will explore, shop, and go out with both sides of me, and I hope you get to share that special side of your SO as we do…

       

      BillieJay

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    • #417553
      Trisha Lilly Langdan
      Lady
      Registered On: December 8, 2020
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      Hi Allie, like many of the girls on the site am hetro. Personal I felt the urge to dress since I was 12 now 31. The thought ingrains it’s self in your head and never leaves you. Sooner or later it explodes and there’s nothing you can do about it. You feel guilty and less masculine due to the the thoughts. I personally have no SO and have not had many relationships, it’s a confidence thing, which the thoughts definitely affected.

      If you feel like your partner is moving too quickly tell him how you feel. He’ll slow down for you. When I told my family and friend about how I felt and they accepted it, you get a surge of joy and Trish in my case was finally free. She sprang out, too quickly for them and left them and me a little in shock. My friend, family and me tbh are still trying to get used to Tish. The first few weeks of being free are intence. Just talk to him let him know you are struggling. He’ll understand.

      I haven’t been out for long 3 weeks actually, so don’t know about long term dressing during a relationship. I know any future partners for me I will tell quickly, or know via my attire when they meet me.

      Love Tish

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    • #417534
      Erica Guy
      Lady
      Registered On: August 23, 2019
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      I can assure you he is most likely telling the truth about being straight. I am a straight guy that just likes to get all dolled up. I like to dress up all pretty and enjoy the feel of girly clothes. I am only attracted to women and have no desire to be with another man. I dress often when I am home alone and have found that I often am able to get more household chores done when dressed as Erica than if I were to just wear my everyday man clothes

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    • #417525
      Kara Sumtymes
      Lady
      Registered On: November 16, 2020
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      please,,, take it easy!!! At least he shared this with you he could of kept lying to you but,,,, he didn’t want to do that with you anymore let me tell you,,, it ain’t easy for us (all) of us that do this,,, does he LOVE ❤️ you? Yes of course he luvs you with all his heart 💜 and,,, he never did this to ever hurt you,,, think really how he is,,,, hurt to??? So,,,, C,mon,, understand,,, ok?? Love each other even stronger now 👍 peace all the Best- Kara

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    • #417324
      Lucinda Hawkns
      Lady
      Registered On: September 1, 2015
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      Hello and i see you have a lot of answers from other x dressers. hope you under stand the x dressing world. check out the site while you are here and read some posts that we all put up. we are here to help our self’s under stand , and know we are not alone. it must of been nice going out shopping for female cloths for him. wish my wife would do that to me but i have to buy them my self and in secret, even tho she knows i have dresses, skirts, nylons, panties, bra’s, perfume, make up, ear rings and nail polish, heels, she has seen me dressed up, but will not let me sit in same room as her. but oh well at least i get to dress up and she knows that. hope the best for you both

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    • #417243
      Kitty Van Curen
      Lady
      Registered On: November 3, 2020
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      That’s brutally honest and thank you for the post.

      It must seem weird. For most of us, it isn’t a gay/straight conflict thing. For me personally, it’s an appreciation of femininity, that’s about it… It must be tough to understand, but he’s very likely being completely honest with you. The web-searches? Probably little more than inspiration. I look at that kind of thing quite a lot, it means nothing to me, little more than seeing what others can do. It’s not a sexual thing *at all*

      I hope everything goes well, beyond your own trust issues, there’s most likely – nothing – to worry about. It’s never a good idea to snoop though, findings are often taken out of context, because it’s an ‘assumed’ perception of what the actual reality is. It’s ‘projected’ a ‘worse-case’ scenario, it’s virtually an unconscious act, but the truth is usually somewhat very different.

      Thanks!

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    • #412506
      Shreya Shah
      Lady
      Registered On: April 23, 2020
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      Hi girl,

      I’m not just a cd. Something more than that. It needs courage to come out to your loved one. Results can be more worse after cd come out to Thier partner or Thier family. Your husband has gathered courage and it’s now upto to you too accept it out decline. But if you would ask me I’ll say you should accept because these is the time he needs support. You can support him simultaneously you can try to limit him upto cding . Not doing more than that. If you’ll leave him he might push himself further. In my suggest accept it and support him to dress sometimes. It’s just matter of your bedroom. That’s it.

