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  • #122547
    Gabriela Romani
    Founder
    Registered On: January 11, 2021
    Topics: 978
    Replies: 462
    Has thanked: 402 times
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    Over the years I have been able to live many different experiences, share many moments with other cd/tg friends, and you don’t do this without learning a bit here and there. So, I wanted to share some pieces of advice I think may be helpful for others.

    1. Most important advise about other people’s advise… You are the only one who knows all the facts about your own life. Don’t let other people tell you what you should do, or what you shouldn’t do. Make your own choices. Find your own comfort level. Be happy about who you are.
    2. Dressing up to stay home is a cool thing. You can wear whatever you please, makeup doesn’t need to be good, clothes do not need to match, etc. If it makes you happy, great!!
    3. Remember women come in all heights and weights, shapes, etc. Same with CDs. You can look good enough no matter if you are tall or heavy, etc.
    4. Be realistic. Going out trying to “pass” is not about looking like a beautiful woman. It is just about looking like a woman. I’d rather pass as a soccer mom than hearing something like “that’s a hot trans”.
    5. Gaby’s Main rule about going out. There is a big difference between being “read” and being “recognized”. Being read is not a big deal. But, if you are not ready to deal with the possibility of being recognized, then DO NOT go out.
    6. Gaby’s second rule about going out If you go out, do not go to any place you wouldn’t want your wife/mom/daughter to go to. Sure, you may not want her to go to a club, but if you go to a club, try to go in and out with a group of friends. Ask them to walk you to your car, etc. BE SAFE!
    7. If you plan is about going out… The best way to learn is by trial and error, I think. You need to find what works for you, and what doesn’t. Please, find your right size of clothes!!! The fact you can squeeze yourself in a dress size 8 doesn’t mean that you will look good in a size 8 dress. Don’t pay much attention to the size tag. Pay attention to how the clothes fit you.
    8. About makeup. You need to find the right light to check your makeup. What may look good under the fluorescent light may look like… well, not good under the sunlight.
    9. Find the right colors for you. Find the right styles for you. The dress you like so much in a catalog may look great on the model, but look terrible on you.
    10. Most anybody can do a “glamour” look. However, a glam look doesn’t work for going out to most places. Practice (a lot) on a more natural look.
    11. If you don’t feel like going out en femme, then, don’t. It is supposed to be something to enjoy.
    12. Cell phone.. Either turn off or set it to vibrate. You don’t want to have to answer the phone and having to use your guy’s voice while being in the middle of a crowd who thinks you are a female.
    13. Thrift stores are great when you are trying to find your right sizes. But sizes can be very different depending on the manufacturer. A pair of size 6 jeans may fit you great when you get them, say, at Old Navy, but be impossible to wear if you get them at Macy’s.
    14. Telling people about your dressing… even if you really trust in somebody, it may be a really juicy piece of gossip. Unless you don’t want everybody in your place of work to know, don’t tell anybody. Once the cat is out of the bag, there is no way to put it back in.
    15. Dressing for Halloween at the office… sounds like fun, but really… unless you do a terrible job in the way you look, move, sound, people will catch up, believe me. Specially if you do it more than once
    16. The sooner you tell your girlfriend/fiance/wife/SO, the easier it will be. Specially because as the time goes by, you may start meeting people, or going out, buying more stuff, and it will makes more difficult for her.
    17. Remember that tolerance/support/acceptance are not the same.
    18. Purses and shoes do not always have to match. The rule about no white shoes after Labor day or before Memorial day is outdated.
    19. Keep your accessories and jewelry under control. If you over-accessorize you will draw more attention than what you may be able to handle.
    20. People can get an online reputation. If you don’t want to get a bad reputation… then be careful on what you say, or to whom you say that to.
    21. One more about shopping… If you act like if you do not belong in the ladies department, or a boutique, etc. then people will react to you as if you really do not belong there. Relax!
    22. Just because it is “IN”, doesn’t mean you have to wear it. Some trendy stuff may be all wrong for you. (I know that totally first hand)
    23. At the nail salon, a restaurant, etc. give a good tip. (unless the service really doesn’t deserve it) It is a good way to set up things right for your next visit.
    24. Unless she is totally ok with it, DO NOT wear your girlfriend/SO/Wife’s stuff. None of it. Get your own!
    25. Make-up is not eternal. After a few months, even expensive stuff will need to be replaced. (Will go stale) Don’t plan to wear everything until it is gone.
    26. In many things (like shoes) go for quality, not quantity. Nothing wrong with ”Payless”, but have at least a couple pairs of leather shoes… especially if you plan to wear them for more than a couple hours.
    27. “Perfect hair” usually makes people think of “Wig”. Let your hair look more natural… Perfect hair would be great for a wedding or any other big event, but may not be totally right for grocery shopping.
    28. Do not, and I repeat, do not, use duct tape to create cleavage! (I tried it… once. Have a scar to prove it)
    29. If you want to wear a short skirt, be sure you know how to sit properly. Even better if you can cross your legs in a very ladylike fashion.
    30. Always carry your real ID with you. If flying, do not even try to use a fake id. Same as if stopped by police while driving.
    31. High heels are nice, we know that. But not for being standing all day long, specially if you are not used to it. So it may be a good idea to have a pair of flats in your purse or at least in your car in case you may be needing to change.
    32. Most stores will be ok with you shopping there as a woman, even if they read you. One thing you can do to avoid a potential problem… when selecting things to try on, ask the clerk “Where can I try this on?” If she reads you, she will then lead you to a more private dressing room, most likely.
    33. One more… by looking to the photo section in the forum, seems like many are making the same mistake I used to do and that many other females do to.. and that is wearing a shade of foundation that is too light for their skin tone. May not be too noticeable in the mirror but with the camera flash you can really see the difference between the face and the neck. It makes people look ghostly. It thinking of having a photo session using the camera flash, be aware of that.
    34. new item suggested by @d44 which is also one where many of us have failed. Unless you are a teenager wearing a bra with an “A” cup size, breasts will tend to hang low. As a rule of thumb, adjust the bra straps to full length or close to that. And if the straps are loose on your shoulders, it is likely you’d need to pull the bra lower on your chest instead of shortening the straps.

