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    • #665905

      Hello ladies!

      Anyone else notice this connection between their mental health and desire to dress?

      For me there’s a very strong connection!! Currently I’m not doing so well and at the end of the day, all I want is to wear dresses, cute lingerie and/or tights, etc. But when I’m normal, I dont feel this. I am one of those few who likes dressing for only a short time. So I’m actually uncomfortable in femme clothes after an hour or so. But I have this strong desire to dress right now 🙁 🙂

      Anyone else feel this way?

    • #665906

      Hi Nina, I get down and depressed if I don’t dress. I really hate wearing my drab clothes and can’t wait to change out of them even if it’s just into Yoga pants or cute PJs. So yes I think there is a connection. When I dress I feel whole and alive.

      Susan.

    • #665913

      I dress whenever I get the chance. But if I am upset I almost always dress. It makes me calmer and more relaxed. But like any other time. I never want to take it off.

    • #665918
      Anonymous
      Lady

      Wearing my Sandy clothes always makes me happier and calmer. I mentally feel so much better when I slip into a skirt or dress. If I’m not dressed, which is rare, I’m not depressed but just feel better about the world and my place in it when I’m all girly.

    • #665926
      Anonymous
      Lady

      I believe there is a connection between our mental health and dressing. When ever I’ve had the opportunity to dress to the nines and go out I’m always sad when its time to go back drab. I’ve reached the point where I under dress every day with panties and a bra and have other things I do in drab like polished nails, fem tees, long hair, and keeping my body shaved that keeps the blues away.

    • #665973

      Tricky issue.

      I suspect that you have not been cross-dressing too long and that feminine part of your being is still in development. I believe that the more one adapts a feminine persona the more one becomes more comfortable with that persona and the more defined it becomes.

      A prominent, but not often discussed, motive for cross-dressing is a form of escapism especially from the rather demanding social requirements of masculinity. That is, cross-dressing and the resulting femininity allow one to set aside those pressures for a time.

      One theory is that extreme, non-variant masculinity or extreme, non-variant femininity are harmful as they fail to allow one to use a multitude of social skills in varying situations. Those who are gender variant and/or largely androgynous have a wider set of social and other tools with which to better adapt to intimate, one-on-one or community interactions.

      Cross-dressing, therefore, would seem to be usually a sign of an adaptive and flexible person able to modify their behaviour to meet immediate needs even if those needs are a just break from being ‘a man’.

      The above concept is a generalized possibility out of myriad variations but is sufficiently frequent to be examined as likely.

      Araminta.

    • #665977

      I definitely feel happier when I’m Jess and wearing romantic lingerie, and it’s had a positive effect over the years in terms of my mental health because I’m able to look forward to dressing for bedtime every night when in male mode, so I don’t have to feel depressed when not dressing and I don’t have to miss it for very long as the day goes by.

    • #666006
      Caty Ryan
      Baroness

      I am a “confirmed case” of this topic. Obviously I’m not going into details, (especially after a lovely “long lunch” with some lovely red and white wines). To9ok me five minutes to type that…

      But given I have quite a few “mental challenges” in my life, reverting to Catherine mode, is a big help to get me through my days.

      EG. Right now I’m underdressed in lovely (and not cheap), Arianne, (from Montreal Canada) lingerie. Bralette, cami and panties….Plus heavy 80 denier tights for an Australian winter

      Combined with the “long lunch”…. I’m feeling no pain…

       

      Hic!!!

       

      Caty.

      PS But seriously, I  have been told by my therapist, that Caty takes me to “another place”.. And i’, just fine with that…

       

      • #666071
        Anonymous
        Lady

        I love to hear therapists take on these things. Thanks for sharing.

    • #666018

      Nina –

      I would have to agree with you.

      Most of the time I only have a couple hours to be able to dress and I find this is enough time to help me relax.  My wife has commented a few times that when I don’t have the chance to dress I become withdrawn.  I would have to agree with her on that.  We’ve had a number of conversations lately about Suzanne and just yesterday she said I appear to be happier now that I have more opportunity to dress.