       

      ❣️

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    • #412500
      Dave Diablo
      Lady
      Registered On: November 19, 2020
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      Thank you for this post. I have only been here a very short while, but have been on the Earth quite long. Initially I put up a post with a small amount of background info, just to “warm” others to this totally frustrating position some of us men are in. I did also put up a post, quite similar to yours, but it was removed for being too “sexual”. Funny, because the outline of my post was similar to yours, but deemed too “naughty”, yet yours is thanked by everyone and their neighbour.
      So it was refreshing to see that I am not alone in this situation that your husband is in…..or should that be, “you and I are the honest ones”?
      I can most certainly associate myself with your hub. What goes on in our heads is just not describable. If he is as I then he is telling you the truth. We do not intend to deceive our partners. There is some sort of overwhelming desire to enact fantasies of dressing in womens clothing and having sex. In all honesty, if I could take a pill in the morning and it makes me lose that desire…and stop me from being horney nearly 24/7…I would take it without question. I have no interest in men either, never have, never will.
      What you found on his phone may not be what he has been looking at all his life. I tried, (in the post that was removed), to show that some of us have only recently discovered this “feminisation”, “forced fem”, “sissy”, type of scenarios. Yes, years on Earth, always loved to think about cd’ing, did a small “secret” bit, but never really had the opportunity, or partner, to enact the full fantasy. So we “secretly” think about it. Then at some stage we scan the net, and this could be in your 40’s, 50’s, 60’s…and you are faced with a barrage of that which you describe. I was completely awe-struck when I first saw these images. I honestly did not know this even existed, and I most certainly have not had a privileged or sheltered lifestyle. I have been a hard working man with a family that are now leading their own lives. I do not suffer fools or the P.C. correction brigade. I do not lie, but I also do not tell of my fantasies to a partner…..and your post is one reason why. Your hubby got found out, I bet he was absolutely horrified by your discovery, but in a way…relieved.
      Now before I discovered those “fem” images, etc., that you found, I was quite content continuing as I had been. I knew I would never find a woman that would “completely” accept my fetish, so I just accepted that fact and continued with my life. Sometimes it’s tough, because the hormones, chemicals in the body, getting horney, just makes the cd’ing thoughts stronger…..but what are you going to do? Nothing. Many here are into completely dressing as a woman and going out in public, and that’s their choice. Some of us know we are never going to look like a woman, but we are not trying to, we are simply drawn to the feel of the material which excites us sexually. We are drawn to the lingerie…..don’t ask me why, I have not a clue. We want sex whilst dressed like this. It is more a sexual fetish than a “wanting to be a woman”. Those sites he looked at unfortunately give you the wrong impression. I have to agree with him though, they turn me on also, but not in the way they are depicted. It is the thought of your partner being dominant and taking the lead in the bedroom. He is thinking of you doing that to him, for sexual purposes only. After the sex he returns to his “normal” self, as do I. It is like a volcano needing to erupt and when it does, it goes back to normal. You do not need to enact these scenarios every time you have sex, but understand that this fetish will never leave him. He does love you, he wants to stay with you, but he now does not know how going forward this will be in the long-term. You do not need to worry about him being gay, from what you have written he seems to be in the mind-set as myself.
      These sexual inhibitions for women are all related to the church, and that is fact. Anyone that has bothered to learn history knows that before the arrival of the church and religion, women had many partners, they were sexually aware and enacted whatever fantasies they had. Women have been kept, “in their place” through laws, the church, and the way our civilisation has progressed, (if progressed is the correct term, because have we really progressed?).

    • #411713
      rebekka moore
      Lady
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 77
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      Hi Allie,

      I have not read all of the responses, which I’m sure are full of great suggestions and advice.  The Gurls here are lovely and gracious with that.  Let me speak from my experience and note, my wife does not at all accept what I do.

