- October 8, 2020 at 11:31 am #392053Eva WhiteParticipantRegistered On: September 1, 2020Topics: 3Replies: 1Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 28 times
I have quite a bizarre question, and hope that you can help. I am planning on coming out as a crossdresser to my parents, but am unsure how to do it.
Earlier in the year I tried to do so in person to my mother, but got flustered and blurted out that I was transgender, which I don’t think I am. I regret this so much.
I now want to, if not desperately want to, come out as a crossdresser. I’m going out with some friends tomorrow night, and am probably going to send a text message to my parents telling them that I’m a crossdresser. This way I don’t have to be there when they find out, I don’t want to go through that experience again.
I know this is a bad decision, but I can’t think of anything better.
Can you help me with how to come out?
- October 11, 2020 at 1:58 pm #393156Sandy JaysonParticipantRegistered On: September 29, 2019Topics: 13Replies: 233Has thanked: 548 timesBeen thanked: 971 times
Eva, it sounds like you have thought this through, but do you really need to tell them now? No matter how you tell them there is no way you can have any idea how they will receive this information. Then again if you suspect they already know something or are likely to to find out soon then it might be a good idea to get ahead of the situation. From your profile there is little way anyone could give you much useful advice. Your age, their age, your current living situation (do you still live with your parents or very close or what?).
I to am trying to think of how to tell my mother ( my dad passed away 10 years ago). I’m 66 and my mother is 91 and in a nursing home. I would not even think of telling her anything except I’ve let my hair grow out, colored it, and pierced my ears. SO next time I see her I will have to tell her something. It’s not only her but somehow I’m going to have to tell my 4 brothers something.
I could cut my hair short and take out my earrings but I love my new look and a little excited to find out within myself how far I can and will take this!
For you it might be better to wait to tell, It’s hard to advise without more info. I know you probably want to share with your loved ones the real you. ????????
Good luck Sandy
- October 11, 2020 at 11:47 am #393088DeeAnn HopingsParticipantRegistered On: November 10, 2019Topics: 11Replies: 676Has thanked: 9 timesBeen thanked: 1657 times
This is one of those situations where there is no substitute for personal interaction. This is very significant event and parents deserve to be told face to face. It is a sign of respect, regardless of how nervous you may feel. What you are proposing would be similar to getting a serious medical diagnosis in the mail.
With any coming out process, independent of orientation or identity, a significant part is helping folks understand how you feel and what makes the decision necessary. Note that your only choices are to be who you are and live appropriately or deny what you know to be true and continually struggle with not being who you are.
As always, an extremely important part of any coming out process is Holding The Narrative. In other words, it is important to tell Your Story as you would like it to be told. Telling your parents with a layer of abstraction involved allows their thoughts to wander off in any direction since you are not there. To my experience, in the absence of information, people tend to make up their own. You will be then forced to try to correct their incorrect assumptions. Being proactive is MUCH better than damage control…
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- October 11, 2020 at 8:01 am #393032AnonymousInactiveRegistered On:Topics: 14Replies: 205Has thanked: 346 timesBeen thanked: 591 times
I don’t know if I can help, but I did something similar recently myself by sending my mom an email telling her I’m a crossdresser. I know face to face meetings are what a lot would rather have, but there is a good side to doing it by message. This way they aren’t put on the spot to accept or deny it right away, it could allow them time to process everything and figure out if they have any questions or concerns they may want to discuss. Just be open and honest with them, tell them from the heart and let them know you’re willing to talk to them about it if they have questions.
Though granted I can’t say for sure this method works since my mom hasn’t accepted or denied Jessica, but it could be an icebreaker that is needed.
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- October 11, 2020 at 12:04 am #392946stephanie plumbParticipantRegistered On: November 17, 2018Topics: 97Replies: 889Has thanked: 1049 timesBeen thanked: 3339 times
Talk to your parents by text! Really? Think about how they will react to this. They will see your words but have no immediate opportunity to talk it through with you, or ask question, or reassure themselves. Nor will you see their true reactions to your words.
