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As the partner of a CD this is literally my worst fear. I’m supportive but big he’s with me he’s with my. As much as it would break my heart i would rather my fiancé end it with me if it was his desire to explore other ventures. I gave him the option to go and do it and then decide if that’s what he wanted or he wanted me. He chose me.
Please please do not be unfaithful. Its devastating.
I’m sorry that’s just my views.
Agreed; being a little bit unfaithful is like being a little bit pregnant…impossible.
Hi Clo,
I am a happily married CD,
Don’t get me wrong I wonder and fantasize about what it would be like to be with another CD, however I will never cheat On my wife.
I love and respect her too much.
I do wish she was as supportive as you however she is who she is.I think you handled your situation very well.
He is lucky to have you hon.Patty
I thought about it 3 or 4 times, over the first 40 years of our marriage, but never acted. We live where that can lead to a .45 cal divorce.
I think that Bettylou has the right of it. Thinking about it and doing it are two very very different things. Thinking about it as a fantasy, or a what would it be like is something that we all do with others in one way or another… I know so many who have even said things like “Wow, I’d love to do him/her/them”, and never thought it more than a word of admiration.
When you start doing, well, then I really hope you’re in an already open relationship.
Don’t make a mistake in confusing the two and you should be good.
Clo, please don’t take here as being an indicator of probabilities as there are CD’s such as myself who have been happily married for decades and have not, and will not, be unfaithful. Pre CD discussion / Post CD discussion makes no difference to this, and very few of us that feel this way have a need to discuss it as a thing. As a strange new feeling for some, maybe… (not I, but a friend did), but as a planned course of action… Not a chance!. If you trusted him before, I’d recommend you trust him until proven otherwise as fearing it may make your life significantly worse. And that goes doubly for trusting him to be able to deflect others that may try to tempt him.
I’ll go back to my beautiful quiet corner and thoughts now. 🙂 Just thought it’d be worthwhile for you to hear the counter-point
-Molly
Thanks molly. I think I just am still a little insecure that maybe I can’t give my SO everything he needs. Stems a lot from all the years I thought something else was going on entirely not him dressing.
Hi Clo! Thanks for being here and giving us a GG perspective. You seem to be a very loving and supportive spouse and that is as much as anyone of us can hope for. Don’t be insecure that you can’t meet all of your spouse’s needs as none of us are capable of doing that. You and I aren’t God, we are fallible humans. The best we can do is love and respect them as much as we possibly can, and exercise mutual forgiveness when we (or they) fall short.
I think this has very little to do with the SO and much more to do with wanting to experience, fully, the female fantasy. The hardest part is that many of us, when we are in Venus mode, want to enjoy pleasure as a woman. It doesn’t mean that we still do not love our SO, but more we want to experience to please as they do. Just my thoughts.
Sorry, I’m a cheater. My wife and I got married when I was 18 and she was 19. We’re still married decades later with two beautiful and happily successful adult daughters. We were far too immature to get married at that age, and we’ve had some major ups and downs, but we fight to stay together because we still love each other. She’s cheated, and I’ve cheated. It was almost inevitable it would happen. We both love sex. I had a job that took me far away for long periods. She is very attractive and flirtatious. I know she likes men better than women and has more male friends than female. I love women, feminine men, crossdressers… I like the company of women more than the company of men. I’ve been bi-sexual for as long as I can remember, just didn’t know it until later in life, and I want to experience sexually with other men while I’m dressed like a woman. It’s a relentless, overpowering desire. My wife has handled my heterosexual affairs. My crossdressing and the relationships that I desire in my feminine mode likely wouldn’t be accepted or forgiven as easily, but life is short and made for living!
Wow! Very familiar story to mine. What I find most amazing is how we change and evolve as human and sexual beings. Thank you for sharing heartfelt and intimate truths…I love sharing my feelings too❤️
Haley😘
Clo,
My wife and I were friends before we dated, and were engaged for a few years before. We’ve been married now over 20 years. Like your fiance’, my wife knew about my interests before we were married. Reading about some of the horror stories here, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Regardless of who we are, or what we dress up like, I think it’s safe to say everyone fantasizes about being with someone…whether it’s an actor/actress or someone that they may have seen. The difference being thinking about it and acting on it.
I told my wife when we were getting married that the only thing that could drive a wedge between us was if she ever cheated on me….that for me would be an immediate grounds for separation. Conversely, I told her she could expect the same from me.
I’m a bit of a flirt…but I don’t know if I am when dressed up…I have not been out in public yet so I don’t know how I’ll act. But I guarantee you that regardless of how I act it’ll never go beyond that.
Given how some spouses react to their crossdressing spouses, and the rarity of women such as yourself that are accepting of what we do…I hope that your fiance’ realizes what an amazing person you are and never does anything to jeopardize your relationship. I know that I’d never want to do anything to jeopardize mine.
