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Hello Girls,
I hope you’re all doing well. I wanted to start some discussion on a topic that’s been on my mind for a long time, and I feel many of us can relate to.
Whenever I slip into girl clothes, it’s not just about dressing up for fun, I genuinely feel like a real girl in those moments, and I yearn for that feeling to be a part of my life always. This has led me to question my gender identity, like I always think is it only me who feels like that.
I’ve seen that many of us here appreciate it when someone addresses us with female pronouns. It’s a validation that feels incredibly affirming, which also happens with me to.
So like are we just crossdressers, or could there be more like umm transwomen or something? Do these feelings of wanting to be seen and treated as our preferred gender go beyond crossdressing? or its just me who likes get recognize as a female.
I’m eager to hear your thoughts, experiences, and perspectives on this. Please share your own journey and how you relate to your gender identity when dressing up.Total of 45 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.
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Registered On: November 5, 2019Topics: 15Replies: 780Has thanked: 3103 timesBeen thanked: 3840 timesHi Parth, well, I’ll try to keep this short (ha!) as I’ve mentioned it in several other posts over my being here. I’m a ‘failed’ transsexual. I’ve had these desires to be female since at least age 4, maybe they would come and go over time as I distinctly remember a 4/5 year old moment and a 7/8 year old moment where I did act on my desires, then sneaking my mother’s things as a teen (loved her party dress) then years of keeping it hidden while still imagining it as I went to sleep as well as failed attempts at trying to stop thinking or doing anything about it (military, marriage, the usual) but eventually giving in to my desires, finally confiding in my mother, and my now spouse (of 45 years!) – back in our 1st year but not my now adult children.
A number of times I looked seriously into transitioning, read the SOC thoroughly, read up on other ts published stories, wished I could have actually met a post-op, but missed a number of opportunities (I didn’t know I might have had them until years later). Finally just decided, I’ll stay as a dedicated cd and write cd/ts fiction which is published…and I made some money.
Other than that, it has been an interesting life.
Hugs, ChloëC
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My identity has evolved over time starting when I was very young. In the beginning, I was infatuated with all of the trappings of femininity including dresses, skirts, lingerie, heels and makeup. I wanted to taste all of the things that were included in the range of feminine appearance. I did get out on occasion, but I did tend to shy away from human interactions. While there was a strong compulsion for me to dress, I never considered the broader picture of whether or not I was actually a woman. A lot of this was probably due to the context of these experiences. Like many others I was racked with guilt and shame which put me into a narrow, survival way of thinking. Needless to say, I didn’t accept myself. Rather, I hated myself for who I was, and this led to things like occasional purges none of which lasted for more than a brief period of time.
Finally, I decided to get some help and started going to a psychologist. She was able to help me understand that I was not alone and while my feelings were experienced by a somewhat smaller portion of the population, they were normal. This helped me become more introspective and to try to understand where I came from better. I realized that I was this way from birth and that this was all part of my human makeup. I was not going to be able to run from it. This understanding helped me achieve a degree of comfort with my crossdressing that I never experienced before. I became bolder and started venturing out in public as my authentic self. I went to LGBT bars and crossdresser meetups but also more everyday things like going to the mall and supermarket. Doing this, I discovered that people were generally so wrapped up in their own stuff that they hardly ever noticed others. Sure, I was clocked periodically but I accepted it and moved on. I was comfortable with myself.
As this comfort grew, I started to assess myself more deeply and this led to the feelings that I wanted to be this way all of the time. Where in the past I looked at women and noticed what they were wearing, I was now noticing their form, demeanor and mannerisms more. The more I did this, the more I wanted to be like them. I remember seeing a woman in the supermarket and it just clicked that I wanted to have curves just like her. Taking all of this together, I can now conclude that I am a Transwoman! It’s been a journey to get to this point, but it was built on the foundation of self-acceptance that allowed me to confront my deepest feelings. This is all relatively recent so I’m not sure where it is all going but I am taking steps in my desired direction. I haven’t started HRT yet, but I hope to do so soon. I do have health issues that need to be considered in this regard. I am growing my hair out so I can finally get rid of wigs. Ultimately, I would love to have GRS, but time will tell. It’s a process and while I’d love to be at my ideal end state right now, I know it will take time to get there.
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- Registered On: August 26, 2021Topics: 21Replies: 1021Has thanked: 3591 timesBeen thanked: 3559 times
Hi Parth,
I read your post several days ago, and have thought long and hard before replying.
