This topic contains 9 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 8 months ago.

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  • #91471

    Bianca Leerouge
    Registered On: March 8, 2018
    Topics: 3
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    Hey gal’s I’m 23 and I’ve been dressing in private since about 13-15. Can’t quite remember exactly. It was fun exciting somewhat arousing. But there was never desire outside my own personal time. As I got older I of course as we do sometimes get busted by those closest to us. Mine being my girlfriend at the time she was supportive and helped me be more comfortable even share my secret with some friends who took it rather well. She even pushed me so far as to try relations to see how far my femininity went. Was not to my preference. Cut three years on and my current girlfriend is encouraging me to be myself but I don’t know who that is. Of course I know no other person can tell me who I am but I’d like to hear some peoples stories to see how they came to fit into the niche areas of this confusing hobby.

    I have no desire for feminine relations, I have no desire to change my physical gender.

    I do tho desire at least once weekly that I could be my female self just for a day and not have to worry about all the male bullshit I put up with in my Job and just let me hair down. Get all glammed up with makeup (breast forms included) go out with the girls and just cut loose.

    But I still enjoy the days just chilling with my bros being the male I was born to be.

    I guess more so the question of this forum is more along the lines of is it possible to balance a life of two sides or am I just at the starting point of the journey most crossdresers go through on the road to transitioning.

    Any comments would be much appreciated thankyou as I’m absolutely racking my brain about this.

    Love Blake and Bianca


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  • #154761
     Meran Berwyck 
    Registered On: January 16, 2019
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    Its hard.  I did the double identity for years as well.  I could hang out with the other guys, even do some guy things, but being dressed up was always on my mind.  I feared in some way they would find out and all hell would break loose.  When they spoke of how some women looked, much like how they dressed, I felt I should be defending the women, not agreeing with my friends.  It was hard to play it off how I felt.

    I was married for 14 years, the first 8 she knew and somewhat encouraged my dressing, then the last six she demanded I keep it entirely to myself and my own privacy.  Talk about a downer/depressing situation!  It was then I started secretly seeking other crossdressers for support, so I didn’t feel alone.  I even met with a few, but they wanted to ‘play’ and I did not!  I just wanted to be accepted.

    I also had a fear that being with my male friends that they’d discover I was wearing something feminine.   Yet I did wear some lingerie under my clothes many times.  I couldn’t get enough of having it.  Being without made me feel empty.  Playing the part of two people is hard.  One wants to reveal the other, hopefully in a safe mode.

  • #116062
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    I was for sixty years until the male became unhealthy and suicidal now he sits in a quiet corner and Maria drives this show with joy and love. All I can say is a house divided cannot stand. This societies sick brand of masculine is unsustainable the stories that read the same about reaching a point of crisis are by far the common theme.

    For now you are young enjoy both until one or the other seems like your path.


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    • #116341
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      You can. But if your like me you just end up with 2 halves each one feeling incomplete. Im a lead mechanic at a auto repair facility, amature boxer and martial artist. If im not in one of those places, im Elisey.  One side feels empty like im living a lie, almost like im wronging others for not being honest and open about the real me. The other half, though im happy most of the time, falls into depression because she has to take a back seat to the other. My job and the activities i love are so ingrained into being ‘manly’ that there is no way i can go full time with out giving those things up. No way i would be accepted if i showed up at the boxing gym as Elisey. I think part of the problem is after being around people in guy mode you hear there real thoughts and feelings and already know what they think of CD/Transgenders as opposed to when im out and about as elisey and dealing with strangers who i could care less what they think. I wish it wasnt this way. I also hate when i have a really fun experience or good time at one of the clubs i go to and one of my work friends will ask what did you do last night, weekend, vacation, etc.. and though i want to share a story i just make up something lame because i cant tell them about the guy that gave me his number or i participated in a beauty contest lol ( i didnt win )  In short: it sucks

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      • #154855
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        “Im a lead mechanic at a auto repair facility, amature boxer and martial artist. If im not in one of those places, im Elisey.”

