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Hi Again Gals! Another rant of confusion and I’m sorry to bore you all with this! But at the same time glad I have this outlet.
Out and about shopping again with the misses. Seems to be the only thing we enjoy doing with one another! We were both looking at (woman’s) shoes and boots. Found a pair I liked and even tried them on, misses was in a different isle, but I did not end up getting them. Just was not sure about them. But I did end up buying another pair however at another store (gray suede, really cool and wearing them today!), along with a pair of very obvious woman’s jeans. Obvious in that they have a (hard describe) pattern of varying muted pastel colors, very cool and really liked them, but no “real” reaction from the misses on either.
I’m sure however she was not comfortable with it all. She did ask, “are you going to wear those?” Of course! Why would I buy them if not!
I think all of this just drives her further away but at the same time she “puts up with it” to a degree. This weekend too I tried making some “romantic” advances, as it’s been so, so long, but she repelled any advance. I keep telling myself I won’t even try anymore, but I do.
I guess I’m just too much of a coward to do anything more about it. Don’t really want to do “couples” therapy, as I’m not sure what that would result in. I don’t want to stop what I’m doing, and she won’t go along with it.
Anyway……thank you all for listening again!
Love and hugs,
Becka!
No problem Becka, you have come to the right place for expressing your feelings so thanks for sharing with us.
You are not alone in your relationship. I believe there are many girls here who are in the same situation with their SO’s including me, but thats ok. I try to enjoy life as it comes and have learned we can’t force our lifestyle on our mates.
A common situation Becka. She obviously has a level of tolerance but as much as it is hard for you it must be the same for her. Maybe you aren’t a coward but more fearful of consequences if you challenge it. It is always said that talking about it is the best way forward and timing is important. It is never easy but I am sure you will get good advice from those here on the forum and get through this.
I have had similar experience’s with my wife, though I am not as bold as to shop for womens shoes with her.
I would ask you this question though. If you had to choose one or the other what would it be? Not that I am asking you to suppress anything that you feel, but for me it is a easy answer. I can’t imagine having lost something as special as my wife, for the ability to do something as trivial as shoe shop.
I had been feeling my wife and I drift apart, and am so grateful that I had many talks with her about what I was feeling, and let her know that she was more important to me than anything. I doubt many wife’s care as much about our interest in womens fashions as they do about losing the man they married. I may not get to indulge in my hobby as much as I would like but she is willing to be my partner in life. I stood up in front of a group of people and made a vow to love and cherish her. I would hate to see you give up someone that obviously meant a lot to you because you didn’t try as hard as possible to keep it. The way our male brains work it is hard to have a happy marriage without the romantic part, being a part of it. Our wife’s have a hard time feeling romantic unless they feel comfortable with their situation. This leads to a lot of hurt feeling and heartache. Please put this aspect of your life aside and talk with her. As uncomfortable as it may be, as your wife she deserves this. You can only control what you are in control of, but it would be terrible to lose something as special as your romantic life with your wife, having not done what you could to keep it in tact.
Becka
You’re not alone. We’re all here for you. Ginger’s been through counseling single and couples. Be sure to see one specializing in gender issues. Ginger needed assurance that CD was a part of her. SO came to understanding as well. Now we know eachothers boundaries and what not to cross or push. PM me if need to vent.
Hugs GingerBecka, I know you said you don’t want to go to couple’s therapy, but I really think you two need it. Neither of you are being communicative with the other. You are not communicating your needs, desires, concerns, fears, or feelings. With a therapist you can discuss it with a neutral third party who will prevent the discussions from being accusatory, or breaking down into shouting matches and all-out war between the two of you.
I also understand the fear that it could make it clear that there is no way to make it work. But if that’s the case you two owe it to yourselves so that you can move on and not overlooking the pink elephant in the room while both are just getting more angry or frustrated.
Hi Becka! You are not a coward. What I read in your post is you’re looking for a level of support but you care enough about your relationship to not push your wife’s limits. As so many have said, you are not alone. I think any level of acceptance from SOs is a gift if they didn’t know about our crossdressing prior to marriage. Acceptance shouldn’t be tough, but it is. I brag about the acceptance from my SO because she is very supportive, but that is only at home. She would NOT go out in public with me or go shopping with me. Even my struggles with makeup, she has left me to figure it out for myself but she is not shy about asking to borrow my fake lashes LOL. Also the support I get comes and goes. Recently I showed her a dress I bought on Amazon and she said “when do I get to see you in it?” but later that day I was looking at wigs online and asked for her opinion and she was totally uninterested in the conversation. She mostly just talked about the prices (and they were inexpensive) and the fact the I already have several. The biggest red flag I see in your post is the intimacy issues. My completely uneducated opinion is you really only have two options: 1. counseling which honestly might not turn out the way you’d like or 2. Give her some space by keeping your crossdressing away from her for a while and see if that helps. I hope me sharing my experiences helps and that you and your SO find a mutually agreeable solution.
💖Lola
Good Morning Gals! An update of sorts.
Out about again yesterday and throughout the day I was making friendly, flirty gestures to suggest we might have a little fun later on. Seemed well and good however, when we came home to an empty house, she was “too busy and had too much to do.”
Tried again later when in bed and she finally said, “I just don’t like being touched anymore.”
So that’s that. I give up. She tried snuggling a little bit later after that, but I was the one to move away. What am I supposed to do? Was that wrong to do? I just have to stay away. I know she is not being “touched” by anyone else. We both work from home and she’s working 12 hour days and some weekends!
It may be a combination of (her) hormones and my dressing and grooming habits. If it’s the later she is just making me pay the price for being who I am. Which is unfair.
Anyway, thanks again and we’ll see where we go from here.
Becka!She works twelve hour days, takes care of the kids…and doesn’t want to be intimate? Shocking!
Maybe getting her to cut back work, and you do more with the kids and house will help.
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