      It’s a journey we are all on and each is different, enjoy yours and remember that there is no right or wrong path to take.

      XOXO
      Suzanne

    • #666037

      There is definitely a connection between my mental health and not dressing for extended periods of time.

    • #666045

      I too, find relaxation and release in dressing.
      At first it used to be for an hour so, but having more time alone at home by myself, I find myself completely comfortable wearing a dress (with panty, of course) and ladies’ mules in the house all day and after evening exercise and shower, change into a nightie for bed.
      If I don’t have to go to work the next day, I go from nightie back into a dress (and fresh panties).

    • #666055
      Kelly Lee
      Duchess - Annual

      My wife has become physically and mentally ill (I wrote a topic on that earlier) and as her health became worse my dressing urge increased. I’m not trying to analyse anything but just go with what I feel is best for me and I’m guessing that dressing is my way to cope with that my wife who did planned our vacation trips, handled household and so on now gone to the level that I’m happy if she can go to the toilet on her own.

      It has also given me the “official” excuse to dress more so I’m now out to just about everyone and I feel much better.

      /kt

      • #667639

        Might it have been a visual manifestation of the nurturing aspect of your being?

        Araminta.

    • #666062

      I definitely feel like crossdressing helps ease my anxiety and depression. I also like to dress after a stressful day at work. Just makes me feel better.

    • #666064

      Mine is probably being different however I do feel ‘less stressed’ in my life when I get the chance to dress. Not too sure if it is linked to mental health but to some extent it is.

      I am always thinking about anything so getting the chance to dress up, see what fits me etc. does make me feel more happy and take away stress for the moment I am Jacinta.

    • #666065
      Anonymous

      This is an interesting topic for me. I think for me, and perhaps others who now identify as transgender, there have been long term consequences, emotional and behavioral, to living in a state of denial or repression. In my case, I think that has expressed itself over time in a number of unfortunate ways. First off, I learned rather early to hide and frankly, to lie, as a means of protecting myself. As my phsychological testing revealed decades later, I have a propensity to lie in order to make myself look better, or more precisely to avoid or deflect criticism. Then there are the baked in flight/fight reactions. I have tended to react to stresses with anger. And I suspect some of the repression of self contributed to compulsive and addictive behaviors, particularly with alcohol and sex. All in all, its not a very flattering self appraisal, and frankly, the impacts on self esteem are probably the worst of many consequences of hiding/denial/repression.

    • #666069
      Anonymous
      Lady

      Oh yes, absolutely. When life gets crazy or when my mental health is suffering, that’s when the “wave” hits me. I spend quite a bit of time thinking about this. Is it an escape or the release of dopamine that I need. I’m not sure 🤷🏼‍♀️

    • #666073
      Stevie Steiner
      Managing Ambassador

      I feel there is a definite correlation between the two.  My mental health certainly suffered more before outting myself, as i was “in hiding”, and having to hide yourself out of fear can cause anxiety and stress.  Dressing for me back then was a safe place; a place of comfort – I would even say a place I retreated to in times of angst.

      Now I can say my mental health has improved a lot since  coming out and enjoying the chance to express myself as I really am.   Ceetainly not perfect, but much better than it has been.

      Fighting with yourself is a lose lose game, and is mentally and emotionally debilitating.  We are who we are.  Denying that – or more correctly fighting that –  was the main source of my troubles, at least.

      But those dark clouds are behind me now 🙂.

      Stevie

    • #666078
      Lara Muir
      Baroness - Annual

      Hi Nina,

      I have only been at this for a few years, and am still trying to figure things out. But I have noticed that I do feel much calmer, when I’m dressed. Even if I can only underdress with panties, or have a few minutes to sneak away and slip into a pair of heels I feel better.

      It’s like I have this sense of peace. I also feel complete.