-Nat
I’ve been with many men (several? a handful? i don’t know) over the years.
And in most, if not all cases, THEY were married or had a woman SO.
I didn’t seek it out, but that’s how it normally happens. I think married life is a tough road to hoe for most (men and women)…cheating is so common place (by both men and women). I think women cheat far more often then they get the credit for, to be honest.
I frankly don’t think we’re wired for permanent monogomy.
I agree…monogamy has just never worked for me. Call me a cheater, a slut, but I am who I am.
My wife and I have had our ups and downs and the last few years have not been easy and now I have put the CD thing into the mix, but we still love each other. I travel several months out of the year for work and have had numerous opportunities where I could have cheated, fresh meat is always in huge demand in small towns, but I’d rather put the time and effort into working on the relationship with my wife than cheating on her.
I must admit I do have those feelings when I am fully dressed and enjoying the femme experience. I fantasize what it would be like to go all the way as a woman, sexually. I have a very supportive wife when it comes to my dressing. I haven’t told her about my sudden desires when I am truly feeling fully feminine. I don’t think I ever would tell her because I am sure it would hurt her deeply. I love her to much to actually go ahead and live the fantasy I feel. After all it is a fantasy not a strong urge.
I’m a cheater, no excuses, my wife and I have gone through 3 long term separations the longest lasting nearly a month and things happened. I’ve been bisexual all my life and find being with a man especially since I accepted myself as Heather to be very natural. I’ve mentioned in a few other posts I consider myself a lesbian when I’m with my wife as I am not just a crossdresser I am a woman. There, call me a terrible person if you will but stuff happens.
Thanks Bobbi, we’re working on it and use the strength of our love to keep moving forward. Small steps reap big rewards.
I am in an unusual position, it seems. My second marriage, my wife’s third, and we both decided life’s too short. As a man, we’ve been with couples, invited men to join us, and I’ve encouraged, successfully, my wife to take a lover (She confesses everything, it turns us both on, it works). She is excited about the possibility of me being en femme with a man, something we’ll explore when this plague has ended. Nothing behind each other’s backs, just open, honest exploration of our desires and sexual selves. Just thought I’d share that there are other ways; I feel for those who are still in the closet with their SO; I can imagine my first wife’s reaction had I opened up to her, and see how difficult that could be.
peace and love,Tj
I just couldn’t cheat! My wife accepts me as I am and that’s all that matters! We role play some times about another guy to spice our sex life up but I truly feel like a lesbian with her romantically with her! My wife is my best friend. How many wifes put up with their husbands gone for almost 11 out of 15 years. It takes a super lady to marry a navy seal..She is a super wife and mom and raised 2 kids almost totally by herself. I could never bring myself to cheat on her! She accepts me just as I am!
Sadly…I’m a cheater 🙁
I’ve been a closeted crossdresser since I was 10 years old, I’m 57 now. My wife does not know.
I’ve been married for 30 years. Had an affair with a co-worker when I was first married. No intercourse but everything up to it. Lasted for 6 months.
A few years ago my cheating brain led me to have sex with a man for the first time. Ive now had sex with several men over the last few years. Lots of guilt about it but it hasn’t stopped me until TODAY. I never considered myself gay. I feel totaly like a girl when dressed so having sex with a guy while dressed was just a natural thing for me to do, just like a girl. Who am I fooling??? I don’t particulaly like having sex with men. I love vagina. It’s the act itself thats arousing.
No justification… I’m a cheater 🙁Hi Joey Our gender identity and sexual preference are defiantly two separate parts of our brain. I do understand wanting to confirm your identity by having a man attracted to you. That is a very common trap that a lot of CDs fall into. Many of us have been CDing for as long as we can remember. I was so fortunate to grow up in a large city that had CDs and trans people from most parts of the world. There were a couple of gay night clubs in the city where we could go and just have fun and flirt and get the attention of men who were attracted to trans and CDs. I was very young too young when i first started going to those night clubs. I learned i was not attracted to men at all. I liked the fact they were attracted to me. It helped me confirm my inner identity. Dealing with men and their sexual desires is a whole other subject that does not need to be discussed here. Having said that I do read that a lot of CDs have fantasies of being with a man. You do not need a man to confirm your fem identity. There are so many other ways that your fem identity can be confirmed, Cis woman deal with the same issue when they are young or when they just need a boost in there self confidence. If you are a CD that is attracted to men then just go for it. There are plenty of married confused men out there that are more than willing to use you. I can only imagine what life would be like for a CD that is attracted to men. It can not be easy. When you make the decision to get married to some one and commit the rest of your life to nurturing and growing your love for your chosen partner then you have made just that a commitment,. a promise before God and others. The time for experimenting with sexual preference and desires is when you are single. It has no place in a committed marriage. I have been married for just about forty years My wife and I have enjoyed so many different sexual fantasies together and some times we just laugh after our fantasy has been fulfilled and say well that was kinda fun and the move on to our every day life of growing a family. Just my opinion
Luv Stephanie
My first wife cheated on me with one of my co-workers. It sidestroked my family and led me to thoughts of suicide. My father was a womanizer and cheated on my mom. He died of a heart attack while with another woman devastating my mom and our family. I will not cheat. I also will not judge those who do. We are all on a different path. It’s just not for me.