    Now that you got here… is there one thing you wish you had know before you had to learn by personal experience?

Viewing 35 reply threads
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    • #667301
      Susan Talbot
      Lady
      Registered On: June 28, 2022
      Topics: 1
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      Thank you Gabi for all this advice. I have said it before but I wish I had joined up here years ago the ladies are awesome and the advice is even better.

      Gracias

      Susan

    • #667287
      Kelly English
      Lady
      Registered On: July 10, 2022
      Topics: 13
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      Thank you Gabriela, some wonderful and wise advise!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #658992
      Sara Madison
      Lady
      Registered On: June 26, 2022
      Topics: 1
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      What an incredible list! A must read for everyone, thank you Gabriela.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #658454
      Katherine Boesemann
      Lady
      Registered On: October 6, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 49
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      Excellent advice.
      I had to learn (mostly) through trial-and-error.
      Learning to get the right sized clothing and select appropriate colours proved to be the big breakthrough that gave me the confidence to finally step out of the house and be seen by random members of the public.

      Thanks,
      Katherine

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #667286
        Gabriela Romani
        Managing Ambassador
        Registered On: January 11, 2021
        Topics: 978
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        Finding the right sizes and colors and styles can be really hard when you are just getting started. But sure is worth it!!

    • #653119
      Rachel Sometime
      Lady
      Registered On: February 23, 2018
      Topics: 0
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      This should be posted as STANDARD ADVICE TO ALL CROSS DRESSERS
      Thank you

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #658397
        Gabriela Romani
        Managing Ambassador
        Registered On: January 11, 2021
        Topics: 978
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        Thank you Rachel!!