      💕Lara

    • #667673

      This is an interesting question for me, so I thought I’d share my perspective.  Crossdressing has always helped my mental health by relieving anxiety and staving off depression.  It continues to do so after many years.  I’ve never become “used to it” and it hasn’t lost its power.  This may have something to do with the fact that I’m not transgender at all – I’m a man who in his youth crossdressed for sexual/paraphilia reasons and who now stays home and is made to dress as a woman by my working wife.  If I ever start to “get used to it”, she reminds me by word or deed of this, as well as my willing submission, and the friction/shame/excitement of this state of affairs vs my masculinity always becomes exciting again.  I always thought if someone is truly transgender (a woman) then it isn’t crossdressing, it’s dressing.  It should feel normal.  But I’m a man, it doesn’t feel normal, and I don’t want it to feel normal, at least not for long.  That’s what’s exciting about it for me, and what helps my mental health.

      • #668229
        J King
        Lady

        Stephanie, does it ever create additional concerns for you?  Either for people outside your private circle knowing about you dressing, or by not meeting whatever rules or guidelines your wife has required?

        What happens if you get used to it, as you say?

        I think everyone who crossdresses has had questions about it because of societal implications, and whether it is acceptable.   Although I only dress privately, I think the taboo factor comes into play as well.

        • #668312

          There are some concerns I always have to consider.  I do worry about the effect on my wife’s businesses if it were known that I’m a crossdresser or that our relationship is an FLR.  We are also not ready for friends or family to know.  We are careful and responsible, and that’s enough to keep my peace of mind.  Besides, even if one of those things happens, the sun will come up and we will adapt.

          My wife is very strict about her rules, including my appearance, and trust me, I don’t disobey them for long.

          If I “get used to it”, my energy would wane, I would lose focus and I would become irritable and disobedient.  My wife will notice and “turn it up a notch”.  She will use language or actions to bring me back to that place of excitement.  She often threatens to make me do the shopping dressed (at an out of the way place) or to invite her best friend (who suspects, I think) over for tea and have me serve them dressed.  She could always pull the trigger on something like that and I would instantly “not be used to it” anymore.  There are lots of taboos to break and excitement along the way.

           

          • #668896
            J King
            Lady

            Thank you for your answers Stephanie.  That is good that you have taken precautions to keep your actions within your circle – in this case, you and your wife – to minimize any negative repercussions.   I would be terrified of exposing myself and causing potential uncomfortable situations for others.

             

            It sounds like your wife knows exactly which of your buttons to push.  It is great that you both are on the same page!

    • #667681
      Roberta Broussard
      Duchess - Annual

      A funny thing happened once I started fully dressing and going out and about. I was ok in male mode for a long- long time. It was only a couple of years ago that i started this. I found that the more I dressed, the more comfortable I became. It now feels more normal for me to be dressed and more odd, to be in drab.

      I suppose on some level that signifies something very deep but I’m happier this way.

    • #667741

      If I can be 100% honest here.. I can honestly say my dressing helps a great deal with my depression by simply providing me with a lot of joy. But, there are times when my dressing can, at very least, not help at all with my anxiety, or at worst, sometimes make my anxiety go up for various reasons (fear of certain people finding out, confusing thoughts about my gender identity, etc..). I’m working through it in therapy though.

      Maybe its just because I am still new at this, and I still need to get used to it. I still believe my dressing is a net-positive experience, so I’ll keep doing it!! 🙂

    • #667858
      Anonymous

      Absolutely!!

    • #667868
      Becka
      Lady

      It’s a form of escape.

    • #667869

      Well, after reading all of my sisters thoughts on this subject, I need to offer my most recent observation on the mental health connection with our need and desire to experience femininity in our lives.

