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I keep finding myself fighting myself about wanting to dress up since last night from joining this site. On one hand I want to give in, feel what’s it’s like have the lace of a bra or stockings on me, and the other is like what am I doing? I’m autistic so processing info about my thoughts and decisions takes a lot longer for me to understand and I tend to get easily swept up into something. I don’t know limits of what’s too far til I go too far, then I know where to back off from. This is all still to new to me so I don’t know where limits are. To my wife, beyond jewelry like rings, earrings, and nail polish is fine enough as long as it’s not too girly to her, but anything women clothing or anything similar is too much. Originally it was just because I liked the tight fitting clothes, I tend to like being in enclosed spaces and feeling squeezed in, but she’s constantly telling me “if you want to wear those clothes so bad, just transition already!” It could be forgotten desires that are coming back now from childhood memories of me seeing a woman take off a bra in a movie and feeling strongly that I want to do that, thinking how nice would it be to have bigger chest, and enjoying my mother’s old pantyhose before being thrown out. My childhood was mostly me forced into extremely sheltered due to basically my parents mentally torturing me and taking everything I even had to give to my sister instead, so grabbing onto something that makes me feel good became so important. Now it sort of feels like the same thing here, my wife refuses to accept or allow anything of the sort, knowing how quickly I get swept up. I know it’s to protect me from things and to help her feel safe mentally, but I just don’t know what to do. Sorry for the rant, but I can’t get out my thoughts by any other mean’s lately and no real friends to talk to.
I can’t go to my wife about this nor do I trust anyone around here for advice or just to talk to.Hi Jessica, you refer to your autism in you post. I take it you have had a diagnose and maybe have acces to professional help. None of us know how far we will go until we have tried it. Your wife assumes that sexuality is always attached to sex, dressing like a female doesnt mean that you would want to transition, I have no wish to be a cisgender female. Even when dressed, with breast prosthese and fully made up, I still feel like a me, ‘a man dressed as a woman’. It makes me feel great, it fulfills a need in me that I cant really explain. I am heterosexual and thus is my sexuality not a question. Try and speak to someone who can help answer you questions in a professional and logical way.
I appreciate the advice. I tend to feel forced to keep my thoughts in my head, from a mental cage from family trauma and what not, so it usually comes to them screaming and echoing in my head constantly. I am bisexual in that I do find the male body attractive enough sexually, but would never leave her to go fully homosexual. I just like the feeling overall of being dressed up. My self image isn’t the greatest and when wearing small bits of clothing at first, it made me feel really good. Overall I don’t know what to do but it’s better than letting it build up inside by getting it out to someone who can relate at least.
I can relate to all of this well. Yes the male body can be beautiful, but that does not necessarily mean you are bisexual. I find animal bodies to be beautiful, look at a tiger or an elk, they have amazingly developed bodies, but appreciating that doesn’t mean I am into bestiality.
I get pleasure out of wearing nice things, and I have come to realize that there is nothing wrong in that. My wife gets pleasure in gardening, and no one questions whether it is right or wrong. I would just take your time in explore these new ideas, concepts and sensations. It sounds like you have a wonderful wife, so keep the dialog open and just relax and enjoy the journey you are starting along. You are not doing anything wrong, you are just doing something society just doesn’t really understand. It is societies problem, not yours.
Hi Jessica. Your questions have already been asked countless times already by most of us. It is all part of the journey. The if’s, whys and maybe’s are normal to ask oneself simply because we dont understand it. There are 101 reasons why we dress up in ladies clothes, it could be a deep seated desire that was in hibernation, it could be Genetic, it may be a Fetish. Whatever the reason the net result is the same. It is nothing to be ashamed of and i’ll bet you most guys have tried their wifes or girlfriends panties or tights on at some time in their lives.
To have a Wife who is not too keen on you dressing makes things difficult, this in turn can create anger or resentment towards your partner. Remember this though, its hard for her to understand and its imperitive you look at it from both sides. Maybe she might warm to the idea, maybe not. Everyone is different. It may be that you should choose a time when you are alone and see how you feel, after all, if you dont try it, you will never know. Be warned though!! it can become addictive…..
Fiona xx
Jessica if you see an autism specialist you should speak with them. I know there are very significant sensory feelings for many people with autism, maybe some spandex spanx under your clothes or some Panty hose would take the edge off. I wish you could talk to your wife and that she would listen to help ease the thoughts going on. I really think it is important to speak with a therapist or a professional in autism both in one would be the best as maybe this creates a stemming result for you one way or the other.
Hi Jessica,
There are many factors in what you have told us that lead to your desire to dress. It seems that you understand your autism as does your wife and, as you say, is protective. I have to say that it is not uncommon for someone to go further with dressing and have to be reined back by a partner, her expression may have been out of frustration. In relationships there are usually boundaries so whatever you do has those conditions. Again it isn’t unusual for someone to question the reasons why they want to dress and with that you have eluded to some reasons which could be considered traumatic and had an effect on you.
The obvious is to try talking to your wife but counselling would be a consideration and am sure that there are organizations that are able to help due to the autistic link. I have worked with autism and have an understanding but am no expert so I only offer my opinion.
The important thing to take away is that what you have said applies to a lot of girls here, you are not alone and this is the place that you can express yourself.
Sounds like you had a troubled childhood. Then your dressing was an outlet for you, it gave you such great comfort. That brings to where you are art today, the dressing specially in the tighter clothes, gives you such comfort, you feel secure.
As others have said some counseling would help to find where yoi are at and how far to go first, take it slow and I hope your wife can help you find the balance for the both of you.
. Cassie
Thanks everyone for talking to me. Truly. I really don’t have anyone to talk to outside of my wife whom is very strong willed in what she thinks, so it’s like hitting a brick wall. I never really thought about it being a sensory experience overall, so that does make a lot of sense why I enjoy it so much. I’ll keep up the spirits in quietly pursuing this without over stepping bounds.
Hi Jess,
Funnily enough, I was watching a video today on YouTube that addresses at least some aspects of what you mentioned in your post. You might find it interesting. It’s on Kimberley Beregrove’s youtube channel, titled “The power of pantyhose.” I hope it helps. Best of luck. I can totally sympathize as my wife has very little acceptance at this point in time.
-Jen
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