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  • #478548
    stephanie plumb
    Participant
    Registered On: November 17, 2018
    Topics: 152
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    Calm down!   Got your interest though didn’t I?  Ha ha!  Not THAT sort of BDSM bondage.

    No,  the other sort :- the “subject of being bound to, or subjected to, some external power or control.”

    This isn’t fun, it won’t make you laugh. If you don’t want to lower your ” Yay! It’s Friday!” mood, then exit now.

    Are you “chained” to your house when dressed?  You are closeted so when dressed you can’t or won’t step outside the front door?  Keep away from the windows? Don’t answer the door to delivery people or callers?   Only sneak out in the dark?   Only dress in secret?

    Yes – crossdressing is a form of bondage – you are being controlled by your wardrobe!  The external power controlling you is the the big scary world out there,  and your fear of being discovered.  Or maybe its your SO.  Or Society and ignorance and prejudice. Or yourself.

    You are chained because you can’t go out shopping, or gardening, or whatever, unless dressed at least externally in man’s clothes.  You are “confined to quarters” by your actions and choice.  Your dress refuses to leave your four walls with you in it.  The chains only reach the front door.  (you have got keys to the padlocks but are too scared to use them.)

    So, we curtail our external life by the action of putting on a dress. This can be very disruptive, not to mention inconvenient. There are things we need to do, or want to do “out there.”    When dressed we have placed our life on hold, in limbo.  This can be stressful.  Are we selfishly putting off things whilst happily mooching about in our lingerie indoors?  We have to compromise and reluctantly take off our femme clothes when the situation demands it.

    This is one of the downsides of being a cross dresser, and obviously doesn’t apply to all. There are many of you that have broken these chains, either totally or some of the time. But I suspect there are many more who remain chained indoors by circumstance or choice.   And even the most “out there” among us sometimes find dressing does interrupt our life.

    The urge to dress is irresistible. So we have to accept the chains it brings with it. But the price is worth paying because of  how wonderful and satisfying it is when we can be dressed as our true selves.

    I’m not being too negative I hope. But I can remember times when I have thought  “I’ve got stuff to do, I really shouldn’t be doing this right now.”   It can take the shine off, temporarily.  But only temporarily.

    Always look on the bright side of dressing!

    Introspectively, Stephanie P  –  I need a G&T or three now!

     

Viewing 19 reply threads
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    • #479342
      Olivia Livin
      Lady
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
      Topics: 47
      Replies: 1620
      Has thanked: 8016 times
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      Stephanie

      How dare you bring reality into our pages of fantasy lol. I’m kidding and thought provoking subjects should always be welcome.

      Even for those who may still be chained, still have that feeling of calm and sense of wholeness even if only partime, providing relief from stresses and depression that may not have been found or available before accepting their inner femme.

      Being rich would be fantastic, but even only having money on payday is far better than having none at all.

      Freedom is attainable for many but usually comes at some kind of cost. I have taken great strides in being able to express myself most times. It has taken time with many conversations, great thought and effort, some strife and support from others. Being comfortable with my place midscale on the spectrum with no plans to fully transition, liking some of the attributes from both sides I still find places and times that dressing femme just don’t seem appropriate for myself.

      Olivia

    • #479215
      LisaT
      Lady
      Registered On: January 31, 2021
      Topics: 48
      Replies: 536
      Has thanked: 414 times
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      Ouch Stephanie. That hurt.

      Sometimes thinking about something unlocks a stream of consciousness that you wish hadn’t been set free. This one is really dark and touches me deeply. Is my crossdressing a form of bondage, my original thought was positive and I felt the freedom and release that coming out so recently has brought. Such a happy thought but then I reflect on the constraints I still impose upon myself. I’m not out to the wider world and I’m still struggling with how I can present to the world at large. I don’t identify fully as a woman but my femininity is strong but without a clear vision how do I expand my world. Following this I realise my vision is still constrained by others. Despite this I have been so happy almost euphoric over the last ten weeks. It sounds so little when compared to over 10 years of closetted dressing but it has been a joyous time after years of depression. But the truth is my dressing is freedom but life is bondage. The happiest times are when we are truly expressing ourselves but life is constrained by the expectations and demands of others. Family, friends , associates , neighbours, society and most of all authority conspire to direct and form us. Crossdressing may just be the rebellion and freedom whose expression however brief is a balm to our souls.

