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Hey Girls – I’ve written a ballad as an early Valentine’s Day gift to the CDH community. Hope you like it.
Cross Dressing is Hard: A Ballad for Valentine’s Day
By Ramona “Mona” Richards
A light-hearted look at the trials and tribulations of learning to cross dress
(based in large part on my personal experiences, for better or worse)
Just sit right back and enjoy this tale
of men who love to dress
Most started from a tender age
but why is anyone’s guess
For many it’s a troubled route
spent battling the urge
Oh, the lovely clothes thrown out
in cycles of binge and purge
Panties, bras and silky slips
how we love the feel of them
Even under drab men’s clothes,
a girl can still feel femme
But lacey satin lingerie
is not made to fit most guys
At online stores we agonize
did we order the right size?
Our butts and hips we must enhance
with pads made of soft gel
We wear enough damn padding
to play for the NFL
When nature calls you will recall
there’s a man bit you must free
But when you’re wearing pantyhose
do you stand or sit to pee?
Refrain:
Crossdressing is laborious
so many things to learn
The work is not so easy, girls
passing must be earned
Necklaces are nice to wear
but we cuss to beat the band
While grappling with those tiny clasps
made for much smaller hands
Garter straps that don’t stay tight
and zippers that won’t slide
And blouses with small buttons
that fasten on the wrong side
With lipstick and eyeliner,
every girl must find her own way
We aspire to Beyoncé,
but will settle for Doris Day
Apply too much of either one
and you’ll come to see real soon
That you look just like The Joker
or a very ill racoon
Most girls brush on mascara
to emphasize each lash
But touch that black goo to your face
and your foundation’s in the trash
False lashes are the devil’s work
and you will scream and cry
When you glue the third one in a row
to the middle of your eye
Refrain:
Crossdressing is laborious
so many things to learn
The work is not so easy, girls
passing must be earned
Once your makeup is perfected
(‘cause you’ve learned not to use too much)
You’ll want to don a pretty wig
as the final crowning touch
Just be sure that rug is good and snug
or in horror you will shout
When it takes flight in a gust of wind
As you’re strolling out and about
In stockings, tights or pantyhose,
how we love to show some thigh
Sliding up our just-shaved legs
we shiver and feel high
But jagged nails on hands or feet
will quickly spoil the fun
When that pricey pair of sheer thigh highs
is ruined by a run
Let’s flaunt our legs in a tight miniskirt
the girl inside will cry
Like a pricey runway model
she wants to catch your eye
Yes, those models in their lingerie
are so proud to strut their stuff
But a hairy dude in a bustier
is a sight that’s pretty rough
Refrain:
Crossdressing is laborious
so many things to learn
The work is not so easy, girls
passing must be earned
Then there’s dresses, pretty dresses
how we love to wear them all
From simple frocks to evening gowns
for wearing to the ball
But be sure a dress can stretch enough
to accommodate your frame
‘Cause twisted limbs and cries of pain
are best left to a rugby game
Once you’ve finally squeezed into that dress
you’ve lost more than an hour
And you’re sweating so profusely that
it’s time for another shower
Yes, it takes many hours to perfect your look
then of course it never fails
You look down at your hands and see
you’ve already lost three press-on nails
Refrain:
Crossdressing is laborious
so many things to learn
The work is not so easy, girls
passing must be earned
Lady’s shoes are not like men’s,
there’s such a vast array
From platform pumps to Mary Jane’s
it’s hard to find your way
But every girl soon comes to know
when shopping at the mall
Why worry about choosing
go ahead and buy them all
There’s thigh-high boots and strappy heels
and stilettos to the sky
To walk in them is quite a feat
for the average stocky guy
You’ve got to learn to take small steps
and be careful not to sway
If you hit the ground you may hear the sound
of an ambulance on its way
A corset is great for achieving the shape
of a woman instead of an ape
Just take a deep breath and suck in your gut
‘til your mouth goes all agape
It will deliver an hourglass figure
some curves that will help you sashay
But lace it too tight and for breath you will fight
your face blue by the end the day
Refrain:
Crossdressing is laborious
and by now I hope you’ve learned
The work is not so easy, girls
passing must be earned
Who knew brassieres were so complex
they mystify most newbies
Seems you’ve got to have a PhD
to select the right pair of boobies
A really nice set of voluptuous breasts
is surely the ultimate prize
But too many girls think that bigger is better
and choose an outlandish cup size
Oh, the rolls of tape that have been used
some cleavage to create
But after ripping off that sticky stuff
the pain will take days to abate
Conclusion
So, let’s hear it for us guys who dress
‘though so many wonder why
At least we can relate to the girl on date
who hopes to impress her guy
There’s so many ways we can stumble,
and I’ve come to see at last
a girl has to strive to come fully alive
so that one day she will pass
To end this tale of angst and woe
let me state without a smirk
That becoming the woman of your dreams
takes a lot of damn hard work!
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you fabulous girls who make the CDH community such a special place. I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. I invite you to continue the fun by adding your own verses in the comments section or telling us about your own cross dressing trials and tribulations.
Hugs and kisses to all, Mona.
Mona, that was absolutely fantastic! Not only is it fun poetry but it really does capture the ups and downs of being a CD person! I just love it!
Would you give permission for me to send it to some of my other CD friends with full attribution? I’ve been encouraging them to sign up for CD Heaven and this may give them the extra boost needed!
I would understand if you don’t want it spread out; just let me know one way or another.
Thanks again for a most wonderful message!
Leah
Leah-if you don’t already -take a look at the poetry forum. Some good stuff there too! Also look back in the archived forums and back through the articles. By the way if you like something an author wrote, a please comment on it -comments are lifeblood to writers LOL!;and b) if you wanna read more by that person go to their profile page and below the profile pic click on forums and/or articles to see what else they have written for the sight. I know I have 26 articles and 90+ forum posts (I’ve been member for 3.5 years LOL)
Cyn
Hi Mona, bravo! wonderful! how do you do it? that is a real talent! made me giggle too! so funny and so true. Thankyou for posting this and taking the time and trouble to put it all together, I thoroughly enjoyed it! well done, brilliant 🙂
Fiona xxx
Hi Fiona – I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I really have fun putting little ditties like that together (limericks are really my favorite). It took about two weeks to hone it, working on it on and off of course (I do have a day job!). Very satisfying when you find just the right word or phrase.
I actually submitted it for consideration as a feature article but I understand there’s already plenty of them in the cue. I emailed with Cyn about it and she convinced me to just post it.
I hope more girls on the site notice it. There’s so many posts every day that things quickly get lost in the shuffle. Tell your friends!
Hugs and kisses,
Mona
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