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    • #355492
      Natalie
      Lady

      Hello all,

      Ive never gone to a counselor to speak about my cding, as I don’t have any aspirations to transition fully right now in my life but would like to speak to someone that could help me and I was curious if some of you out there could give me your overall experience of counselors you have spoke to about your cding and if it helped/hinder. You can private message me if you feel you don’t want to publicly display your experiences as I completely respect  anybody’s privacy about this topic.
      thank you!
      Natalie Moore

      • This topic was modified 3 years ago by Natalie.
    • #355500
      Anonymous

      Hi Natalie,

      I went to some counseling several years ago for about 4 visits. It was with a man and overall I did not find the counseling terribly helpful. To be fair, I perhaps did not do enough research in choosing this therapist. He seemed intent on going back through my life when all I wanted was help coping with the woman inside me and my relationship with my wife. Not why I feel transgendered since I’ve already accepted that.

      From reading other posts on this subject it seems that it is critical to choose a therapist with more than just passing experience helping crossdressers. And I also wonder if there would be an advantage to speaking with a woman therapist. Would be curious what other girls think about the pros and cons of having a woman therapist.

      Overall I would say yes to counseling, I think it has great potential to help you and others. I may try it again soon.

       

      Bobbi

    • #355503
      Natalie
      Lady

      Thanks Bobbi for sharing your experiences, I’m on the same mind set thinking it Could be Beneficial to seek a woman counselor versus a man I think I would be more conformable speaking to women about my cding as she could possibly relate to some of my feelings/ issues or at least give me a better opinion on what I should do to cope with cding in my life.

    • #355643

      Hi Natalie. First I would highly recommend seeing a gender therapist. Therapists and psychiatrists specialize in certain areas. Any therapist who says they can help you no matter what your issues are is someone you should cross the street to avoid talking to. Also avoid anyone who tells you that crossdressing isn’t a gender issue. Those people frighten me.

      The therapist I saw for my gender issues was a man. The leader of my transgender support group was a woman. They were equally excellent. Unless you’re naturally more comfortable talking to a man or a woman anyway their gender shouldn’t make a difference in how they treat you. If it does, find another therapist.

      You should be able to trust your therapist. If they somehow somewhat make you maybe feel a little uncomfortable but you’re not quite sure, tell them. The good ones want to know. They may feel that you’d be better off talking to someone else.

      Always trust your instincts. If, like in Bobbi’s case, your therapist insists on talking about things other than those you’ve told them you’re there to talk about, find another therapist. They should never push but there’s a difference between pushing and being persistent. They might sense that there’s something you need to talk about but you’re resistant. You’ll be able to tell the difference.

      Definitely research your therapist first but call them before you make your first appointment. Be open and honest your situation (this isn’t the time to give them your life story, just the facts ma’am) and what you’re looking to get out of talking to them. They may say they don’t think they can help you or words to that effect. You’ll know what they mean, but that actually means they’re a good therapist. If they won’t talk to you on the phone like that but they tell you to come in to tell them that, their advice isn’t worth the toner it took to print their degree.

      What’s the difference between a therapist and a counselor? In my experience, and being bipolar I have decades of experience, none. Some prefer to call themselves therapists, others prefer to call themselves counselors. Even on the bipolar support site I’m a member of some of us call it counseling and counselors, and others call it therapy and therapists.

      Hopefully that covers the major things. If you have any questions you think would be better asked in person just message me.

    • #355648
      Seren
      Baroness

      Hey Natalie, I’m quite new to this, but my experience has been overwhelmingly positive. I have been seeing a therapist/counsellor specialising in gender/relationship issues for nearly three months and I’ve found it extremely liberating. I guess I got lucky as well; obvs you can read reviews or try and get a recommendation but this isn’t always that easy, depending on where you are. Mine is a woman, which I feel made it easier for me to open up  at the start.
      good luck with whatever you decide

      Seraphina xx

    • #355649
      Anonymous

      Hi Natalie , I’ve seen a gender therapist ( female ) regrading my gender fluidity & crossdressing s, certainly helped my wife & I through some harder days. We’re still together , growing stronger , I’d have no hesitation in suggesting seeing one , personally I have to like them for them to be of help . 🌹Tiff

    • #355671

      Natalie –

      I started going to therapy after m y wife suggested it.  I did research online and found a therapist that dealt with sexuality and gender issues.  My therapist is female and I feel very comfortable talking with her about my crossdressing and sexuality, I don’t think I could be as open with a male for fear of being judged.  That may sound silly but when you’ve suppressed that part of yourself for so long you want to feel safe when you finally bring it into the open.

