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So yesterday my wife was out for the day and I decided the take advantage and dress up for the day. I threw on some black panties lace bra black stockings and royal blue dress .
A little later the phone rings and it’s one of my best friends, he just recently had knee replacement. He said he’d hate to ask me in such short notice but his wife got tied up and couldn’t bring him to physical could I give home a ride. I said sure, when? He said in about 15 mins. So I ripped off my clothes but decided to keep my stockings on ( first time I’ve ever really underdressed). Threw on some sweatpants , t shirt and Skechers.
I pulled up at his house and got out to help him in the car when he looks at me whistles and laughs . I say what are you laughing at and he says I see we are wearing our sexy black stockings today. I was like what are you talking about and he points down at my leg,, apparently when I was getting out of the car my pant leg pulled up and stayed up, I wax mortified simply mortified . Here I am no one knowing about my dressing, I haven’t talked with my wife yet and now this happens .
We head on our way and I’m in shock and he says listen don’t worry I know you Cross dress. I was like what are you talking about!!! He said he just assumed seeing all the Halloween parties we’ve been to and just about all of them I was dressed as a woman. I was speechless at this point and if I could cry I would have.
I said listen you are right I am but please understand that my wife doesn’t know, no one does well except you now. Please please can I trust you to not say anything . He said of course we’ve been friends fir 30 years I would never say anything .
I drop him off , have to pick him up in and hour, when I return and we head to his house he said you I was thinking my favorite costume of yours was that sexy nurse, with this injury I could be your patient and he laughed and stunned I half laughed. Now here comes the surprising comment, he said if you ever want to explore your feminine side I am here for you. I said first and foremost I love my wife and those types of thoughts aren’t even a thought as I struggle with just cross dressing and having to tell my wife and now worrying that I can not trust you to keep quiet but your actually coming on to me.!
He abruptly said no no no, Like he thought I cross dressed he thought he read I might be into exploring as well but he apologized several times over. I said fine but can I really trust that you’ll keep my cross dressing between us until I talk to my wife and he said of course.
Well now I’m really on the clock to have the talk with my wife because although I do trust that he won’t say anything the fact that he came on to me as well makes me think twice.
well anyway I’m a wreck now thinking about this, but I felt what better place to come for guidance than my girlfriends!!!
Kandace
It’s no secret here that I am in the “Tell The Potential Spouse Before Marriage” Camp. But if that train has left the station, my advice is that it is a conversation that needs to happen NOW.
Trust me, the only thing worse than having The Talk is having her find out on her own that you have been keeping this secret from her.
Take the step, Sweetie. It may seem scary and difficult, but it will be better than the alternative.
Kandace, What an interesting development. If that happened to me I am sure lots of thoughts would be rolling around in my head.
Thanks Steph, yes my head is spinning I never ever would have suspected such a forward advancement from him. Sure at Halloween parties we always joked with each other but I never ever did anything that should have given him that impression…. I think ? Anyway my focus is and always will be my wife and the talk, but in the meantime I’m a wreck and must have cried 5 gallons of tears!
Your friend had already figured you cross dressed from the previous Halloweens so I imagine you pulled off your costume only too good and you did say you had presented as a female several Halloweens. If your wife doesn’t have a clue I’m wondering how you pulled those times off without her knowledge. Maybe your wife suspects already too.
You said you’ve been friends with this person over 30yrs and he has said he would keep your secret so I don’t think you have to worry too much. Of course when the cat is out of the bag it can never go back so there is a chance he will tell someone and it could get back to your wife. Only you know your friend and its a matter of trusting him or not. At least now you have someone to share your secret with and you may be surprised at your wifes reaction.
Thanks Michelle for the time I appreciate it. Yes I do trust him, but I must admit his advancement thru me for a loop. I mean I must be giving that vibe ? Anyway I do believe my wife knows, I know in my bio it’s says I’ve given many a clue , but I believe she could be in a DADT mode. Anyway I’m a nervous wreck after yesterdays terrible escapade, and I’ll get their having the talk but in the interim the tears keep coming!
Wonderful that your friend accepts and understands! Maybe it would be fun to dress in that nurse outfit, and ‘tend’ to him, enfemme! Might be a special ‘treatment’ for both of you! Giggle!
