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  • #591458
    Elise Michelle
    Participant
    Registered On: January 3, 2018
    Topics: 25
    Replies: 354
    Has thanked: 482 times
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    As some of you know, I live with my 25 year old stepson and my 18 year old son (I threw their cheating mom out years ago). My 18 year old knows about my crossdressing as he is trans and understanding. My eldest daughter also knows as she has always been an advocate and ally. But I never told my second daughter or step-son, as I didn’t expect them to be accepting. So, generally, I dress when my son is at work or I stay in my bedroom.

    Well, the other night I went into my room, put on my makeup, a wig, a dress, heels, jewelry and perfume. I go to grab my phone to take a selfie and realize I left it in the living room. Now, I’m faced with a decision. Do I leave it there? Do I get completely undressed to retrieve it? Or do I try and sneak to the living room to get it?

    I open my door to assess the situation. Both kids are in their rooms. I see my 18 year old’s light is off, and I don’t hear any sound coming from his room, so I assume he is sleeping. I look at my 25 year old’s door and see flashing lights coming under the door and hear explosions; he’s playing a video game. I decide to take the chance. I quietly open my door, rush to the living room and grab the phone.

    I’m about to head back to my room when I hear my 25 year old’s door open. Shit! I look around and my porch door is open, so I scurry out onto the porch and sink as low as I can into one of the chairs. Maybe he’s just getting a drink or going to the bathroom. I hear the fridge door open. Good, it’s a drink. I hear the unmistakable sound of a beer can popping open and then he walks right into the living room and towards the porch. I’m sweating bullets as he proceeds to spend the next 20 minutes drinking his beer and pacing back and forth in front of the porch door. I’m trapped. There’s no place to go. Each time he approaches the porch, I’m sure he’s going to see me. But he doesn’t. He just keeps pacing.

    Finally, he leaves the room. I hear the bathroom door open and decide this is my chance. I start creeping back to my room as quickly and quietly as I can. As I approach the bathroom door, I’m shaking. And then it happens. The door flies open and my son is standing there. I try to retreat to the porch, but it’s too late. He’s seen me. He slowly approaches saying “dad?”. I don’t want him to see me full on, so I turn my back. But, of course, he can still see my wig, dress and heels. Finally, I blurt out “go to your room!” He does and I rush back into mine, lock the door and don’t come out.

    The next day I leave the house before he gets up. When he wakes he texts me to “make sure I’m okay,” but he doesn’t say anything about the night before. And neither do I. It’s been about a week now and neither of us has acknowledged it. But he obviously knows. So, I guess I’m down to only one child who doesn’t know? Oh well. I always knew I would eventually get caught.

    Hugs,
    Elise

Viewing 14 reply threads
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    • #591754
      Cece X
      Lady
      Registered On: April 8, 2020
      Topics: 35
      Replies: 158
      Has thanked: 3647 times
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      Season’s greetings, Elise. For me, the worst part of crossdressing is the clandestine life. Crossdressing can feel so solitary if no one knows. Nevertheless, for many good and practical reasons we may choose to hide this information from those we love. I am sorry you had this experience, Elise, but it is done and cannot be erased.
      About five years ago, I finally told my brother that I was gay and had a boyfriend. He did not take it well. One of his first responses was to ask, “does that mean you are going to be wearing women’s clothing?” His tone was of disgust. I said no, which was more true then than now. He lives nearby and I visit him about twice a month, but the topics of homosexuality, boyfriend, or crossdressing seldom arise. He does not want to face the truth about his little brother.
      The last time I visited my brother, I took a risk and for the first time in his apartment I arrived wearing a padded bra under a baggy shirt. I think he noticed the small lady bumps but did not say anything. I would like him to know I crossdress privately at home and underdress in public. I also continue to wonder if it is better to keep him in the dark and avoid his probable hostility. He is explosive in nature. We shall see what happens when I return on Christmas, perhaps again wearing a padded bra under a baggy shirt.
      I do hope all goes well with you and your children, Elise, as the cat gets further out of the bag. I similarly wish good results to all of us who would like to reveal our crossdressing to our loved ones.
      CeCe

