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I am an occasional crossdresser. Transitioning is not for me. I do love my male side as well. One side enhances the other. I feel that my live is bigger and fuller with both sides separate but fully embraced.
What about you?
I feel similarly to you, Harietta, I’m comfortable with my guy side, and I also really enjoy Ellie. In truth, if I had to just live one, I’d choose Ellie. Up until my mid fifties, she was always lurking just beneath the surface. After that, she really started to want out. By my early sixties, she became irrepressible. And I feel so much more complete and satisfied now that I am actively embracing my femininity rather than just tolerating it. But at the same time, I don’t feel that I was born with the wrong gender. Being male has been OK.
Love and Hugs, EllieFor me, it’s a bit more complicated than “yes/no”. I have no regrets about being born male, don’t want to transition, and I snagged a wife who is an absolute angel. But the past doesn’t feel relevant to my current life and feelings. Womens’ clothing looks great and feels “right” on me, the jewelry is fascinating, and effects of a little makeup are almost magical (though I don’t often use it). I could be a full-time girl, now, and like it.
Iam torn on this question , my male form has served me well over the years and still to this day , I am male 5 days a week , female at night and weekends. It would be very uncomfortable for me to come out at work to my fellow coworkers so that’s why in drab during the week , Brittany has come out to a couple people who are kind and understanding including family , If I could continue to do what I do for work and maintain the same pay and respect from coworkers I would love to live out the rest of my life as Brittany .
I’ve always felt out of place in guy circles and have no interest living the kind of life most guys want. I’m much more comfortable interacting with women. Presenting as one feels authentic.
However, decades of social conditioning have had an effect. There are things I like about being a guy. Giving that up would be hard to do. So I identify as gender fluid. That works for me today. Where I’ll be next week or next year is anybody’s guess.
Good question. For me there’s a lot of gray area. I answered no.
Emily
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Kelly ann I much prefer my feminine side I love chatting with my female neighbour’s 💞I voted no but I my case I’m not really happy with either side. I enjoy my androgynous lifestyle and while I often do look more feminine than masculine and do prefer to look feminine I dont really have a ‘side’.
I try to present as male as little as I can anymore. I feel more comfortable in and with myself as femme now. The need to be male is not where I want or need to be anymore except for work. I am currently discussing the further transition to full SRS, or simply declaring me as a woman and doing the legal changes needed to continue my life, without the surgery. Either way, ‘he’ will be slowly disappearing from my life.
PaulaF
Hi Harrieta ,
I’ve voted no , I’m definitely gender fluid , I prefer my feminine side , I’ve always known I had a woman in me ( I thought we all had the opposite gender in us ) . Apparently not !
I live gender fluid daily , full crossdressing is a part of that , but I’m predominantly feminine these days , my wife says 75% female , I rarely enter the male end of the spectrum now , I’m comfortable & happy this way , I’m fortunate that my wife is on board & our marriage remains strong & getting stronger . 💐💐Tiff
Thanks hun💋
I am happy as a man most of the time, but there is a strong feminine side that needs to be acknowledged for me be happy and comfortable. However, just as I am not comfortable in guy mode 24/7 I don’t believe is be comfortable in girl mode 24/7 although I would like to try it just to see what the limit is.
Tiff wrote: “I live gender fluid daily , full crossdressing is a part of that , but I’m predominantly feminine these days , my wife says 75% female , I rarely enter the male end of the spectrum now , I’m comfortable & happy this way , I’m fortunate that my wife is on board & our marriage remains strong & getting stronger ”
Much the same for me, Tiff; and aren’t we lucky girls to have such wonderful wives!
