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I was so happy and nervous yesterday. The girl who sits at the desk next to me seen my nails and asked me, “who does your nails”. Telling her she asked if I was I was going to put color on them. I told her I was thinking about wearing color at work but wasn’t sure about it. Told her I have put color on them. Suddenly, she asked about me transitioning. Instead of me feeling ashamed I felt free to express I was and how I wore clothes under my male clothes and that I had my toes painted. We did this in the open, so there was a nervousness that filled me inside wondering how many people heard what we were talking about. I spoke more to the girl on Skype about some of my struggles and about makeup and such. It was so nice to have girl talk at work.
Makes me wonder how much more I should try and at what pace not to cause trouble.
🤗😘
Jessica
Hi Jessica.
I am no expert on transitioning, not in my path in life, but I think that it may be a good idea that, now that the cat is out of the bag, you schedule an appointment to talk to HR or if it is a smaller company with your manager or supervisor. If they hear things from others, you can’t perform any damage control. If you are the one letting them know, you can provide them with information, and even let them know about anti-discriminatory policies in the state where you live and also what the company policies are. (Hopefully the law and the company policies are lgbt inclusive).
Good luck!
Gaby
Thanks Gaby, I’m not sure how I’m going to proceed. At this point not sure how many of the others heard what we were talking about. So I’m trying not to jump too fast either. I’m still trying to work on the balance with my wife. So balance at work is kind of running on those lines. For example, the girl at work said I should get my nails done with french tips. I told my wife she said I don’t think so. The whole thing makes me want to try more but don’t want to hurt my career either. I live in Missouri and to my knowledge there isn’t much support here in work places.
🤗😘
Jessica
Jessica, I certainly understand.
I’d suggest you to get as informed as possible on the law and your rights. You may have already found this site but just in case…
I hope that will help.
Good luck!
Gaby
[quote quote=127519]
Jessica, I certainly understand.
I’d suggest you to get as informed as possible on the law and your rights. You may have already found this site but just in case…
I hope that will help.
Good luck!
Gaby
[/quote]
Gaby, I appreciate you giving me this site. I checked it out and and see I have help if I need it. Also, this helped me figure a way to check the company I work for which is fortune 500 company. I found in 2016 the investors voted over 50% the company change verbage so their policy protects gender expression and change. Now I just have to figure out how to make changes not to create problems. Since seeing the hardness it is on wife I’m sure it would be harder for most at my work specially since I’m in the transportation field.Thank you again,
🤗😘
Jessica
You are very welcome Jessica.
But first thing first. I hope you will be able to work things out with your wife.
Gaby
I hope so Gaby. It is tough on me. I want to be me more but have to try and hold back for her since she says too fast. Between her and work I feel like I’m still fighting to be me.
At least I found my work did change verbage so they do not discriminate sexual orientation or gender expression. I did notice dress code is still only women and men. So not sure where I fit in on their policy working trying to become more woman and still a male. This is rough on the mind. Kind of feel the same way with my wife.
🤗😘
Jessica
Closest I came to coming out at work was in a way that came off as a joke to my sexist boss. I was totally serious but he doesn’t need to know that lol.
Boss: I’m going to put you in charge of customer service. Ahh… that means you’ll need a dress and lipstick though.
Me: Sorry, don’t have a dress. I’ve got a cute pants suit and some jeans outfits though. Will that work?
Him: Uhhhhhh.. wow. Wasn’t expecting you to fire back so quick.
Game. Set. Match. Lol
It can also help your position if the company sells products or services to state or federal governments. I had to invoke ADA just to spend my lunchtime napping in an existing bunk room; it really improved my functioning despite my Narcolepsy (now seen as a neuro-immunological hormone problem, ironically).
You might also check if the Job Accommodation Network (AskJAN.org) suggests any reasonable accommodation for diagnosed gender dysphoria, if that’s on target.
Good luck!
Hi Donna, I did take Gaby’s advise. I called my HR department they told me the company suppoors me 100%. Their advise was to talk with on or both of my managers so they can help me on my changes.
This is a little scary as it was calling HR. My wife thinks it is too soon to do this so have to make this decision.
Every time I think about doing this I get nervous wondering the outcome even with HR telling me I have their support.
Any thoughts?