      Many of you know most of my story, but a quick recap is in order for those who don’t. Like many of you I’ve been aware of my feminine nature and desire to be a girl since age four. That has followed me through my entire life and has dealt many of the same blows that a lot of you have described. Gender dysphoria became a never ending reminder that I am, and always have been, a transgender woman and I needed to address the situation. To shorten a long story, that has been dealt with and six months ago I transitioned to living as a woman full time. This past week I had to update my personal info and photo ID because I moved, in the process of doing this it was pointed out to me that I needed to decide what letter was going into the gender box. My new photo is definitely that of a woman so I completed a form and the box was legally filled with an F. In the country I live in I am now legally a woman. I’ve been bombarded with the question of how I feel now, and that is where mental health enters the picture. I don’t think or recall that I’ve ever felt or experienced this kind of peace. It is surreal, as if all the cares, the mental burdens, frustration, and what always felt like heavy weight, vanished! Gone!  Every night since then I have slept like the proverbial baby. At work they say they can see the difference and hear it in my voice!

      I will let you ponder that and make your own conclusion but I know that by answering the siren call, that has always been in the back of my mind, I have found a peace and joy that I know has certainly improved my mental health. Even my cardiologist has told me that by transitioning I have added at least another ten years to my life.

      Hugs girls, lots and lots of hugs,

      Ms. Lauren M

      • #668083

        Maybe being feminine was one reason why women lived longer than men.

        Araminta.

    • #667874

      The phenomenon you are talking about are called triggers. An acronym for this is BLAST; Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stressed, Tired. When you encounter these emotions you are more likely to engage in certain behaviors. Yes, I notice it. Bored and Lonely are my big two. Thanks for bringing up the topic.

      Ash

    • #667899
      Anonymous

      Interesting question. I have dealt with a depressive mood disorder for longer than I can recall. When I am deeply depressed I have no desire to dress, and frankly no desire to do much of anything else. Every episode of purging or attempt to deny myself has been precipitated by depressive episodes.

      In contrast, if I am feeling physically and mentally positive, I also feel very positive about presenting myself as a woman.

    • #667906
      ChloeC
      Duchess

      When I dress I want to stay dressed and continue exploring the person i probably should have been. Except that Im now at a stage in my life where i know it will never happen. Ive made too many commitments , allowed too many peoole to have way to many expectations of me and made decisions that continue to lead me down the path into which my outwardly visible gender more or less dictates. I greatly value the moments I can slip into my life where i can actually breathe deeply and find that inner peace yet I always am aware those moments are fleeting and more often than not, becoming less. And Ive resigned myself to continue trying to overcome the inherent sadness that can so easily envelop me when i have to return to this fascade that only appears to others as their image of me. Yes, its a continual steuggle that i wont ever know if I’m winning…or losing.

      Hugs ChloeC

      • This reply was modified 1 year ago by ChloeC.
    • #667955

      I have been in and out of therapy for years, given to  obsessive thoughts leading to depression. However, since I began  crossdressing actively rather than ignoring or denying my impulse, the results have been dramatic. It was as if this element was missing my entire life, and I have not felt so good, so positive psychologically in years. NO way I’m turning back now.  There may not be a connection for everyone as we are all different and our reasons for crossdressing vary greatly, but my mental health and crossdressing are obviously linked for me.  I am not trying to understand it; rather simply enjoying the sensual and euphoric feelings it has given me, missing until recently.

    • #667993

      Generally I fell better when I dress and for a couple of weeks afterwards. It is as if my happy state of mind holds on and slowly deflates.

      If I haven’t dressed for a while I experience the gestalt of being dressed while ‘in drab’, and I feel much better.  In some way the pathway to the ‘happy state’ when I dress is accessible when I’m in drab.

    • #668018

      Crossdressing controls my life and not having dressed in almost 3 years tears at my sanity, i use golf, exercise and watching sports to keep my mind off it as much as possible

    • #668049

      I definitely feel a connection between dressing and my mental health.  Anytime I’m in drab, my brain gets scrambled & I feel anxious.  When I become Rachel, I feel this overwhelming sense of calm and peace found nowhere else.  That’s why I look forward to my vacations where I can slip on my dresses, lingerie, hose and heels, get myself a makeover and just luxuriate in being the girl I should’ve been.  Even in bed, I love wearing my nightgown or naughty nightie and that gives me that peace.