      1, your husband to be (or husband by now), is not a “liar”.  This is such a difficult thing to deal with.  Society is not accepting despite “all lives matter” sort of propaganda.  We learn at an early age that such things are evil, there must be something wrong with us.  In some cases we feel intense guilt for what we are doing, so we purge (throw out) everything we have and vow never to do it again until a trigger sets us off again.  It is a vicious cycle.

      2, the way in which you found out (snooping), is a big violation of his privacy.  This I’m sure terrified him.  I know this because I snooped on my wife, when I suspected she was having a relationship with someone else.  It is a horrible thing to do.

      3, it took a lot for him to come clean because of all of this.  I’m sure it was a huge weight off his shoulders.   In some cases (like mine), “coming out” only intensifies that weight because my wife is so put off by it.

      4, he (nor many of us), do not dress because we are gay or attracted to the same sex.  In fact I would assert it is quite the opposite.  Dressing has made me more attracted to females, my wife in particular.  Why is this?  Because she (and women), look so good in their clothes and we want to emulate that and feel the same things.  (this is not true for everyone, but it is for me).

      5, I’m so glad you have found a way to be accepting.  It will (as I’m sure you have experienced) strengthen your relationship.  The fact that he now can share something so intimate and personal about himself must put him over the top.

      I wish you both the best of everything, and please don’t snoop.  It will drive you both crazy.

      Love and Hugs,

      Rebecka

    • #410584
      Amber Smith
      Lady
      Registered On: March 27, 2020
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      I’ve been attracted to women’s clothes for almost my entire life and though your husband and I are not the same person i can tell you that many of us are not in any way attracted to men. We enjoy dressing and feeling/looking pretty, its that simple. Don’t over complicate it. Its a complicated issue, i know, but don’t make it more ao in your head

      • #412511
        Anne-Marie
        Lady
        Registered On: August 26, 2018
        Topics: 4
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        Slightly off topic but an issue which has been brought up in this topic.

        \having pondered for some time the nature of sexual relationships and gender, it does seem to me that – generally speaking – homosexual men do tend to like (be sexually atracted to) other masculine men. Having encountered a number of outwardly gay men, this does seem to be the case. Surely if gay men were attracted to femanine people (and I am still talking generally) then they would be more likley atracted to women than men.

        To put this into context of the origional post. I would advise that if, Allie Love, you are wondering if you partner is gay, and if his sexuallity has an impact on his relationship with you, ask yourself this question, if he is gay then why is he with me? If his sexual preference was for men then, surely,  he simply would not be interested in you and therfore not be with you.

        If you are able to come to accept him as a man who does at times wear (what are thought off as) femanine style clothes this will in time be such a blessing to you. He will be much closer to you and more understanding and appreciative of you because he will be more in touch with himself and his relationship with you. he will also be very appreciative of you and your acceptance of who he is and your suppport for him.

        My very best wishes to the both of you.

        Anne-Marie

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        • #417564
          Laura Lovett
          Lady
          Registered On: March 26, 2020
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          I can put the generalisation that gay men are not attracted to feminine men to bed right now!

          Last night I was almost fighting them off – I was in a gay pub that I have been to many times before, and only had one or two flirty men talk to me. Usually, it is women – cis gender more than lesbian.

          Last night I had so many gay men trying to touch, but, kiss, flirt outrageously… It’s a good thing I’m not a homophobe, but, even after a few drinks, I feel no attraction to men. I get cold prickles, uncomfortable, like spikes in my skin when a man touches me.

          At one point, someone touched my bare arm, and it felt warm and delicious. They were tugging at an exposed strap, so I turned around and saw that it was a GG. She said she had OCD about exposed straps, and we laughed and joked about tucking things in, and all manner of stuff you talk about in fun. There was no claustrophobic feeling of being hunted, as with the men.

          But the men liked the look I’d created – a nice female image is a nice female image, and it’s not difficult to tell I’m a cross dresser because of my height.

          People are attracted to people they’re attracted to.

          Duh! State the obvious, Laura!

          Sorry – hung over. Great night!!!!