Hugs,
BettylouI feel exactly the same and am exploring the possibilities. I could totally do my work as Bethany but could I be accepted by colleagues and customers that many have known me for 20 years and better. I thought about taking a couple years off going away transitioning and easing back into it as a woman and hopefully nobody would recognize me. I’m very torn and conflicted about this but if I could live the rest of my life as Bethany I’d be truly happy
No I would prefer to be strictly female, I’m much more comfortable that way. I’ve never interacted with men well, can’t handle the macho bravado BS, I’ve always had problems with it, I get along with women much better. I can’t transition physically but in mind I am Heather. As I’ve said before, the only thing left of Bryan is the shell I live in and I have been feminizing my male appearance too.
I hit the yes button but as time goes on my male side takes a second seat to Lisa! I have to be some male until retirement. My wife sees me as both. My feminine side is strong yet more relaxed. If we are watching tv and she asks me do I think that ex female singer is hot or cute; my wife knows I am not looking at her in sexual terms but I wish I looked like her!
On the flip side she does like her husband as former Seal and years as firefighter! My wife wants me happy and laid back and is supportive of my feminine side!
I am not a going to transition because due to things beyond my control estrogen and progesterone love my body! I am too masculine looking plus I have to be athletic as a firefighter to ever pass. I have to take small T-shots or I could never stay in shape! I always let my wife in on all decisions and I have commented before romantically I am a lesbian! She loves that! I really don’t know what % to put male vs female parts I am!
I don’t have a problem with being a man. However I find certain things as a man a chore. Clothes shopping is a good example. When I have to shop for male clothes I find it an annoying, boring chore I have to do. I had to replace several pairs of jeans this past December. I went to WalMart to buy them and some t-shirts for work. I found it sooooo boring, on par with watching grass grow. In fact I put it off for as long as I could knowing I just didn’t want to do it. But when shopping for my female side, I can’t get to the store fast enough.
Since this is a crossdresser website, I expected there to be a disproportionate number of yes votes to no votes. Although I am in the “no” camp, I enjoy the friends I have made at CDH and interacting with them whether they are CD’s or fall into the group of those like me who would like to transition or are going through or finished the process of transitioning.
Well, I voted “No”, which answers the question “do you love both sides M and F?” But I would answer a resounding “Yes” to the question “Are you a crossdresser……?”
Fact is, I’ve never been satisfied with myself as a male. Manly man, I am not. I was never big enough, strong enough, not good-looking enough. Lousy at sports. Can’t fix cars. Too sensitive for hunting or fishing. I can hardly now believe that I made it thru 4 yrs Navy and 16 yrs of marriage. And now I’m old. Just ducky.
However, I became an avid crossdresser after I retired in 2012, after years of being a highly secretive and guilt-ridden lingerie fetishist. Now, crossdressing is half my life, the better half — that is, before this pandemic came along. I would dress each evening under cover of darkness in simple women’s clothes, then spend the night as a spinster might, cooking and dining alone, en femme. Then I would dress in women’s bedclothes (including “sleep” wig, bra/forms) and turn in. What a wonderful crossdressing life!
So, while I’m en femme I enjoy THAT life, closeted and secretive though it may be, and I can forget for a time the dissatisfaction I feel with myself as a cis-male.
Camryn, The life you describe sounds so enjoyable. Doing the simple everyday things en femme is a delightful experience. Whenever I get the chance, all too infrequent, I love to potter in doors, d ing the domestic tasks. I have a simple tunic dress or a set of dungarees I wear for this. It the evening I love to relax in a bright sweat and pantaloons.
Soooo fortunate Bettylou , we’ve found some compromises that work for us & we support beach other through it. Our therapist said Rus that every relationship/marriage has a major issue , this is ours – it’s out in the open & we’re both proud of each other 😊😊
I’ve loved dressing all my life. I’ve been wearing pantyhose, heels and bra with a short that looked like a short dress. I really wanted a dress but my mom wouldn’t get me one. She thought if dad found it, there would be trouble for both of us.
Mom gave me her old pantyhose and a couple of bras and let me borrow a pair of her old heels. I really wanted shoes and bra that fit me right, some dresses and pantyhose that fit with no runs or holes in them.She was worried about dad discovering those things.