I have fantasies and so does my wife. I think that it is healthy to have them.
Kay
I will share that in the past I cheated on my spouse. I’m not proud of this in any way. I went behind my partner’s back and had affairs with both men and women. I’m now on my third marriage and can’t be happier, and would not jeopardize it for anything. The guilt I experienced when I cheated was overwhelming.
Everyone experiences fantasies and unless both people in the relationship decide on an open marriage, fantasies should remain just that, fantasies.
Just my 2 cents worth.
Heather
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Oh my! I read my post. Spell checker did a number on me. I meant to say ” It devastated my family and led me to thoughts of suicide.”
Kay
Hi Stevie, I’m sorry to read your SO doesn’t know you’re a CD, I know how painful suppressing your other femme side is, I had to do it when with my ex wife. I’ve been divorced 10 years, and now with a wonderful woman that loves my male and femme side, I’ve never been happier. I think you need to open up to your SO and tell her. She may just understand!
I totally agree with what Jennifer has said, her life experience mirror my own and now I have a wonderful understanding wife. If you are keeping your cross dressing from your wife that is fine and I understand that is what a lot of girls have to do but to enter into a physical relationship with another party is going to be double the hurt if your wife found out. This is purely my opinion and we all must lead our own lives how we want to lead them
Samantha x
I would break up with my partner right away. If a person loves, he will never cheat. No matter what state he/she was in, a person would remember that he/she had a loved one. Cheating is one of the most common reasons for breaking up. I began to often hear stories from my friends that their girlfriends/ boyfriends were cheating on them. I was interesting if cheating is really so common in our time. It turned out that this is so. I read about this at the divorce rate has changed over the last 150 years and made sure in this.
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Like you single and can date men or woman and do extra things with Now if say a date start getting serious like one did not long ago would never cheat on him but find out he was cheating on me found out through friends. and got in my car and drove to where he was and slapped the crap out of him and threw a drink at him and said its over. but enough of that if by chance would find someone be first thing told never would lie on my partner dating seriously or being married.I’m married, and was conscious of the promise I was making before getting married, so to break that promise would be to be untrue to myself.
I feel only repulsion for the male form, so it’s not going to happen with a man or CD – and so far I have resisted the surprising number of delightful, beautiful, soft and lovely female temptresses…
Must be strong, must be strong…
Love Laura
Answer is NO.
I don’t have anything else to add that hasn’t already been said. For me, if I ever did go down that path I would want to make sure I end this one first. Stringing along a person is the cruelest thing someone can do.
I also agree, fantasizing is human nature. It is like window shopping, you can window shop all you want but once you step foot into a store and try things on, that changes everything.
Ohh, Joey…
I have to join my sisters on this and say that I cannot imagine myself actually cheating! Despite various challenges my wife and I have had the bond is something not to be put aside. Even if one imagines encounters, these are just fantasies! Fantasies are what everyone has and the realities turn out to be completely different from our imagination.
It is said that one can get out of life what one desires… but in unrecognisable ways!Amen to that… Polly
I say no. The pain that cheating causes can not be repaired. I was the one that was cheated on. I told her that I forgive her but I will never forget. She still wants to twist it so it is my fault. I have not gotten past it and she can’t forgive herself. I was totally in the dark. The only reason that I found out was one of my boys was snooping on her phone and then said that he would kill himself unless she told me. He had been reading their conversations for two years. It is still my fault. She says.
It seems some have different definitions of cheating. If it means fantasizing but going no farther, but still meeting your commitments to your spouse of what she expects out of you (taking out the garbage, getting rid of nasty bugs, getting dirty working on a car, as well as meeting her emotional needs), then I’m having trouble calling it ‘cheating’. Because I suspect an awful lot of manly men also fantasize. Why else did Playboy and the others, as well as movies like Deep Throat, and now x rated sites on the internet do such great business?
Okay, so your fantasies run in different directions than having an encounter with a Playmate. But as long as you are meeting her expectations and not physically wandering off looking for a chance encounter, you may actually be a better partner then a lot of manly men who do wander off, have a short term liaison, come back with their tails between their legs and beg for forgiveness and then do it again. Nor would I call it cheating to meet other cd’s and have lunch or go to an event or whatever.
