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…time may change me, but I can’t trace time.
It’s amazing what even a little time can do. So many good changes since I started this journey, so soon!
The club we went to for Halloween is having another monthly event, and my wife asked me if I wanted to go, as Diane. Apparently she is much more relaxed, not completely, but seeing that I wasn’t treated badly at Halloween has made her feel a little less apprehensive about my dressing in public, still within some limits. She is still concerned, and rightly so considering our area, but not as scared for me as she was. She also ordered me a pair of new shoes, and told me she is anxious to see how they fit and look. We are actually growing closer together in new ways.
My self confidence is growing, too, in areas other than being femme. My whole outlook on life has improved a lot, and I have a bounce in my step, and just a feeling of more energy and optimism. Finally accepting myself as I am has made such a big difference! I have been coming out to more of my friends, as they have noticed the change in me, and asked about it, giving me the perfect opening for “the talk”. No negative reactions so far, all have been happy just to know that I am finally happy. And not one who acted surprised either, I guess I really am the last to know! lol
It has changed me physically as well. I had an incident a couple weeks ago of passing out, and dizzy spells. It was discovered that with the stress of denying who I really am being gone, my blood pressure had dropped quite a bit on it’s own, and the medicine they had me on was bringing it down too low. Going to the gym has had a lot to do with it too, overall my health is rapidly improving, and I am off all but two of my medications.
I have an appointment with my cardiologist tomorrow to see where we go from here, as I am actually having an issue with low blood pressure now, even though I haven’t taken any BP medicine in over a week!
I am still waiting on results of lab work from my general doctor, to see what the rest of my numbers look like, but expect it to be at least reasonably good. Hopefully enough to take me off the remaining meds, which to be honest are not that major to begin with. So fingers crossed!
The only negatives so far, is it has been very difficult to find a gender therapist in my area, I may have to go quite a distance to find one, or wait until we can move. And while I’m toning up well, that darn weight is taking it’s sweet time coming off!
But not going to let it get me down, just feel too good finally being myself!
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