      I have found therapy to be very helpful and would highly recommend it to anyone.  It is a place I can be honest with myself and have a guide to help me on my journey who is non-judgemental.  Do your research and make sure you feel comfortable with whoever you go to.

       

      Suzanne

    • #355687

      Hi Natalie I am just confirming what others have said here. I have found that having a female therapist helps a lot. They do understand that part of me that identifies with the female gender. Now she only wants to Stephanie and deal with Stephanie’s issues with guilt and shame. No woman should feel guilt and shame for wanting to express her self. I really do not believe many men can understand the emotional part of feeling less than. We all want to express how we feel and a good therapist can help you if you allow them to help. You are the one doing the hard work they are there just to help. We are very special people and a very small part of the general population finding a therapist that has done their homework and does recognize that our issues are real can be a challenge.. Take your time and find the right one. Those who are truly vested will advertise their qualifications in our community bulletins.

      Luv Stephanie

    • #355692

      If I may I’d like to add some food for thought here.

      I know a lot of people, not just us, feel that a woman would be more understanding of what we’re going through and be more accepting. And yet some wives and SOs can’t accept the fact that we crossdress. Then there’s the fact that a man grew up with the exact same messages from society that we did.

      Maybe it’s just because I’m androgynous but in my experience when it comes to therapists really the biggest difference I’ve seen, and that difference is actually pretty small, is the way men and women naturally deal with patients. And of course they’re trained to tailor their approach to each individual patient, so that’s why for the good ones the difference seems so small.

      Like I implied in my previous reply some people are naturally more comfortable talking to a man or a woman. You have to respect that. Otherwise I’d recommend giving serious consideration to not letting the gender of the therapist be a big factor.

    • #355705
      DeLora
      Lady

      Hi Natalie,
      Last summer after coming out to my wife I did seek counseling. We have a free counseling service here, it is mostly aimed at mental health and addiction. I get the feeling I was a bit of an anomaly for them. The female (not that I feel it matters) was very helpful. she basically reassured me of what I already knew, that this is a part of who I am and that’s ok. Because I am from a scientific background I have this need to analyze and try to understand every aspect of my world, including this aspect of me. The fact that I can’t find a rational explanation for why I want/need to cross dress was really bothering me. She helped me understand that the WHY is not necessarily important as it is not going to change anything. What is important is the HOW. How I integrate this into my life while maintaining a healthy relationship with those around my and with myself.

      After the counseling session there was a peer support volunteer in the waiting room. again her focus was on mental health and addiction, but I had a bit of a chat with her, not specifically about my reasons for being there but peer support in general. After speaking to her I started looking for peer support groups. There was nothing local, but it was at that point that I stumbled upon CDH.

      Chatting to folks on here has been helpful for me. its nice to know there are people like me out there and possibly more important is learning that although we all have a lot in common there are important differences.

      I think more counseling may be helpful, but I don’t feel the free service has sufficient experience with my corner of the spectrum and I am not able to afford to pay for counseling.

    • #355738

      hi Natalie. I have spoken to a therapist about my crossdressing and he was very supportive. Never treated it like a disease or an addiction. What he said was if it put me in my happy place and didn’t hurt anyone do it. He did also ask me about transitioning but I found that it was much too early to tell. Deep down I’d love to be a woman but I’d much rather speak to a gender therapist about it first. Just having someone to talk to is great. My fiance, gay brother, best friend, mother, and makeup artist support me which I love. If you’d like to talk you can send me a message. 💋

    • #355864
      Peggy Sue Williams
      Duchess - Annual

      Based on my personal experience, most therapists are generalists, for the most part, and are clueless, when it comes to CD issues.  Moreover, some are dangerous, in that they give advice and counsel that is totally wrong and harmful.  I know of one girl and her wife who were advised that he (the CD) had a mental illness which could be cured, eventually.  As we all know, that is totally bogus advice, bordering on, if not actual malpractice.