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #591798
        Elise Michelle
        Registered On: January 3, 2018
        Topics: 25
        Replies: 354
        Has thanked: 482 times
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        Wow. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope things go well with your brother. I have two brothers and a sister and would never consider telling any of them. In fact, my ex wife told my sister when we split up. My sister asked me about it and I dismissed it as a lie. Since my ex is a compulsive liar, and had every reason to try and make me look bad, it was easy for her to accept my answer. I actually still feel guilty about lying to my sister.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #591743
      Lacy Satin
      Lady
      Registered On: June 27, 2018
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 481
      Has thanked: 442 times
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      Don’t worry we’ve all been there. I’ve been caught in one way or another by all my kids and son-in-law.

      It’s funny how hard we try to keep it a secret even though everyone around us probably knows.

      I know how hard it can be to face someone after they caught you, but from my experience nothing will ever be said and it will drift away as if it never happend.

      Hang in there girlfriend!

      I look at it this way, it’s like knowing your parents have sex but do you really want to think about it or visualize it, or worse yet see it? No!  Your son may have been shocked by it, but he will wipe it out of his mind and let himself believe he never saw it.  Our kids love us for the man they see us to be and will not let knowing that we crossdress get in the way of that love.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #591767
        Elise Michelle
        Registered On: January 3, 2018
        Topics: 25
        Replies: 354
        Has thanked: 482 times
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        Ha. I often joke with my kids by starting to describe a sexual encounter with their mother. “Did I ever tell you about the time your mom and I had sex on the golf course?” They all get grossed out and scream “Dad, stop!” I do it every once in a while just for fun.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #591736
      Raquel Smith
      Lady
      Registered On: August 26, 2021
      Topics: 19
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      Hang in there, Elise. It sounds like it won’t be much of a big deal. I hope it gos well when you speak with him.

      Much love,
      Raquel

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #591744
        Lacy Satin
        Lady
        Registered On: June 27, 2018
        Topics: 7
        Replies: 481
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        Sorry! but I think that’s a very bad idea. He should just let it ride and it will go away. For many of us our crossdressing is a very private thing and should stay that way even after we’ve been caught.

        I’m not ashamed of being a crossdresser but it’s not something I want to share with my kids. I;m sure they know but I’m not going to share it with them, nor do I think they want me too.

        Just my feelings

        Lacy

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        • #591765
          Elise Michelle
          Registered On: January 3, 2018
          Topics: 25
          Replies: 354
          Has thanked: 482 times
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          Yeah, I highly doubt I will be discussing it with him. I really don’t think that’s the way to go with this particular child. I’ll just let it be and we won’t discuss it. Ever. Always know your audience. Discretion is the better part of valor.

          Hugs,
          Elise

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    • #591641
      Lara Tucker
      Lady
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 1183
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      I think my heart might have just exploded if something like that happened to me!

      based on the way he acted, and checked on you the next morning, maybe it’s not that big of a deal for him. Hope all goes well, and he doesn’t tell his mom.
      Lara

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    • #591637
      Rhonda Lee
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 143
      Has thanked: 166 times
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      Terrifying to even read your tale! I have some whoppers myself and can relate. My wife walked out on me after our kids were grown and, even though we had agreed not to tell them, she felt all bets were off. So I quickly arranged visits to my 4 kids, one by one. I expected the worst, but they already had gotten hints that I was doing something perverted, so by comparison what I had to say was a relief for them. I invited my kids to include their spouses if they wished, gave them a fairly brief accounting of my feminine inclinations and some of the positive things I had learned about myself and others, and time to ask any questions they wanted. Expecting shock and time to process, I offered to visit them the next day to let them ask anything they failed to ask earlier. It went amazingly well. No one had any further questions when I returned the next day. I was disappointed, because I wanted to open up further, but I realize it was best not to tell them more than they wanted to know.

      The first spouse commended me on my bravery. My second daughter was a psychologist, so she seemed to be ok with it, just curious to see a photo and amazed I could do such a good job with makeup. She had never seen me as a liberal, accepting person, so was, I think, pleased to see I was more accepting of others than she imagined.

