How supportive is your S/O?

Supportive and / or accepting

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  • My S/O is my biggest cheerleader!!
  • My S/O is supportive, with reservation or prejudice
  • My S/O knows, but we don't talk about that (basically, either DADT or neutral)
  • My S/O is neither supportive nor accepting
  • My S/O hates my guts :(
  • I'm not out to my S/O
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    • #390874
      Ellie Hope
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      Registered On: October 3, 2019
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      Hi Samantha,

      At first, she was very supportive in many ways, but was reserved about being in public with Ellie. She’s been totally fine with it at home. My kids and grandchildren are supper supportive. But lately, as Ellie has emerged more and more to the outside world, my wife’s acceptance, and particularly her support has waned somewhat. Whereas we used to go out to eat or other  avenues as her and Ellie, well, now she will not be seen with Ellie in public. So things are deteriorating between us. I believe she is hoping Ellie goes away, but in reality, Ellie gets stronger every day. In fact, Ed is pretty much gone. Every time I have to be Ed, usually to do anything as a couple, I am miserable. And I know she is uncomfortable when I am Ellie.  It’s becoming awkward, and I am less optimistic about our future together. So as Ellie blossoms and her heart soars, my heart is pained with the home situation. I wish so much she could sometimes just let loose and be my best girlfriend. But I do understand her point of view. I understand it’s hard for her, she didn’t sign up for this. So this is life.

      Ellie

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    • #390095
      Stephanie Flowers
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      I held my feelings tucked away for many years and 3 years ago I opened up to my wife after 39 years of marriage. She  went through all the questions, the emotional feelings and in time was accepting but with caution. I would have liked a more welcoming acceptance but was happy for what was offer and relieved that I didn’t have to hid it any more. Since then things have gotten much better as she is seeing a likeable and more sensitive husband one who understands her and her needs and things important to her. Now we’re moving forward as she now  to allowing Stephanie more into our lives. I learnt to follow her lead, stay to her set guidelines and never move on anything until your both ready to do so. And most important talk, talk  and more talk was requested by her. The first time she ever called me by Stephanie completely shock me I Couldn’t even respond back. Last Christmas she even surprised me with gifts to Stephanie.. skirt and blouse. Our relationship is no where near perfect or a bed of roses mind you but it certainly is one we both have found our love to be ever stronger.

      As a dress-wearing husband to an understanding wife thankyou my love,  for you being in my life, my soul mate and my best friend….

      Stephanie 💍

       

       

       

       

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    • #390064
      Alison Anderson
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      Registered On: October 15, 2018
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      I have no idea how to answer this question.  For starters, I divorced a year ago, unrelated to my crossdressing.  Without a current SO, the question is meaningless.

      But even before I divorced, answers varied across the board.  When she first found out, she would threaten to tell others if she was losing an argument on a totally unrelated subject.  Later she was somewhere between  supportive with reservations and neither supportive nor accepting.  For example, she made me a pair of clip-on earrings.  But when I was appearing en femme in a show, she stayed for half and left at intermission.  She would allow me to go to my meetings, but criticize (not constructively) my makeup.  She would tell me I should get makeup lessons, or tips, or a makeover from a drag queen instead of doing what the woman who had been doing makeovers of the CD/TG community for years to give an ordinary or an evening makeup look.  One time I bought tickets to see Casa Valentina on Broadway.  She was supposed to be out of town.  I went en femme (I left before she got up to spend the day in New York City) and she was up when I arrived home.  She said something like “You went out like that?” and began to question me on several scenarios of what if someone saw you?  I’m the one who wanted to do it badly enough to take the risk.  She eventually sighed and went back to watching TV.  (It was already done, and there was nothing that could have been done anyway.)

      So sometimes she was supportive, sometimes she was neither supportive nor accepting, and often we wouldn’t talk about it.  So my answer can only be Maybe.

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    • #390011
      Stephani Smith
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      Registered On: October 3, 2020
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      I guess I am unique here. My wife is totally accepting and sometimes goes out with me.

      My wife and I first met when I was dressed and having cocktails with girlfriends at a gay bar.

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    • #389432
      Vanessa ?
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      Registered On: September 26, 2020
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      I’m currently single, but back before me and my ex-girlfriend broke up (and went from a couple to just friends who live together) she was completely accepting and supportive of my crossdressing.  She even donated a bunch of makeup, a couple of bras, a ton of panties, and some other clothes from her overflowing collection to get me started.