If you are going to come out then be honest and do it face to face. They deserve that.
I am assuming that you are like many of the younger generation that now use texts/messaging as a preferred method of communication. But it is not always appropriate. It will convey, perhaps without meaning to, that you are too ashamed of yourself to be open and honest. Best to look them in the eye. Perhaps they will respect you for it. They certainly won’t if all they get is a text.
- October 10, 2020 at 11:11 am #392759Cece XParticipantRegistered On: April 8, 2020Topics: 6Replies: 35Has thanked: 127 timesBeen thanked: 134 times
If you think they will find out anyway because you plan on hitting the streets dressed or expect to have a hamper full of femme wear, it might be important to have an honest face to face conversation upfront. If you are dressing only in private and only on random occasions, it is not quite as urgent to do this.
I was not dressing when my parents were alive, so I never told them. If I had to do it all over again and I was dressing in my younger days, I would start the conversation by showing them a bra and panty set and saying, “Mom and dad, I just want you to know that these are my preferred underclothes. I plan on wearing these tonight.” You can do and say something similar with a dress if you prefer. I hope this helps.
- October 9, 2020 at 9:04 am #392312SerenParticipantRegistered On: March 2, 2020Topics: 37Replies: 414Has thanked: 3585 timesBeen thanked: 1893 times
I’m not sure I can give you any useful advice but I’m definitely in the ‘not planning to tell them ever if I can help it’ camp. They’re in their late 70’s and pretty conservative, and I’m not sure what good it would do. My wife knows and is supportive.
good luck with whatever you decide
- October 9, 2020 at 8:58 am #392308Heather HarrisonParticipantRegistered On: August 3, 2020Topics: 10Replies: 117Has thanked: 719 timesBeen thanked: 519 times
All of the responses are spot on. Are you currently living with your parents? I’m just curious as to why you are in a hurry to tell your parents. This needs to be well thought out before you spring this on them.
I totally agree with Grace that it needs to be face to face. Also, it’s important that you understand yourself before you can expect your parents to understand and accept your Crossdressing.
The best of luck to you, and please keep us updated.
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- October 9, 2020 at 7:59 am #392296Grace ScarlettParticipantRegistered On: July 26, 2020Topics: 22Replies: 583Has thanked: 3276 timesBeen thanked: 2998 times
I haven’t told anyone about myself so I haven’t had this dilemma you are facing…but I will say, however hard it is, you really need to talk to your parents face to face… deep down I’m sure they love you deeply, and you can explain yourself so much better to them than texts going back and forth….that’s just my opinion Eva, but I am sure they will admire you more for being brave..
best wishes, whatever you decide, grace xx
- October 8, 2020 at 11:04 pm #392179CassieParticipantRegistered On: August 28, 2020Topics: 4Replies: 22Has thanked: 32 timesBeen thanked: 147 times
I agree with Felicity. I am in the same boat. No one knows I crossdress except people on here and my wife. My parents will not understand and I don’t think their reaction will be positive in any way.i will let them know when I know I am strong enough to survive any reaction. If you are not completely accepting of yourself and confident in who you are, you will end up hurting yourself as much as your parents or anyone else. If you are strong and confident it will give them strength to accept you for who you are now. This is just my opinion but it is also my plan. Good luck with your decision.
- October 8, 2020 at 9:44 pm #392175Felicity D’AmorParticipantRegistered On: July 16, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 25Has thanked: 26 timesBeen thanked: 93 times
hi girl, i think you already know how will be the reaction of your parents, please don’t push yourself into a situation that you are not enough mature to manage, work in yourself first, after that when you are enough strong then you can face any reaction from your parents and society, sometime silent is much better when we are in the process to know about our feeling and our personality, please enjoy the process to know yourself, to accept yourself to love yourself, people can be very rude when don’t understand some things about life, please be careful, give then clue and teach them first that you are an open minded person, so they for themselves will figure it out what will happen with you, there are many bad experience in this regard for not thinking very well the decisions, good luck and patience, everything will be ok, pray to God He always help us to do much better things, hugs and hugs felicity
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