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Coming out the sequel!
So I just posted the story of my niece noticing my nail polish causing me to come out to her about my transgender feelings. The circumstances somewhat forced me to take a step I had really already wanted to take. Now that I had taken that first step of telling someone besides my counselor and the CDH online support community I belonged to, I wanted to open up to a friend and his girlfriend that are close friends of mine that travel to Virginia Tech football games. If you’ve read my other posts, you know that one them focused on the drive back from a VT home game as Cynthia where I temporarily lost my keys at a gas station.
At the various tailgating parties ,my (male) friend and I would get into far-reaching discussions about life and family and various topics after we had each been drinking a fair amount. We discussed how I was not very experienced at relationships as I did not date at all in high school or college and was in fact a virgin until I met my wife and SHE asked ME out! We discussed the reasons for it as me being painfully shy and my inexperience making me wonder if I would be thought badly of If I did something stupid with a date. What I had NOT yet discussed –though I had ALMOST done so several times-was mention that another important factor was my crossdressing and other gender issues. I realized that the fear that I would be rejected as a potential mate if I confessed these desires was another important if not THE most important reasons didn’t get emotionally involved with anyone. But alas my courage always left me before getting to that revelation. His girlfriend came to several of the games also and again I wanted to share because they both seemed as though they were accepting and nonjudgmental of others. But again I failed to overcome my nagging doubtrs and fears.
All that was by way of background for my trip to the Independence Bowl on the day after Christmas to watch Frank Beamer’s final game as VT head coach before retiring-and then possibly to New Orleans or Atlanta on the way back to take a mini-vacation. He timing required a departure from Richmond in the early evening on Christmas Day to arrive in time for the game 1150 miles away (approx. 17 hours driving time) the next afternoon. So my friend has an unfortunate habit of not always answering his phone or texts so as the days progressed toward Christmas with no meeting up to make plans for the trip, I began to panic. For though I am a procrastinator extraordinaire, I am paradoxically also a “planner” when it comes to trips like this. I was texting and calling and getting no reply until finally I got a text from HER(his girlfriend) that she thought he had called me already as something came up that he could not go to the game or any other things we had planned. After a little discussion she and I decided we would still make the trip. Now the weather was supposed to be over 80 degrees both the day of the game and the next which is of course “shorts” weather. Normally not an issue, but this fall I had shaved my legs(and my other body hair) and have no plans to let it grow back. I had figured I had til spring to get used to it. Well, all of a sudden, I was gonna be wearing shorts with smooth soft legs showing ! SO after much thought, I figured-what the heck-whatever happens, happens!
It was a long drive-left Richmond three hours later than planned-9pm Christmas Day night and arrived at Shreveport at 130pm Saturday. Had just enough time to check in at the hotel, drop off our suitcases and head out to the stadium to tailgate for a few hours before kickoff!! The game itself was great; our seats were in the lower corner of the end zone-front row!! There were three TDs scored less than 10 yards from my seat. At the end of the game, VT won 55-52 so all was well with the world! We went out to play pool after the game and ended up beig out til 130am! This made it about 42 hours of being awake in a row after getting about two hours sleep on Christmas Eve/Day! I enjoyed playing pool but was kind of depressed because I had not had much time to be Cynthia over the last week since my sister was staying at my house and does not know about me AND is extremely transphobic! So I wanted to tell my friend about myself but could not get the nerve to do it that night. I was worried that I’d freak her out and ruin the rest of the trip. SO I was just quiet for most of the evening and we went to sleep back at the hotel. We woke up at the crack of noon Sunday and decided to head to New Orleans!.
Five hours later we finally made it there and found a hotel near the Riverwalk outlet in the arts district next to the French Quarter. After getting settled in at the hotel, we headed out to visit the casino(me still in my shorts with my smooth legs!) and then to a bar. WE found Coyote Ugly which had a pool table so we went in. It was not very crowded(,aybe 5-8 other customers but it was a fin place where the young female bartenders climb up and dance on the bar to the jukebox music! And they even encourage the customers-well the FEMALE customers anyway- to get up there as well. My friend got up there (briefly)! I wanted to but it wasn’t the place since I was not en femme! I DID purchase a large ladies Tshirt for Cynthia. We drank Jack and Cokes ‘til they closed and we staggered/weaved our way back to the hotel about 245am! Again I wanted to tell her bout Cynthia-figuring if we were both drunk, it might go over OK but we both passed out fairly quickly so that opportunity was lost.