          Love Laura

    • #376076
      Josline
      Baroness
      Registered On: December 24, 2017
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      In reply to your message , I would like to add and assure you that your husband is a Crossdresser who loves women outfits only , because he love to feel the beauty of women as we all do ,,this is nothing to do with men at all ,,,,he is not a gay …matter of fact he is the opposite ….we all as crossdressers love  , adore ,understand , and respect women in all her beauty and loveliness they  possess ….Yes he did not tell you the full truth by denying all the facts you have seen unwillingly because he was afraid to loose you for misinterpretation his nature ….Be assured he loves you more than anything in the world because he understand your feelings ,emotions ,and wants to be part with you as your sister and friend ….So please open your heart to the woman he is …and he will surprise you with his loveliness

    • #356091
      Nick Lacroix
      Lady
      Registered On: February 3, 2020
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      Hi Allie.

      I have been with my fiance for seven years now and jusy last year she discovered a hidden stash of makeup with my clothes. Naturally at first she thought I was being unfaithful but when I told her I’ve been experimenting with crossdressing she was very much relieved but also nervous. She felt that I might someday want a sex change. Currently right now I don’t think that, I just like dressing up. It puts me in a peaceful place I’ve been looking for for months. Just because he likes being a woman doesn’t make him a bad person or wantinga sex change. People do things to put themselves in their peaceful place, some better than others. Be thankful it’s not drugs he’s hooked on.I find this as a beautiful way to express that feminine side men have but can’t express.

    • #354716
      Wendy Ohara
      Lady
      Registered On: August 31, 2017
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      Hi

      I came out to my SO last night, and although she doesnt want to see, she is not repulsed. She has always known about me wearing panties ( I didnt feel the need ). But since moving to my own place I have gone full on with lingerie, dresses, skirts, high heels and even breastforms. I am 100% heterosexual, but I feel really good dressed up.Think from your point of view, yes lying is wrong, I told my SO straight away. Keep hold of he has now told you, is not an easy subject to throw in a conversation.Keep conversing with him about it. Enjoy it if you can, you now have a girlfriend as well now.

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    • #346380
      patty williams
      Lady
      Registered On: January 19, 2019
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      Hi Allie I am a little late to this post so it may not be of any help.

      My name is Patty andI am happily married and my wife knows .

      My crossdressing is more sexually driven but n0t all sexual.

      I am not attracted to men in the least bit I love my wife very much and she is the only one for me sexually.

      My dressing isn’t all sexual I love so much just shopping and trying cloths on or shoes.

      Allie you will probably find there are bounderies or parts of crossdressing that you just can’t deal with.

      My wife does not want Patty in the bedroom,That is one of her boundaries.

      You will need to determine what if any that you have and communicate that with your husband.

      It sounds like your husband loves you and you love him so please talk about all of these things with your husband and I think you two can make it work.

      Don’t get me wrong sweety my crossdressing has put me on the edge of divorce a couple times however we both love it other and feel our marriage is worth the effort to make it work.

      Hang in there I know you two can make it work.

      Patty

    • #346336
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
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      I have often had the feminization dream – but it was/is very important to me that all participants are female.

      It’s an entirely heterosexual dream for me, but probably 50/50 sexual.

      In my earliest dreams, I had a good female friend of my own age, who would want me to be dressed like her, and insist that I wore one of her dresses, and panties.

      Then, we would simply play childish games as girls together.

      The sexual part crept in during my teens, naturally.

      The big trigger that made me realise that I am, in fact, a cross dresser, and there’s nothing I can do about it, was during a games lessons, aged 13.

      I was never sporty – in fact, I hated PE, as everyone seemed so much better at it than me – and few boys want to be seen as the worst at anything.

      The physical reason was that I had grown to 6 feet by the age of 12, and my muscles couldn’t keep up – it’s normal for tall, slender guys, but no-one tells you that, so you feel like a weedy freak. Everyone takes every opportunity to tell you that, so the perception of yourself as useless grows.

      Anyway, the trigger was during a football  (soccer!) lesson.