      A couple times now we’ve been out getting things at one store or another and she’s pointed out something and suggested I get it “for Vanessa” (speaking of that, I love how she words it as “buying it for Vanessa” rather than “buying it for myself.”  That way bystanders overhearing would probably interpret it as “buying it for some other person who is not currently present,” and thus there’s no chance of revealing my secret to random strangers by accident.)

      She still encourages me to keep it up even now, though at this point she doesn’t want to see all the pictures I take (unless I’m trying on some new thing I got, of course, she never minds seeing those!)

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    • #388894
      Emily
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      Registered On: April 30, 2016
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      My wife knows but is totally non-supportive. To the point that she has told me she prays daily for God to take this demon of crossdressing out of my life. That really hurts. So, needless to say, We have a strict DADT relationship in our house. She will occasionally go through my closet and drawers. I’m not sure what she’s looking for, but nonetheless she does it. Perhaps to see if I’ve added anything to my wardrobe. I know she’s not looking for something to borrow. We have drastically different styles, not to mention size. I dream of the day when we can at least talk about it. Allowing Emily to be free whenever she wants is the stuff fantasies are made of in my household.

      Thanks for the question! I love reading the responses and get encouraged by them.

    • #388887
      Kathy Jackson
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      Registered On: September 3, 2015
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      I so look forward to when we might meet.  Lonely here in Poway.

      Hugs, Kathy

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    • #388485
      Patty Phose
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      Registered On: May 7, 2016
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      My wife met Patty a few weeks after we met. They became girlfriends and often went out together. My wife likes Patty.

    • #388416
      Kay Anderson
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      Registered On: June 1, 2020
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      I posted earlier, but I am posting again and voted. My wife is my biggest cheerleader. There have been some shifts in the positive direction. Maybe 2 months ago, my wife said that she was scared. Scared that someone might find out and scared that I would leave her. She also didn’t want to see my wigs. She saw me in makeup, and we could talk about makeup all day.

      Last Friday, I was home alone with my makeup and a wig on. My stepdaughter stopped by. I panicked and wiped all the makeup off and went upstairs to talk to her. Well, I was outed by my stepdaughter because she noticed that I had eyeliner on that didn’t wipe off. I told my wife and she burst out laughing. She and I discussed how I would have a talk with my stepdaughter next time she comes over. She will understand, I know it in my heart. My wife and recently exchanged some makeup items and my wife asked to see my wigs. In fact she tried them on herself. She has been stressing that she wants me to be happy and I have lived my whole life worrying about what others thought and now it’s my time.

      She also asked what my female name was and I told her, Kay. She liked it.

    • #388383
      Kristin Danvers
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      Registered On: May 29, 2020
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      One more variant: my S/O knows, supports me, but doesn’t want to stay with me. The way I put it is “she supports my journey but doesn’t want to go on it with me”. She supports my decision, she supports me learning more about my identity, but this isn’t what she wants in a relationship. We’re separating but it’s friendly.

    • #388380
      Martina Klarc
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      Registered On: December 23, 2017
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      Wish I could say something nice here but my wife and daughter both feel I’m sick and need therapy. A couple days ago my wife was making fun of a crossdresser she saw so I showed her a picture of me on my phone after a makeover to which she replied “oh thats you?”  That’s the only time she has seen me dressed. I would go to a therapist if they would go with me but they don’t feel they need to because I’m the one with the problem. Well their kind of right but what they don’t realize is that they are the problem. So I keep that part of me away from them but they will occasionally when I “slip” ask why did I buy ladies shoes ?  DUH  Unfortunately for them I am very happy with who I am & may see a therapist but it will be to discuss hormone treatments. As an older CD I do not plan to change surgically but I look forward to the day I can live the rest of my years openly as a woman. So what do you think ?  Am I sick ?

      • #388866
        Bettylou Cox
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        Registered On: May 26, 2019
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        Hi Martina,

        No, you are not sick!  You/we are Different from the majority of folks, but there is nothing wrong about that.  IMO, only another CD can really understand us, and that is something we must live with.

