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Please know that I’m not complaining. I’m just suggesting that we encourage more and better sharing. Let me say two things:
- I spent my career in government service, so I get data-forms.
- I’m a car-nut, so I know how car enthusiasts look at cars.
What do those things mean? I know why forced or multiple choice options were chosen for the profile quiz – to limit variables and collect data. OK, but now that CDH is really a thing, let’s do better and get some useful and accurate answers. Here’s where the car guy thing comes in. Today many particularly European cars have transmissions that are called “manual,” but don’t have a clutch. So, if you’re looking for a true-manual, you have to sort through hundreds of pictures to see if a car has a clutch. The questions in our profile section give forced responses that are not accurate and, thus, make no sense and make it difficult to assess commonality with fellow members. If the birthdate indicates you’re 60, you’ve been dressing for 40 years, and your first time was at 50, it doesn’t add up. If you’re married, your spouse knows, you’re in stealth mode, but you’ve shared with friends, what does that look like? And, who the heck dresses once a month? I’m just wondering if we could form a group to decide what in the profile would better serve our desire to make friends.
FAM
I couldn’t agree more, Falecia!
One issue which you haven’t mentioned is the fact that profiles don’t currently have to be completed in full – most, if not all, questions should be mandatory. So many members have completed (often only partially) the Name, About Me and Location sections but nothing else. Incomplete profiles often give very little information about the new member upon which existing members can base requests for friendship.
I think it would be very useful for a group to determine what information is needed, as a minimum, from prospective members before they can join CDH. At risk of being little contentious (and I don’t want to upset anybody) perhaps existing members with incomplete profiles should be required to update them.
Diane
More detail certainly helps me when considering a friend request or sending a request 💐💐
Hi Felicia
Its true that it would be helpful to have more information on other members when we’re considering friendship requests or just finding common points for starting a conversation with someone. I attempt to do the latter even when I’m just looking to reply to a new member intro, I’ve been struggling as of late because a software glitch had made profiles non existent for me.
BUT
Consider the fact that many members are very deeply closeted and have a huge fear of discovery, however remote. For some it may have taken weeks to even get up the nerve to register on the site at all. Even when many do give information we have no idea of its accuracy, again partially to hide their true identity.
I think that encouraging members to re-visit their profile info once they’ve become more comfortable with themselves and with the great supportive members here might be an idea. Updating that same info for those of us that have been members for a while would also be helpful, I have twice as things have progressed on my journey. Making the information mandatory would only serve to further scare away many potential good members that both gain and give much encouragement, or simply give useless and false information.
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I am 72 also JessicaRachel
The poll kind of got away on me before I could clarify. I was not overly concerned with those who left things blank. I was more concerned that the questions be more intuitive regarding the CD phenomenon. I wouldn’t want anyone to be outed. For example – I’ll make myself the guinea pig.
- I have not gone out fully dressed for years. I don’t know if I ever will again. But I often go out dressed in totally female clothing items while presenting as a male.
- At one point I used to do many household chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying bills, yard work) either partially or completely dressed. Now I do this only when I’m alone in the house – in the yard only when the neighbors are gone – because my wife wasn’t comfortable anymore.
- I’m 72, started dressing at 13, got married at 25, began examining the why at 35, began to understand at 45, got married at (told her) 48, got comfortable at 52, developed the androgynous thing at 55, still slip into heels and a simple shift when alone at home.
If we could encourage people to share their stories with better prompts, that would be my objective. Maybe a continuum query? We all have unique stories and yet our credibility lies in the patterns and cycles of our compulsion to wear feminine clothing. It’s the commonality that helps us all cope with the uniqueness. But there should be honesty. If my wife read my posts, she would recognize me. When you read my posts, you might recognize yourselves!
FAM
I think a more complete set of demographic information might be interesting sociologically, however while I have posted data focused questions, I’m most interested in motivation. What led you to crossdressing? Why do you do it? What do you enjoy most about it? I love talking to other cds because we are a kind, caring and empathetic community. I can’t find that anywhere else.
Excellent points you bring up, Falecia, and I am also concerned about many of the things you mention.
Top of my list is the friendship request. I get one from someone I have never heard of and have never seen any activity from them on CDH. So I go to their photos and see nothing. Then I go to their profile and find it blank! Why in the world are they requesting friendship? They are a complete stranger!
Yes I know, many of us walk a fine line, and for these people, it can be tricky just how much information they want to share. In the support group I am a member of, we have very strict privacy rules, which are enforced.