    • #668111

      Oh my god yes. Im exactly the same

    • #668125
      Fiona Black
      Baroness - Annual

      In my opinion if you have truly accepted the fact that you are a cross dresser then dressing can impact your mental health in a positive way. That is the case with me. But if someone has not fully accepted it then dressing can have some negative outcomes.

    • #668163

      i felt shame when i first started dressing im still in the closet but i learned im not going to stop dressing and accepted it now i cant wait to get home and get dressed in a lot of pink

    • #668234
      Revel
      Baroness

      Absolutely. As crossdressers, we are getting in touch with our gentle, feminine side, and when we dress and transform, it not only makes us relax, but creates a balance in our mind. It helps create a positive, mental attitude. Revel keeps my head, level. 🙂

      Revel

    • #668239

      When I first started wanting to dress I was 6 or 7. From what I can remember I had nothing but desire. Don’t be leave that there was anything beyond that. But after getting caught wearing my sister panties guilt was the main feeling. I felt want or need most of the time then with guilt for wanting or needing. I was preoccupied with searching for answers. Was this all mental? You bet.
      I felt great when I got to wear girls clothes I had stolen from clothes lines in the projects. But felt no guilt about being a thief. I was short and skinny so never fit in with most of the other boys. So I thought. Always seeking my next piece of clothing. Still a kid stealing was my only way to get anything. I was drawn to what a girl was wearing and not the girl. Mentally wearing what I was seeing. Never getting close in friendships because of feeling of discovery.
      Later I joined the military. All my wants and desires still hounded me and would do what ever I could to wear something, anything to calm the desires. Desperation can get you to do some stupid things. After the military, living alone was a need so that I could finally dress and be relaxed. But there was something missing. I loved girls and having one in my life was going to be complicated. The mental trauma of telling another person that you like to wear womens clothes is traumatic in itself but an emotional relief.
      Then there is the sexual release. That first orgasm wearing panties or what ever was like so powerful you want to do it over and over again. Now what is it? Need for that high again and again? Is it the need to dress because of the desire for girls clothes? Do you like girls or what they are wearing?
      So now I have confusion, need, desire, guilt, fear, isolation, being withdrawn, sexual extasy, and the longing to know am I alone. All things begin in your mind. Is it not? To stop any of these things is relaxing and restores comfort. In times of grief do we not seek confort? But when seeking comfort and you don’t find it, the grief grows within.
      All of this I speak and write of myself. Some traumas I resolved on my own. Some I sought help. Some crate permeant scares that will never go away and you have to find a way to make good use of them and find harmony with them. Me I found hypnosis as a way to find that harmony. Not mentioned here on this site is multi personalities which I am one.
      So to conclude the spilling my sole all of us get relief one way or another from our dressing. But some things stand in the end, like guilt. I have gotten over my guilt but not the fear. I am happy right where I am. I don’t go in public dressed other than underdress. But I am good with that, just me. Do you feel better when you get to slip on a little something. You bet ya. What feels better is with you. I have been wearing panties continually since I was 36 I am now getting ready to turn 71 and it keeps me happy about the need to dress in public.
      Thanks for listening. Hope it opens some doors for others.

      Dream

    • #668596
      Gabrielle
      Lady

      I think there is a connection. For me the dressing desires feel strong whenever I am feel lonely, or feeling confused.

    • #668903

      There were days when, having not dressed for a while, my patience my co workers would drop along with
      my BS tolerance. Id have to make up an excuse to leave work early and race to beat my wife home, I had a 90 minute commute, Just to feel the brush of me favorite piece of lingerie against my legs. It may have only been for a few minutes but the sense of well being and peace that swept over me was enormous

    • #666023
      Anonymous

      I’m the same way! Bad mood, no Haley! Yes, she buoys my spirit tremendously, but when I’m down she is not the answer. To think own self be true…

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