    • #653101
      Nancy Gamms
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: March 1, 2017
      Topics: 14
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      This should be saved as an article or similar.  Lots of great advice in there.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #652946
      Jess Secret
      Lady
      Registered On: February 18, 2021
      Topics: 14
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      A great list of advice Gabriela!!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #652945
      DianaCD22
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 19, 2020
      Topics: 1
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      What a wonderful article Gabriela.

      When I was very early in my cross dressing life I found a professional who would do the transformation. She was a professional domme but I learned a lot from her and had my first outing too.

      I would say that if someone starts to have the desire to go out but doesn’t have the support of a SO or close friend who can help, finding a professional who serves the CD community can make that first time out a wonderful experience. Not only will they help with your outfit and makeup, the know of safe places to go.  Being is a friendly and fun place can make that first time out a memorable experience. And it will help build confidence for going out again.

      Kisses

      Diana

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #652256
      Jasmine
      Registered On: June 8, 2022
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      From my personal opinion and experience one thing i definitely learned don’t let stereotypes or stigmatism hold you back if you feel happy with what you’re doing then go with it because nobody else can make you happy you have to make yourself happy

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #651059
      Lea
      Lady
      Registered On: March 23, 2016
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      Great advice Gaby, that would save years of painfully learning. Mine…

      1) You have the right to crossdress. Everyone else has the right to their opinion, including SOs. The conflict is sometimes these 2 rights.

      2) Beware of the pink fog, it’s real, it can cause regret.

      3) Be confident. Everything else will come with that.

      4) Be upfront and honest about the CD thing at the beginning of a relationship or friendship. It’s better to know where things stand up front.

      • #652252
        Gabriela Romani
        Managing Ambassador
        Registered On: January 11, 2021
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        Your # 4 is incredibly important. Huge.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #650868
      Michelle Isgurly
      Lady
      Registered On: October 12, 2021
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      Wow, you covered it all, great tutorial thank you Gabriela

    • #650524
      Anonymous
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      I always find current ladies fashion to just not be very nice hehe,  I just stick to what I think I look and feel good in.  Nice tips

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #650498
      Marg Produe
      Lady
      Registered On: March 16, 2022
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      Peggy Sue is right.  This is a great concise source of information.  I’m glad it came to the surface again since I missed it the first time.  Thanks Gaby for gathering and posting this and thanks to everyone else that added to the mix.       Marg

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #650570
        Gabriela Romani
        Managing Ambassador
        Registered On: January 11, 2021
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        Thank you Marg!!

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #650403
      Peggy Sue Williams
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: June 26, 2019
      Topics: 22
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      An excellent review, even for those of us who have been around for a while.  We sometimes tend to forget the obvious, well I do anyway, speaking for myself.

      Also, good items for discussion at a support meeting.

      Thank you for sharing, Gaby!

       

       

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #650520
        Gabriela Romani
        Managing Ambassador
        Registered On: January 11, 2021
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        Thank you Peggy Sue! 🙂

        You go out quite a bit… so please share anything else you want!

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #650393
      Paula Malmborg
      Lady
      Registered On: October 22, 2015
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      What a great read for all here, great advice for all thanks Gaby

      Hugs Paula

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #650386
      Fiona Black
      Lady
      Registered On: November 23, 2019
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      Gabriella,

      One thing I have noticed is that some beginning CD’s wear their boobs too high. They get a bra, fill it with forms, balloons, padding…etc and put on a top or dress without adjusting the bra straps. Women’s boobs tend to droop over time. For example, I have my bra straps extended to their longest length which gives me the correct look to blend in while out en femme.

      • #650572
        Mika Slinky
        Lady
        Registered On: July 21, 2019
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        I’m certainly guilty of boobs too high. Especially with a push-up bra. I have to make a conscious decision now to remember to go lower.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #650469
        Gabriela Romani
        Managing Ambassador
        Registered On: January 11, 2021
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        You are absolutely right Fiona! Thank you for adding this one!