By the time I was 13, I had outgrown mom’s, pantyhose, heels and bra. I really wanted all my own clothes. I would look in magazines and department store catalogues at all the pantyhose, stockings, garters, slips, lingerie, pretty dresses, bras, panties and heels. I wanted all those things so much.
When I was 18, I got my own place and began buying and wearing all those things I wanted so much for so long. I bought a few wigs and makeup too. Dressing up was so blissful and euphoric. I loved it so much. Then the powerful desire to go out kept at me. I was scared to do it for a long time, but once I did, it was the moat amazing and exciting experience. The thrill and rush I felt was unlike anything I ever felt before. So addicting and so wonderful. I wanted to feel that all the time. The only way I could get it was to dress and go out.
I like being a man and doing manly things, but I just love dressing up and being a crossdresser. I’ve gotten to a point where I dress femme most of the time and only go drab for those times when being femme is not, suitable or appropriate.
Camryn,
I can relate! Hated sports and was always last picked for a team. Hunting & fishing, really did not get excited about these boyish type activities. Can do only basic car maintenance. Am a klutz with tools. Served 22 years active duty Navy hiding my CD secret for fear of losing my security clearance. Admired the way female Navy uniforms looked so nice on Navy women, especially the tight skirts, hose, and high heels. Being 100% heterosexual, I love women and their clothes too! Growing up, I loved playing with the girls, especially when they would consider me one of the girls and dress me up as a girl.
Hugs,
Peggy Sue
hi girls, so the truth for me is that i have no problem with my masculine identity, but i feel more comfortable with my feminine identity, i would like to wear women clothes all the time, so i cant respond the question yet, let me think a little bit more time… kisses a lot
Whilst enjoying beeing a male, married – dressing up as a female is a different matter for me; it changes my mind, relaxes me and also to a certain extent my behaviour pattern. I have now dressed for just over 30 years (now 74 years) and still love it. In the beginning it was “only” dressing up, but half way through my dressing period I asked myself, would it be possible to “pass” and really started to enjoy not only dressing, but doing my makeup, nice underwear and more practical (passing) clothes – it is an expensive activity, but I love it and have over the years subscribed to several womens forums, makeup tips, female fashion as well as underwear and now seems to follow this more than my male’s fashions as I find womens clothing and underwear is a sea of constant discovery. Today I enjoy almost all activities when dressed as a woman; the warm feeling when dressing up in nice underwear and outdoor clothes with – in my opinion – a reasonable good make-up to enjoy restaurants, theater, shopping, touring by car, etc. then I am a woman while it lasts!
Whether its due to life conditioning I can’t honestly say, nor does it particularly matter to me. There are parts of my male self that I still feel are important, but by itself did not make me happy or complete. Since discovering my femme portions existance I have come to relize that it takes both parts to make me whole. Its me and I hope to continue enjoying both aspects.
