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Ive always wanted to go to church dressed as my other self but never had the courage, i know people are more accepting now but i know its gotta be a lgtbq friendly church. had anyone gone or goes to church as their other self? how is it?
I’d be interested to read that answer also. Sadly, many of us have been either driven out of the church, or made to feel we must hide from the people there. I sort of shudder to think how that’d have gone over at the previous church i went to. My current church might accept, but it’s hard to know. I do know that I’m loved and accepted by God, whether the human run church does or not. I’ve given this topic a great deal of thought lately, and don’t yet have an answer. I’ve been trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings on our place in the church, and I might get it together for a post on the topic, if it would be acceptable here somewhere. But for now, I’ll continue to attend church in drab (virtually, as our congregation has voted to stay virtual for the foreseeable future… until covid runs its course).
They are churches that have voted to be open and affirming (label varies by denomination). Of course individual people can be clise minded. Some churches walk the walk. If you find the church you attend does so you might try. Scary. Rejection us bad enough but things can get bad due to haters. Be safe. Love to you.
That’s a question,,, that is???? A question that can have basically two kinds of answers & I’m sure many other people might even give you More,,, answers than just the,,, two!! &,,, as where I,,, see a,,, answer would be asking (your) pastor first +++ & see how he answers you!!! Hmm? but suppose you don’t have a pastor or,,, a pastor of your own? That you know of hmm?? In case you haven’t known the whole subject of,,, what we do & how far we are with,,, what we do many people have different ways of how they look at us & that can even include pastors & people who go to church that believe in GOD!!! It’s very touchy subject &,,,, not that (WE) should be,,, or be upset,, after all,,, they to are intitled of what they believe & there understanding so???? It’s a answer with probably a answer with,,,,, deep understanding so to end my little two cents about this subject I can really only speak on my behalf +++ my pastor doesn’t know that I am a transvestite because I,,, haven’t shared that with him &,,, I don’t show up in church dressed up as a woman p.s. please don’t shoot the messenger lol I myself,, am still doing soul searching on,,,, why ? & how come I do what I do?? Peace +++ Kara
I,,, do know the why?? & that really is between my GOD +++ & myself & yet I DO no why,, it’s still only (MY) struggle/ question to my LORD +++ the whole topic of,,, the why’s & the how come?? it can be spoken about,, 4-ever !! &,,, everybody might come up with all different types of answers for (themselves) it all depends where the individual person stands with their knowledge of,,,, GOD +++ & belief / relationship,, & yet,,, at the end of the day,,, in what my understanding & knowledge is,,,, what & how?its in the eyes of GOD & how HE see’s it,, after all,,, HE,,, is the Boss &,,, 4 (me)’ I have to eventually come to HIM & HIS ways which I really do know,,, deep- down in my soul He,, is a *Loving & understanding Father who,,, waits passionately for (me) to,,,, finally understand HIS will +++ p.s. please don’t shoot the messenger so whoever reads this?? Just know!!! It’s between the maker,,,& yourself & what ever conviction if ?? There is any,, in your life about this I think,, as long as we,, /. (I ) talk to my GOD & ask HIM to keep teaching me,,, I can & will find peace in it peace +++ Kara
Hummm; “People will be people” I’ve been saying that for awhile. There are many people who attend church. And many of them have living issues. Just simply having trouble living in their own skin. There’s a reason we need a savior, to be forgiven. “ALL have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God” Every once in awhile I see this next quote reposted on Facebook, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you” It really doesn’t matter what your type of person you are. Some will accept you and some will not regardless if it your nationality, skin, too much that, not enough this, on and on. Do you know what they call a Rose in the bed of Daisies? a WEED, pull it! Not everyone will recognize the beauty of the Rose 🌹 for itself regardless where it’s found
I grew up in an ultra conservative family that attended an ultra conservative church. I quit attending in the mid 90s because I didn’t agree with the extreme way of thinking. I still have my faith and I’m part of the Christian Left (even a member of the Facebook group called The Christian Left but haven’t been active on FB much since June). Many evangelicals even claim one can’t be Christian and left at the same time which reinforces the reason why we would wonder about going to church dressed.