      I just was not getting the offside rule, and my team mates were fed up with with me, the opposing team were fed up with me, and so was the games master.

      He asked if I would like to see the girls games teacher, wear frilly knickers and a short skirt and go and play hockey with the girls.

      What could I say?

      I wanted that more than anything, of course I did – but I could no more admit it in front of the other boys than I could deny this deep desire.

      The silence must surely have given me away, but, to my surprise, I never got the teasing I deserved, which could have steered my life onto a new and dangerous, possibly deadly path in the late 1970s.

      Instead, I became so anxious about the next games lesson, that I deliberately left my kit at home the following week, then panicked as I realised that I would get in trouble and wear dirty kit from the lost property – wear other boys dirty clothes?

      Ugh!!!

      I’d rather have died.

      On fact, it was so bad, I did try to force, by hurling myself from my bicycle to the pavement head first, at speed.

      I came round from a coma 2 days later in hospital, and the first thing I said was “Oh no, I shouldn’t be here!”.

      I tried to starve myself by not eating anything in hospital and could hardly walk when I left, at 6′ 2″ and 6 stones.

      Somehow I got through my teens, so the story ends well – but I don’t believe that society should put such needless anxiety and pressure to conform on minor points like clothing, or quirky, harmless character traits.

      I still cross dress, obviously, and it’s still my fantasy to be “forced” to wear female clothes, such as the rare occasions when my wife asks me to dress female for costume parties with her female friends. That is so lovely – to feel like the way I’m dressed has been out of my control – that some lady has wanted me to dress that way, it’s hard to express the deep and lasting joy it brings!

       

      Love Laura

       

       

    • #346315
      Debbie J
      Lady
      Registered On: April 24, 2019
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      First, I want to say that your story is what every straight CD dreams of.

      Second, I am married to a wonderful woman who is very straight, very straight-laced, and very much of the mindset that men are men and women are women and that’s the end of the story. I love her dearly, and I’d be miserable without her, but I don’t dare tell her. I’m completely purged (in case you’re unaware, that means that I threw away all my feminine things, before we got married) but I miss it a lot, both as a sexual fetish and as a means of relaxation.

      What I’m getting at there is that I would not cheat on my wife, but telling her is just out of the question. Occasionally she’ll find some trace of that part of my life and I just laugh it off because telling her is too much of a risk.

      I hope that gives you some insight into some of the things that may be going through your husband’s head.

    • #346104
      Jin Crocker
      Lady
      Registered On: November 15, 2019
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      Heard a movie quote yesterday, “Relax, life is a mess.” Just goes to show that curve-balls come at random.

      Love is genderless. Dressing and acting female is not always a sexual thing, often it is just fashion, sometimes fantasy.

      My advice to you is to go with it. “Make” him feminine and he will always be yours.

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    • #346097
      Sapphire Ribbons
      Lady
      Registered On: June 2, 2018
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      Allie,

      As stated before the “lie” is something I had to live with for a long time. That learned behavior is what made me feel shame and guilt with previous relationships. This is not who I am and ultimately ruined those relationships. Because I am heterosexual and love women my next relationship I decided to be open and true to who I am and that is …
      I am a Crossdresser! Not only do I like to dress in woman’s clothes, I like to express my femininity! It helps me escape the pressures of an image society places on me because I was born with the male anatomy. Well I happen to like pretty colorful things and connected to nature in a way to appreciate it and not kill it! So now I choose how I want to live my life ,and that’s getting dolled up !
      Now my fiancée actually adores who I am and encourages me to do what makes me happy! She loves when I dress ! And who doesn’t look sexy in lingerie! My openness creates a beautiful bond and I love her so much and I never have to lie again! I’ve said this before “ congratulations this could be the best thing that ever happened to you”! Giggles!