Now physically ‘cheating’ is disrespecting your spouse. And it more often than not catches up with you and can cause irreparable harm to your marriage. Not a good choice for either. If you feel that strongly, I would think it better to fess up to your spouse and find a way to amicably split. Chances aren’t good, but then they often aren’t with manly men either…or with cheating wives .
As I’ve mentioned, right after we were married, my SO asked if we could each share a personal secret that we would never ever want someone else to know. Basically, asking for us to become emotionally closer, I suppose. She told me hers (which to my mind wasn’t really that shocking) and I told her I like to cross-dress. We have talked about it on occasion over the years, even experimented a little, but I have faithfully done all that I mentioned above yet terribly disliking some of it, but hey! as Jimmy Buffet said in response to Johnny Paycheck –
It’s My Job To be better than the rest
And that’s the thing she respects in me.
It’s my job but without I’d be less,
Than what I expect from me
(another one of those songs from my life)I fantasize as well about other cd’s and men when I am dressed. Ideally I would love to have an open marriage and we have discussed it. I can tell my wife is intrigued but not yet ready and thats ok. She does not know I dress.
Just this past week we were fantasizing together and she asked me if I would touch a man during a 3some, kiss a man etc. I was shocked she asked and I answered honestly and told her yes. To my surprise she was not mad or angry and again seemed intrigued.
Now she doesn’t know I want to do all that in some tiny silk panties and ankle strap heels but maybe some day. I do have these urges too and happy to find others who do as well.
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Are you actually a girl?Are you biologically a girl who was gender re-assigned?
How long have you known for definite?
Or are you actually a man, who feels like he should have been born a girl, and has only recently come to terms with these feelings?
If the former, and you’ve always known and not told her, then obviously there’s something akin to “cheating” going on (It’s not the same as an affair, which is cheating by definition).
If the latter, then no betrayal or cheating, even though it might feel like it to her.
Humans change as they get older (if they’re among the lucky ones who don’t simply rot in the same place, stagnating into a caricature of themselves). They become their authentic selves.
The whole process of life is a journey of becoming, not settling into a predefined mould, and either she is there for the journey, come what may, for better or worse, or she isn’t.
The profile of most cross dressers I’ve met and interacted with is not of a lying scoundrel, but of a gentle, kind type of person who cares about others.
There are always exceptions, but I have noticed time and time again that we seem to fit the latter description to the point of being doormats.
Or maybe I am only speaking for myself…
Love Laura
So very true, I’m easily walked on. 💕💋 Katie
When I read threads like this, my overriding hope is that we can treat each other with some compassion. This is not a forum for shaming. I hope it is a forum for learning and understanding. For some, the issues and circumstances are very clearly defined. For others, the issues are more complicated. For many of us beliefs, inculturations, rationalizations, needs, wants, curiosities, desires can be in conflict with each other. There is nothing wrong with that. I believe that allowing for complexity is an important part of understanding humanity.
– Robyn
Only just noticed this forum – sorry. A difficult question to answer from my viewpoint. I’ve been more than tempted by ladies other than my SO – though I doubt they would have been tempted by me, though we’ve flirted profusely… I think I have always just fitted into the “Friends Zone” – and still wonder (two kids on!) if that is really how my SO really views me. Yes, I’ve had plenty of very attractive young ladies who were very interested in being my “special friend”… but they needed a small financial incentive… I’m not opposed in principle, but it never really appealed, especially as I don’t think the physical aspect of a relationship is anywhere near the most important part. In the end, if anyone really doesn’t want to lose their SO (who would be on the road if they found out) then surely there are only two ways to go: 1) don’t do it, or 2) don’t get caught! And before you consider option 2, why not remember that option 1 is more than likely to be not only easier but, in the end, much more satisfying anyway? Sorry: still love my SO – even though I have doubts what she thinks of me… Inga.
When I was married, I didn’t cheat. I could never make it right in my mind. After that was over, I realized I did cheat, but the other woman was me. I vowed never to begin a relationship again without getting who I was out in the open. Now, I only go into relationships with Danielle out front and still don’t cheat on my SO.
For me, it’s not about ignoring the temptations, but acknowledging them and knowing that it’s OK to think certain ways, if not acting on them.
Tbh, even though I haven’t cheated on my SO with an actual person, I do feel like I’m cheating on her with my CD side. It’s something that I am not able to or might never be able to to let her know about as knowing a lot about her, she will most likely not take it very well.
Even if there is no one else, the fact that I am emotionally and sexually opening up to someone else not her makes me feel horrible, and I feel like I’m at the crossroads and wondering if it is time to move on.
Couldn’t have said it better myself, Bobbi; cis, trans or bi, bringing a third party into a relationship is cheating.
You could classify keeping your Dressing secret from your wife as “cheating”; and IMO it’s not good to do it, but it’s not the same as being unfaithful, which is wrong on several levels.
Bettylou
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