      I had a perfect opportunity to talk to my youngest daughter when she invited me to visit her in San Francisco. She is a hippie at heart with an eccentric lifestyle and shunned by many in the family. I told her I would do anything she wanted if it was not illegal or unhealthy. She tested all my limits, as I constantly muttered to myself “Is this unhealthy?… illegal?” I was not always sure. After she invited me to a hot springs, announcing it was bathing suit optional and she had no suit, I revealed my own secret, at which point she suggested we return to the city so she could have me made up and take me to a drag show.

      I saved my God-fearing son for last, feeling I would totally destroy his good image of me. But he shocked me by immediately saying “It’s not a sin”, and seemed to shrug it off. His spouse chose not to participate and seems very dismissive of me now, as does my psychologist daughter’s husband, who is very judgmental. You can’t win them all, but in retrospect I think I did it the right way and found more support than criticism. My daughter even invited me to speak to a psychology group she mentors… first time she saw me dressed was when I entered her classroom to educate the psych group on crossdressing. There were faculty present as well as her classmates and students. She asked if she should introduce me as her father. I said what she did was her call. I was proud of the fact that she risked her own reputation by revealing me to be her Dad. We had many subsequent classroom visits, inviting anyone in her school to attend and had SRO audiences anxious to learn all they could about crossdressers.

      You can make lemonade out of lemons, but definitely need to open discussions and state your truths. You likely will find compassion and understanding that will better bond you AND reduce worry about being caught again. It might be a good time to discuss boundaries. Does he need/want you to confine your appearances/activities to the privacy of your room? Let him know you are willing to honor his desires and ask what they are.

      A tip: Don’t answer more than you are asked. Your son may not want to hear as much as you want to tell. Honor his boundaries and don’t presume to know what they are. Don’t offer pictures, share your crossdressing experiences, or anything else unless asked. he will ask if he wants to know. My experience is that my children are not especially curious to know as much as I would have thought or was prepared to tell. But they know they are free to ask and I will answer honestly. I have been out in public, met for church functions, marched in a pride parade, and gone to symphony with a couple of my daughters. One daughter has invited me to visit her when dressed and we have shared some incredible experiences. She even took me shopping for and getting fitted for bras. That led to a memorable experience when the saleslady asked her son if he wanted to come into the dressing room with his Mama. He blurted out, for all in the store to hear, “That’s not my Mama… that’s my Papa!” Generally, though, don’t presume that any would want to see or be with you when dressed unless they give clear indications they would like to do so.
      Accept that if you open the subject you may be met with silence, indifference, or lack of curiosity to know more. Even so, you open an important door by revealing your willingness to bare your soul and, if he chooses, to help him understand you are normal and still a loving Dad. He may feel more inclined to open up to you in turn if/when he feels a need to do so.

      Best of luck! Hopefully, this “mistake” could turn out to be a big blessing for you!

      • #591771
        Elise Michelle
        Registered On: January 3, 2018
        Topics: 25
        Replies: 354
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        Wow. Thanks for sharing your experience. You are far braver than I am. Especially speaking with the psychology classes. I could never do that!

        Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be discussing it further with this child unless he asks to. Otherwise, I’m going to let sleeping dogs lie.

        I have discussed it with my other son, who is himself trans, and although he’s okay with it, he has no desire to see me en femme. The only one who has actually seen pictures of me dressed, is my eldest daughter.

        While part of me wants to share this side of me, I recognize that is my own desire for acceptance and isn’t necessarily in the best interests of those around me. Yeah, it would be great if I could wander my home freely en femme, but not at the expense of my children’s well being and comfort. I’ve been in the closet for over 50 years. A few more won’t hurt.