I have 4 brothers, but can honestly say that I have never been “one of the boys”. Wearing pantyhose at a very young age (my first foray into crossdressing) was thrilling for me, but even back then, I had thoughts that I now realize were of a feminine persona. Sure, I’m a guy. I’ve always been physically and mentally attracted to women. In a room full of strangers, I’d be drawn towards the females, never observing a man and thinking about being with one.
Well, that part of me, that persona, Raquel, has emerged over the years, and my crossdressing has progressed from just panties to attempts to fully feminize myself; full female attire, makeup, wigs, jewelry, etc. Raquel is so strong and so much a part of me that I joined CDH and have become her, when I can. I am reminded of her even when I a wearing drab, because I almost always underdress in panties. Yet, I do not see myself as fully female.
And yes, I love it when she is recognized. On more than one occasion, on trips out of town when I can go out, fully dressed (and one time, even in my hometown, when my wife was away visiting friends), I have been befriended and accepted as Raquel at gay and lesbian bars. It makes me, Raquel, feel wonderful and validated. On one trip, a group of girls invited me to sit at their table, asking about my pronouns. On a trip earlier this year, I even sat at the hotel bar, en femme, and neither the bartender nor the other patrons batted an eye. I was treated like the woman that is part of me.
So, I am not a MIAD, when I a fully en femme, I am an expression of Raquel. I also realize that I am Raquel even when I am not crossdressed. So, I am both my male self AND I am her, all the time. I guess that I am somewhere on the transgender spectrum.
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Truly the question, isn’t it. Very interesting to read all the very open responses to this question. Certainly a question I’ve asked myself at different times all my life and one whose answer is unique for each person.
As you might tell from my screen name (FemmeJim), I do not have a female name, persona, or mental state. I’m always me. I think the four dimensions is an interesting way to sort it out. I’m surprised it hasn’t become like the Meyers Briggs Test where everyone puts their letter in their email signature LOL. But let’s see… Identity, Expression, Attraction, Sex.
Identity: Male, never questioned that. Maybe it has been moot since I’m a 6’4″, 260+ pounds, bearded guy. I’d never pass so I never thought about it but I suppose if I really had an identify other than male, my physical appearance wouldn’t have stopped me.
Expression: Here’s where my crossdressing comes in. I only wear women’s lingerie/underwear. I recently bought black women’s bike shorts that I exercise in (wanted pink or a feminine color/pattern but my wife thought others would assume I’m gay). I also bought sports bras to exercise in and have gone for walks/jogs a couple times just wearing the bike shorts and sports bras. Very exciting but also feels so right. I see women jogging in pretty leggings, shorts, jogging bras, etc. and I want to wear all that. So I get close. I don’t own or wear dresses, skirts, blouses, heels, etc. My wife and I are on a journey about this after about 30 years of her telling I had to just not do it. Hmm, off track. I like to be recognized as wearing women’s clothing but clearly as a man. I don’t change my voice or mannerisms when I encounter someone while walking clearing in a women’s jog bra top and effectively gender neutral shorts. I crave so much to be accepted this way from women (don’t seem to care about how men react). I feel like women wearing women’s clothes is “my tribe” and I wish to get all the affirmations from cis-women that I belong. That’s what makes shopping in person so perfect for me. I shop almost exclusively at Torrid here in the US and Torrid has explicit pro-LGBTQ+ policies. They’ve never been less than welcoming, helpful and !chatty! with me. I’m not acting like a woman but I’m welcomed into the feminine experience of shopping, talking about colors, if something looks good on me. Often the saleswomen will talk about what they like to wear: favorite bra or panty styles and such. A very happy time any time I can do it which was more in the past but only twice since my wife and I started on our journey about this. She is worried that I would be recognized by someone we know, but the topic is still “on the table”.
More later!
Hugs
Femme Jim
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- Registered On: August 6, 2022Topics: 2Replies: 187Has thanked: 1043 timesBeen thanked: 1181 times
Some may disagree but I like to think I am a crossdresser, a transvestite to use the older, less accepted term which does not bother me personally. My feminine persona is a creation of my imagination, fueled by my curiosity and attraction to all things feminine. My alter ego allows me to experience and interact with the world – at least superficially – from a female point of view. Although it is not my goal to deceive anyone I find it very satisfying when I am perceived as female by others as it is an indication to me that my presentation is effective. When taking photos or about and about Kris is in charge of my psyche. She exists in the moment free of my personal baggage , free from the intrusion of reality. As intoxicating as this fantasy can be I am fully aware that is is just that and I will be returning to my male self when needed – even though sometimes I do not want to. I have no desire to alter myself physically in any permanent way – although electrolysis is tempting and piercing my ears so I could wear prettier earrings would be nice. For me, the duplicity remains a big part of the attraction. Does that make me transgender – I think not. Although I am always working toward improving my presentation (and enjoying that process immensely) I am nowhere near 24/7, and never will be.
