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I would like to relay to you part one of coming out to my family. In the early part of 1998, my now ex-wife found some of Jessica’s clothing. Namely a pair of red heels. She’s 5′ with a size 3 shoe, I’m 6’1/9.5 shoe, so right away she knew these weren’t hers. The accusation of me being a cheater etc… came out. Tried to convince her that I wasn’t having an affair and that this lovely pair of heels was indeed mine. She wasn’t buying this, affair, affair, affair is all she could comprehend. Three days later, only because the silence was giving me a headache, I showed her the rest of what Jessica was in possession of, and proceeded to explain who & what I thought I was. Surprisingly this went very well. She started out being very supportive, encouraged me to dress when I was able to.
Well, in 2002 things changed, extra weight from our 2nd child, stress of having 2 children, a seven year old and a three year old, I will never know. You are a freak, you’re weird etc… even went as far as to say Jessica is prettier than me. I stopped for a bit, but the damage was done, therapy for both of us, Both parts of me were not acting as one yet, and the 3 people in our marriage could not co-exist. Forget about co habitation.
Even though our marriage ended with our divorce, there was some good.The good part of all this is I do have 2 wonderful children. After years of battling within myself, I’ve come to accept and love Jessica as my dominant personality, and understand that the male side of me although not as strong, is equally important. The saying goes 2 halves make a whole. In my situation two thirds Jessica, & one third JT make a whole.
Thanks for allowing me to share.
Hugs,
Jessica Lynn
Jessica it is a privilege to share this part of your life with you. I have read so many stories about wives discovering parts of our wardrobe and jumping to the conclusion that we are having an affair. Sometimes I wonder if that, as hard as it is for them to consider, isn’t actually easier to accept rather than the ‘other woman’ actually being us.
The comment that your ex-wife even suggested that Jessica was prettier than her (if I read that correctly) also shows that she was having a hard time accepting this other woman in your lives because it was like a competition. He own insecurities came into play there.
The important thing is that you have acknowledged that Jessica is who you are. How much him vs her isn’t really an issue as all parts make up who we are.
Treasure the relationship with your children. Mine have accepted me as I am, and have embraced the fact that it is who I am and that is the person they love.
Live your life as you need to, for in the end that will make everyone happier.
Great post JEssica and great reply JAne. My ex did not accuse me of an affair when she found the packaging for my wig(see my counseling pot for details) but she DID accuse me of having an affair with a guy in the last year before we split up all because i got a bladder infection-rare in men apparently -and she had heard that they were more common in men who had sex with each other. SO she made the jump that I must have been cheating on her with a guy(probably because she never accepted the dressing and I think always figured that any guy who dresses in women’s clothes must be gay! She told me I had never loved her which hurt deeply because even though I have no other relationship to compare it to(being a virgin when we met and celibate since then) I am fairly certain that I was a loving devoted husband to her for the entire marriage. Ah well-it is her loss not mine-we are cordial now and all ended up for the best!
Thanks for sharing-both of you!
Cyn
JessicaLynn Thank you so much for sharing your story it takes courage to go through what you did as well as sharing it with us Thank you for the inspiration. Hugs Julianne
Thank you for sharing your story. Your obviously a strong person for getting through what you did and appreciating the good that can come out of bad situations.
This aspect fills me with sadness. I came out to my first wife. Just panties sometimes initially and then I had a pantie drawer and two pairs of mens underwear for “emergencies” Next a bra sometimes and when I bought a satin nightie with shoestring straps she freaked out. I wore pantihose sometimes as we were in a cold climate. Great excuse. She was sort of supportive but when we split she mentioned that all this was too much sometimes for her to handle and contributed to her wanting to go. I though she was more accepting of it. My present wife doesn’t know about this side of me. She lets me wear her satin PJs with a really femme top and thinks that is a sexy thing to do, sharing PJs. We went shopping the other day and a top that didn’t fit her, she suggested fitted me and would look good as it was basically unisex. Finally didn’t but she was right into that. So I am not sure where it is going. I ran out of after shave recently and she insisted I use perfume. Totally ok she says. When my bathrobe was in the wash, she gave me hers and said wear this, its looks fine. So I think I am getting a way forward here. She said she loves shopping with me for clothes for her as I seem to get it. I am thinking of ways to convince her that panties are better for me than unsupportive (unattractive) heavy mens underwear. Plain ones first and then hopefully the ones I wear during the day when I am home alone. There is a lot at risk and I thought I could read acceptance but I think it was just putting up with it in my first wife’s case. I know that during the day, when I am femme, I am a better person in all ways. More relaxed, more caring, more loving and all that is perfect. If I could be Joanne always, that would be as good as it gets. I am in New Zealand and so have no support system here for Joanne. This site is wonderful and helps me enormously. I just want to be accepted for me, Joanne and live the life Joanne wants and needs and that’s very difficult.
Joanne,
I so wish that the outcome was better for both of us. I guess, fortunately for me, mine did end, all be it, not in a great way. As I’ve found out, through therapy etc…..We were toxic for each other. I am lucky now, met my so as Jessica, and the 2 of us have a great relationship. I wrote about this also.
I thank God for this community daily. The friendly nature of the woman here have helped me, to grow. All though, I am one that goes out in public dressed quite often, the ladies here helped me to open up, and get out of my “Comfort Zone”. l hope you’ll find the same.
Good luck with everything.
Cookie . 😉
I came out to my wife during a drunken romp in a hotel, i asked if i could wear her panties she said ok ann as the night wore on i told her about my needto dress feminine. Over the next few days things rapidly went downhill,the rows started,i was a pervert, gay unnatural, it was a nightmare. She was going to leave me, after much begging she decided to stay. The worst thing she said was i should have told her before we married that was over 35 year’s ago, then i didn’t even understand why i had to dress,i thought if i told her i would loose her. That was 3 years ago, things have improved a bit,she helps me buy clothes she got me some earings for Christmas and she even buys me makeup. But our relationship on her part is more platonic, we dont sleep togetherand only have friendly physical contact. But maybe one day…..!
I was successful in hiding Gina for many years until the wife returned home and I didn’t hear her come back. After standing there for a few seconds looking at her husband dressed in lingerie, stillettos, and full makeup/wig she about had a melt down. It was all too much for her and she later gave me an ultimatum, to which I confessed I had tried to stop dressing several times but had always failed, as Gina was a part of me. I didn’t want to make a commitment that I could not carry out and I told her so. We divorced several months later. Not what I wanted but she just couldn’t deal with it and we don’t talk to this day.
I’m so sorry that ended badly for you, Gina. I just resumed crossdressing after several years and know I need to tell my wife. When I met her I told her I used to crossdress, which was true at the time, but I realize now that it will always be a part of me. The feelings never went away and I just stopped fighting it. I will tell her soon, but fear that it will not go well. We had other problems as well, but my first wife couldn’t handle it. I can appreciate your predicament. If my wife gives me an ultimatum, I already know I can’t promise to not crossdress.
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