      Peace& love and heels 👠

      Sapphire

    • #346091
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Princess
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
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      Hi Allie I just read your post. My heart goes out to you. I could feel your freight in your words. It is scary when you first find out about your husbands desire to express him self in the female gender. You are right it is not normal according everything we have been told when we were young. I hope i can shed a little understanding for you. I can only tell you about me not your husband. This is what i believe. We all assume that our brain matches our born sex when we are first born. If you are born with a penis you are celebrated, dressed and treated accordingly. I do not believe i was i ever dressed in pretty clothes and told how pretty i was over and over when i was young i do not remember that. I do remember wanting those things when i got a little older. I identify with the female gender. I wanted to look and be like the people who i identify with but i was told that it was not right because i was a boy and boys do not dress in girls clothes and those who do are some type of sissy boy not a real boy not a girl but something that was not good. So we begin our life believing that how we felt was wrong. We do not trust how we feel. We just do what we are told and keep our feelings a secret. why i identify with the female gender i really do not know and there are so many theories out there and so many of us are still trying to figure it out. It really gets confusing for most of us when we come to understand that if you like dressing and acting like girls you must like boys. Sexual desires and gender identity are two separate things. I adore woman every aspect of them. I desire them as most here do the same. The problem i have had my entire life is i wanted my identity to be confirmed by the outside world. I wanted to hear those words you are so pretty it would just send me into heaven. The best way to hear those words is to dress pretty and cute as you know. No one is going to tell you that you are pretty if you are dressed and act like a boy. Just because you choose to wear boys clothes does not mean you are attracted to girls. So the sexual attraction please keep separate. There are so many things we will never understand about becoming a woman We just do not have the body to confirm that and none of us had to experience of growing up a girl because we were told that it was not right to even think that way so the secret goes deeper. We feel shame and guilt whenever we feel that way. We all have to express how we feel some times. So some of us just express it in private when we are alone and others have just said screw it i am tired of hiding my feelings. It is when some of want to understand WHY? we have those feelings we begin exploring who we are as a person. We start by asking questions on the internet trying to find out if there are others like us that have the same feelings So here we are there are so many people that have those feelings that there brain did not match there body. We have found out that there are 3 generations of people from all over the world mostly all married to woman who know an a lot that do not know .Some of us are attracted to men that is who they are sexually attracted to not just because they dress like woman because they just find men attractive. I think you understand that also. Take the time to understand that takes communication from your husband he is still the man you married he just identifies with who you identify with the female gender. If you can come to understand it better. It will either bring you closer or tear you apart that is up to you. He did nothing wrong. He can not change who he is. You can help him be a better person as he can help you. The way it works in my marriage of 38 years is simple My wife is in charge of the money spent on all clothing. We can be like teenage girls spending on what looks and feels good at the time. You do understand that part. I tell her where i am going and who i an going to be with when going out. If i am going out to private club for CDs. She has visited club and met many members and there wives. Some wives prefer not to see it at all others find it cute and funny. Acceptance with both people is the base of a great marriage. Give it a try and see what happens. There is something very special about your husband that attracted you. You and he deserve happiness in this short life. Hope this helps.                                                                     Luv Stephanie

      • #346397
        Charlene Victoria
        Lady
        Registered On: November 29, 2016
        Topics: 17
        Replies: 79
        Has thanked: 417 times
        Been thanked: 401 times

        Thank you Stephanie for crafting an excellent, thoughtful and helpful reply.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #343649
      Paula Here
      Lady
      Registered On: April 13, 2020
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 48
      Has thanked: 192 times
      Been thanked: 243 times

      Hi Allie,

      I have only recently come out to my wife.  I was terrified. I have been with her for 32 years and been in love with her for 43, since i saw her for the first time.  I have only ever been with her.  I have been crossdressing since I was young.  she had no idea.  After the conversation with her, i was excited.  I stopped being completely secretive about my femme things. I came out of the bedroom is a skirt, blouse and high heals.  My clip on earings were on the desk in the office.  she was shocked.  I have always been an alpha male in her eyes, and the sight and realization i wear womens clothes was to much to fast.  She thought i was transitioning right in front of her.  I am not, I do not want to become a woman, I want to have the ability to expeirence the beautiful clothes that women get to wear.  Match bra and panties, High heels, short skirts, soft jeans, and shirts.  I needed to learn from my wife what she is willing to see and take part in.  The boundaries are different depending on the situation.  Currently our adult child is home with us, so no dressing at all.  I am trying my best, but the call of the red lace panties in the drawer is hard to ignore some mornings.

