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Hi everybody, I’m facing a life changing decision and situation and really hoping that I can get some advice from you girls. First let me provide a bit of background history. As it says in my profile, I have known I was TG when I was only 5 years old. I was married to a wonderful gal for 40years and I had told her I was a CD and she was ok as long as it was in private. I did manage to go out with her to a few Halloween parties in full female attire. She did share with a few close lady friends that I had a little secret. We successfully raised two wonderful kids who now have their own kids. Unfortunately she passed away in 2014 after fighting cancer for two years. At the beginning of 2017 I remarried a cute little blonde who is completely and incredibly feminine, which is what attracted me to her. I didn’t let her know about being what at that time was considered a CD. Fast forward and, as many of you have experienced, gender dysphoria became a screaming mental reality and I realized that I am and always have been, a transgendered woman. I could no longer keep this a secret from my wife and we had “the talk” several weeks ago. She was curious about what transgenderism is and started looking things up on line, she also discovered one of my Facebook crossdressing pages that I had posted a picture of Lauren on. So, without my knowing anything was going on, she also searched for and found all my feminine attire and makeup. She then contacted my sister, my brother in law, and my sister in law, telling them I was transgendered. Last Friday I met these people at an arranged coffee gathering where I walked in totally in the dark to face non stop questions coming at me for over two hours. Interestingly enough I found out that there were a lot of people I’ve know for years who said they already knew I was TG. Obviously the grapevine my first wife created was very effective. One major thing I noted was that almost all the women who know appear to be totally supportive while the guys are just very puzzled. My sister and both of my sisters in law have looked into gender dysphoria and MTF transgenderism and have said that it seems obvious that I need to move into the next chapter of my life, my life as Lauren. My wife and all of them agree that the time has come for me to find my own place where I can live as her 24/7. I was curious about my workplace where I am the site supervisor at the security desk of a government ministry. My supervisor with the security company, who is a lesbian, said coming out as TG wouldn’t be a problem at all and they would help with name and gender label changes. I am waiting to see about the response from the staff where I work where almost 95 % are women. I am already very close with many of them and have had multiple occasions where they have shared very personal things with me. Many have noticed and teased me about my being feminine<br style=”box-sizing: border-box;” />. I am very soft spoken and sometimes my girl voice has inadvertently popped out.<br style=”box-sizing: border-box;” />So…the big question. What do I do now? I have to find a place, my wife says there isn’t an option to stay together at this time. She says she still cares for me and wants to stay married and be good friends but says she can’t handle coming home and not knowing if it’s going to be a man or a woman there when she opens the door. I have to wear a uniform at work, it is the same uniform for male and female employees, dark blue tactical cargo pants and a white shirt, similar to what ambulance staff wear.<br style=”box-sizing: border-box;” />How do you do your best to appear feminine in clothing like that?? What is involved in transitioning?? It will probably only be social transitioning as I my not be able to do HRT because I had heart surgery last year. Lots of questions and I’m hoping please, that I can get lots of helpful suggestions from all you ladies. I’m really looking forward to any help you can provide.
With lots of heartfelt love,<br style=”box-sizing: border-box;” />Lauren Mugnaia
Hi Lauren,
there’s nothing wrong with any level of transition so don’t feel bad if you only do ‘social’. If I was in your shoes I’d be dressing as much as I can and seeing how that feels day to day, week to week. I’d probably try to keep connected to the people that seemed open or supportive when your second wife outed you. I’d also be trying to find any trans supportive bars or restaurants that I could go to (if safe where you are). Places that host drag parties are usually a safe bet.
Good luck on your journey hon, it can be a bumpy ride but you can’t deny who you are.
— Abbie 🥰
Thanks for your post Lauren. I find myself in a similar situation. I just need to come out at work and some close people at my Church. Since I have spent the last 4 months with my nails painted everywhere I am sure that most already suspect some aspect of CD or trans. As for work I can not be fired for being trans, it would be nice to have/keep a couple of ‘work friends’. As for Church, I might be thrown out or just discouraged or allowed to stay with some limitations??? I think I can find a few sympathetic people there though????? don’t know till I try.
I do think I need to try though, the desire/need to become/present/be thought of as a female is becoming overwelming!!I don’t have any real experience, but perhaps I can give you some advice. Even though you have to wear an androgynous uniform, there are still ways to make yourself feminine. If you’re going to go 24/7, you may want to invest in high quality breast forms. Wearing the forms will give you a feminine shape. You could also get hip and/or butt padded panties, but they may feel bulky, so if you’re comfortable with being a little flat in that area it’s not a necessity.
For the face, wear a touch of light makeup. Nothing too fancy, but at minimum, enough to cover your beard, and particularly any 5 o’clock shadow. Maybe get some feminine earrings. They can be small and unobtrusive, but will help with a feminine presentation.
I have found for myself that putting on a wig (or sometimes just clip-in bangs; my hair is quite long) really changes my face, even more so than makeup. Find a good quality wig or hairstyle that is easy to maintain. I think a feminine hairstyle will let people know you are a woman. Similarly, you may want to thin your eyebrows into a more feminine shape.
I hope you find some of these useful.
Firstly take a deep breath and take it all calmly. Clearly the groundwork has been done. Some hurdles have been overcome.
Before you go live is there any aspect of your appearance you want to deal with? hair/wig makeup shape. get yourself comfortable with yourself in that area.
You know what you want to do and appear very comfortable with that. Your immediate family are now on board and supportive, guys will be confused but if their partners are with it they won’t be an obstacle and will get used to it.
Your work is on board, anything to do with government is probably the best place to be and have support. Have a chat with your boss about the process and work some kind of timeline to sort out names and how you will notify your co workers. Look at the rules regarding make up and jewelry as you may have to have some adjustments made for you. This is a common practice to smooth the path and do it in a timely manner. This could be a blanket reveal at a set time. This could involve you having a break and come back as you wish to be. This doesn’t stop you giving a heads up to those you can trust at work.
Uniform. Take a look at transgendered paramedics who wear a shirt/combat uniform. It could be that your uniform may have a skirt option. Discuss with your manager if this is something you want to have considered.
Ii takes a little time but well worth it.
I have been working for the last five years.
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