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Dear Mercymine
It is so good that you are reaching out. I am not a wife of a crossdresser, but am a crossdresser in a loving and honest relationship with my wife – as I am sure you are. The urge to crossdress and ‘be your real self’ is an intensely strong feeling for us crossdressers. So I understand your husbands desire. It is however an incredibly big step that he wants to make, that can only be done once and in my opinion cannot be undone. Obviously only you and you husband know your circumstances and if the decision to come out has to be made, it should be done by and for both of you together – so I encourage you to have a deep and honest discussion. And I know that whatever you decide together will be the right decision. I am sure we at CDH will support whatever you decide. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Christine
PS I am new to CDH so I am not sure about the etiquette of a CD responding to a SO – please forgive and ignore me if I have over stepped the mark.
You two need to talk, and talk, and talk, each one of us has a different “minds eye view” of where we want to go with “coming out”. Find a good therapist for the both of you, find one for your self, you need to take care of your self too! Find the Significant Others forums here and discuss with the others that have been through this. It does not have to be the end of the world!
Zenn
This would be a big step, and I can certainly understand having apprehension. I am glad he has spoken to you about his wants. Now it seems a good time to discuss your wants, needs and any concerns you may have. Has your husband sought any counseling, and if so, have you had the opportunity to participate, share your concerns and preferences? If not, then I would suggest that as a first step.
Hello Mercymine another CD here your husband does not have the right to make that decision alone. He or she only does if they live and are alone in your case if you are divorced. It sounds like your husband wants more feminine expressions from within himself to come out. Please communicate as this affects both of you. Need to determine if it is more dressing and expression or if it is his real self that has to come out for a transition. It is one thing for a woman to have some acceptance for crossdressing by their spouse and to have some level of tolerance or support, however it is not fair to expect the wife to be onboard with dressing daily in your own town if the other half is not comfortable with it. Or with daily living or transition if she is not unless they no longer want to live together. I hope you two talk and get help both of you. As you hoth have the right to be your authentic selves and to respect the hounds of marriage and one another’s feelings. I hope for the best that you two will find what works best for you as a couple.
Hi Mercymine
What you describe in my opinion is a false problem.
The questions I would ask myself in your place are:
1- would it bother you to have a female competitor in your business?
2- are you afraid that this would lead to the closure of your business?
3- fear of being subjected to discriminatory attacks by obtuse and ignorant people?After you have answered these questions, talk to him and explain your reasons.
Peacefully seek a balance between your demands and those of your husband.I hope both ok and happy with . You marry for hood and unknown could be really fun if you look at it right
Mercymine, your post is a bit ambiguous. It sounds like your husband wants to come out in public and work the business dressed. If so, then yes, you definitely need to have some long, deep conversations about it and its potential ramifications for you both socially and professionally as this may affect you business. I am not saying he can’t or shouldn’t , just that you need to think things through.
Good luck, and feel free to post follow up questions or comments.
Hi Mercymine.
First, please realize that you are not alone in this. Not that that statement by itself provides any comfort to you, but you should realize that many, many, many marriages have gone through similar situations and have emerged stronger by finally having open, honest discussions. However, your added situation of this possibly impacting your business is a bit different than many of the situations typically discussed here.
Your profile states that you’ve been married for 7 years and that he told you he was a crossdresser from the very beginning, and in fact, you supported it, so his crossdressing is not new to you. What is new is that he wants to do more with it. That leads me to ask, what specifically are you scared of? The fact that he wants to take his dressing “to a higher level” (whatever that means)? The fact that he wants to (and I’m reading between the lines here) present himself as a woman in your business? Maybe you’re worried how your business would be impacted by him presenting himself as a woman (would it drive off customers, attract new customers that you don’t want, etc.)? Are you scared because this could mean he’s becoming more transgender and less of a crossdresser and may want to transition? Or the fact that you are not a lesbian and don’t want to be married to a woman?
Your statement is a bit ambiguous, so it’s difficult for those of us here on CDH to really help without knowing a bit more detail.What I can suggest is that since he’s apparently been open and honest with you about his crossdressing since the very beginning, you should be open and honest with him now and tell him you’re scared. And why you’re scared. If necessary, get professional help to foster discussions between you and your husband, so that all the issues can be brought into the open and calmly mediated by a third party and discussed.
And there’s also a lot of us here who are willing to talk with you, but again, without much detail it’s difficult to really offer concrete suggestions.
Good luck and if you would like to talk, I’m always here.
Hugs,
Holly
It is becoming a more acceptable among the people. And it helps to have people to support it. If you want to get a more understanding then get us girls 👧 about it. We are glad to have you welcome to the site
Hi Mercymine,
Welcome to CDH. You’ve received some great suggestions from other posts here in the forum. Be sure to check the Wives and Significant Others forum that’s only for wives and SO’s. As others have said communication is key and setting limit for your husband with which you are comfortable.
Alice
Mercymine
welcome… you are certainly not alone in how this is bothering you.. dealing with this situation about your partners furthering her journey. This is certainly the place you’ll find many of the answers you are seeking. A open conversation between you two is most important and he must be honest with you. We do have a wonderful forum here exclusive for significant others where many GG gals like yourself could receive the help and support to get the answers your wanted to know. There you can really enjoy chatting with others like you and truly enjoy conversations in your circle.
This group – private ( wives and significant others ) . For you special ladies where Cders are not allowed. Meet with them and get the support you need. Look into other forms written by others who talk about their experiences, their questions they may ask with many offering help and advice so everyone can understand better on so many confusing topic.
Links can be found on the Meet the Ambassadors page. I have provided the link to that group
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/groups/wives-and-significant-others/
Now you need to get him/her to join too. She will definitely enjoy this amazing place.
Relax, get comfortable and enjoy being part of this wonderful community that really does care for all that passes through our doors. The best to you both as you venture through these new paths together . Very happy meeting you and welcome.
Stephanie 🌷
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