Harietta,
This question for me, is very timely. At the time I was 10 when I found my my mother’s girdle and stockings attached to garters, I didn’t realize I was crossdresser! Fast forward 50 years, I was retired and embraced my feminine self and dressing at least once a week…. My alter ego was awarded by my town “Special service award” for my 25 years as a volunteer fireman. I was conflicted with my being a fireman and my feminine feelings. I sought therapy.. Heather helped me accept that I am gender fluid and embrace my feminity. During my therapy, I was diagnose for emergency spinal surgery. The side effects were losing strength in my arms and legs and limited to a wheelchair. After 9 weeks of acute inpatient therapy, I was able to leave with a walker and grateful that my operation did not short circuit my feelings of feminity. When I finally got home. It felt so good finally to put on my panties and camisole!!! The ladies here at CDH tease me because my physical therapy traced my progress in putting on pantyhose, overhead dress, and a bra lol
Thank you for listening and most of all the ladies who encouraged me and offered prayers and healing energy for my recovery… I can dress when the opportunity presents itself..hugs, LeonaraI voted “No”. I’ve never really been able to form or maintain close relationships with men, I have always felt more affinity and comfort around women. I can socialize and connect with anyone, but I have to work at this…I know what is expected. I am pretty good at it. I have a female inner voice that has served me well, but mostly ignored or repressed in my 20s and 30s. I feel like I am myself when I present as a woman, my fear is that others will not accept me, especially those who have known me for many years. In my male mode (primarily work), I often feel like I am wearing a mask…that I am hiding. Its a strange revelation to discover this after years of suppression, it makes me so happy to see and accept it, but also comes with dysphoria and anxiety until resolved (hopefully)
For me, I feel transition is both an act of creation and destruction. It is an act of self acceptance, revealing who I am, enabling me to truly become it. I hope it would allow me to fully love myself, brighten my mood and be better equipped to love those around me. It is an act of destruction of my male persona and he is a likable guy, many will miss. Its a loss of male privilege. It also an act of destruction for that which cannot or will not survive transition with you. I struggle with the balance of it all.
Hi everyone,
“At my stage of life”, (wrong side of 70), I am still a happy heterosexual male with a loving partner of 20 years, who only has one fault??!!…. Whilst she knows about me being CD, she wants nothing to do with it.
So this is the main reason I cant be Caty more often, (especially in ‘lockdown with the Bug”)
If I did not have this restriction there would be days when I would love to just get up in the morning and start my day in the way a female would. Get dressed in some “femme finery”, (especially lingerie), hair, make up, jewellery, perfume etc and just go about my day as I pleased.****
I would envisage this maybe once or twice a week and would really relish the freedom of doing so.
The other days, well lazy old male me, (underdressed 24/7 notwithstanding), would just pull on his male clobber, do the very basic male toiletries and go about his day.
Happy dressing, (if you can)
Caty
*** As I was able to do on overnight trips before “the Bug” hit.
I want to thank all whose texts I’ve read so far. Very interesting indeed. It has re-raised a feeling I’ve had for a long time: That the confident macho male is in fact PURE MYTH.
I think that current maleism is B.S. If you do an historical look back you will realize that the current social construct, the current male aversion to petticoats, petulli oil, curls, rouge and platform heels is a totally false fashion minority.
The current male macho fashion construct is an unfortunate holdover from a 19th century full of war, conquest, exploration and pioneering. Men needed sturdy, practical attire to pull that stuff off. Some of that is still around, but I think men would be much more comfortable, much more real, getting back to a lavender colored waistcoats, buckles on your shoes and frilled cuffs. It’s called a Pea’cock’ for a reason…
So where does the “male stuff” argument fall in this thread now?
Yes Sir I am a man and love being a man. I love that I’m Big & tall, hairy chested, my big bushy beard.
And yet I dress totally the opposite. I wear all kinds of ladies wear. In private or public.
I don’t try to pass as a woman nor do I want to be one.
I don’t wear wigs, make-up or body shapers of any kind.
I just a dude that like womens clothes. It’s just that simple
Harietta,
I’m not sure that current male clothing being drab and men moving into more colourful, sifter feeling garb is the issue her. It wouldn’t matter to me as a man if I could wear ‘peacock’ clothing. I really enjoy and get great happiness from wearing women’s clothes and looking like a woman. Being able to wear feminised male clothing just wouldn’t cut it – at least for me.
hi , well 1st i love both sides , i also am a firefighter 4 over 41 years and still a interior fire fighter (at 62 ps i still am a bad ass and love it). was surprise how many of us do or have done this job as a firefighter.
male self love running,biking,race car driving ,farming ,fixing rental houses,motorcycling and the list goes on. oh married 43 years and yes she is very supportive , not to just me but our whole community. i dress every day , morning girl clothes , then work clothes , back home night girl clothes.