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- Registered On: August 26, 2021Topics: 21Replies: 1021Has thanked: 3591 timesBeen thanked: 3559 times
“Some may disagree but I like to think I am a crossdresser …”
Kris,
It’s terrible that others can presume to disagree with one’s feelings. One can only disagree with another’s position on a topic. That’s the difference and that’s what’s wrong with society, today. Some even think they can disagree with facts. Well, a fact is a fact.
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- Registered On: August 6, 2022Topics: 2Replies: 187Has thanked: 1043 timesBeen thanked: 1181 times
It’s not a problem for me Raquel. As I see it, the difference of opinion on my own crossdresser/transgender status lies only in the definition of what constitutes each. I am not confused by my gender identity. I am a guy who enjoys expressing his feminine side and is informed and enriched overall by the presence of Kris – AKA my female persona. How others choose to label that may vary,but it is of no consequence to me. I am secure and identify myself without apology as a male heterosexual crossdresser.
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I am definitely just a cross dresser. I have no desire to transition. I am a biological male and enjoy being one. That said, when I dress en femme out in public, I hope my appearance is such that I will be greeted as a woman is generally greeted. However, once I speak, there is no doubt about my real gender. I have a deep bass voice that no woman on earth has ever had. I’m 78 and not about to take voice lessons. So, while I am a MIAD, when I’m in that dress I enjoy if people accept my effort and speak to me as though I am what I’m trying to portray.
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- Registered On: April 8, 2020Topics: 54Replies: 229Has thanked: 6331 timesBeen thanked: 1808 times
Greetings, Parth. Perhaps I am the odd one here. I am a crossdresser, more specifically a man in a dress. I am not trans.
I enjoy wearing women’s clothing when I am home alone. I also sometimes underdress when I go out. This is not an everyday experience, but it is happening more frequently.
Nevertheless, I have not found myself ever wanting to feel feminine. My comfort zone is to remain masculine. I have facial and body hair, and I even wish I had more, for instance. I have no desire for feminine mannerisms, wigs or make-up.
I have not yet felt the desire to present as feminine in public. I do not necessarily seek affirmation from anyone, except for more acceptance from my girlfriend. Sometimes I have wished for a sense of community with other crossdressers, though, simply so that my crossdressing does not feel like a dark clandestine activity.
Frankly, I have never understood my desire to wear women’s clothing. I do not see it as a fetish because I am not eroticized by it. At least I do not think so.
This is my experience. I am all male, thoroughly a man in a dress. From DD breast forms to black-stockings, however, the person in the mirror looks like a woman. Does anyone relate to this?
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- Registered On: November 1, 2021Topics: 40Replies: 813Has thanked: 16752 timesBeen thanked: 4891 times
After going through all the replies to the original question, let me offer my own thoughts.
I am a trans woman, not only that, but have recently found out that I am an intersex person, so I actually am a woman!
I knew when I was only two or three that I was supposed to be a girl. Later on I used to pray that I would wake up as a girl, a common story amongst trans women.
All my life, that awareness was there, every waking moment of every day. I was always extremely feminine, my mannerisms, how I talked and moved, and all of my friends were girls. The cultural expectations of how I was supposed to act were sheer torture, because I NEVER fit the male role!
When puberty happened my body went the way I felt. I developed hips, thighs and boobs, and my voice didn’t go deep. I don’t even fit men’s clothes, the sleeves and pant legs are always too long, whereas I perfectly fit a ladies L or size 14.
Finding out that I am an intersex female was so amazing, as it confirms what I’ve always felt, and known, I am a woman, a trans woman.
Hugs ladies,
Ms. Lauren M
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To be honest, all this gender identity thing is a bit confusing. I don’t really know. When I’m in femme, I really feel like a woman,I love many things that are considered feminine in essence, I feel I’m more sensible than the average man, I’ve always had more female friends than male ones. On the other hand, I like to be a man! I love Football,action and sci-fi movies, I love my shaving ritual with my safety razor, I like to look masculine.
So, I don’t know really were I fit. I’m a man that loves to bring out his feminine side out whenever it is possible, that’s it.
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- Registered On: January 2, 2023Topics: 0Replies: 363Has thanked: 570 timesBeen thanked: 1293 times
After reading all of the profound comments here, I am more confused than ever. I was just a guy in a dress, until recently. Lately I have wanted to stay dressed all the time and am think ing much more as female. As this is trouble with my SO, I entered counseling. You have all posed hard questions . Thank you for making me think more” outside the box” or cube. I’m scared for the first time, and that’s a good thing, don’t have a lot of time left, don’t want to screw up what I have.