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #650366
      Araminta Purdy
      Duchess
      Registered On: January 23, 2020
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      “19. Keep your accessories and jewelry under control. If you over-accessorize you will draw more attention than what you may be able to handle.”

      Or, as Mme. Gabrielle was said to say, check yourself in a mirror before going out … and take something off.

      Araminta.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #650347
      Mary Jane
      Lady
      Registered On: September 30, 2020
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      Great advice.

      I’d add to makeup. Make sure you add foundation under the jawline and behind the ears.

      Otherwise it shows your wearing a mask.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #650694
        Lauren Mugnaia
        Duchess
        Registered On: November 1, 2021
        Topics: 10
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        Just an observation from my personal experience on a daily basis. My foundation is color matched to my skin tone, so I don’t need to have it below my jaw line or behind my ears, particularly when wearing shoulder length hair.

        hugs,
        Lauren M

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #650736
          Mary Jane
          Lady
          Registered On: September 30, 2020
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          Lauren if only I had 5 bucks for everytime someone said that.

          While its important to match skin tone, its incredibly hard to perfectly match it, and the skin changes (ever so slightly) its tone around the face. Especially as we age.

          Trust me. (If not me, makeup experts)If you dont blend your foundation under your jawline you will have a mask.

          1 user thanked author for this post.
          • #650745
            Lauren Mugnaia
            Duchess
            Registered On: November 1, 2021
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            Hi Mary Jane, thanks. I have several friends who are aestheticians, they’ve taught me most of the basics and a number of tricks, so now I am able do a quicker job of “getting my face on” every morning as I get ready for work. I know what you’re talking about because I’ve seen many ‘mask’ examples through the years on lots of women. I don’t use a lot of foundation, just a bit of beard shadow cover and a touch of concealer. I blend under and behind the jawline and also use a bit of toning under the chin area.

            Hugs,
            Lauren M

            1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #650324
      Trish White
      Baroness
      Registered On: December 2, 2021
      Topics: 3
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      Very well thought out and written Gabriela and spot on. What more can I say other than thanks for posting it, I’m sure it will help a lot of the girls out there.

      Love,

      Trish

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #650339
        Gabriela Romani
        Managing Ambassador
        Registered On: January 11, 2021
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        Thank you Trish! Been many years since I first wrote these bits of advice in a different forum. And then here they had got lost. I was lucky to be able to dig them out. Some items are outdated… but many are still relevant so, hopefully some will benefit from reading them.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #650318
      Michelle McQueen
      Lady
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
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      Thanks Gabriela for posting such a detailed informative message I’m sure all new CD’s should read over. Little common sense tips like this are so important to building confidence.

      Your post should be at the top of an FAQ page.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #650306
      Victoria Solita
      Lady
      Registered On: January 4, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      Thank you Gaby, great suggestions and advice. May I ask if you or anybody in CH knows of a CD Salon in Miami or even a little south of Miami? I know of places in St.Petersburg, I wonder if anybody knows of a closer place. Thank you so much!!!! Victoria

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      • #650313
        Gabriela Romani
        Managing Ambassador
        Registered On: January 11, 2021
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        Hi @victoriacd1958

        Please check “Glam and Go”. They are supposed to have an “All are welcome” policy in place specifically for transgender and non-gender conforming customers.

        Good luck!

        3 users thanked author for this post.
        • #650665
          Victoria Solita
          Lady
          Registered On: January 4, 2021
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          Thank you Gaby, never had a total make up and I’m soooooo excited to have my first one!!!!! I really think I’m going to melt when I see myself in the mirror once finished!!!! jijijijiji.

          1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #154031
      Anonymous
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      Good advice!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #154029
      Kaarina silberg
      Registered On: February 2, 2019
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      Thank you for great advice,it is very helpful

      Hugs

      Kaarina

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    • #154019
      Gabriela Romani
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 11, 2021
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      Stephanie, don’t get discouraged. We never know if a photograph or a story we post is going to be well received or commented upon.

