In the last few weeks, I have been struggling with gender dysphoria more than I ever have before. So I came out to my therapist last week to try to help wrap my head around what I have been feeling. I have been seeing her for my anxiety and depression but had not confided in my gender issues. I really never have allowed myself to truly deal with the emotions and the years of repression that kept and keeps me closeted. But after getting staycation from work and getting to express and dress as Michelle along with the amazing support from my wife has given me the courage to finally open up to another person.
I did not mean to out myself and it was toward the end of the session when I was mentioning my feelings about my absence from the support sites (CDH and TGH) that have been pivotal in getting to where I am now. I gave her a very brief version of my story. I tend to try to express big things softly so I told her I was feeling a bit gender dysphoric. I couldn’t believe how I said as if I was saying I was having an off day. Trust is hard for me so I tend to downplay things. Her response was so affirming and compassionate. She smiled and told me thank you for telling her and that she felt honored that I was comfortable in telling her. She’s been my therapist since the fall so I have been wondering how to approach it and in my typical fashion I blundered into it. I have a few weeks before my next session with her and will be curious what will be next. Thanks for reading….
So proud of you! I echo Olivia’s comments – it is indeed good to be able to share with a trained outsider. I’m in the same place with my counselor, though I told her on day one. She has been great, and it is so freeing to talk with her in a way that I simply can’t with my wife. It may sound cold of me, but I think the difference is that I don’t care about the counselor’s feelings so I can just tell her whatever is on my mind in the way that comes to me – I don’t have to worry about ‘how she’s going to take it,’ if that makes sense.
Take full advantage now that you’ve put it out there with her, and I’m hoping that you benefit bountifully from the experience.
My therapist was great. I didn’t tell her for months. When I did it was such a release. I started looking so forward to our appointments. Her office was out of town. I started usually going full femme. She gave me pointers on what she felt looked best on me. Clothes Makeup everything. I miss her.
It matters not how it stumbled out of you, only.that it did. I think once it sinks in you’ll find and feel the relief needed from keeping it tied up inside. Now that they know all the tricks in your cup, they can possibly better understand some of the sources for the anxiety and depression, and help you find ways to deal with them. Our better halves and friends do what they can to help hold us together but sometimes trained outsiders can see things from a different perspective.
Your absence had been noticed and I’m super happy to see you share. Thank you
I’m so happy for you that you now have another sounding board for how your feeling . My Therapist knows and its a wonderful thing to have a good knowledgeable professional help with all the things us girls go through . They are there to open up to and can help in so many ways .I find its just wonderful having a non judgmental ear and when mine told me I wasn’t broken and that I was just one of the many amazingly different people in this world it felt so good to here that and made me feel wonderful about my self ! She is there for you so let it out and feel good your not Broken your amazing ! Hugs Julianne
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