Thanks for the response Stephie I appreciate the time. Really that would be the last thing on my mind, but in addition to my situation it has me really wondering if he got the impression that I was open to that am I giving off that impression when I’m dressed. I must admit that when I dress and go out I do make it a point to be flirtatious to get a response, but he must have picked up on something and quotes honestly I never ever thought he could be Bi. Anyway my one and only focus is my wife and the talk. Thanks again.
I know everyone’s situation is different so I can’t tell you what to do. I recently came out to my wife and she told me that she still loved me. I can tell you that mustering up the courage to tell her was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I had been trying to tell her for years with no success. After talking with some of the ladies at CDH I decided that in my case honesty was the way to go because I could no longer live with the lie. It was starting to affect my mental health but as I said everyone’s case is different. I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide to do.
hugs
AnnaBeth
Thanks so much Annabeth for taking the time to respond I really appreciate it. I am really besides myself with what has transpired, for I know I have to tell my wife but I’m totally afraid. I don’t know why I believe she knows and I feel she’ll most likely be accepting but I’m terrified. It’s gonna happen quicker than I anticipated after what transpired yesterday, but I’m a nervous wreck!
Like your friend, I think your wife figured out you’re a CD years ago. Women are more observant than men. They pick up on subtle clues that men miss. If you made more than a cursory effort to be feminine or showed any competence at presentation, she knows.
So now that the genie is out of the bottle, you have an opportunity. You are likely in a position to gain your wife’s support and maybe even her participation. Don’t waste it. Have the talk with your wife.
Best of luck to you.
/EA
Well Kandace what happened with your friends come on, which is what it sounds like to me, has put him in an awkward place as well, with you having the response that you did. As far as telling your wife, it’s something that wasn’t plan I see, but now here it is and I think after all is said and done you’ll be in a better place afterwards. The closet is a very heavy thing to carry on your shoulders and no matter how the outcome is, it’s a weight you’ll be happy not to carry any longer. You’ve got the strength in you to do it and we’re all behind you, now you just have to do it. I wish you well.
Hugs
Sherri
Sherri,
Thanks so much for your support I really appreciate it. Yes I’ve carried this secret on my shoulders for over 50 years now and quite honestly my shoulders are “ tired “ and I do know telling my wife will take the weight off, I am just such a weak scared man every time I’m almost there, I turn right around.anyway I’ll get there and thanks so much!
Sounds like you have a good friend there Kandace.
In my opinion and experience it is far easier to open up and connect with females in regard to our love of the feminine.
Societal and gender preconceptions and stereotypes make it harder to open up to, and be friends with men. It is hardwired into most men’s psyche to be seen as ‘less’ of a man if we display traditionally feminine traits. Most men constantly strive to express male testosterone driven traits. So finding a male friend who is supportive of this side of you is a rare and wonderful thing. As long as you are both clear that there is no sexual aspect to the friendship, which you have already discussed, then it shouldn’t be a problem.B x
Well Kandace it may be tears of joy as I am with those who believe your wife does know and maybe waiting for you to spill the beans. My suspicion is that his wife also knows and if they are both friends of your wife, maybe ask your friend if this is correct.
However there’s an opportunity now and dry those tears and, in the words of a song..’In olden days a glimpse of stocking was looked at as something shocking,but now, heaven knows, anything goes….’
Kandace, you are touching on something that has been on my mind for a while: enjoying your femme side with the world and maybe flirting because it is fun. But then the recipient interprets it as more than fun. For me it’s like whoa when did we cross that line because I was just having fun and not expecting THAT. It’s like we have to be on guard and very aware of how we are so as not to give off the wrong vibe and in a way hold ourselves back because others can’t do it for themselves. This realization has made me think about how GGs have to navigate the world their whole lives. This is a part of my journey I never expected but at the same time I’m grateful for this understanding even if it is coming later for me.
Kandace, since you mentioned your friend suspected something like this odds are some other people in your life suspect something also. They are likely not sure exactly what you are into. I agree with others that you really need to tell your wife, just getting your CD out there will reduce the stress of keeping your secret. We all hope for the best for the both of you. AND we will be there to listen and give you support in your journey.