      Many times has more to do with the relationships than the quality of the story, which doesn’t make a lot of sense but it is what it is…

      Also, sometimes what we post doesn’t leave a lot of room for comments. You got people to thank you for your posting which means they read it, so it didn’t really get ignored. So, I hope you will keep on contributing. I know I do regardless of having an audience or not. After all, We write because wa have something to say, right?

      Gaby 💜

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    • #153691
      Mona
      Duchess
      Registered On: December 18, 2018
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      Gabriela this is awesome – you definitely need to write that book!

    • #152922
      Barbara
      Lady
      Registered On: December 4, 2018
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      Wonderful article! I would add that even a woman has problems finding clothes that fit, finding their color, etc so don’t stop because of it. That is the reality of shopping for female things no matter what your gender is. Makeup also takes practice. There are tons of videos on YouTube, watch them and try then try again and again until you get it right!

      Oh how I love this site!

      XOXO

      Barbara

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      • #153505
        Gabriela Romani
        Managing Ambassador
        Registered On: January 11, 2021
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        Thank you Barbara! Actually, I have a couple articles posted with this same content.

        True, women also have problems not only finding the right clothes, but (like many here too) they can have problems having disposable income so they can go and buy really nice and flattering clothes so they have to wear just whatever they can afford. Now, having said that, they mostly have the “right shape” for the clothes, so that simplify things some.

        Gaby

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    • #152200
      Anonymous
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      WOW!

      I just found this. I am very new to crossdressing in general and I’ve only been on this sight for a couple of weeks. Thank you so much for writing this and everything else below it. I could learn ALOT from you. & I have already learned some things.

      Can we be friends?

      xxx
      Brandy

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #124860
      Kayla
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: February 8, 2018
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      Awesome advice

       

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #124865
        Gabriela Romani
        Managing Ambassador
        Registered On: January 11, 2021
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        Thank you Kayla. I hope some may find at least one thing useful for them

        Gaby

    • #122648
      Lanna Barton
      Lady
      Registered On: May 25, 2017
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      Great, great advice, thank you so much for sharing!!!!

      Lanna

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    • #122635
      Charmagne Stewart
      Lady
      Registered On: September 30, 2018
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      Thank you for everything, Miss Gabriela.  I have so much to learn.  <3

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    • #122619
      Anonymous
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      DAMN! Did I just go to school or what.Alot of excellent advice.I will keep up on you and your articles.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #122603
      cdheaven
      Registered On: September 18, 2015
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      Lot’s of words of wisdom – thanks for posting!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #122593
      Саманта
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
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      Great advice all , Gaby… some of them made me giggle cuz I found out the hard way too lol…thanks hon!!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #122575
      Anonymous
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      Great so much information, I also just purchased a book “Cross dressing with Dignity.” I’m totally new at this and never had a history of it.

      Thank you

      sincerely,

      Lisa 🙂

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #122570
      Michelle Liefde
      Ambassador
      Registered On: May 27, 2018
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      Thank you for the great advice, Gabriela! Very well done, and very helpful. hugs, Michelle

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #122562
      Dame Veronica Graunwolf
      Registered On: May 8, 2017
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      Gabriela…..girl….you have a best seller book here…..go for it.  I have read many CD how to books…..you have the reality down pat. Pulitzer for you sweetie!! Try to get Jasmine to publish it as a permanent site wide article. Let me know if your ok with that….I want to push the article forward.

      Dame Veronica.

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      • #122566
        Gabriela Romani
        Managing Ambassador
        Registered On: January 11, 2021
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        Has thanked: 402 times
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        Veronica, that would be wonderful! I’m kind of new to the site, so I have been trying to learn my way around. It would be so nice if these can help anybody who is trying to find their own way. 🙂

        Thanks!

        Gaby

        2 users thanked author for this post.
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