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For those of you who are not fully out yet…
Have you noticed or experienced a cycle of courage when it comes to dressing and being in public?
I’m definitely feeling ups and downs. Last fall I was feeling pretty good about getting out when dressed. I was taking walks around my neighborhood and even went shopping a couple of times. But lately I’ve been very hesitant. I almost feel silly about it. It was relatively easy last fall, but now I’m afraid of public opinion again. I know I’ll get out there again eventually, but it’s like I’m starting all over again.
I have had similar episodes of stage-fright. Its hard to say why one’s confidence ebbs and flows, but I do know that its aggravated prolonged periods of staying home, as we have experienced over the past two years. Best cure is to step back out into the world again.
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For some the Pink Fog gets dispersed when you orgasm.
Our desires grow strong and then weaken… its just human nature and I believe related to our hormones and mental health… we are always changing
Not a doctor…. your mileage may vary
Yes, I have experienced the same. Recently I am on a high and want to be out. I went through a period of mostly masculine appearance Recently though.
I agree sometimes after a release of pent up sexual feminine feelings that its easy to feel silly and maybe dress less shortly after that. I don’t like to feel sill about it all but I certainly have felt silly sometimes and wondered why I am doing this. Having support from others who are similar is key in keeping away from negative self loathing thoughts. We are not bad because we dress. We are normal, just as normal as anyone else by whatever standard it is based on.
Good post, Jamie. I am almost out to almost everyone. It does get easier going out the more you do . I have often gone to the local mall and a few other shops in the area. For some of the big outings for me I get this idea in my head and think about it alot. Then sometimes I share the idea on line here at CDH then in my head I have ‘commited’ myself to the plan. The huge one coming up is I have my 50th class reunion coming up this summer and the plan is to go completely in fem. Part of the plan is to have my hair and nails done a couple of days before. I am getting so excited thinking about it.
. . Cassie
A very common feeling or experience, Jamie! Even for long time out-in-public CDs.
That sinking feeling of doubt or fear, just as you are about to step out into the public eye. I am very familiar with it, even after years of public cross dressing. It is not an every time thing with me, but it does occur sometimes for brief moments. It soon disappears, when one realizes people are way too concerned with their own lives to even look your way.
Moreover, it vanishes completely, when someone compliments how nice you look today or how attractive that necklace is you are wearing!
Hugs from Peggy Sue…
I used to be terrified every time I stepped outside. Many outings lasted just a few seconds. I mostly got over it when I got my first makeover. Being able to blend in made a huge difference. Getting a few compliments helped too. I never get cold feet anymore. Sometimes I’m a little on edge when venturing to a unfamiliar place. I’ve found that sticking to accepting communities is one of the best ways to put my mind at ease.
I have made several trips shopping en femme in the last month. The first one I felt like a warrior, ready to kick ass and take names. Two weeks later with even some nicer/ newer accessories I felt like I had the world watching my every move. The only difference is one was a week day and the second was a fairly crowded weekend. Never Alone, Hugs, TERI
Patty,
Thanks for sharing!!! I’ve chickened out 50 times and never made it out the door. With your ratio I should get out there one of these days.Caroline
I think the patterns of ups and downs is normal when it comes to pretty much anything in life. As a CD, we tend to associate it with dressing more often than not. But it happens with every “hobby” I’ve had in my life. I could be gung ho one second, and truly experience whatever I’m doing at that moment, and I could feel blah about it the next day.
I believe dressing falls under the same pattern. It’s addictive, and gives you a thrill and high that hits a deeply personal space in your soul. No other activity has done that for me. Some days, we feel more courageous than others. Some days, we feel more confident. Some days, we feel like we’re on top of the world and the next day we feel like life in general is an uphill battle.
I go through those emotions regularly about dressing. But I have found, that as soon as I actually walk out the door en femme, it’s always inspiring and I end up having the time of my life.
If there are people who clock me, I’m waaaay too busy having fun with the people who don’t clock me to even notice, let alone care. In my mind, if I get looked at, there are a billion reasons why they may be looking IN ADDITION to potentially thinking I’m a CD… they might think my hair is nice… they might think my skirt is too short, they might think I walk funny, on and on and on. I’ll never know, since they’re just passerbys like that millions of other people who look at other people for whatever reason throughout their day. If they don’t come up and talk to me, it has no impact on my life, no impact on anything, so it’s fleeting to feel fearful of.
EDIT: Just this last weekend, I was shopping around at the mall doing my thing. Tons of people around. I noticed a couple of security guards keeping a watching eye on me. In my brain, I’m thinking… dang, am I getting clocked right now? Are they watching me because I’m trans? Do they think I’m weird and here to steal something? Do they think I’m prostituting? Anyhow, yes all that went into my mind. I could feel my guy self start elevating, so I walked up to them and asked if there was some sort of problem. One guy spoke up and literally this is what he said: “Yes ma’am, I think it would be huge problem if I let you leave this place without asking for your number. My heart would be broken.” I laughed a huge sigh of relief… and told him “Ah, good one buddy. That was a damn good one.” Of course, I told them I was taken like I do everybody else.
Yes, I experience this. This morning, while getting dressed for work, it took me multiple tries to get the outfit right. I used to think it was weird when women would change their clothes a lot, now I understand perfectly. For me, the better the outfit comes together, the better my courage. But I do think it’s natural to have ups and downs. In my other hobbies, like mountaineering, skiing, or white water kayaking, for example, there are days when I have tons of courage, and days when I’m more timid. I think it’s natural and normal. In those other activities, I take it as a sign to relax and hold up a bit, there are multiple ways to enjoy those sports and you don’t always have to be pushing limits. Confidence is key to success (you can be too confident, of course, but that’s a different discussion). With dressing, I find I enjoy it more if I don’t set any expectation that I “have” to go out. If I’m not feeling it, no worries. Some things, like exercise, scripture study, or work, you just need to do, whether you want to or not. But other things are more rewarding when you don’t make them feel like a duty. Make sense? When you’re feeling sassy and bold, grab the heels and go for it. When not, that’s fine too.
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