        Hugs,
        Elise

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    • #591631
      Michelle Brown
      Registered On: August 23, 2015
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 257
      Has thanked: 6682 times
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      Well Elise,for better or worse,its in the open now.Maybe if both of you could find some private time to discuss this ,it will be ok.Sending you good thoughts,Michelle

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #591630
      Amy Myers
      Baroness
      Registered On: February 11, 2019
      Topics: 23
      Replies: 1660
      Has thanked: 5039 times
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      Hopefully you can find a way to have a conversation about this, and since he knows something about your dressing, it would be best to have a chat so he can ask questions, and perhaps understand better.

      Also, it depends what his relationship is with his siblings, so they might have talked amoungst themselves by now as well.

      Most younger folks seem to take this very very well, better than one expects.

      Amy

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #591610
      Olivia Livin
      Lady
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
      Topics: 56
      Replies: 1676
      Has thanked: 9701 times
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      And probably happened with a lot less immediate fanfare and consequences than you’d envisioned. Sometimes our mind can imagine things way worse than what reality holds, and it enslaves us.

      Hopefully you’ll get to finally have an exceptional adult conversation and get things sorted.

      It would be nice to have honest freedom at home at least, right? And as you yourself said, it was only a matter if time until it happened.

      My best to you Elise, you deserve it.

      Olivia

    • #591609
      Shawn S.
      Duchess
      Registered On: January 11, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 3
      Has thanked: 5 times
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      My 25-year-old son lives with me and my wife. He came home from work on his break unexpectedly one day when I was dressed. Nothing much was said  in the minute or so he was home. Later when we were alone, I asked if he had any questions. He wanted to know if my wife knew, which she does. Then he said it didn’t matter to him, that I was his dad and he loved me no matter what. We haven’t talked about it since then, but now I try to be more careful. On days when I’m at home and plan on dressing I ask about his schedule to make sure he isn’t coming home unexpectedly.

    • #591604
      Catherine Dickson
      Lady
      Registered On: January 22, 2020
      Topics: 36
      Replies: 270
      Has thanked: 332 times
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      Sounds like you handled it well. I would like to tell my youngest but my wife is opposed so I will respect that and remain silent. I do yearn to tell someone though. I guess that’s why I’m so glad to be on this site with all of you great girls!

      Catherine

    • #591506
      Barb Wire
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: September 16, 2021
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 704
      Has thanked: 4028 times
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      Hi Elise!

      I have a 25 year old daughter and a 27 year old son. They’ve never seen me fully femme, but have seen all my clothes hanging up to dry, not to mention seeing all the feminine adds and online orders when they trouble-shoot my laptop. Kids are amazingly understanding!

      Sometimes I think being a girl makes me a better dad. I’m so close to showing them everything, like being right at their door ready to knock! (More than likely I’ll have to text them to let me in since they don’t answer the door). I’ll start with my most tasteful photos.

      Sounds like you got great kids, no doubt in part due to great parenting!

      Merry Christmas!

      Hugs, Barb 🙂

       

    • #591490
      Clara Cross
      Lady
      Registered On: December 7, 2020
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 559
      Has thanked: 1797 times
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      My goodness Elise, that had to bring on all sorts of emotions. I hope you find a way to talk about it with your son. The open communication will make you all feel much better.

      Best, Clara

    • #591485
      Tara Ryan
      Lady
      Registered On: April 20, 2021
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 526
      Has thanked: 1790 times
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      Hi Elise,

      Well that was an adventure, you must have been shaking like a leaf.  Hopefully this has been an icebreaker and everything turns out well for you.  I wish you all the best.

      Love,

      Tara x.

    • #591462
      Lacey Cyn
      Lady
      Registered On: December 8, 2021
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 209
      Has thanked: 383 times
      Been thanked: 966 times

      I hope when you do finally have that conversation it goes really well.

    • #591460
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
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      OMG… How terrifying!!!

    • #591769
      Elise Michelle
      Registered On: January 3, 2018
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 354
      Has thanked: 482 times
      Been thanked: 1394 times

      Honestly, my job is what keeps me deep in the closet. For some reason, people in the American south frown upon crossdressers teaching their children. They say it has something to do with Jesus, but every image of him I’ve seen shows him with long hair, wearing long flowing robes and open toe sandals, so I’m not quite sure what the objection is.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
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