      I’m really not thanking you for this one Steph it’s a somber and depressing thread that leaves me more and more lost every time I return to it.

      Hugs

      Lisa xxx

      • #479251
        stephanie plumb
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: November 17, 2018
        Topics: 152
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        Has thanked: 3297 times
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        Sorry Lisa if my post upset you. It really wasn’t meant to be dark and sombre, but just a reflection on one of the realities of being a crossdresser for many.  Its not all pink fog and fun for all of us.  There is always a downside to the positive, but perhaps the negative is not helpful on a support site like CDH. It is a rare deviation from my usual light hearted nonsense.

        From now on I will stick to the brighter side of  cd life.

        Hugs, Steph xxx

        3 users thanked author for this post.
        • #479284
          Regine Rich
          Princess
          Registered On: October 9, 2020
          Topics: 32
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          Please dont change, or stop, Stephanie,
          The truth of the matter is, for most of us, there IS a dark side to dressing, and postings like yours help us to think about them, and work through them, it really isn’t all pink fog and euphoria, and this is a place to share ALL of our emotions, trials, and tribulations, not just the shiny side of our lives.
          Hugs, Regine👩💕

          5 users thanked author for this post.
        • #479255
          LisaT
          Lady
          Registered On: January 31, 2021
          Topics: 48
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          Life is life Steph and my demons are my own. Neither you nor anyone else can or should avoid discussing our lives as they are or even as we conceive them to be.

          Like the actress said to the bishop “it’s better out than in”. I love that there’s depth to your musings Steph so please don’t change.

          Hugs

          Lisa xxx

          3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #479223
        Paula F
        Duchess
        Registered On: August 7, 2019
        Topics: 14
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        Lisa, you have shown us and yourself such positive progress hon.  Allow yourself a little time and space to take all the new into you, there is no deadline or schedule for you to move forward.  It is all done at YOUR pace.

        Like we told each other in the ‘Acceptance’ thread, YOU are the one person that needs to accept yourself first.  Some of the next circle of your friends and family are important also, but not all of them will accept.  The vast majority of people out there don’t and won’t know who you really are, and a lot don’t care.

        You and your closest people are the ones who matter.  Just become who you need to be first, and let the people you want, to come into your circle as you let them.

        PaulaF

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #479024
      Krista
      Duchess
      Registered On: January 24, 2017
      Topics: 8
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      Hi Stephanie, As I clicked on the title to read your post, I’m thinking, gee that Stephanie is going to get put in the naughty corner for this one.  Yes I admit your title definitely got my attention and I was fooled again.  You think I’d learn but in the usual Steph fashion you were able to nicely segue into the real point of your topic.

      Well said, by the way.  There is certainly a degree of being chained along a continuum from super heavy weights to virtually none at all.  I’m probably closer to the latter end of the continuum although since joining CDH the boundaries have definitely gotten moved much more for the better.  But rather than chains, I think I’m wearing one of those electronic dog collars that give me a jolt now and then when I push the boundaries a bit too much.  Sometimes there is some inconsistency on behalf of the holder of the jolt button, guess it depends on her mood and how busy she is to notice.  Right now, my wife (the holder of the jolt button) is terribly busy with putting the final touches on her virtual international short film festival. So my collar isn’t jolting me much these days.

      Have a wonderful weekend, All the Best, Hug, Krista.

      • #479272
        Diana Morgan
        Lady
        Registered On: February 22, 2021
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        You too eh Krista, yes she got me as well 😖

        I like your analogy about the shock collar, with no S.O. It’s my own finger on the button and I worry that I may come to enjoy it a bit too much….

        Hugs

        Diana.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #478905
      patty williams
      Lady
      Registered On: January 19, 2019
      Topics: 72
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      HI Stephanie ,

      Although I did go out twice last year in public en femme I most certainly feel those chains .

      My wife doesn’t want me to dress locally or be seen around the hose so there are those chains I have to wear.

      Out of respect for her I gladly wear them but sometimes they chains are so heavy and destructive.

      especially in the spring when I am so busy with guy work.Uggh.

