This topic contains 9 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  Tami 6 months ago.

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #44427

    Crystal
    Participant
    Registered On: December 14, 2016
    Topics: 13
    Replies: 56
    Has thanked: 2 times
    Been thanked: 64 times

    <span style=”color: #111111; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;”>So, I’m not sure how to handle the conversation with my wife about my desire to transition… I wrote her a letter back in late December when I was first getting comfortable with this all and still was just thinking Crossdresser. I was going to wait until after the holidays so it would be easier. Then in January, she was going through some bad depression (her dad passed away a few years ago and his birthday is in Jan) so I decided to wait. Things got better emotionally and I begun going to therapy myself; but then I decided I should wait until after Valentines so I don’t potentially deal the fatal blow to our relationship before such a big “love day”… But in the meanwhile, I’ve discovered so much more about Crystal and how much of her really is all of me. I guess I don’t have many more solid excuses to procrastinate with.  Can anybody offer some advice that might help?</span>

    - Crystal

    "Beauty isn't about having a pretty face. Beauty is about having a pretty mind, a pretty heart, and most importantly, a beautiful soul."

    5 users thanked author for this post.
  • Author
    Replies
  • #172893
     Tami 
    Participant
    Registered On: October 23, 2016
    Topics: 3
    Replies: 44
    Has thanked: 3 times
    Been thanked: 89 times

    Having been on hormones for 27 months and now 7 months post op the best advice is to be prepared for and weigh the worst case scenario. While initial responses per individual can range from negative to positive they can and will change over time as each person comes to terms with your coming out. Some who may be initially positive can leave over time as the weight of things really settles in. You will run into people in your life who truly want to try to be accepting when you come out, only to fade away over time. Some who are initially repulsed may come back. Be prepared for the worst case and what the cost could be. I do not intend this to deter anyone from transition, but to provide very real feedback about what can happen. In my case my marriage ended, my relationship with family dissolved, the company I owned a large part of did not want to work with a trans woman and I was forced to sell, and 75% of my friends are gone. I lived in SW Missouri so that is not unexpected, but it is also not easy to deal with. There will be ackwardness in relationships that continue, and those do stack up to put extra pressure on you as you are dealing with everyone’s “transition” to your transition. In my case it was too much and two things happened. First I ended up attempting suicide as a result of the mounting pressure and dealing with everyone’s reactions, and secondly for matters of self care after that I broke ties with family because their discomfort and barely hidden disdain was more than I could handle. So be prepared to walk away in the name of self care/self preservation. I think the ideal and dream is that we transition and life continues as is, but as our true self and we live happily ever after. Reality is that that is extremely rare. This is not intended to dissuade but to provide a real, raw look at what can happen. Despite everything I have lost, life is fabulous now. I am engaged to a wonderful woman, with friends in the lesbian community who truly accept me for who I am. The freedom to live my life is truly exquisite and worth the cost, but do not underestimate what it can cost you. Be prepared for the absolute worst and hope for the best.

    4 users thanked author for this post.
  • #172703
     Adarsini 
    Participant
    Registered On: April 23, 2019
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 16
    Has thanked: 18 times
    Been thanked: 16 times

    I’m so glad for this site and this forum. I’m Sandra and I so badly wish to come out, but like most I am scared to death. This site is my only support system I feel I have. I’ve been crossdressing since I tried on my first piece of women’s clothes when I was 6. I not only want to come out but really need to transition to a full time woman. I need this so badly it hurts everyday and everytime I ware mens clothes. I worry about family, work and what will happen when the flood gates open. I have slowly removed hair and have been growing out my hair as not to shock my Co-workers. I have practice with my voice and just started therapy. I’m just so at odds with how to come out, I just wish I had 1 person I could tell that was here with me.

    Thank you for letting me bend all of your ears…..

    This is the same in my case ms.sandra…afraid of coming  out….. afraid like hell…. thinking about family…background and situations…

    Hard to even express in  an ecosystem where cross dressing is not even in dictionaries….