Hugs,
Peggy Sue
So I have seen the coloration between well written profiles that are fully completed, with ladies truly wanting support and real help from the CDH site. The profiles that barely contain a full female name and have no profile information, are almost always some sort of troll figure looking to get their jollies off at our expense. I know this isn’t a deep idea, none the less, still a very true idea. We need to find a way to encourage ladies to fill their profiles out completely as to help us get to know them better and help weed out trolls. Is there a setting that makes one HAVE to fill out the profile 100% or you can’t access the site till you do? Real ladies looking for help and support would have no issue doing that, where a troll would not waste the time to do that as they are lazy creatures. Just a thought….
Kisses, Samantha Roarke
I agree wholeheartedly with you Samantha (and the others who have made the same point). It is so easy to submit a partially completed profile to gain membership of CDH that it is very easy for trolls to join, have a snoop around and even look at private photos which are intended for members only (and which the members concerned might be horrified if they knew that a troll was looking at them 0r, worse still, copying them).
Yes, it can take a lot of nerve to apply to join CDH. I mulled it over for quite a while before I joined and was nervous when filling the application out. A troll doesn’t need to think so hard. If it is easy to fill a form out in part and still get to join CDH the trolls have achieved their objective. It must be possible to require every field in an application form to be completed in full before the form can be submitted and, in part that was the reason why I suggested that existing members should be asked to update their profiles. Legitimate applicants and members respectively wouldn’t mind. Trolls are less likely to be willing to go so far.
I don’t want to discourage any prospective crossdresser from joining our community – that is exactly what we want, but I do want us to do as much as we can to protect existing members from trolls. Requiring an application form to be completed in full would, in my view, be a step in the right direction.
Diane
I’m 71…
Trolls aside, I assume that those who don’t fill in much information are worried about security. I don’t know how bullet-proof the CDH site is, but people also need to understand that they need to consistently clear their browser cache so that no one can stumble upon their history. Other, more secure browser options might be Brave, TOR, etc.
And yes, vacant profiles can be cause for concern…
Even consistency between editing and viewing would be helpful. When I’m editing, it asks “Has your dressing experience evolved over time? If so, how has it changed?” I answered “Yes. Yadda yadda yadda.”
But when viewing it says “Evolution of your dressing.” Here the “Yes” in front of the text looks out of place.
Hey Gang,
Now that this has been out there a few days, I’ve realized that I wasn’t the only one troubled by skimpy and/or contradictory profiles. While my original intent was not create additional burdens for new or existing members, the wonderful and insightful comments of our stalwarts has brought me around. I’m now on the side of those who believe that a number of profile entries ought to be required. Verification is, of course, unrealistic, but we know the BS. In addition, the burden of completing a profile is underwhelming for those we hope to be vital contributing members. Most of us want to share because we are eager to learn, listen, and influence. I already know, for example, that my many years of CD experience has been valuable for many. I also know that I found comfort in the understanding of others. In this human condition, credibility IS vital!
FAM
As most of you know, I greet most every new member and as part of that greeting I encourage folks to complete their profile AND to do an intro post in the new member forum. I get replies from about 40-50% of the folks I greet and many MANY of them (including many who commented here) in their replies area)so happy to get acknowledgement from someone (some for the first time in their lives):b) are often VERY nervous for the same reason; and c) want to explore the site before committing and opening up more about themselves. Many also have a hard time navigating the site or are “technically challenged”.
While I understand the desire to learn more about folks and I certainly support the idea of ENCOURAGING better completion of the profile page, I would NOT want to make it mandatory. While some folks are comfortable sharing immediately- the will open up over time. I was one of those and I suspect many of you were as well if you think back. Not accepting a friend request from those who haven’t completed much of their profile is fine. But we have an excellent team of ambassadors who review accounts and profiles and pics etc as well as the chat room and I think most of you would agree that most trolls do not last long here at CDH. Each of YOU are part of our watchdog team too. If you see something inappropriate on the site or are approached by someone in an inappropriate manner, all you need do is notify an ambassador and it will be addressed immediately.Many of you have done that in the past and by all means please keep doing so! And DO encourage folks to open up but be patient. Think back to when you were first opening up to others and were terrified.
Just my opinion!
CynWell said…. cyn..
As for me and many have mentioned. More information about someone through a profile usually results on more replies. Many open up more as their comfortable levels improve.
This is a wonderful site to many and were always there for anyone whose interested in joining our community.