      Even when you can locate one that claims to be experienced in LGBT issues, they are actually clueless and inexperienced in CD issues.  I know of on going efforts by a few CDs to educate future therapists about CD issues, while they are still in college.  This is accomplished by gaining credibility with faculty at numerous colleges and universities, then doing a presentation in a classroom setting to students.  If you read my profile, I was actually one of several case studies that a PhD student interviewed for his doctoral dissertation.  He had an interest in transgender and CD issues and is now, I believe, on the faculty of John F Kennedy University in California.

      There is hope, and I would say it is just a matter of carefully screening and asking questions of therapists as to what is their experience and education in the area of cross dressing.

      IMHO, I have seen right here on CDH some great peer-to-peer help, in so many areas.  It would seem CDH is a repository of some outstanding self help and peer-to-peer help.

      Self help CD peer groups used to be pretty easy to find  decades ago at the height of Tri-ESS, when they had over 40 chapters all over the U.S.  Tri-ESS is virtually dead today, with two chapters left, one of which is on life support and the other which is faltering badly.

      Sorry I could not be of more help.

       

      Hugs,

       

      Peggy Sue

       

       

       

    • #355866
      BillieJo Smith
      Baroness

      I did see a therapist in Minnesota a couple of years ago, she helped me tons & was very good when I came out as a CDer to my girlfriend (now my wife). She explained the difference between gender & sexuality & helped me understand that CD does not mean bisexual. I am happily married for almost 2 years & my wife supports me & has even helped me with makeup & some shopping. A few times while out looking at things she asks if BillieJo might like that dress or top.

    • #380963
      Anonymous

      Well would like getting HRT using informed consent rather than seeing a shrink.

    • #380969
      JOJO
      Lady

      I have been seeing a gender therapist for years and she has done wonders for me regarding my crossdressing. I was so confused when I first started therapy and through gender counseling I am so at ease with my crossdressing but most of all I am at peace with myself. I am cognizant that it is hard to find the right therapist but when you do it can be rewarding.

    • #381121

      [postquote quote=355492]
      Hi,

      I just had my first video therapy session with a transgender therapist. In addition to addressing my gender issues, she is going to help me with other issues, such as PTSD. I have a good feeling about making this choice. I recommend counseling, but find one that understands the issues, and you can trust.

    • #381291

      I am on my 3rd counselor in 30 years.  There is a huge gap between #2 and #3 though.  My first was a woman who was just a little older than I was at the time ( I guess she would still be, lol) and we made some very good progress together over about 10 months.  She got pregnant and so took some time off and I ended seeing a male counselor for a couple of months.  That felt like a total waste of my time and money as he had very little experience with this lifestyle and I eventually stopped seeing him.

      I did not seek out another counselor until about 18 months ago, after all of my cancer surgeries were done.  Jeanette and I have some very good progress together and she seems to really understand where I am coming from and what I am seeking to discover about myself and my life in the future.

      I would say that having a woman for counseling, for me anyway, is much better with a woman than a man.  Most GG’s are supposed to be more empathetic and see things from a very different angle than men do. Or, maybe I was just lucky to find both of these women.

      PaulaF

       

    • #381294
      Carri
      Lady

      I refuse to talk to male therapists. They treat me the same way as male doctors do. With little empathy and I’m a lesser human than they are.  I see my 2nd psychologist this week, I am being forced into something by the medical field because of my status as Intersexxed I can not obtain supplemental hormones only Testosterone. My hormones are going crazy and I need balance now.

      I will do the sex marker change in AZ and go as far as I have to in order to get what I need.  Not something I’m proud of being forced into but this fight is not uncommon among us.

      What to talk about depends on your situation. For me it’s called finishing what genetics failed to. For others it might be facial fem surgery, breast implants, etc.  In this big world of Effed up morals and ass backwards societal norms it isn’t hard to see why we attend therapy. Never feel shame about it, most therapists have their own therapists that they talk to.

       

    • #381320
      Anonymous

      [postquote quote=381294]

      I tend to agree with you about male doctors and therapists. One therapist that I saw and took my my son to was male. he helped us a lot. I mainly talked to him about general anxiety, work and family issues. I would have never talked to him about gender issues. That I did not feel comfortable with. My opinion on male doctors is that they talk at you and lecture. I prefer female doctors. The ones that I have seen will sit down and look you in the eye and ask you how you are doing. Then they will listen to you.