    Am praying to god to give me courage for transition… thats  what i can do… let the almighty work in mee…

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #163013
     Sandra Stevens 
    Participant
    Registered On: March 5, 2019
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 11
    Has thanked: 17 times
    Been thanked: 14 times

    I’m so glad for this site and this forum. I’m Sandra and I so badly wish to come out, but like most I am scared to death. This site is my only support system I feel I have. I’ve been crossdressing since I tried on my first piece of women’s clothes when I was 6. I not only want to come out but really need to transition to a full time woman. I need this so badly it hurts everyday and everytime I ware mens clothes. I worry about family, work and what will happen when the flood gates open. I have slowly removed hair and have been growing out my hair as not to shock my Co-workers. I have practice with my voice and just started therapy.  I’m just so at odds with how to come out, I just wish I had 1 person I could tell that was here with me.

    Thank you for letting me bend all of your ears…..

  • #143526
     Georgia Warren 
    Participant
    Registered On: January 14, 2019
    Topics: 0
    Replies: 4
    Has thanked: 0 times
    Been thanked: 8 times

    I wish I wasn’t to scared to come out idk how to get over it … I know I’d feel amazing once I did but I stutter and begin to mumble whenever I try. how do I make myself ready to come out???

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #112289
     Roberta Hall 
    Registered On: March 30, 2018
    Topics: 14
    Replies: 37
    Has thanked: 1 time
    Been thanked: 178 times

    I came out to a close friend and she was more than supportive. She was more like a total girl who loves lingerie and had me show her everything and loved my taste in lingerie. She now has a very nice collection of lingerie and women’s clothing thanks to me

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #48657
     Angela 
    Registered On: November 5, 2016
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 52
    Has thanked: 25 times
    Been thanked: 22 times

    Hi Crystal,

    I hope your wife sticks with you during your journey. She probably cried because you were keeping this big secret from her as we are not supposed to do that in a marriage. That was the case when my wife caught me dressed as Angela. She was most hurt because I was keeping this big secret from her. That was last summer and she hasn’t spoken of it again but girl, I am extremely careful now when I dress.

    Good luck moving forward, we are here for you.

    Angela

    Angela

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #44781
     Crystal 
    Participant
    Registered On: December 14, 2016
    Topics: 13
    Replies: 56
    Has thanked: 2 times
    Been thanked: 64 times

    So I did it… Over the last 48 hours or so I’ve told my two best friends, my mother, and my wife. Reactions went as well as can be expected. Two friends were super supportive, mom is very supportive but a little hesitant, she did have some misconceptions but we talked a little and she seems to understand, shes also going to lay the groundwork for telling my dad.

    My wife took it the hardest of course, but assured me that she still loves me and all of that. I told her once she is ready to let me know and I’ll send her some material meant for significant others and also help her join a page like this for SO support so she can chat with other spouses. She has been crying on and off all day, which given her history of depression was to be expected.

    I’ll post more as we progress. Thank you everyone for the support.

    - Crystal

    "Beauty isn't about having a pretty face. Beauty is about having a pretty mind, a pretty heart, and most importantly, a beautiful soul."

    4 users thanked author for this post.
  • #44442
     Crystal 
    Participant
    Registered On: December 14, 2016
    Topics: 13
    Replies: 56
    Has thanked: 2 times
    Been thanked: 64 times

    Hi Maddie,

    Thanks for the reply. I look forward to chatting in the future.  I’ll def  be making the plunge this week or next, I’m just terrified. After that, I get to start planning to come out at work, thankfully I work for a very open and diverse company.

    - Crystal

    "Beauty isn't about having a pretty face. Beauty is about having a pretty mind, a pretty heart, and most importantly, a beautiful soul."

  • #44436
     maddie whitman 
    Participant
    Registered On: July 28, 2016
    Topics: 3
    Replies: 41
    Has thanked: 13 times
    Been thanked: 37 times

    Hi Crystal, i’m Maddie and i know exactly how you feel . i came out to my wife, family, and friends in the summer of 2014, it was the hardest decision i’ve ever had to make in my life, however after a while it gets easier. feel free to look at my profile and add me as a friend. private message me if you wish. feel free to ask me ?????? talk to you soon hon.hugs,Maddie

    2 users thanked author for this post.

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account