🤗😘
Jessica
Jessica,
Classifying anything that complicates a spousal relationship or manager’s job as “bad news,” I can only dredge up the axiom that “Bad news does NOT improve with age.” Now that you’ve spoken to HR, your manager(s?) need to hear it from you, even if you slow the timetable due to your wife’s reservations. And then you need to work hard and watch closely. If you can find a copy of “Office Warfare” by Marilyn M. Kennedy, that can help you develop indicators to watch for situational awareness. HR can be surprised by knuckledraggers downchain; don’t you be. “No surprises all around” is great approach, I think. Any mitigation you can think of for said news should be ready to offer, if the other party is receptive.
I’m sorry if I forgot any of the early parts / considerations of this thread, coming up with this answer.
I hope that that made sense. Hugs,
Donna
Hi Donna,
I think I understand what you are telling me. Your saying HR expects people to act so they are suprised by those who hold up progress. Due to this your saying I need to move forward with what they have advised me to do. Then adjust at my own pace to keep wife happy and my self.
Am I understanding you correctly?
🤗😘
Jessica
I think that’s the gist of it. Even if HR promised to hold the information, usually more than 1 person —for planning purposes— can’t keep a secret. Once the fact is on the individual radar, it should mitigate the follow on shocks. Or so I think. How does your team react to other surprises, in general? What helps them cope?
Hi Donna,
I’m not real sure not been any big changes like this in the office. I know the girl I set by seems really supportive. I think some may do well while others may not. The drivers will be the worse I think. The girl that site by me thinks they will be professional to me. She has been with the company for 22 years so may be a good opinion.
🤗😘
Jessica
See, I plan to finish out my commitment with this company since they’re paying for me to get my masters degree. After I finish the commitment, I’m out of here. I’d love to join s more progressive work force. These engineers are so cut and dry conservative and I really can’t do much more than an androgynous wardrobe here. I’m starting to grow my hair back out a little so I can keep s longer feminine undercut that can be styled as a male hairstyle if need be. Other than that, makeup would be a deal breaker, jeans that fit me right would push my manager over the top, and any kind of femininity would lower my respect level tenfold. Kind of at the mercy of them right now but I’ll take a free degree lol
Skyler, I totally understand the respect situation that is what I’m wondering. I was a truck driver for years then got my Master’s and moved into management. They have a lot of respect for me right now. This is part of my nervousness talking to managmmana and how far I go where I am located. If you can get education paid for I would hold off that is a lot of money.
🤗😘
Jessica
[quote quote=127629]You are very welcome Jessica.
But first thing first. I hope you will be able to work things out with your wife.
Gaby
[/quote]
Hi Gaby, wanted to be sure you knew I took your advice and called HR. They told me they support me and this is part of their no discrimination policy. They suggested I speak with my local manager so they can help manage through my changes as they take place.II am nervous about this as I was calling HR. Wondering how thoughts of me will change with coworkers.
🤗😘
Jessica
Hi Jessica. I have been quite busy but was following up on the updates.
One thing that I can repeat enogh times. “People shouldn’t transition because they can. They should only transition because they must!”
If you really, really, really want to start living your life as a female 24/7… nothing will stop you. At work or at home or anywhere. It should be about survival (as if “If I don’t do it I can’t go on).
Yes, you will still be able to change your mind, of course. But if you do, chances are things will only be harder if you decide to try again.
My best wishes to you and your family.
Hugs,
Gaby
[quote quote=128707]Hi Jessica. I have been quite busy but was following up on the updates.
One thing that I can repeat enogh times. “People shouldn’t transition because they can. They should only transition because they must!”
If you really, really, really want to start living your life as a female 24/7… nothing will stop you. At work or at home or anywhere. It should be about survival (as if “If I don’t do it I can’t go on).
Yes, you will still be able to change your mind, of course. But if you do, chances are things will only be harder if you decide to try again.
My best wishes to you and your family.
Hugs,
Gaby
[/quote]
Gaby,I spoke with my manager today. Got full sipsuppthey even asked how I want to be adraddres and what bathroom I prefer.
The support is amazing. Management will be telling the office on Monday.
So thrilled and still some nervousness but happy.
Thank you so much for your opinions on this it has helped a bunch.
🤗😘
Jessica
Hey Jessica. Interested to know how things are after having told your coworkers? Let us know! Good luck with everything there!
Hi Skyler,
I was told after they were told no bad comments. One of them supposed to have mentioned how they act towards me driver could run with specifically if negative. However, they have not seen me yet, that will be Wednesdays. I will let you know how the day goes. So far company and manager is supporting me 100%. So I’m real excited.
Got my ears pierced, nails done, and a new hair styled feminine and dyed. So I am ready to show the new me to them.
🤗😘
Jessica
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