      Sometimes I just want to say forget it all and just be a girl all the time and let the pieces fall where they may.LOl

      Good post Steph

      Huggs Patty

    • #478860
      Regine Rich
      Princess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 32
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      I agree, this is a form of self imposed bondage, for myself the fear is real, but again, only my own fears, as others have stated in the past, few people care, ad most don’t notice, so It is only my own perceptions that chain me.
      I am working on getting that rusted lock open, though, with the love and support of my sisters here.
      Excellent post, Stephanie, thank you
      Hugs, Regi👩💕

    • #478854
      Samantha Jo
      Lady
      Registered On: April 3, 2021
      Topics: 3
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      Has thanked: 101 times
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      Stephanie

      What a lovely way you have at approaching the subject of can I leave the house and should I leave the house. Leaving the house is something that I have been thinking about over these past few months only to be held back as you rightly have said by the chains that I myself have put around me. Building up the courage like many of you ladies have to break the chain is something that I am working on and hopefully soon I too can break out.

      Samantha x

    • #478850
      Eva Kelly
      Duchess
      Registered On: March 1, 2021
      Topics: 7
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      Stephanie,

      Excellent subject! You have a gift for writing. Have you ever given thought to writing a book?

      Eva

      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #478875
        stephanie plumb
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: November 17, 2018
        Topics: 152
        Replies: 2065
        Has thanked: 3297 times
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        I did fancy myself as a writer once-upon-a-time.   I did write a slightly saucy  romance.  But I never finished it. I studied the art of writing, joined a writers club,  read all the books on techniques, and do’s and don’ts, to improve myself.  But guess what?   I tried to write “properly” and as a result totally killed my own unique style.  So that was that …. book in the bin …. it was technically good but sterile and sanitised and soulless –  not my voice at all.  I tried too hard.

        I have got my voice back but find I am somewhat clumsy when trying to say what I mean – there are far better writers than I on CDH –  unless I am writing nonsense – which seems to be my forte’.

        6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #478831
      Paula F
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 7, 2019
      Topics: 14
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      Most of us are pretty much confined to our immediate environment for varying reasons and periods.   It takes a lot of self confidence to begin that slow process of freeing ourselves to be ourselves.   But some of us have traveled a different path to finding what we need and want.

      From when my sister first dressed me as her little sis until I was about 7, it all went pretty smooth until the Barbie group broke up, and the girls went on to their separate things.  I didn’t like being with the other boys my age, so I  spent a lot of time by myself in our apartment.  But I really wasn’t alone either, Paula was always there, just out of sight until mom and my sis were gone.

      Sis and I shared a bike back then, locked to the railing just outside the door.  I would get dressed in some clothes borrowed from my sis, get on the bike and hit the streets and revel in the freedom I had to be outside, be Paula, and just go.  No place in particular as long as I could stay out.  That was from about 8 years old to about 14.  I just would not stand still long enough to get tied someplace.  There were a few actual places I could go and blend in the crowd and not be noticed.

      Once I was out of high school and on my own, most of my free time was Paula time, for better or worse.  Some times were pretty tight monetarily and emotionally, but I  made it through on my own terms, and survived.

      I do think that my upbringing without a rigid family life helped me see my independence early.  I do count myself lucky that way.  Yes, I know I missed a lot of things by how my mother raised us, not knowing a father figure or having ing a home life like most other kids.  But that is also what made a survivor, and didn’t lock me into a niche for life.

      PaulaF

       

    • #478818
      Autumn Valiant
      Duchess
      Registered On: July 14, 2019
      Topics: 36
      Replies: 1181
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      So….

      No sign up sheet?

      Hugs

      Autumn

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #478793
      Amy Myers
      Baroness
      Registered On: February 11, 2019
      Topics: 16
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      Thanks for posting this interesting topic! Though I am not very closeted anymore I did spend the vast majority of my life hiding my feminine impulses behind closed doors.

      I did finally break free with some help from the girls here, and some local girls who gave me the chance to try to blossom, which I did.

      There are so many who for various reasons cannot bring themselves out into the light, and everyone’s situation is different, so I can’t what is right or wrong for another, except for me bringing Amy out into the world has been a great experience.

      My only regret is that I didn’t find a way to let myself out of my cage sooner in my life, as I’m now mid to late 60’s and really didn’t get out till a little over a couple of years ago.

      Amy

       

    • #478788
      Alison Anderson
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
      Topics: 6
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      So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key.  The Eagles “Already Gone”

      Yes, for many years I had only done it in darkness, in early morning, in the privacy of my back yard.  Not any more.  I “found my key” and released myself into the world, and I’m not going to lock myself up again.

      Sure, there are places I still won’t go, or people I still won’t see if I’m dressed (at least beyond stealthily).  But I have gone out dressed even in my own neighborhood.  I’m likely to get caught at some point because I go out enough, but I have to live my life the way I want to.