      My advice is simple be open and honest with your husband with were your comfort level is and he should respect it.

      Paula

    • #343473
      Dana
      Registered On: February 7, 2018
      Topics: 29
      Replies: 155
      Has thanked: 509 times
      Been thanked: 607 times

      Sometimes our truth can be so scary that yes we can lie with a straight face looking directly into your eyes. For many here this secret has been with us since child hood. So it’s learned behavior. The good news was how he came home early so worried you had his bags packed. That’s a sign of his desire to be with you. The question is can you trust him. Well that depends on what you don’t want him to do. Take some time go slow discover who this new person is. Communicate and listen. If he’s willing find a therapist who specializes in gender and have some sessions to get the ball rolling. Remember feelings are not facts. Trust until you have facts that something is wrong. I wish you both the same happiness my wife and i have found. My dressing has brought us closer than ever.

      Good luck

      Dana 💋❤️

    • #342984
      Sophie Loren
      Baroness
      Registered On: April 26, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 8
      Has thanked: 16 times
      Been thanked: 96 times

      Hi Allie,
      Thanks for your story. I recently found out about my husband too. I am hoping he will come out the way your husband has. My husband did NOT want to go shopping when I suggested it. And got angry when I asked him to wear his panties for me.

      My husband and I have always had a very active and open sexual relationship (until recently). Private message me if you ever want to talk.

      • This reply was modified 8 months ago by Kayla.
    • #342980
      Anonymous
      Registered On:
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 94
      Has thanked: 156 times
      Been thanked: 284 times

      allie, sweetie, don’t worry, your concern is normal and understandable but I think you are losing perspective in some aspects, of which I am going to give you my perspective and with which I hope not to say something inappropriate in your current situation of confusion
      The first thing is to clarify to you that being a crossdresser is not synonymous with being gay, there are many straight men who are crossdressers and love their wives and they like women, your fear comes from a prejudice that is not based on reality, just read some of Post  here and you will  see that many are heterosexual and at the same time have that desire to dress in women’s clothing.
      the second is that according to the facts your husband is clearly heterosexual, that is why your intimate sex life improved, because your husband is now free to be himself and share his wishes with you, if it were not so, your love life would not have changed at all , even if you had found out his cross-dressing, the truth for any straight man,  is  not easy to admit that he is crossdresser because people immediately judge him as gay, as you are doing, with this I do not want to offend anyone of course, but the fact of being crossdresser does not should automatically identify us as gay, being gay is a sexual orientation like being  heterosexual but it  does not affect the desire and impulses to be crossdresser
      Thirdly, darling, life and God has given you a great gift for both of you to enjoy, the gift of truth so that he can be himself and be a better husband with you and you finally know what moves and excites your partner, in other words you know him better and your relationship and your bond as a couple improve, my recommendation is that keep your mind open to try to understand,  talk to him many times but do not prejudge him because in the end he is the one who has had to bear this great weight in his life, that you do not know what it feels like, loneliness, misunderstanding with yourself, pressure within you to please society, against our own wishes, I wish you  the best of luck and in what we can collaborate we are here to help , hugs felicity

    • #342930
      Olivia Livin
      Lady
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
      Topics: 37
      Replies: 1486
      Has thanked: 6691 times
      Been thanked: 3605 times

      Allie

      You’ve been much stronger than many! And thank you for your efforts. Welcome and I hope you find someuseful and positive answers from coming here. You need to have some leel of comfort in this too in order to make things work out in the long term. It sounds like there needs to be more discussions. You’ve shown that you’re not running or kicking him out, so he can get a sense of safety and trust. Its his turn to convince you that that trust is warranted by explaining openly and honestly what he feels. It can’t be all one-sided to either of you, compromise and mutual respect works in most relationships.

      I wish you both much luck, it can be good, I live it with my gf.

      Msg me if you wish

      Olivia

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