        Hugs,

        Bettlou

    • #388180
      Leonara
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      That is great news .. Just go for it

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    • #388178
      Leonara
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      Registered On: October 13, 2015
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      Emily, I can commiserate with you that the health crisis ha put an stress stress our CD.. I too try to find time when the oportunity presents itself
      I hope all well and hon, you are stsying safe
      😷 Hugs, Leonara

    • #388066
      Leslie
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      Registered On: September 14, 2020
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      My wife is great and supportive if it is just us at home. But she seems to be less so if I talk about getting outside girl clothes or about wanting to go out dressed. Hopefully that will change. Since I am doing it anyway. At least to the point of underdressing and bra with forms under my shirts ( rather noticeable).  She sort of refused to notice them yesterday.

    • #387636
      Emily Alt
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      Registered On: August 24, 2019
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      My current GF is the first that didn’t react negatively when I came out. Initially I was elated. Unfortunately, she refuses to talk and doesn’t want to see me. I settled for a DADT arrangement. Despite the limitations, it was working for a while. I would dress when she wasn’t home. When she went on business trips it was great. And she was okay with me taking an occasional weekend for a girl get together in a nearby city.

      The pandemic changed everything. My GF is home most of the time. No more business trips. Socializing with the local girls isn’t happening. I get very few opportunities to express myself. Dysphoria is creeping back. Something has to give before I go crazy….

      Emily

    • #387603
      Alice Underwire
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      Registered On: September 16, 2019
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      Hi Sam,

      A great question!

      GF is supportive, but a few restrictions.

      Alice

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    • #387513
      Bettylou Cox
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      Registered On: May 26, 2019
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      My wife still says it’s wrong for men to wear women’s clothing, BUT she gave her OK for me to wear skirts and nighties, (and some of her tops), and she has even complimented my appearance a few times, said that I look sexy in a pair of leggings.  She has gone out with Bettylou twice…something she refused to do only a few months ago.  I have to keep Bettylou hidden from our kids and her friends, but is otherwise all I could wish for.

      Bettylou

    • #387498
      karley delaware
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      Registered On: October 23, 2017
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      I think  SO knows “something”.   It was her idea for me to grow my hair out……….she fusses over the pony tail……….fusses about conditioner……..sometimes brushes it for me (Love it!!) …………checks to see how long it is……..she wants it down to my bun.   She likes my legs, so I wear shorts…….shorter than what the usual guys wear.   She was all for having my work uniform shorts altered to show a little more legs………..when watching TV together or sitting around…………..I cross my legs like a girl and fix my pony tail.  While working around the house I  once wore a pony tail tie interlaced in Baby Blue, Girly Pink, and Purple.   My “colors”  😉 .  She didn’t say anything.   We occasionaly  have short general  conversations about crossdressing. She wants me to grow a goatee………..for me ………..its to keep people guessing……………with masks these days, I can wear that and possibly go out looking en femme too!!

      She notices I am a lot calmer.   My Blue/Pink sides are more balanced. I don’t feel trapped in guy clothes and hair cut……………   Oh, some forty years ago, she dressed me up….once………and took a picture of me…………so maybe she knew back then as well……..ten years ago she uncovered………some polaroid pictures of me dressed up, and did not say too much about it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,karley

    • #387492
      Diane Crow
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      Registered On: October 21, 2019
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      How is the job hunt going?? Just checking in. I worry.

      Hugs

      Diane

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    • #387468
      Jo Jett
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      Registered On: May 8, 2020
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      Last night I slept in panties and a satin Cami snuggled up to my wife and her to me. This morning she was getting ready for work and it’s my day off so I was getting ready to go do some errands, I dressed in my satin underbust corset, with a cami underneath, panties and girly jeans, and a long sleeve shirt . I cooked her breakfast ,And sent her off to work with hugs and kisses…I don’t know that she supports me fully but she allows  me up to this point. I’d like to try a few more items of clothing in my wardrobe like bralettes , garters, and thigh highs but I’m pretty sure that would be a no go except in secret. I am comfortable with where we are at… so I can live with that

    • #387463
      Penny Jay
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      Registered On: August 4, 2020
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      Oooopsy!!  I will try to be less supportive in future I promise 🤣   Guess that means we are not going shopping any time soon 😋

      No no don’t stop, I’m just shy.