Stephanie 🌷
Hi Felicia: I agree that the more information someone can provide, the better. However, when joining, many do not want to divulge personal information that may reveal who they are. I encourage gurls to add what they feel comfortabe with and don’t push it. When they become more comfortabe, many add to their profile. Crew and Ambssadors can alo encourage this, but don’t push it. Everyone has their own time. Respect that!
Hugs, W
Falecia, I answered yes, as it is good to have accurate information about the person. However, as has been mentioned, some are very shy about sharing much info when joining. Also, things change along the way, perhaps months after joining, and folks don’t thing of updating their profile.
I recently did, and discovered a bit of conflicting information. I did start borrowing my Mom’s things about 12, only it wasn’t till 2018 that I decided to go all out and dress completely en femme.
All that said, anything that could be done to improve accuracy is a good thing, and those parts someone doesn’t feel comfortable with, can just be left blank.
Not on topic, but in another part of my life, I’m well known as a “car guy”.
Amy
I have noticed that quite a few members don’t include their ages in their profiles. I’m sure that many don’t want to do so because they are shy and worried about being found out and this is perfectly understandable. Just a thought, but why not have age range options for those who don’t want to give the exact birthdate (e.g. 20- 30; 30-40 etc)? At least that way other members can at least have a rough idea of the age of the new member.
Hi Felecia i put no. This is a social environment. Not a Government or place of employent.. If some one is inaccurate about there profile it could be they just donot remember and they put anything that is close. Ladies let us not forget this is a friendly, nurturing understanding and very welcoming environment. I see no problem suggesting that members be reminded they first, have a profile and they can update it if they wish and bring a calculator ha ha. I believe CDH is similar to a great restaurant started by a special chef. The Chef’s skills are the mechanics. The passion and love, the joy of cooking for others the feeling the chef creates when setting up the dining room. Just making people FEEL comfortable and relaxed and wanting to share their experience with others by inviting them to a special place to have a bite to eat. The customers of those restaurants even take ownership. It becomes theirs. It is their special place. It does not matter if they are billionaires or simple pipefitters. When you begin to reguest accurate information from anyone we have learned that ALARM BELLS should go off in your head. Now i question what is going to happen to my very private very secret information. Information that has been kept in most cases in my head for most of our lives. You are starting to scare me. Luv Stephanie
Thanks Stephanie,
I believe your points are well made. I did not open this topic because I felt people should necessarily share MORE but because so much seemed inaccurate. I initially suggested that we make the profile more open ended so that members be allowed to share, perhaps anecdotally, so that we got a better picture of their path along their journey. I wasn’t thinking of a test-of-credibility but more as an opportunity to learn about another traveler. Number of years and age-when-begun were irrelevant in themselves, but inconsistency was confusing. I read your profile and found it very helpful in assessing your sincerity. I came away feeling, “This is a person who gets it!” Why is that important? Because, those of us who get it aren’t out to prove anything, change anyone’s mind, or impress anyone with the depth of our fantasies. We’re here because we want to connect with another human being who shares the frightening, powerful, and even magnificent compulsion to engage in the feminine! Perhaps, then, the answer is for people to tell some of their story in narration and include time and age only if it aids in the telling.
FAM
Hi Felecia I just took to the time to look at my profile there are some inconsistencies. It read i am single . I have not been single for over 38 years. Most information is correct fortunately. I do not even remember filling out that what ever it is to join I just joined blindly and with apprehensive trust. I am not sure now how i even found this place. I think i as invited by a hologram of Vannesa . Not sure now. There was something about what she said that allowed me to trust her. I remember thinking this could be a place were i could relax, not be judged and share a few stories. I did not even think of it as a place.that could help me. I was in the process of seeking the advice of the so called experts and paying her $150. oo per 45 minute sessions. I could not afford it but i did it anyway. It was that important to me. I even rejected her thoughts when she told me i was a woman in a male body. I was not going for it. She began talking about voice therapy and how it could help me. I was not buying it. Sorry for getting off subject. Now back to CDH . It was easy to join CDH. There was no risk financially. I believe there was a 1 month free trial. It was not intrusive. I felt comfortable sharing information. i really did not believe that some else could think like i did. I just thought i was weird MY point is there are so many of us still out there. I see them and i feel so bad when i see a younger person cruising the ladies dept just as i did. Maybe it would be best to remind members to update there profile so we can look back at where we started and how far we have come. There are no real facts about why we have the desire to express our selves in the feminine. We have to go on our feminine instincts and feelings to determine what is safe and not. I know you understand. I do understand other members and there concerns. We all have to remember what it is like to be alone and having a secret that can be so overwhelming and you feel cannot share it with anyone. Then you have arrived at CDH and you are asked to share information about yourself that no one knows about. I mean no one. Then you are ask to tell the truth in different terms of course. When you do not even know the truth you are trying to figure that out. Now i feel like a old lady. It time to get cute and pretty. Enjoy your femininity It is what makes us special Luv Stephanie
I cannot remember what I put in my profile. Perhaps need to check.