The next day we got up around noon and planned on going to the WW 2 museum about 8 blocks away. The temperatures had dropped precipitously from the 80 degrees of the previous day to around low 60’s for highs on Monday and was breezy too so it was kind of cold! After relieving my stomach of its contents in the bathroom in the lobby of the hotel, we spent the afternoon touring the museum(very nice BTW!) and went window shopping at the museum store. They had some to-die-fro clothes form the 1940’s styles but expensive-beautiful black pleated skirt($48) , cocktail dress($98) and lacy pink petticoat ($40). I commented to my friend that they were relly cute outfits but just too expensive to buy. She agreed(not picking up on the hints I was putting out about how I wished I could buy for ME!) After the store, we then headed back for a little rest before heading out again! We wandered through the French quarter a bit stopping once to have a drink, at one bar and another time to shop for souvenirs in a little market. I bought a Mardi Gras Mask-pink glitter with pink feathers-very girly!. I looke daroudn for Tshirts and other clothes. There were some cute dresses here too but they were too small(which I mentioned to her-again no reaction) and I spent 15 minutes deidind which feminie shorts to get before deciding on a pink Barbie Shirt and a lgith orange/peach colored Hapy Hour N=in New Orleans shirt and of course some Mardi Grad beads! Then it was back to Coyote Ugly for more pool and drinks! IF you were ot aware of it, New Orleans has no open container law so you can take your drink with you as you wander around downtown. Also bartenders are allowed to drink in the bar! We had a new bartender that night and SHE was drunk when we got there around 10pm! We told her we had almost finished the bottle of Jack Daniels the previous night. She looked and saw we had and then cracking the seal on a new bottle she said “we’re gonna finish this bitch tonight!” . Well one cannot back down from a challenge like that we worked hard on doing so! At 2pm the doorman locked the doors, turned around to us and said “welcome to the after-party! “ Drinks were poured all around to the four of us left along with the doorman and the bartender! By3am we had the signed empty bottle in our bag and headed back to the hotel-miraculously making it without incident. Again I wanted to say something but didn’t and we passed out. The next day, I woke up to find myself under my covers with just my ladies undies on! (I had been wearing sleep pants every night for modesty since it was mixed company) Also there were crackers spilled onto the floor between the beds and most curiously my peanut butter jar was open and had a $1 bill inside the top of the jar. Neither of us remembered the night before after we got back to the hotel but surmise that perhaps she asked to share some Skippy and then left a $1 bill to cover the cost! :).
We had planned on heading back but as we relaxed watching TV and dozing and at about 3pm we decided to stay another night then drive straight through to Richmond the following day! They had to move our room to accommodate a reservation and gave us a round of drinks at the hotel bar as compensation for the inconvenience-so nice of them! WE spent the late afternoon eating and shopping at the outlet center on the River! On the way back I tore a nail and said “dang I hate when I tear a nail,-I like my nails to look neat! Again no reaction from my friend. Returning to the hotel we rested then went down to have the free drink at around 9pm, WE stayed there til closing at 1230 drinking screwdrivers(healthy rinks ‘cause of the OJ !) The female bartender and the hostess stood with us and we talked like four girl friends (with me being a little more reserved of course since I was not “out” to them.) We talked of fun and love and life and when they closed my friend and I headed out to the bars again and closed down Coyote Ugly for a 3rd straight night. Afterward we went to the casino and played the penny slots for out 30 minutes before going back to the hotel!
The next day as we were packing to leave, I could not find my camera. Searching was fruitless-it was gone!! WE called the bar and the casino but no one had found it and turned in. We decided to retrace out steps on the long shot chance that we might find it on the street or at the slot machines in the casino. No luck on the street and the doorman at the casino did not hold out much hope. I had prayed to God on the walk ther that if I found it , I promised to tell my friend about Cynthia. After 45 minutes of fruitless wandering around the casino-unable to figure out exactly where we had been the night before, we disconsolately walked to the exit. I was so depressed-not only were our trip pics lost but so too were several memory card with pics of Cynthia on them! Resigned to having lost it we approached the exit where the doorman sked if we had any luck. WE told him no and he said “that’s cause it si her in my pocket!” They had found it and I Was overjoyed! Btu now I had to tell my friend about Cynthia because I don’t take promises made lightly –even in extremis like that)!
So for the next then hours of driving and riding, I thought long and hard about how to broach the subject. I didn’t just want to blurt out of the blue- “BTW I’m a crossdresser who also may have transgender issues!” So nothing came to mind until we stopped in SC for gas and she said she thought she’d be ok if she could just stay awake. I seized on that opportunity and when we got back on the road I threw caution to the wind! I told her I always thought she and my friend (her boyfriend) to be nonjudgmental people and she agreed. Then I just blurted out that I had been dressing since I was 11 and that I had transgender feelings now. To her credit, she did NOT swerve or drive off the road and was actually quite accepting even though it took her by surprise. WE talked about lots of stuff (electrolysis, HRT, surgery, transitioning, growing up with these feelings, etc.) IT was SUCHA load off my shoulders and my mind to have told someone about myself! I went back over all those little things I mentioned above in this story and looking back they DID make a lot more sense to her then! She said she wished I had told her sooner and said I could have dressed while on the trip! So doubling down, I pulled out my camera and showed her pics of Cynthia. All modesty aside, her jaw dropped as she said “OMG you’re beautiful! I don’t know what I expected but you looks so natural and so happy!.” She asked me where I learned to do makeup and I said it was trial and error. She said “You could have been doing my makeup every day down here!” She asked me if I was prettier than my sisters! I shower her lots of pics and she liked then all! We even talked about having a girl’s weekend at her house on the Bay! and even the possibility of going to Mardi Gras either this year (or given the short notice-more likely next year) with me as Cynthia! She is telling her boyfriend(my friend) and now there are four local people besides my counselor who know about the true me!
Both my niece and my friend (the girlfriend) are probably going to join the CDH community to learn more about the subject of CD/TG and how to support me! I’m so excited! I can’t wait to have more in-depth discussion with both of them-together or separately! I feel like I took a big step and it felt so good to do it! We might even go shopping together at some point soon! So the moral of the story as Jane and Vanessa and many others have said before is to not borrow worries or troubles from tomorrow. Instead, hope for the best and take that leap of faith by stepping out and acknowledging the feminine part of your soul! I jumped in and the water is fine! Come join us in the pool! I don’t know what my next steps along my journey will lead to but I’m not walking the path alone. I have hundreds of friends here at CDH and they are marching with me hand in hand! Thanks for reading this!
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