        YES!!! I can dig it.

        I work as a general contractor and also love Chinese boxing and grappling (bagua internal stuff) and yeah there’s no way I’d be able to show up on the job in a dress. I think the designers and owners would get a kick out of it, but not my subcontractors. It’d just be unprofessional for distraction reasons so I rock the flannel and jeans 100% but you bet I’ve got lingerie on underneath.

        I would love to get gloves on with someone (like partner line drills and maybe going live 3 hits then switch) in a dress or dressed up. That would be a lot of fun. I don’t think my school would much care we also have a lot of older folks doing chi kung and working on their form, only the younger guys pull out the mats and get the gloves on but I think they’d be alright with it. I wouldn’t want my dresses getting all sweaty though, or maybe I do..



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  • #91737
     Bianca Leerouge 
    Registered On: March 8, 2018
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    Thanks gals I really appreciate hearing your stories they are really helping with understanding that sometimes you just can’t predict where life’s gonna take you. Just go along for the ride and make as much sense of it while having as much fun as you can. If someone don’t like it they don’t need to be involved with my journey.

    Much appreciated gals

    Love Bianca x

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  • #91725
    Registered On: January 21, 2018
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    Hello Bianca, I think you’re at the start of the journey but the journey is your own.  As has been mentioned there is a certain ebb and flow of your feelings you can ride as you wish.  It’s possible to be two different people in one, I’ve done it most of my life but for me it’s kind of a stressful thing and I’m not sure I handle it that well.  But, I’ve seen gals on this very site who seem to do it well and seem pretty content with that.  Guess it depends on who you are as a person.  Don’t be in a hurry to label yourself or box yourself in.  Be weary of allowing others to do it for you also.  If you want to be a boy, be a boy.  If you want to be a girl, be a girl.  If you want to be both at once, or even neither, then do that.  And feel free to change it around as often as it suits you until you feel you’re at the place where you belong.  Good luck hon 😊

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  • #91707
     Gisela Claudine 
    Registered On: January 19, 2018
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    Hi Bianca. I think so. I am Gisela Claudine and I am my manly self. And I don’t want radical changes. Maybe one of these days I could also tell my own story. When I feel ready for it. Gisela is having more time now. I think I have found the balance in my daily life, but nobody knows with absolute centainty what fate holds. I have my own questions, they do not seem different from yours. Here I have found some answers and my beloved sisters have made me feel unconditional support. The rest, it’s my turn to solve it. You have to follow the heart. Go ahead. Your life is your decision. I wish you success.


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  • #91673
     Amanda Patrick 
    Registered On: October 30, 2015
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    Hi Bianca,

    Yes This Journey has a Lot of Ebbs And Flows. For me it can be The Urges can feel very Strong Like right now. And then maybe Tomorrow It will lessen. and next week Maybe very little interest. Like your self I can hang with the Bros once and awhile. But every time I stop for a while It seems like it is even stronger next time. Which makes me think I should dress everyday but I don’t know for sure. Confusing journey. ( Absolutely.) To answer your Question. Yes I do believe we can be two people. Have a male body. but some where in our Brain there is also a part of us that is Female This is what I under stand so far. What I have learned over time is Accept myself as best I can.( Every one has bad days)I try to flow with what ever the feelings are. Where will this eventually lead ? I don’t know for sure. But what I have discovered is every time the feelings come back stronger my confidence seems to be stronger also. Keep Seeking Information. Knowledge is power as they say. Just try to accept who you are. and flow with the Journey. In truth it is who you really are.



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  • #91575
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    You can be two people but as I found, eventually as you evolve, you will take the best of the two and make them you, one complete person, Blake-anca. It won’t happen over night but be patient and work your way through things and it will happen. As you’ll hear around here a lot is the first person who has to accept you is you. Have fun with this and go hang out with the girls and have fun. As for the guys, you may lose a few friends along the way, but that just means they weren’t really friends and you’ll make more along your path in life.

    Take care and enjoy, Heather.

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