Whatever it says though, I bet it’s to much.
I’m a very private person, don’t generally do social media because of that and am very guarded about aspects of my private life. Not because I have things to hide but because it’s not really anybody else’s business and I prefer to tell chosen people – usually when they become significant parts of my life – about who I am.
Take care girls.
Anne-Marie.
I personally like to see and read good profiles but I also understand many are new, shy and may not even know what to say or write. I feel many join and plan to Update ASAP but never get around to it (I’m guilty of this all the time).
A vague profile will definitely make me hesitant to “Friend” someone.
Is mine the best?-certainly not but I did answer most questions here and post a few photos (max available for my account I think). Some other sites I belong to have rather lengthy bio’s.
Sandy
I understand the issues of filling in profiles and that the individual may be very shy in admitting to them selves and the rest of the forum various pieces of personal information as this may be the first time that they are declaring them selves as being part of /under the umbrella term of the Transgender community.
It may be that they fill in the bare minimum to get initial access to the site then forget or leave the profile page as is, as there are no benefits to completing more information and very little incentive to go back and add more.
However I do like to see a well written profile that is up to date with some nice in-depth info on who they are and what they do, as it makse me more likely to interact and discuss things with them.
One little suggestion for the group is that when in chat, when we go to look at an individual’s profile it always goes to the ‘Wall’ page then you have to select the profile from there – I would be very nice to have the system go to the profile when selecting ‘view profile’ from the link.
Hi Falecia!
I voted yes! Accurate information in a profile is very helpful and I have also been confused by the 35 year old cross dresser who has been dressing for 50 years and first dressed 2 years ago. I would have been less confused if they only put the word “Unicorn” in their profile.
I have encouraged a few new ladies to add to their profile and encouraged those sending me friend requests to go to the new member introductions forum and create an introductory post. I don’t think it prevented me from accepting their friend request. I think I rejected 2 friendship requests because of the content of their walls, and in at least one case I fumbled, hit reject by accident, and then couldn’t remember their name when I tried to figure out who it was.
I know some don’t like to accept friend requests from someone who is unknown or unproven but I look at it this way. If the person turns out to be a jerk, I can cancel the friendship and if need be, report them to an ambassador. I’ll take that risk. Accepting that friend request might be the one thing that keeps that person here. You never know what the new ladies are thinking. “I’ll send out 50 requests and if I get 25 acceptances I’ll stick around and learn about this site but If I only get 24 I’ll leave and never come back”. Sound far fetched? Yeah it is. But I am going to say yes almost all the time to a friend request. It acknowledges that someone reached out. It makes that someone feel connected. That’s why we’re here.
Not everyone will share my view on this and that’s fine. It’s my opinion. I have sent out some friend requests that have gone unanswered. I realize that just maybe my personality isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. That’s fine too. I’m not advocating that everyone should accept every friend request. Just explaining what I do and how I see it.
I agree with those who say that required information would deter some from joining.
Hugs
Autumn
I am 100% in support of more complete profiles. I am sensitive enough to know the privacy and angst issues involved but we are all friends here, aren’t we? I hope so anyway. Myself, I came here to open up and ” feel the love ” that is so obviously here. I have been closed long enough, I WANT to be an open book and i want the girls who are my friends to know me as much as possible. I would also like to know them in return as much as possible. Always thought that was what friendship is. People meet, they like each other, and become friends, accepting the good, the bad, and the ugly. That’s how bonds grow, and a full profile is a Great start.
Given a choice, I would make it mandatory. We are all here in it together anyway. 🙂
My opinion only, ymmv.
I totally agree Sam and Tiffany…
Stanger danger!!!…maybe
And even if they’re not trolls, if not interested enough to put in the effort why should we. I just remember how scared I was when I signed up so try to them the benifit of the doubt, at least temporarily.
Hopefully some of the new girls will read these responses and take a hint
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