      I am currently seeing a woman therapist. She is awesome! She is not a gender therapist, but we talk about so many other things that she helps me with.

      Kay

    • #429764

      Hi Nathalie

      A really interesting topic!
      I had been seeing a female therapist for sometime related to a severe head injury I suffered two years ago. During this time I had started to dress en femme for some days a week and I mentioned this to her when booking my next appointment. She challenged me to come dressed as Polly so that was my first outing as a CD. I was surprised at her reaction which was approving and affirming at the same time. From then on all my texts and emails from her have been addressed to Polly as I have attended each appointment as Polly!
      To be fair…. I can’t say what a male therapist might have said or done but I have been blessed with mine. We even manage to talk on subject irrespective of my dress. But she does smile a lot!

      Hush Polly

    • #431557

      Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I participated in a peer-to-peer counseling methodology. I did this for about 10 years. One of the things that I learned, among other things, is how easily we lie to ourselves or how we skip around tough and difficult issues. Proof of this is when we have to make a difficult decision or interface with a difficult person, it is not uncommon to create things to distract us and delay doing what we need to do. This is what makes it difficult, though not impossible, to understand what is really going on for us and focus on what we need to think about.

      This is where a therapist comes in. What they do is listen to what you are saying, and equally as important, what you are NOT saying. When you look at a situation objectively from the outside in, you can see things that may be missed or discounted looking from an inside out viewpoint. There’s an old saying:

      ”When you are up to your ass in alligators, it is hard to remember that the initial objective was to drain the swamp.”

      That’s what makes it so difficult to understand, and resolve, our own issues. We tend to lack the objectivity needed.

      Personally, I rarely give advice. I could as I have a very broad set of experiences with many different kinds of people, but there is a problem with that. Further, this is also how therapy works. What you don’t want is for someone to tell you that they did what you side, everything went sideways and it is all your fault. Ideally, what you want is for someone to get to the point where they make their own decisions and realize that they are responsible for what they do and whatever outcomes happen; positive and negative. So, I’ll ask questions like “Have you thought about xyz?” or “What did you think when this happened before and how did that work out?”. Often, giving advice tends to absolve one of ownership for their actions.

      Lastly, while I will ask for someone’s experiences as it helps provide data points, it would be very unlikely for me to ask specifically for advice from a lay person. The idea is to ask for information and insights. After all, I wouldn’t ask my next door neighbor, who is very expert at doing expensive flooring, about my arthritis condition.

      As with any occupation, its practitioners can be Good, Better, Best and some that are looking up at Good. The trick is finding a therapist that you feel comfortable with and whom you feel a sense of progress. It’s like auditioning…

    • #431566
      Anonymous

      Hi Natalie,

      I have been seeing a therapist for over two years, completely unrelated to CDing. In fact though I had dabbled in wearing knickers and stockings, CDing wasn’t something I had really contemplated. In fact that was probably the part of the issue.

      I had suffered an unknown trauma when I was really young and I had become very stuck because of it. My therapy helped me release that trauma and with it alot of barriers that I had put up to protect myself.

      As a result I realised that I was very feminine in my outlook, my feminine part of me was very dominant at times and I like female clothes etc. I remember now that I used to pick out dresses for my mum to wear when she was going out, that I was fascinated by her makeup and putting it on, it was fun to walk around in her shoes and I loved shoe shopping for her but I always chose the most garish and shinny shoes possible. I used to pretend that my pants were knickers etc. I had buried it all.

      My therapist has been amazing, we are exploring my CDing, my pink mist, my ups and downs, the feelings of emptyness, guilt and wish to purge. The excitement, the purchases and how being unstuck is changing my personality ever so slightly, that feminine me is not scared or feeling judged and that she is coming out more and more each week. Just in subtle ways, in humour, in my sentence construction, in the way I think.

      Though the road has been tough, I am so so glad that I was brave and start to travel that road and start to be the true and real me

      Charlotte xxx

      PS… A therapist does not have to be cd, transgender to understand or provide the right support. I chose a female therapist because I am more comfortable with females.

    • #431614

      I resemble that comment, Stephanie!

      I am a senior technical consultant, and I spend most of my time doing this:

      https://lmgtfy.app/#gsc.tab=0

      Ssh!! Don’t tell anyone 😁

      Love Laura

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