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- Registered On: November 10, 2019Topics: 12Replies: 1184Has thanked: 9 timesBeen thanked: 3352 times
When I run across questions like this on TGH, I will almost always suggest that people talk to a therapist that is experienced in gender issues. Trying to get to some understanding with this is very difficult on our own, so the help can make a big difference. While we often want to think about these issues, fear of the possible conclusions may scare us to the point of not thinking clearly. A therapist can help to maintain the focus on what we need to consider.
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- Registered On: September 29, 2021Topics: 5Replies: 384Has thanked: 389 timesBeen thanked: 1550 times
I concur! The key is talking to a “therapist that is experienced in gender issues.” I big mistake is talking to a therapist who is NOT experienced but gives advice anyway. My ex-wife fell into that trap and it was a land mine. Her therapist suggested I was sexually deviant and could be cured. She had a recommended therapist for that job, who dealt with transgender people. Believing I could hardly go wrong by seeing a therapist familiar with transgender people who might help bridge the gap, I followed the advice. He gave me a thorough psychological exam, determining that clothes and other forms of female expression have power over me, but that I would not fit into his groups because I was not like his other clients! Yay! I thought I was cooking with gas. Unfortunately, without experience with crossdressers, he made matters worse for me. He could not understand why I refer to myself as Rhonda, for instance. To me it is logical. Would it be reasonable for me to present en femme and introduce myself as “Fred”, totally out of character and a definite put-off and conversation stopper for most? But to him, and to my ex’s therapist, I had a serious identity problem. Notwithstanding changes in the DSM to clarify a crossdresser should not be assumed to have gender dysphoria, his ignorance fed my ex’s fears that I believed myself to be female, had only one love interest… me… would likely transition to the person I identified as being, and the rest was history. I know who I am and have no doubts about it. I am not the confused one. A truly knowledgable counselor would not have made matters worse by drawing false conclusions and sharing them with my ex-wife’s counselor, who was admittedly out of her depth, knowing nothing about crossdressers. Finding a knowledgable counselor is difficult but essential!! Adding people into a volatile situation who do not understand the subject but have the trust of their client is like tossing a Molatov cocktail into a raging fire. My ex has not even talked to me in over a decade as a result of poor counseling. Previously we had been going to joint counseling by a female counselor who didn’t bat an eye when my wife accused me of crossdressing. “So what?… women wear men’s clothes all the time. What is wrong about a man wearing a women’s clothes?” My wife sought another opinion and found one, leaving me with an ultimatum to change or else. She doubled up by finding a counselor for me who was perhaps knowledgable re. men with sexual addictions, but when he discovered I did not fit that category, he should have recused himself. Ignorance is not bliss! Searching for a knowledgable counselor is essential. Putting trust in anyone else is immensely risky. Few understand us, even ourselves. Vet the counselor before assuming he/she will help more than hurt.
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- Registered On: November 10, 2019Topics: 12Replies: 1184Has thanked: 9 timesBeen thanked: 3352 times
One of the things that comes into play is that we are on a path with which we have no previous experience. That can make it difficult to know what we should do next. I think the best that we can do is listen to ourselves and be forthright in communicating those thoughts and feelings to others.
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- Registered On: June 26, 2019Topics: 27Replies: 531Has thanked: 2069 timesBeen thanked: 2792 times
Hi Parth,
You bet, on my girl days, I get dolled-up to the max, and then when I step out in public I enjoy every second of being addressed as “ma’am” and receiving compliments as to how pretty I look from woman. Then, even at my age I get those rare compliments from men too. Pretty soon the Pink Fog just takes me to another level, and I want the day to just keep going on. I love the feel of the clothes and having the confidence that I look pretty in them.
I think every journey is unique and individual. I do not deny my gender. I am a male, a male who loves all things female! I have found I like to get dolled-up twice a week, if possible. In earlier years, I tried living weeks at a time as a woman, it did not appeal to me. Do I look forward to my girl days? Yes, very much so!
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- Registered On: September 29, 2021Topics: 5Replies: 384Has thanked: 389 timesBeen thanked: 1550 times
I have spent a lot of time pondering the issues and was instrumental in promoting a definition for “transgender” which has been adopted by the World Professional Association of Transgender Health and used in their training. See above. Notice that its definition is determined by behavior and includes both crossdressers and transsexuals. :
“Transgender” is an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity, gender expression or behavior does not conform to that typically associate with the sex to which they are assigned at birth. Gender identity refers to a person’s internal sense of being male, female, or something else; gender expression refers to the way a person communicates gender identity to others through behavior, clothing, hairstyles, voice, or body characteristics.
