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Yesterday I wore underpants, rather than panties, as I had to visit the surgeon who had performed my abdominal operation last year. I am very self-conscious and I don’t know how the surgeon would react if he knew I were a cross-dresser. Several potential employers ask for medical records and I wonder if any doctors would include ‘cross-dresser’ in the records or whether this information would be kept confidential.
Before my operation, I had severe abdominal pains, which led to me staying overnight in a hospital. I didn’t do my hospital gown up tightly enough and a nurse saw that I was wearing pink panties. She smiled and nothing was said. I enjoyed wearing a feminine hospital gown, which allowed me to cross-dress in public without risking abuse. It was even better when I was given some feminine panties to wear with my hospital gown when I got ready for my operation. I wonder how other men react when they’re asked to wear a short dress and panties.
I wonder whether my self-consciousness is protective or restrictive. I cross-dress in hotel rooms, but I am wary about doing this if I am staying overnight in someone’s home. What if somebody enters my room or I have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night? How would I explain myself? I realise that cross-dressing has come a long way since it was treated as a psychiatric condition. My counselling group saw ‘The Danish Girl’ last year and most were sympathetic about the problems facing the main character. I wrote an essay about the film, where I could consider the situation from various angles, but I didn’t mention that I cross-dress and I wonder if ‘coming out’ would have helped me integrate into the group or would have led to my isolation.
Yesterday, I read a news article about the cost of changing ‘Gentlemen’ and ‘Ladies’ to ‘Toilets with urinals’ and ‘Toilets without urinals’ respectively. The author said it was a waste of money, but I think it will help self-conscious people like me, who would find it difficult to use conventional toilets, if cross-dressed, and would not want it to be highlighted that I was transgender and using a toilet labelled ‘Transgender’.
It is very difficult being self-conscious and I hope that society will generally become more accepting of cross-dressers and other people who fit outside the sexual stereotype that many people expect us to adopt.
Self-consciousness is often a feature with our crossdressing. Many of us, aware of the frame beneath the tasteful makeup and clothing, worry about how others might react to us. It is self-consciousness that causes people to put far too much emphasis on ‘passing’ and not enough on just being who we are and enjoying the experience.
Confidence and self-acceptance will help to overcome that feeling that everyone is looking at us, when in fact most people are just going about their lives.
Thanks Jane
I have noticed a few cross-dressers over the last few years and it doesn’t seem that other people are interested in what they are wearing. I have a friend who suffers from paranoia and keeps saying that people are looking at her, but I think most people aren’t that bothered. I have seen several men looking through dresses and similar clothing in shops and that has encouraged me to do the same and I haven’t had adverse comments from people at tills – in fact I remember one women saying that a dress I had bought was pretty, which made me feel better.
I wish everyone at CDH and enjoyable 2017.
Ilona
Once again, the wisdom of Jane comes out! I am so thankful for your wisdom. I take “Passing” for granted….and I am overly confident, if that is possible. Years ago I stopped caring what others thought about me, heck it’s my life, and I will do it My way!
The self consious part is what keeps many cloistered and continually hidden away from others.
Cookie! 🙂
I am not interested in passing
i want to dress like i want and be myself
i really want to get a nice pedi wear my 5 in platform strppy wedges and my baby boot jeans a white blouse and my matching bra panty set and do whatever i have to do that day
Over the Christmas holiday break, I had a minor procedure done to remove an ingrown toenail. I forgot to remove my toenail polish before going. Oops.
The nurse who prepped the room didn’t say a word – I didn’t even notice any sort of “look” crossing her face. The doctor, though, commented right away. She said she loved the color, and asked why. I briefly pondered lying to her, but then figured what the hell. She can’t tell anybody anyway because of HIPAA laws. So I told her I did it because I liked the way it looked. She seemed surprised, then said I was the first guy who’s said that; everybody else blames it on a young daughter or niece or their girlfriend. She said she suspected a lot of them were fibbing. 🙂
How do you get confidence? Lose weight, dress appropriately for your age, perfect your makeup and take plenty of photos. When I am in male mode I wear something feminine underneath everyday. My lady friend tells me “this is who you are, so accept and enjoy.” Your self-consciousness will soon wane.