My 14yo daughter is a lesbian. The kids that have given her the most grief over her lifestyle are the ones that claim to be Christians. Because of this, she is an atheist. That does bother me but I don’t force my beliefs on her. I tell her that those kids are not being Christ-like and are, thus, taking his name in vain. But I also know from my past experience that some churches are just that way. I know of a church within my ultra conservative town that is open and accepting and they practice what they preach. They currently aren’t meeting at the church because of covid. But in an effort to get my daughter to see that there are good Christians, I asked her if she would go to church with me if I crossdresser. She agreed to that. My only concern is that there would people that I’m not prepared to come out to that would be attending. I’m really getting to the point that this may not be such an issue. I know word of my lifestyle might get around. But I am running out of damns to give. When they start meeting in person again, I will definitely have to decide for sure. But right now, I really want to do it for myself as much as for my daughter.
I’ve done many things as Rachel but, I don’t think I could ever summon the courage to go to my church as her.
There’s definitely a small but extremely unpleasant clique of folks there who use religion to justify their narrow minded views upon the rest of the community – if it doesn’t conform to their view of the world, it is most certainly ‘a sin’ and they see it as their duty to keep ‘their church’ clean of such sin.
Although one might argue that Rachel should be bolder than that – I honestly can’t see any benefit to me/her in stirring up that particular hornet’s nest.
Rachel x
i use to go to church. Christians are the worst. they say don’t do this and don’t do that. alcohol is the devil. but the priest is always at a party. don’t gamble, but they are always running raffles and bingo. and the trouble they have with the young boys. pass the bucket around so the priest can go on another vacation. all reasons i stopped going. the priest and church goers shouldn’t be judging you. thats gods job. after all we were made in his likeness. are all these people going to be surprised if god is wearing a dress when he meets you at the gate? what if he thanks you for all the people you helped out in life. all the kind things you did while here. go to church dressed. you are beautiful in gods eyes. who cares what everyone else thinks. if you want to find me i’ll probably be in hell.
I’ve been told by priests on two different occasions that crossdressing by itself is a moral neutral. I agree with them. What one chooses to do with it is where the difficulty can come in. Like any other moral neutral if it leads to inner peace and guides one to be a better person (and in my case Christian) all is good. If it leads to deceit, irresponsible risk taking, adultery, etc. Then not so OK. It’s all what we do with it.
Still, unless I could pass perfectly I don’t think I would attend church enfemme. Not because it is inherently wrong but inevitably it would distract from what should be the focus (worship) and the focus (positive or negative) would become me.
Well said, Jennifer; and thank you for saying it. I feel much the same. Bettylou would be a distraction, seemingly out of place in a Pentecostal church, so she stays away…and her other persona, a hard-core Conservative, Fundamentalist Believer, doesn’t intrude here. I (we) love both groups, for different reasons.
Bettylou
Dear Jenifer, your comment led me to a realization that hadn’t ever occurred to me before. Yet it’s so elementary it amused me.
All of my life I dressed as a man to carry on the image of the man I was trying to be. An image that was developed from my upbringing. Dressing as a woman is simply the same. Its just clothes. Church or otherwise.
At this time I don’t think going to church dressed as a female is anywhere near my radar. When my wife and I were discussing my feelings around crossdressing it was actually our assistant pastor who helped her want to give up control and leave it between God & I. Needless to say I was shocked as we attend a evangelical church (the church has hurtful attitude towards the LGBT+ community. Love the sinner & hate the sin approach). As I’ve been able to better be myself, I’m now dealing with repressed feelings of shame from my childhood. Some of those feelings were caused by the church. I guess as many have said, its complicated. Best of luck to you. Make sure to keep yourself safe.