Transgender people are those whose gender behaviors are not always stereotypical of their culturally-assigned gender behavior category at birth. Gender behavior might include dress, presentation, and/or verbal expression of gender or gender identity. Such behavior should not be judged as rare or inherently pathological or negative. [WPATH definition.]
It is hard to encapsulize all issues into a clear definitions, and harder still to agree upon those definitions. “Crossdresser” is such a controversial term that the worldwide community cannot agree on a definition. “Transgender is not far behind. Its commonly understood definition has changed widely over time. I am a crossdresser who believes I am male and have no desire to transition. While I am “transgender” by most definitions I hesitate to apply the term ” transgender” to myself in most audiences for fear it will be misunderstood, implying to many that I am on a path to transition or believe I am a woman… both incorrect conclusions that can harm many relationships. They certainly have mine.
The Genderbread Person depicted above, is the best way I know to convey the essence of 4 distinctly different aspects of sex/gender, all of which are on a continuum and largely independent of each other. [The powerpoint slide may not have imported- see “itspronouncedmetrosexual.com”]. An early version should suffice. It depicts 4 spectrums, each of which can differ for a given individual. The four are 1) Gender identity – what our brain tells us (woman, genderqueer, man); 2) Gender expression – our presentation from head to toe (feminine, androgynous, masculine); 3) biological sex- sexual/reproductive organs (female, intersex, male) and 4) sexual orientation- our heart’s attraction (heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual)
I believe “presentation” is often confused with “identity” and is the largest source of misunderstanding. One does not imply the other. A MTF crossdresser presents in a feminine way and prefers feminine pronouns, but generally does not believe she is a woman. A transsexual, whether transitioned or not, DOES believe she is a woman. If you want to know if someone is a crossdresser or a transsexual, just ask them if they believe they truly are a woman. If they don’t know, I think it a mistake to impose an answer on anyone. It is an individual journey. Self-understanding and acceptance can take a lifetime (or more) to learn and should not be rushed.
Neither presentation nor identity necessarily conform with biological birth-assigned sex. None of these imply or is even positively correlated with one’s sexual orientation. In the acronym “LGBT” “LGB” refers to sexual orientation. “T” refers to presentation or personal identity as man or woman. Conflating the T with LGB is common, but unjustified, leading to unfortunate misunderstandings and, often, damage to relationships.
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- Registered On: November 10, 2019Topics: 12Replies: 1184Has thanked: 9 timesBeen thanked: 3352 times
There is a relationship between LGB folks and trans folks in terms of how sexuality is expressed. It is not uncommon to think, for example, that trans women should be sexually attracted to men, but that isn’t necessarily how it works. I have no idea as to how the data works, but our sexuality can be any point on the spectrum and similar to how it works for LGB people. For trans women, it also plays into the opinion in some of the populace that trans women want to trick men.
Anyway, it is interesting that some things regarding gender identity are counterintuitive.
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- Registered On: September 29, 2021Topics: 5Replies: 384Has thanked: 389 timesBeen thanked: 1550 times
Also counterintuitive is that transitioning women, often lesbians, become attracted to men and gay men transitioning to women often change their sexual preference.
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- Registered On: March 23, 2016Topics: 101Replies: 414Has thanked: 853 timesBeen thanked: 2137 times
What a wonderful thread!!
Now, I need a whiteboard and a big cup of coffee….lol. The Genderbread Person got me thinking…. I.E.A.S. …. Identity, Expression, Attraction, Sex.
I’m a man with a strong affinity for felling like a woman sometimes. I usually like to express masculine, and sometimes feminine. I’m male, and happy that way. I’m attracted to women.
I am scared of the misunderstanding and damage that can be done by claiming to be transgender.
If I could change one thing about the world, I would get rid of the idea that gender dictates attire and behavior. I guess Expression means the most to me, that’s my dilemma.
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- Registered On: March 13, 2023Topics: 21Replies: 170Has thanked: 509 timesBeen thanked: 733 times
Hi Ladies.
What a wonderful collection of intelligent and well reasoned responses. I’ve been on CDH for about three months and from the profiles and comments here I’ve often suspected that crossdressers are in general way over average intelligence. Coincidence? I don’t know.
My experience is strictly limited, based on the fact that I dabbled a bit in my early twenties then had a 35 year hiatus until last June when I had the chance to dress for a week. When I was younger the urge to dress was mostly erotic. During my recent week there were still hints of that but age is a great leveller. It was all a bit strange. The actual act of dressing was so exciting, including putting on makeup (although my makeup skills were terribly disappointing), but once I was dressed I didn’t really know what to do with myself (once the obligatory photo/video sessions were done) and I found myself changing back to drab in a couple of hours.
