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    • #122547
      Anonymous

      Over the years I have been able to live many different experiences, share many moments with other cd/tg friends, and you don’t do this without learning a bit here and there. So, I wanted to share some pieces of advice I think may be helpful for others.

      1. Most important advise about other people’s advise… You are the only one who knows all the facts about your own life. Don’t let other people tell you what you should do, or what you shouldn’t do. Make your own choices. Find your own comfort level. Be happy about who you are.
      2. Dressing up to stay home is a cool thing. You can wear whatever you please, makeup doesn’t need to be good, clothes do not need to match, etc. If it makes you happy, great!!
      3. Remember women come in all heights and weights, shapes, etc. Same with CDs. You can look good enough no matter if you are tall or heavy, etc.
      4. Be realistic. Going out trying to “pass” is not about looking like a beautiful woman. It is just about looking like a woman. I’d rather pass as a soccer mom than hearing something like “that’s a hot trans”.
      5. Gaby’s Main rule about going out. There is a big difference between being “read” and being “recognized”. Being read is not a big deal. But, if you are not ready to deal with the possibility of being recognized, then DO NOT go out.
      6. Gaby’s second rule about going out If you go out, do not go to any place you wouldn’t want your wife/mom/daughter to go to. Sure, you may not want her to go to a club, but if you go to a club, try to go in and out with a group of friends. Ask them to walk you to your car, etc. BE SAFE!
      7. If you plan is about going out… The best way to learn is by trial and error, I think. You need to find what works for you, and what doesn’t. Please, find your right size of clothes!!! The fact you can squeeze yourself in a dress size 8 doesn’t mean that you will look good in a size 8 dress. Don’t pay much attention to the size tag. Pay attention to how the clothes fit you.
      8. About makeup. You need to find the right light to check your makeup. What may look good under the fluorescent light may look like… well, not good under the sunlight.
      9. Find the right colors for you. Find the right styles for you. The dress you like so much in a catalog may look great on the model, but look terrible on you.
      10. Most anybody can do a “glamour” look. However, a glam look doesn’t work for going out to most places. Practice (a lot) on a more natural look.
      11. If you don’t feel like going out en femme, then, don’t. It is supposed to be something to enjoy.
      12. Cell phone.. Either turn off or set it to vibrate. You don’t want to have to answer the phone and having to use your guy’s voice while being in the middle of a crowd who thinks you are a female.
      13. Thrift stores are great when you are trying to find your right sizes. But sizes can be very different depending on the manufacturer. A pair of size 6 jeans may fit you great when you get them, say, at Old Navy, but be impossible to wear if you get them at Macy’s.
      14. Telling people about your dressing… even if you really trust in somebody, it may be a really juicy piece of gossip. Unless you don’t want everybody in your place of work to know, don’t tell anybody. Once the cat is out of the bag, there is no way to put it back in.
      15. Dressing for Halloween at the office… sounds like fun, but really… unless you do a terrible job in the way you look, move, sound, people will catch up, believe me. Specially if you do it more than once
      16. The sooner you tell your girlfriend/fiance/wife/SO, the easier it will be. Specially because as the time goes by, you may start meeting people, or going out, buying more stuff, and it will makes more difficult for her.
      17. Remember that tolerance/support/acceptance are not the same.
      18. Purses and shoes do not always have to match. The rule about no white shoes after Labor day or before Memorial day is outdated.
      19. Keep your accessories and jewelry under control. If you over-accessorize you will draw more attention than what you may be able to handle.
      20. People can get an online reputation. If you don’t want to get a bad reputation… then be careful on what you say, or to whom you say that to.
      21. One more about shopping… If you act like if you do not belong in the ladies department, or a boutique, etc. then people will react to you as if you really do not belong there. Relax!
      22. Just because it is “IN”, doesn’t mean you have to wear it. Some trendy stuff may be all wrong for you. (I know that totally first hand)
      23. At the nail salon, a restaurant, etc. give a good tip. (unless the service really doesn’t deserve it) It is a good way to set up things right for your next visit.
      24. Unless she is totally ok with it, DO NOT wear your girlfriend/SO/Wife’s stuff. None of it. Get your own!
      25. Make-up is not eternal. After a few months, even expensive stuff will need to be replaced. (Will go stale) Don’t plan to wear everything until it is gone.
      26. In many things (like shoes) go for quality, not quantity. Nothing wrong with ”Payless”, but have at least a couple pairs of leather shoes… especially if you plan to wear them for more than a couple hours.
      27. “Perfect hair” usually makes people think of “Wig”. Let your hair look more natural… Perfect hair would be great for a wedding or any other big event, but may not be totally right for grocery shopping.
      28. Do not, and I repeat, do not, use duct tape to create cleavage! (I tried it… once. Have a scar to prove it)
      29. If you want to wear a short skirt, be sure you know how to sit properly. Even better if you can cross your legs in a very ladylike fashion.
      30. Always carry your real ID with you. If flying, do not even try to use a fake id. Same as if stopped by police while driving.
      31. High heels are nice, we know that. But not for being standing all day long, specially if you are not used to it. So it may be a good idea to have a pair of flats in your purse or at least in your car in case you may be needing to change.
      32. Most stores will be ok with you shopping there as a woman, even if they read you. One thing you can do to avoid a potential problem… when selecting things to try on, ask the clerk “Where can I try this on?” If she reads you, she will then lead you to a more private dressing room, most likely.
      33. One more… by looking to the photo section in the forum, seems like many are making the same mistake I used to do and that many other females do to.. and that is wearing a shade of foundation that is too light for their skin tone. May not be too noticeable in the mirror but with the camera flash you can really see the difference between the face and the neck. It makes people look ghostly. It thinking of having a photo session using the camera flash, be aware of that.
      34. new item suggested by @d44 which is also one where many of us have failed. Unless you are a teenager wearing a bra with an “A” cup size, breasts will tend to hang low. As a rule of thumb, adjust the bra straps to full length or close to that. And if the straps are loose on your shoulders, it is likely you’d need to pull the bra lower on your chest instead of shortening the straps.