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    • #387442
      Anonymous
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      Hello Samantha

      My girlfriend Tiffany has no issues with me being Natasha. If she needs male me, Neil, then I have to be Neil. But this week. I am Natasha. Wednesday Natasha was at eye Dr. Yesterday Natasha was at hospital. Yearly blood work and breathing test. Great week for Natasha…

      Hugs

      Natasha💋

       

       

    • #387415
      Darcy Grigsby
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      Registered On: July 1, 2020
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      I really wish my wife would understand and be supportive, but that will never be the case. I know if I even brought it up in the slightest it would destroy the marriage. It is and will remain a secret.

    • #387399
      Penny Jay
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      My SO is very supportive, I have more boundaries than she does.

      She also joined this wonderful community months before I did.

      PennyJ

    • #387382
      Jennifer Lynn
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      Registered On: August 15, 2020
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      Since it was my wife’s idea to feminize me and was the first person to purchase lingerie and clothing for me,  it’s easy to say she is very supportive.

    • #387380
      Wendy Swift
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      Registered On: May 11, 2020
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      My SO is supportive, but a few restrictions – only dress as Wendy in the house, no heels on the hardwood floor, and restrict purchases of women’s clothes (and I do have ALOT of clothing for Wendy).

      I am not complaining, I am thankful that I can dress openly in front of her and she is totally cool with it.  Plus, we talk about fashion, makeup, … so even though I can’t go out as Wendy I still see positive silver linings.

    • #387378
      Suzette York
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      my SO was more supportive at first but i think i scared her, a brought out her own insecurities, by taking it farther than she thought i would very quickly.  We have now settled on – she is tolerant of me dressing and even going out to parties but she does not want to see it or hear about it.   She also gives me a bit of a disapproving look anytime i mention that i am going out.  With the pandemic it has not really been an issue for her as i have not been able to go out (ugh!).  i am just happy that she is tolerant of me being myself and hoping that her approval grows over time.  She is my soulmate and if she insisted i would have to go back fully in the closet and live with it.  But very fortunately that is not the case.  i have to admit i am a bit jealous of Stephanie and others who have SO who enthusiastically support their femme selves.

      suzette

    • #387377
      Olivia Livin
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      I have been been honest with my gf since early in our relationship, which started over three years ago. She has been fully understanding and supportive since the git go even as my enlightment in this journey has and continues to change. Her only hold back is the anxiety she feels when we’re out that there could be a confrontation with what could be a gender assassin lol, it also probably helps keep me in check. Its never happened and as we build on positive experiences it gets easier and better.

      I’m very thankful that we found each other and make sure to let her know.

      As for, after a few, that would be TMI

    • #387376
      BigBangtheory
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      I guess that I am somewhat of a unicorn on CDH because I: 1) have a very supportive spouse who REALLY  likes my feminine side, 2) have been out in public with her, 3) just discovered my femme self two years ago and started dressing. We have a lot of fun shopping together for Stephanie whether I am enfemme or not. She especially likes finding pretty panties for me and has me hold them up to me in the store regardless of who is near. Mostly I dress around the house for her and she always critiques my outfit and makeup and offers suggestions for me to improve my look. Occasionally I will wear a very naughty bedroom costume and thigh high boots for her. I am sooo lucky to have such a wonderful and loving spouse who accepts all of me. Stephanie

    • #387374
      Kay Anderson
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      I didn’t vote, my wife is in flux about support. I came out a long time ago and she was fully supportive. Then my dressing went into a long hiatus when raising the family. The nest is empty now and I came back out. She was initially very supportive again. As I started buying my girly things, she admitted to me that she was scared about this. Although she has always been open to long conversations about makeup, which I dearly love. Yesterday morning we had a long conversation and she said that she wants me to be happy. She asked me what my female name is. I told her ‘Kay’ and she said she liked it. When I came out the first time, my name was Rachel. I never felt like that quite fit me, but I couldn’t find that felt right. Now I feel like I am KAY! My wife seems to be opening up to the real me and I couldn’t be happier! ❤

      Kay

    • #387365
      Stevie Steiner
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      Registered On: June 11, 2020
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      Okay…

      So, sadly Stevies single, so no wifey.  But my exSO – we’re still close – was pretty accepting of it, once I got past the ” it’s not a gay thing ” part.  A little harder explaining the gender aspect of TG , as opposed to the sexuality of gay, lesbian, bi- sexual, and so forth.  ( her thinking ).

      But, over all, pretty good.  I’m not totally dressed en femme in front of her, but I’ve painted my toenails, and we’ve shopped for some jewelry….

      And  Lol, yes, when I told her, it was after a few.😁.

      Stevie

       

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