Like a lot of us here I often wonder how I’d be if I lived alone (I’m married to a wonderful woman who would nevertheless not take well to the great reveal). I suspect that I’d find that the effort of dressing and particularly makeup would be such that it would still be an occasional thing for a bit of a thrill. I certainly would for example feel no need to shave my body. I don’t really feel like I have a feminine side per se.
So where am I on the spectrum? If trans is short for transvestite, the old and less accepted word for crossdresser, then I’m somewhere at the low end. Basically a MIAD. And I’m cool with that. But that doesn’t make the urge to dress any weaker. I’m still pretty obsessed with the whole concept.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
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I used to call me a crossdresser but how I feel in my heart, how I feel when I see my reflection in mirrors in general with what I see in my reflection. It says I am a woman now. Female pronouns and the female name cheer me up. They match my new identity. I used to wear the wrong size boobs and a cheap wig that I kept in terrible condition that I slept in. So I wasn’t always trans. I was more so a crossdresser back in August 2022 but my dressing and feelings have majorly changed in 2023. I am a woman and that’s final but I was born a man so therefore I am a transgender woman. So therefore when I myself slip into anything female like clothes or boobs or accessories or footwear or makeup. Everything. Especially the clothes make feel like a everyday woman.
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- Registered On: February 2, 2021Topics: 99Replies: 342Has thanked: 261 timesBeen thanked: 2826 times
I’m a crossdresser. A man in a dress. I recently lived as Cerys for 5 weeks. I did start to wonder if I was trans, but then woke up one morning and dressed in male mode. I have a lot of freedom, so can dress full time, but I choose not to. I’m a man. I’m male. Sometimes I just like to dress as a female. Sometimes I want to fully present as a female, hair make up etc. Sometimes I like to dress as a man.
I’m a man in a dress, even if I’ve been presenting as female for weeks on end…. Always a man in a dress.Cerys.
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I know I was born a male. I often wish I was born a female though. I think women have way more fun clothes to wear. Fun jewelry, nail polish. Fun colors. So, to bridge my desire to feel like a woman, I dress like one. Not all the time. I need to keep my job after all. I think it’s so unfair men can’t wear pretty nail polish, pearl necklaces for example and even skirts. But it is what it is and I can be as feminine as I want when I’m alone at home. My forms and bra feels natural right now so I’m doing okay. (Not my best writing tonight but I hope you get what I mean).
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- Registered On: November 23, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 779Has thanked: 638 timesBeen thanked: 3423 times
The definition of transgendered that resonates with me is “Someone who presents as opposite of the gender they were assigned at birth”. The term “transgendered spectrum” came into use in the 1980’s as a way of lumping all the various iterations of presenting as the opposite gender under one term. It can include everything from occasional lingerie dressers all the way up to those who have had top & bottom surgery and every variation in between. I live full time as a woman so I am somewhere along the spectrum therefore I am trans.
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- Registered On: September 29, 2019Topics: 84Replies: 1352Has thanked: 3127 timesBeen thanked: 6331 times
Crossdresser or Transwoman? That can be a evolving or changing thing. When I first came to CDH and was answering the questions for he profile and got to ‘First Realized Transgenger’, I hlf freaked out.I said in my head I AM NOT TRANSGENDER< I AM A CROSSDRESSER!!!!
Today the way things are going for me I am dressed as Cassie except for my main job. It would take to much effort for makeup,breast forms and bra would get in the way andf my long hair needs to tied back or it gets in the way. Such is the life of a letter carrier (mail man). Although with my long nails and the pink straw hat I’ve been wearing this summer I have been called ma’am/she/he a lot.
Even when I an not ‘full Cassie’ mode I wear womens clothes all the time. So I guess Iwould call myself ‘socially transitioned’?
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- Registered On: July 1, 2023Topics: 11Replies: 582Has thanked: 1705 timesBeen thanked: 2442 times
Hi Parth
Wow. This thread is spawning some extremely quotable quotes.
Melodee:
I think it’s important to first understand that this thing we’re experiencing isn’t a switch with just two positions. It’s more like a dial – with innumerable tiny positions throughout its spectrum.
Nikki:
I’m a flippin’ Rubik’s Cube of gender identity and expression.
I so love that second one!
Labels are both useful and restrictive at the same time. The label I apply to myself – transfeminine – is just a ‘best fit’ approximation. I’m physically male, but my gender identity is female. The word ‘transfeminine’ is, at best, a shorthand term that I might use to explain who and what I am to others. The problem is that their understanding of what it means might be different to my own.