    • #478667
      Sarah Du Hessisse
      Lady
      Registered On: September 16, 2020
      Topics: 21
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      Stephanie excellent posting you are so right in everything you said, Sarah has only came out of the closet once this year. Nothing takes the shine off it for me, its really lack of opportunity. It could viewed as bondage & chains by some, then again so can marriage. I choose to keep it in closet so I have no option but to accept the situation.

      Love Sarah xx

    • #478663
      Katie Time
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 3, 2021
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      As I sit here in my four walls wearing my bikini panties and bra I’m aware completely how right you are. I also know the feeling of not doing something simply because I don’t want to take off that dress or those wonderful high heels. Including my daily runs. So here we are, a society that is especially where I am very intolerant. So the phrase you used true self plays an immense part in us deciding to bear the weight of all that goes with being a crossdresser. Just the action of me mouthing those words to my SO was both painful and cathartic. Relieving me of at least a link or two of that dam chain.

    • #478600
      Michelle Trott
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 7, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      Thanks Stephanie. That was so well written and thought out. Wish I could put thoughts into words so well

    • #478598
      Bettylou Cox
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 20
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      Interesting to contemplate, Steph; it causes me to appreciate how far I’ve come in the past 2 years: from totally in the closet to almost complete freedom. Bettylou can’t meet the kids or attend our church, and that is unlikely to change. But otherwise, I’m a free girl.

      Hugs,

      Bettylou

    • #478594
      Janicebra
      Registered On: November 5, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 34
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      I was bound to the house now I go out all the time . I enjoy shopping and running errands..

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #478581
      Wendy Swift
      Lady
      Registered On: May 11, 2020
      Topics: 4
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      In a way, CDing can be viewed as bondage.

      Before coming out to my wife, my dressing was limited, and only when she was away.  To add to that, I could only dress in the house, for fear if I went out and came home dressed as a woman, there would be a barrage of questions.

      Now that I have come out to my wife as a CDer, the shackles to “limited dressing” has been broken (yay !!).  However, she has stipulated that I can dress however I want at home, but never to venture outside (ok, admittedly I’ve went out a few times dressed, but only to pick her up from school).  I view this as not bondage, as I can dress at home whenever I want, not being able to go out as Wendy for me is small compared being able to express my femininty at home.

       

    • #478566
      Kelli Marlowe
      Lady
      Registered On: August 4, 2020
      Topics: 9
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      Enjoyed your post…my chains are self-inflicted, but compared to the rejection I would get from friends/family if I disclosed, it’s still a better option.
      as Kelli, I force myself to be productive.There are many chores to be done, both household related and business related, that can be done within the confines of my 4 walls.It’s not all fun & games(well, once in awhile)

    • #478561
      Dana Marie
      Lady
      Registered On: July 22, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 6
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      Bondage and chains? No. There are far more aspects of life that we hide from others, routinely, aside from crossdressing. Do those aspects of life constitute being in bondage and chains?

      Unfortunately many of us view dressing as something to be hidden.

      Do we pick our nose, pick our toes, scratch our butt? Dance nude in our homes, sing in the shower?

      Do we do those things for public eye? Then why is dressing any different?

      Just my 2cents.

       

      • #479315
        James Brine
        Lady
        Registered On: October 13, 2020
        Topics: 18
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        I’m going to guess that the difference could be found in the consequences of needing to hide or restricting the behavior. I’m no expert on butt scratching but I suspect that reducing that freedom won’t lead to issues around shame, isolation, stigma, etc… These are pretty consistent consequences of having to hide CD rom others or suppress CD. I know at least for me crossdressing is far deeper part of myself. I can’t say whenever I scratch my bum  I’m thinking to myself, this action represents a deep and profound part of who I am.

        Sivvi

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #478550
      Anonymous
      Registered On:
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      Although bondage is generally awesome, I totally agree with you in the bondage and chains aspect of cross dressing. I’m all too familiar with the hiding in the house or slipping out the back door across to the garage after dark while dressed for a cigarette all the while hoping no one comes in the driveway . It stinks but unfortunately we’re all not at the passable stage or the coming out stage

    • #478994
      stephanie plumb
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 17, 2018
      Topics: 152
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      Has thanked: 3297 times
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      Somehow…. I thought you might!

      2 users thanked author for this post.
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