Sivvi
No use for religion here – especially Christianity. Grew up in a very Catholic home and attended Catholic schools. Bullied often. Creepy priests. Saw things you read about in newspapers….
I’ve fantasized about attending my next high school reunion wearing something totally inappropriate. Then being asked to leave. Maybe I need to refocus my fantasy on church??
Hi Emily,
I too, was raised as a Roman Catholic, and the church and it’s teachings were a constant
part of my childhood. My whole life at that time was centered around the church.
In adolescence, I too witnessed behaviour by the clergy which threw me completely. As a youngster
there are things that don’t make any sense at all. And then there’s the guilt that the RC church
ingrains into you, crushing for someone like me who felt so different from everyone else, or as
I thought at the time. It was all about repentance and seeking forgiveness, when really, children
are innocent and simply learning from adults. I’m not a believer at all now.
Stay safe xx
There was an old saying (of sorts), is church a haven for saints or a hospital for sinners? Unfortunately, I doubt if you could find in either of those churches where you/we would be welcomed. If it were all for saints, we’d be ostracized, if it was all sinners, they’d look at us and feel smug that their sins were nothing compared to ours.
Of course, I really don’t see too many so-called Christian men with their beards in so many knots, or both sexes not wearing cloaks of just one material, or fringes on one’s tents, (yes, there are passages about certain animals you shouldn’t eat, but in Acts someone there wrote that it’s all okay now, however the one’s above were never given a pass).
There’s lots more about all sorts of do nots, but most of them are basically ignored by ‘God fearing’ Christians today. Problem is the Christian Bible is pretty much like a buffet lunch where you can go down the line and find the things you like and just pass up all those things you don’t like…and nobody really cares anymore.
Here is West Michigan some distance away in Saugatuck there is a church (I believe) where people of any gender are welcome, but I’ve never been there so I can’t say for sure.
I would also guess in many cases (maybe not all) if one transgender person shows up in a church, everyone would be looking and trying not (too hard, really) to stare and whisper. But if 20 0r 30 would continue to show up, unless these people were willing to replace the offerings that had been given, that church would probably close pretty quickly. Sad, really.
Hello
I do not attend church, so it’s not for me…..
Religion is like politics, we all have our views and they can lead to really heated debate…..sometimes over heated…..not going there!!!
grace x
Hi.
I am wondering why this would be asked if and foremost that most religions preach to not judge, if that is the case then why not just go dressed enfem?
If your worried about judgement then any church is not the place to be.
My response to any judgement to anyone is… do not judge or cast a stone unless you are absolutely perfect. PERIOD!!!
Makes me sick of all the dam *$%#@^.. hypocrisy in this world especially these so called churches and their religion.
I could go on but religion needs to stay the hell out of crossdressing. PERIOD!!! no if ands or buts.
Stevie
Oh I would love to get I to this, having studied religions in the 80’s and 90’s. I spent many a Saturdays in bible study. The “new” religions too . I also have that 40+ year old bible I purchased way back – a very good one – that I do cherish.
Way too much hypocrisy though, when compared to how we live. Going here is a minefield and, frankly, a vicious circle.
Stevie
Once while dressed en femme I was approached by a lady who invited me to attend the local Universal Unitarian Church. She said her partner was the pastor and that they had several attendees like me. Not exactly sure what she meant by that but I’m sure she recognized me as a man in a dress so assume she meant CD’s. I never went but was tempted to see how I would be accepted. like others have expressed I left the church long ago because of the ultra conservative beliefs and hypocrisy.
My wife and I were driven out of a church we mad attended for years because we would not denounce out son for being gay. Had they known that I crossdressed it could have been all bad. We looked for another church and attended one where the local C D support group meet. It was nice and welcoming but not right for us. I did attend one time after that infem and did not find any difference in the welcome I received. We both still have our faith but chose not to go to church.