To illustrate the problem with labels, I looked up ‘transfeminine’. It can be taken to refer to:
transgender women
AMAB (assigned male at birth) people who identify as female (which is me!)
AMAB demigirls (which is someone who partially identifies as a girl, woman, or feminine)
AMAB gender-fluid people who identify with femininity, whether it’s all, most, or some of the time
other AMAB people who identify with femininity
In other words, ‘transfeminine’ is a broad term that includes several different groups of people. When I apply it to myself, I know what I mean; other people might pick up a different meaning entirely.
Although one of the definitions fits me, I’m with Nikki in being a little wary of the ‘trans’ in ‘transfeminine’. It’s a handy label and that’s all; in using it, I mean no disrespect to those who, as she says, have ‘borne the social, physical, and economic risks of transitioning’.
So, Parth, to answer your question: it is indeed complicated. It isn’t just ‘crossdressers’ at one end of the spectrum and ‘transwomen’ at the other.
We are endlessly complex and fascinating, and long may it remain so!
Hugs
Ellie x
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Like many of us I suspect, for much of my life I went to sleep praying that I would wake up a girl.
Obviously I never did and I am now grateful for it because I enjoy being male, enjoy the company of women, and enjoy dressing up very much.
Perhaps my prayer was answered after all and I didn’t wake up as a girl!
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- Registered On: January 11, 2021Topics: 1598Replies: 571Has thanked: 544 timesBeen thanked: 3767 times
Parth,
I find it interesting that you posted (and I quote) “ Whenever I slip into girl clothes, it’s not just about dressing up for fun, I genuinely feel like a real girl in those moments”.
If your feeling about wanting to be a woman depends on what you are wearing, I would definitely don’t believe you are within the transexual range in the transgendered spectrum.
Of course, I’m not an expert in the field, but after many years of conversations with others, there is one thing that most who have successfully transitioned to living full time as females and even had have gender reassignment/confirmation surgeries…
You don’t become a woman no matter how many surgeries or hormones. You know with certainty you are a woman… and you don’t transition because you want, you transition because you must!!
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Since first discovering that I just adore female clothing and wanted to be the girl when I’m wearing the clothes, decades ago I’ve never questioned my gender. I’m sure many might find that unbelievable but it’s true. I’ve just accepted that at times I just wanted to be a pretty girl at that age and a beautiful woman as I got older. When I’m dressed in beautiful women’s clothes I feel like a woman and want to be seen as such. For this reason, if I had to define myself I would say trans since I don’t feel like I’m just crossdressing. I’ve gotten a term from Hannah McKnight’s blog “bi-gender” I believe this is appropriate for me.
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I’m definitely a transwoman. Gender is a spectrum and I am certainly deep into the female side.
Crossdressing is how I connect with my authentic self, sadly on a part time basis. Hopefully, someday soon I’ll be able to live authentically all the time and start to bring my body in alignment with how I see myself.5 users thanked author for this post.
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I am not a woman but I’m not a man either. Lisa x
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Hi Parth!
I think it’s important to first understand that this thing we’re experiencing isn’t a switch with just two positions. It’s more like a dial – with innumerable tiny positions throughout its spectrum. So it may be difficult for some people to define themselves between only two narrow options.
And even being inside our own heads for so long, some of us are not even quite sure exactly where we might fall on the spectrum. We might look at a chart and wave a hand vaguely and say, “Here-ish.” lol
With that all said, I can tell you for me that I identify as a cis male – I feel ‘right’ in my maleness. However, what I feel are persistent societal pressures, I require time to escape the demands that I present this maleness, and so I escape that by being Melodee – and I revel in that time! So I personally would be farther towards the end of the spectrum that’s defined as CD.
xo M
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For me it is simple. I am a crossdresser, nothing more. I enjoy wearing pretty gals clothing, and do not want to become a woman.
I tell my wife (who worries that I crossdress), that I do not want to be a woman, but I do want to dress like one.
For me, crossdressing is an enjoyable diversion from the stress and strain of normal life.
