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This is a lonely time of year for her. Everyone is hustling and bustling about-greeting each other with smiles and shopping for Christmas gifts for their friends and family. She has done her shipping for her kids and siblings and extended family and all of those are wrapped and under the tree. They looks so pretty with all the colorful wrapping paper and ribbons tied into bows.
She looks at everything there but sadly none of the presents are addressed to her. There are some addressed to the guy whose life she shares but while those are nice, she longs to just once get something selected just for her- a pretty top, some perfume, or a bit of jewelry. Something to acknowledge her existence and let her know that someone loves her for who she is. Yes-of course she can buy things for herself but somehow it is just not the same. To know that someone cares for her enough to see past the shell she inhabits and see the delicate flower inside.
But sadly, most people don’t seem capable of that vision. All they see is someone who doesn’t fit THEIR vision of what is “normal” and so they avoid her, shun her, or even attack her just of being who she is. How sad that at a time when many are celebrating the birth of One who loves all His children equally, the world has to remind us that the joy and happiness promised in the carol is not for everyone to know.So she will smile and laugh with the rest of her family as they “ooh and ah” over their gifts and quietly shed a tear inside as she hopes that one day she will be loved as she loves others and maybe just maybe find happiness again!
( reposting from 2015)
The story is very touching. It makes one appreciate those we often neglect.
A thought that is felt by many. A secret kept deep inside for the world not to see. Wanted to open up the true spirit of one’s self but to be afraid to distance further the people around you. It does draw tears not being able to enjoy true satisfaction in having others look at you as you feel inside. I do see this. 🌹
Cynthia……yours is a very thought provoking post……it is so true. We are on the perifery of society.
Well, chin up….just think about all the sales we can get for ourselves on boxing day. It is tough to be “incognito all the time.” I know I would love a bottle of perfume or a new bra as a gift. However, God has given us the best gift of all….a life to spend doing what makes us happiest…being en femme.
Salut!
Lady Veronica
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year/
I too always have felt so alone at Christmas, Valentines, Birthdays Etc, It would have been so wonderful if one time i had opened a gift even in the closet and it would have been a couple pair of nice panties, slip or nice Blouse. instead of ties, socks tee shirts or knife. Just once it would have been heaven and really for ME.
Thank you Cynthia, almost exactly how I felt this Christmas so wished my wife (only one that knows) would have given me a feminine gift this Christmas. I still feel the tear inside hang unable to drop.
I was blessed at Christmas as my wife’s Ex Husband youngest daughter by another marriage gave me a present on Christmas Day when we all met to be opened in private. It was a lovely purple Suede and Leather miniskirt.
At the time she was the only other person in the family besides my wife who knew about Jean, as she owns a beauty salon and has been doing my nails and lashes for quite some time.
Since then I have told the rest of that side of the family including my Step daughter, step son and their partners, also told the wife’s Ex husband and his current wife. His Ex wife whose daughter owns the salon also koans as she did my her one time at the salon when I went dressed to have my nails and hair done. All are very supportive except my wife who just tolerates my femme self and her ex husband who said to my wife he did not want to go somewhere where I was dressed. He has not told me that to my face.
I asked my step daughter not to by me anymore man presents, so for my birthday I got a voucher to use at the Salon.
Hoping for more of this in the future.
Love to all and hope you get the same treatment.
Jean x
Well damn. Another story that really hit home for me. Took me back to my childhood watching my girl cousins opening thier presents and wishing I could get what they had. Over the years I have grown to detest Christmas for various reasons.. Being a recluse now, it’s just another day for me. But Santa Amazon sends me a gift of my choosing now . Not quite the same but it will do. Mikayla
One Christmas, when i was about 8 I wanted a baby doll with a bath set. You could actually give the baby doll a bath, with real water. I’m not sure which scared my folks more; wanting a baby doll, or wanting to bathe it. Well, it was the 60’s and i was a boy, so I got an Erector Set. Thinking back, there might have been a subtle message there.
Luv
DI have had these same thoughts. After I came out everyone told me it was no big deal but never said a word about it again. I so long for a simple action that says I haven’t forgotten and I’m here for you. A gift would have done that so well. Thank you for putting it so eloquently.
That hit close to home for me. My wife is the only one who knows about Bettylou and she always has me choose my own gifts. But when other family members asked “what does dad/grandpa want for Christmas?”, there were so many things I wanted to list, but couldn’t. They were all for women only. Oh, if they only knew……
Ooohh you do describe those inner feelings so well, and the thoughts you share must be so common
amongst us.
I clearly remember the countless times when my inner self felt crushed, just going shopping with my
wife and feeling that I wanted to stay in the make up or lingerie section all day, to try the gorgeous
perfumes and to touch the silky soft fabrics of feminine clothing.
Things have improved over the years, but I will never forget how I yearned to be myself.
Thank you for sharing.
Stay safe
Evelyn xx
I was in that same place for more years than I can count on my fingers and toes. Then it finally changed for me. Now I am by myself and back to square one again at 76. Yes I can buy things for myself but that is not the same thing and that love and happy feeling is not there.
Kathleen
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