a routine that works for me. i go out as salley a lot. i would love to come out to the community to say as a first responder salley pulled her part and saved alot and helped alot and it did matter that i liked dresses,make up , nails etc. i learning to put both sides together like putting on a bra to go plow snow, surprise how well it works for me. i started crossdressing late in life
around 31 years old, and i have done so much as salley and want to so much more, plans for this summer is salley going fishing , riding her road king motorcycle and run a 5k race . so you see i have plans. i have no plans to transition just love being a guy in a dress. have a blast life is short.
the plan is not to slow down but to pick up speed.. Salley
I feel I am split 50/50. I present myself as a guy to the people I know (especially family), as I am unsure as to their reaction.
At home, I love to explore and immerse myself as Wendy as much as possible. I love every aspect of being Wendy. I still have a ways to go for 100% immersion (like the voice), but I’m working on it.
I’m what I call an “In-betweener.”
I will always be a guy, but I also enjoy being a woman. I am very happy as a guy when I do “guy things” but wish it were acceptable to do them while wearing painted nails & lipstick. I am also very comfortable around women discussion subjects of importance to the other women. I am just as comfortable in my dress as I am in my suit and regularly sleep in a nightgown. Other than my mustache I hate body hair and have worked to rid myself of it. By the same token, I have been unable to get my wife to shave ‘that area’ nor to accept my crossdressing. (The one time I came out she told family & friends.)
I have been working on developing breasts and I am approaching an A cup. If I were to have my external genital removed I would still think of myself as I do now. Thus my self-titling of “in-betweener,” as I work to enjoy both sides to the fullest.
I answered no. I have always mentally been a female. It has served me well. When I dress, I don’t view dressing as cross dressing. I view it as just being me. A couple windows for transition passed me by regretfully. Keeping an open mind for the future.
I was born biologically male. I did not during my very early childhood think of myself as anything other than the little boy I was told I was. As a toddler, one one day I ran out of underwear and my elder sister told me to wear a pair of her knickers and I hated it. If you know about early childhood theory, I totally identify with this.
It wasn’t until I was entering middle childhood that I began to apreciate girls clothing and underwear. Like a lot of girls on hear (probably the vast majority, I’ve had my fair share of purging sessions just because I believed the lie that society at large tried to teach me – that it’s wrong of people born male biologically, to wear “womens” clothing.
That fine because I can see beyond the lie now and also I dont steal clothing, I buy it and when I have bought an item of clothing, its my clothing not womens clothes.
I now totally love my clothing and identify as a transsexual. I do not totally detest my male genitalia but I do so wish that it was female genitalia rather than how it is. Well proportioned breasts, hips , bum and a slim waste would be much apreciated as well.
C’est le Vie!
Take care girls
Anne-Marie.
I can’t stop being a father to my daughters nor grandpa to my grandkids. And my wife, the love of my life, loves the man that she knows me as (she’s still unaware of my dressing).
But I truly need my feminine side to keep a balance in my life. There were many years during my first marriage that I didn’t indulge in that need and I attribute that (along with a couple pressure-packed jobs) to my stressed-out, grumpy maleness getting the better of me all to often. I admire and love women so much that I want to be one at times. Frankly I am tired of looking at the sixty-something year-old man in the mirror and much prefer the visage of the (I hope at least somewhat “for her age” beautiful) woman looking back at me after my makeup does its transformational magic. It is a relaxing thing that I hope to share with my wife and a few other family members and friends someday, but I’m still not sure how I can do that without freaking everyone out…
Tricia
I voted no ,I would love to live and dress full time as a female ,I have cross dressed for over 40 years and over the last few years the feeling and thoughts have got stronger ,sitting at the desk typing this reply in my lovely underwear ,which I feel so relaxed and femiline in ,I wish that could be 24/7 ,I do have hobbies which I could still follow as a female ,so yes I would love to live as a female full time . Michelle xx
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