Have fun all… Staci…
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- Registered On: September 29, 2022Topics: 9Replies: 220Has thanked: 1461 timesBeen thanked: 1402 times
Like so much in life, it’s complicated. I think labels are only useful insofar as they can help lead us to a better understanding of ourselves, and occasionally as a shorthand for others, but they’re otherwise useless. I identify as nonbinary, bigender specifically which means that I’m not “woman trapped in a man’s body” but two distinct genders that share this body. It’s only taken me 50 years to get that sorted! The reason it feels true is the complicated part, and I dress such that my outside matches my inside; sometimes fully and completely female, sometimes fully and completely male, and increasingly some genderbending of both. Does that make me trans? In the common definition that transgender simply means that you do not identify with the gender you were assigned at birth, then yes. But any claims I may make to being “trans” is strictly in solidarity with ALL transgender people. Out of enormous respect for those who have borne the social, physical, and economic risks of transitioning, I do not call myself trans. Nonbinary is firmly under the transgender umbrella, but I am not a transwoman nor a transman. In that respect, I suppose I’m not a crossdresser either, I simply wear the clothes that align with my nonbinary gender expression. I told you it was complicated! Add some gender dysphoria to the mix and I’m a flippin’ Rubik’s Cube of gender identity and expression! I’m ok with all of it.
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I feel I am suspended right in the middle.
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- Registered On: October 15, 2018Topics: 17Replies: 1180Has thanked: 909 timesBeen thanked: 4958 times
I too have to go with crossdresser. I have a lot of feminine qualities, but I don’t think they change when I change clothes. I have a friend who always call me by my feminine name even when dressed en homme. When I asked, she answered with a question. “Does your mom/wife/sister stop being who they are when they are no longer wearing makeup?” It’s the same with clothes with me. I may behave differently in public to be able to pass, but otherwise I’m still the same person no matter what I’m wearing.
When I’m out and about, put in the effort to make myself female, I want to be addressed and treated like a female. But when I’m home, my 2 adult children still adress me as Dad whether I’m fully presenting as female or I’ve just changed my pants for a skirt. I have gone out to where my daughter works (she works in retail) while en femme a couple of times to drop something off she forgot, and I’ve heard her on occasion tell her coworker “that’s my Dad,” and I’m OK with it.
During the lockdown of the pandemic, I realized I had a unique chance for an experiment. I was going to dress every day, as much as possible (some days it was 24/7, other days I had to appear as male but changed when I was able). I wanted to see if I would get tired of it, and prove to myself I wouldn’t want to transition. I enjoyed the time, andI didn’t tire of it. I didn’t feel I want to transition although I could get used to a social transition. But there are still many people whom I would rather not know about this side of me.
All this points to me being a crossdresser and not a transfemale.
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I have been thinking of this lately as well. I will daydream at times what it would be like to jump into the trans pool and go down that route and live that feminine life. And sometimes the thought is appealing. But then I consider what I have in my life now and what the costs would be and they are immense and far more than I would want to exchange for. So I retreat to the life of a crossdresser.
Perhaps if I weren’t married with children I would explore it further. In my daydreams I often think what I would have done between marriage number 1 and number 2 had the crossdressing bug been in my life. For reference the urge to crossdress was heavily present in my youth, I was able to suppress it during my first marriage and it didn’t resurface until year year 11 of my second marriage.
Its a lot to consider, and I think the costs of going the trans route are immense.
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I always consider myself a man, who likes wearing girly stuff.
I like my man bits. And like being married. And being a dad. I don’t want to get rid of my man bits. Nor stop being a husband. Nor do I want to be called mum.
Life gets confusing no doubt.
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- Registered On: August 15, 2020Topics: 49Replies: 915Has thanked: 3315 timesBeen thanked: 4684 times
I’ve never been sure about being trans or just a crossdresser. My wife and female boss both asked me if maybe I was trans. I don’t hate being male but in saying that I enjoy my femme clothes so much more then my boring male attire. I keep my body smooth 24/7 , I wear panties and a bralette daily( pantyhose and a cami in cooler weather), I keep my toenails painted or at least a clear coat on them and I wear a lot of women’s clothes while still presenting as a man. I love wearing perfume and light makeup as well. I find I’m wanting to dress more often or for that matter any other time I’m not at work. But at the end of the day do I want to be a woman full time? I don’t think I could/ would for my wife and sons sake.
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- Registered On: April 11, 2017Topics: 38Replies: 1160Has thanked: 5218 timesBeen thanked: 5320 times
Hi Parth
Yes it is so much more than the clothes for me too. Over the years I have become more confident and now if anybody wants to put a label on me I feel the transgender labels fits me perfectly.
Trans = across, beyond, on the other side of.
I truly feel more aligned to the female gender than the male. And the more I observe the differences I realise there really are huge differences in gender apart from the clothes. Attitudes, feelings, empathy, doing fun things, exploring the senses, relaxing, shopping, etc.
Truth be told freely expressing my feminine side feels a lot more natural, lifts my mood, is more fun, and has just made me a better, more rounded, outgoing person.B x
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