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Sorry I haven’t the time for religion. Don’t get me wrong I don’t knock any body who is religious and respect your choice. But I am sorry to say many religions through out the world are responsible for thousands of deaths, prejudices, and segregation of people, and countries through its beliefs and teaching, which in a modern world are often out dated. No offense to anyone who is religious, this is my personal opinion, if your are offended then hit the nuke button its that simple.Obviously when Amanda says ” hit the nuke button”, she means ” hit the nuke button”, not ” hit the nuke button”…..I live near enough to be slightly agitated…
Was that a siren!!….
Grace ❤️❤️
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Well I am glad you cleared that up for me Grace. Damned from pulpits on Sunday now, my ears are going to spontaneously combust, wow living on edge of controversy is a buzz. Shall I pack a suitcase for the naughty corner sweetie?.Well, if the naughty corner does not have blast doors, I would stay where you are, stick your head between your knees…and brace brace brace!!!
Huggs, grace, grace, grace xx
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Well there is a point here Mika, you shouldn’t have to have a separate church for people like us. People that believe in the form of religious beliefs of a type of following of a certain church should be welcome regardless of that person gender orientation,
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Well if I take up your advice gorgeous, and the tucking knot snaps, I ‘ll be wearing and eye patch for a month sweetie.❤️u 💋
I am certain that there are denominations, pastors and congregations who would be welcoming and even inviting. I suppose individual churches will extend that invitation in ads, communication media, notices, etc. I searched for “lgbtq church near me” and got three major indications. I am convinced that the proportion of ‘lgbtq’ persons who are involved in some churches as clergy and laypersons is likely the same as in the general population.
If you have religious convictions, are an athenist and desire to practice your faith with those who share yours, then you may be doing many people a great service doing so while being transgender. It does help normalize cross-dressing, it allows people to learn we do not bite unless we are asked to and not necessarily then, it allows them to ask questions and it just reduces the overall fears, tension and other silly things.
As your cleric.
Araminta.
P.S. I used ‘cleric’ because ‘clergyman’ seemed sexist and ‘glergyperson’ just silly. Pastor-priest-rabbi-preacher-chaplain-padre-etc. was just too long. So I went to a slightly antiquated term. I looked it up and got links to all of these Dungeons & Dragons sites. Seems ‘cleric’ is now some sort of warrior, Doctor of Philosophy – thaumaturge. How times change.
A.P.
As an atheist it’s not something I need to consider , but hopefully there’s a growing acceptance of diversity within religions
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Hi Samantha! I would like to be included in this “group” if it gets put together!Not yet, but, due to the beliefs that a full-on CofE education has left me with, I fully intend to.
The emotional, intellectual, theological and mental preparation are the essential parts for me, but I will be ready, I will go, and I will report on the experience.
I am not planning to go to a “friendly” place, but the church in which I spent a lot of my formative years.
It’s all about forgiveness.
Love Laura.
Hi Vanessa I have never been out dressed as yet but I say go for it.I have seen you pictures and you look very feminine.You would look great in an outfit suitable for church.
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Good heavens (pun) Emily you could have some fun here, how about a nun dressed as a pregnant lady of the street. Show stopper. An more wicked ideas girls.…or maybe you’d like to join me dressed as a couple of flirtatious nuns…full makeup and lingerie of course!
That would blow them away Emily two tarty nuns.
Hi Vanessa the church wants us to believe everybody is equal and welcome, I would go as you want. You should be welcomed the same as anyone else, if they don’t remind them of their beliefs. Your a genuine honest person who hasn’t broken any laws or commandments, if they don’t accept you as you are, let them know how hypocritical they all are.
Best Wishes
Sarah xx
I grew up in the Presbyterian Church and held offices in 2 of the cities where I have lived. However, I have been unchurched for many years; certainly long before DeeAnn appeared.
I resigned the last position I held in the early 2000’s as the Church was slow to adopt acceptance of LGBT folks. My particular congregation was fairly relaxed, but nationally there seemed to be a lot of waffling. Actually, our minister at the time was the first person I came out to as a gay person, but a year or 2 later I realized that I was bisexual.