My wife says for me to be who I am but not totally convinced yet
I’ll keep trying to show her who I am in terms of crossdressing
Some times I get caught up in feeling too self conscious about how I look when I have planned to go out as Stephanie and it has almost taken control of wheather she goes out or not. Usually I try to blend in and not be too different but individualistic. As some of you have noted, most people you pass on the side walk or in a parking lot or in a store don’t really look at you too much. And usually those that have given a second look or stare don’t say anything. Plus it really helps to be smiling when you are looking at some one face to face and usually they will smile back.
Even when I know all of this, the self consciousness can start to take hold again and it needs to be put to the side and not paid any attention to for the most part. But you might need to carry a little of that type of feeling just so you don’t overlook your slip showing or your hair style being crooked.
Most of the time it helps to just not care about passing. Putting that aside can leave more room for being able to enjoy the day as yourself and feeling the way you want to feel. It can be considerably more of a positive and enjoyable time of being out when done that way.
The first time I went out in public in daylight as Stephanie was on Halloween day. The day when any one can dress up however they want and who cares! Having this “who cares” attitude along with a smile helped quite a bit over the four and a half hours that it took to go to five different stores to do some general shopping that day. It made for a very positive and enjoyable day that has been repeated several times since. For the most part it seems like most people don’t really care too much about how we look. So from that, maybe we shouldn’t care all that much either, to a point. Most of the time when Stephanie is out shopping she wishes it could go on longer that day and the next. Especially when so much time is given to getting ready to go out you want it to last longer. Usually work or other commitments get in the way of it lasting longer. But there can be more “next times” if we put that self consciousness to the side.I’m dreadfully self conscious and very critical of myself. When im Zoe and i look in the mirror sometimes i see a feminine person, othertimes i see all my maleness showing through. I think this is wot is stopping me from going out, i long to meet other trans people!. I’ve been toying with the idea of going to a big city like London where you can blend into the crowd as long as i wear somthing bland and dont standout i could go out as me. I must try and overcome this, i am what i am and i must move on. ZOEXX
I’m dreadfully self conscious and very critical of myself. When im Zoe and i look in the mirror sometimes i see a feminine person, othertimes i see all my maleness showing through. I think this is wot is stopping me from going out, i long to meet other trans people!. I’ve been toying with the idea of going to a big city like London where you can blend into the crowd as long as i wear somthing bland and dont standout i could go out as me. I must try and overcome this, i am what i am and i must move on. ZOEXX
Hello Zoe. I had a chat with someone from the Beaumont Society this morning. Some people are narcissistic, but I can understand how you feel. I don’t spend much time looking in the mirror and I doubt I would pass as a woman, but I tend to wonder why I should. I had 12 days in a hospital and I asked to wear a nightdress, rather than pyjamas. Some nurses questioned why, but most seemed to accept me as I was and I felt that men should have the same rights to wear what they want as women do. I do some voluntary work and I have asked to wear skirts or dresses in future. The managers have been sympathetic and I have received a lot of TLC. I hope that the experience of being so ill has opened up a new lease of life. Nurses have said that I should be myself and I hope to be more open and honest in future. Good luck. Ilona.
I am one of the lucky cross dressers because I have a wife that totally understands and encourages me. I know I will never be able to look like a woman and I have gotten past the point of caring.. I am now retired and spend probably 80% of my time dressed as a woman and the other 20% I probably have at least panties under my street cloths. It took a very long time but now I go out dressed and an comfortable doing so and as of yet no one has ever said a thing. About 10 years ago my daughter found out about my dressing. She was 22 at the time. Now for by birthday and Christmas she buys me women s cloths.. She has even brought friends by unannounced knowing I probably would be dressed and I have learned that the younger people dont seem to mind it one way or the other.
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