. Cassie
Well try and see the positive in this hun. He had ideas that you may be a cd and to see your stockings and didn’t give you any negative comments but rather willing to share your feminine side I would think he is an understanding friend. As long as he respects your wishes of keeping your secret tells me he may be an admirer or has thoughts of dressing himself. Anyway as far as letting wife know I had same issues. It was tearing me up inside and couldn’t keep this secret from her any longer. So I told her everything. At first she was confused and asked many questions but after long talk about it she has been very understanding and supportive.
Thanks so much for the response Ashley is was very much appreciated hopefully I can have the same result you had with your wife. I’d love to know if you would share your approach/ conversation with your wife to me?
That is quite the story; terrifying and informative, all at once. However, I think there is good news in this extraordinary experience and I also have a suggestion.
a) You can now post on ‘Who knows you’re a crossdresser’? I’m sure your story will go down well.
b) Your friend must have been lusting over you for some time for him to comment about you being a CDer. You gave him a perfect window for him to share his thoughts, and now you know.
c) He daren’t say anything to anyone, least of all his wife. He’s suggested something rather naughty with you, and if his wife found out I don’t think she’d be very pleased.I can’t help thinking all the pieces are ready to be put in place as far as telling your wife the truth. Did she find it strange that your Halloween costume always placed you dressed as a woman, or did she just go along with the whole idea? Did you always wear nylons and heels?
I started the dialogue with my young lady as pursuit of a nylon fetish. I shared that I loved everything nylon, and the feel on nylon on nylon (both of us) was exhilarating to me and would she mind indulging me. She went along with the idea and I just dripped a little more periodically into the ‘event’. It was nylons, heels, dress, wearing her panties etc, and off we went. She’s still a little dubious about bras and forms but we’ve crossed all the bridges.
Thanks so much for your response I appreciate the time taking. Yes I agree based on his response and his phone call later that night apologizing that he’s had these lustful feelings for me for awhile. With that said i feel very very confident that the secret is safe.
My wife on the other hand never blinked twice with every if not all Halloween costume as a women. She even took me shopping for one of my red dresses for one Halloween. I really believes she knows and is in DADT mode. Im just stunned as I think about the 25+ years of dressing as a woman at costume parties ( one Christmas morning see bio) that she never broached the subject with me?
I look at this in a possible different light. His invitation was not necessarily for intimate encounters, but more an opportunity for you to explore your dressing in a more open manner with someone else. It may be an invitation to go out in public (or private) with him dressed, not an invitation of intimacy. They reason I say this is when I came out to my female cousin she had a similar, open response and welcomed me to express my feminine side with her. Not to sleep with her, but that I could feel free and open about expressing myself around her. We had some wonderful conversations and I enjoy taking here to the airport en femme and saying good bye on the sidewalk in full view at the busy airport.
Come clean with your wife, do it very carefully, but may be the best thing you’ve ever done, this will not go away, meaning your desires, BEST OF LUCK!!
BriannaKandace, unless your wife is much larger than you and you have raided her drawers. She knows. I’m sorry I know that your heart is racing and you’re terrified as to what is going to happen. We’ve all been there at the exact same moment (minus the getting hit on by a friend). I’m lucky. I’m really lucky, my wife is ok with Jamie. She actually enjoys going out 2 or 3 times a year with Jamie. You need to explain to your wife about your dressing. She’s going to understand. Little by little she’ll be either completely accepting or accept it at least a little. IMHO ” A Little” is a lot better than nothing. One last note keeping it a secret hurts YOU inside.
Hugs JamieKandace please do yourself a huge favor and stop torturing yourself talk to your beautiful bride she knows if you dress as a woman every year for Halloween. She may not love every bit of her man being feminine but she already knows it is a part if you as you enjoy it and keep dressing each year at Halloween. Curious did your friend proposition or solicit you or playfully give you a compliment and let you know you are ok and safe to still be friends but he would be a very supportive friend. Wishing you the best. PLEASE FIND THE STRENGTH AND TALK TO YOUR WIFE AND TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL!
Your so close you can find the words of love honesty and that it doesn’t change how you feel about her!
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