Clearly the reception you get is a function of where you worship, and the local congregation may differ from the stance taken by the national organization. That works both ways…
Hello Vanessa. I for one am more spiritual than religious, if that makes sense. My mom always took my sister and I to church when we were younger, but I fell out of the habit inmy mid teens, like a lot of people do.
When I lived in Amarillo from about the age of 18 until I was 31, when I felt a need to go to church, or to go see one of the Christmas or Easter presentations, I would attend the Metropolitan Community Church. This church is very welcoming to gays and lesbian and Transgender and many other of the Alt community. From what I understand, it is not just here in the panhandle of Texas, but I have heard of member churches in many of the larger cities as well, here in the US.
If I am in Amarillo for a weekend, and feel the desire to attend, I have always been more than welcome when presenting as Paula, and it doesn’t matter if it has been over a year since I was last there, we are always welcomed as family.
You might look into the MCC and see if one is located near you, or maybe they can direct you to a similar group in your area.
PaulaF
I am a practicing Catholic and attend weekly mass regularly. I go to the same time every Sunday and I pretty much know everyone at that mass if not by name then by face. I was in guy/dad mode (drab khakis and drab golf shirt) with my family and I sat down in the middle portion of the church and mid way into the pew and kind of away from everyone. At start of the service it is our church’s tradition to have everyone stand and greet/introduce yourself to those around you. I stood up and went to greet those around me and a women sitting alone in front of me. As she turned around and I reached forward to shake her hand she held her hand back from shaking and mouthed “good morning”. I say “good morning” back and continue with the service. No big deal. Some people are germaphobes during flu season. I get it. I guess she was in her mid to late 50’s. She was dressed and made up impeccably. Great clothes, hair, make up, accessories, purse shoes etc. Nothing too flashy and was well dressed for church. Basically how I would dress. To ANYONE else in the congregation she is a spot-on female. But to my eye I was intrigued that there was more. It wasn’t till 10 minutes or so into the service that I started to pick up clues that she is a crossdresser or gender fluid.
It is at this point that I was totally distracted from the service and began to explore the signs and how well she presented. Don’t ask me what the readings and homily were about. I could tell she was wearing a very nice and could make out the bobby pins underneath in the back. She had a wide gold wedding band next to an engagement ring and ever so slightly broader hands. She wore opaque black tights and flats. A long sleeve blue sweater with a slight upturned collar and knee length black skirt, both of which were slightly form fitting but modest. She had a good shape that alluded to a corset or waist cincher. Her purse was a nice black Michael Kors bag that looked like it had zero wear. Everything was almost too perfect and too new.
After mass as everyone was leaving the church I kept looking back to see her from the commons area to see if she was still there. She remained in her seat a while longer after the congregation left the church. I had a strong urge to go and say ‘hi’ but since I was with my family I did not. I wanted to go and strike up a conversation and to give normalcy to her being there as the person she wants to be. I was envious of her courage and also wanted to be welcoming to my parish.
Maybe it would have been too presumptuous of me that she wanted to be contacted or comforted. Maybe if i approached her then it would be more about me rather than about her. Maybe I yearned to make a first connection with someone like me. Maybe I was jealous that she presented so well. In the end I did nothing and let her be. What would you have done?
The problem is that it is hard to tell if people are OK with being chatted up. Some crossdressers and trans folks are OK with it and some are not. If you don’t want to talk to anyone and someone tries, the person may feel very uncomfortable. Judging by the response you got, I suspect that the person wasn’t interested in talking. It could also be that the person was concerned about being outed…
No matter how I choose to align myself politically or what I choose to believe spiritually, I have the choice to make up my own mind and I don’t have to agree with anything 100%. I agree with some things on the right and I agree with a lot of things on the left. I’m also part female and part male. You can judge me however you like but you aren’t going to change my opinions about anything.
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