      Now that you got here… is there one thing you wish you had know before you had to learn by personal experience?

    • #122562

      Gabriela…..girl….you have a best seller book here…..go for it.  I have read many CD how to books…..you have the reality down pat. Pulitzer for you sweetie!! Try to get Jasmine to publish it as a permanent site wide article. Let me know if your ok with that….I want to push the article forward.

      Dame Veronica.

      • #122566
        Anonymous

        Veronica, that would be wonderful! I’m kind of new to the site, so I have been trying to learn my way around. It would be so nice if these can help anybody who is trying to find their own way. 🙂

        Thanks!

        Gaby

    • #122570
      Michelle Liefde
      Ambassador

      Thank you for the great advice, Gabriela! Very well done, and very helpful. hugs, Michelle

    • #122575
      Anonymous

      Great so much information, I also just purchased a book “Cross dressing with Dignity.” I’m totally new at this and never had a history of it.

      Thank you

      sincerely,

      Lisa 🙂

    • #122603

      Lot’s of words of wisdom – thanks for posting!

    • #122619
      Anonymous

      DAMN! Did I just go to school or what.Alot of excellent advice.I will keep up on you and your articles.

    • #122635

      Thank you for everything, Miss Gabriela.  I have so much to learn.  <3

    • #122648

      Great, great advice, thank you so much for sharing!!!!

      Lanna

    • #124860
      Kayla
      Managing Ambassador

      Awesome advice

       

      • #124865
        Anonymous

        Thank you Kayla. I hope some may find at least one thing useful for them

        Gaby

    • #152200
      Anonymous

      WOW!

      I just found this. I am very new to crossdressing in general and I’ve only been on this sight for a couple of weeks. Thank you so much for writing this and everything else below it. I could learn ALOT from you. & I have already learned some things.

      Can we be friends?

      xxx
      Brandy

    • #152922
      Barbara
      Lady

      Wonderful article! I would add that even a woman has problems finding clothes that fit, finding their color, etc so don’t stop because of it. That is the reality of shopping for female things no matter what your gender is. Makeup also takes practice. There are tons of videos on YouTube, watch them and try then try again and again until you get it right!

      Oh how I love this site!

      XOXO

      Barbara

      • #153505
        Anonymous

        Thank you Barbara! Actually, I have a couple articles posted with this same content.

        True, women also have problems not only finding the right clothes, but (like many here too) they can have problems having disposable income so they can go and buy really nice and flattering clothes so they have to wear just whatever they can afford. Now, having said that, they mostly have the “right shape” for the clothes, so that simplify things some.

        Gaby

    • #153691
      Mona
      Duchess

      Gabriela this is awesome – you definitely need to write that book!

    • #154019
      Anonymous

      Stephanie, don’t get discouraged. We never know if a photograph or a story we post is going to be well received or commented upon.

      Many times has more to do with the relationships than the quality of the story, which doesn’t make a lot of sense but it is what it is…

      Also, sometimes what we post doesn’t leave a lot of room for comments. You got people to thank you for your posting which means they read it, so it didn’t really get ignored. So, I hope you will keep on contributing. I know I do regardless of having an audience or not. After all, We write because wa have something to say, right?

      Gaby 💜

    • #154029

      Thank you for great advice,it is very helpful

      Hugs

      Kaarina

    • #154031
      Anonymous

      Good advice!

    • #650306

      Thank you Gaby, great suggestions and advice. May I ask if you or anybody in CH knows of a CD Salon in Miami or even a little south of Miami? I know of places in St.Petersburg, I wonder if anybody knows of a closer place. Thank you so much!!!! Victoria

      • #650313
        Anonymous

        Hi @victoriacd1958

        Please check “Glam and Go”. They are supposed to have an “All are welcome” policy in place specifically for transgender and non-gender conforming customers.

        Good luck!

        • #650665

          Thank you Gaby, never had a total make up and I’m soooooo excited to have my first one!!!!! I really think I’m going to melt when I see myself in the mirror once finished!!!! jijijijiji.

    • #650318
      Anonymous
      Lady

      Thanks Gabriela for posting such a detailed informative message I’m sure all new CD’s should read over. Little common sense tips like this are so important to building confidence.

      Your post should be at the top of an FAQ page.

    • #650324
      Trish White
      Baroness

      Very well thought out and written Gabriela and spot on. What more can I say other than thanks for posting it, I’m sure it will help a lot of the girls out there.

      Love,

      Trish

      • #650339
        Anonymous

        Thank you Trish! Been many years since I first wrote these bits of advice in a different forum. And then here they had got lost. I was lucky to be able to dig them out. Some items are outdated… but many are still relevant so, hopefully some will benefit from reading them.

    • #650347
      Peta Mari
      Lady

      Great advice.

      I’d add to makeup. Make sure you add foundation under the jawline and behind the ears.

      Otherwise it shows your wearing a mask.

      • #650694

        Just an observation from my personal experience on a daily basis. My foundation is color matched to my skin tone, so I don’t need to have it below my jaw line or behind my ears, particularly when wearing shoulder length hair.

        hugs,
        Lauren M

        • #650736
          Peta Mari
          Lady

          Lauren if only I had 5 bucks for everytime someone said that.

          While its important to match skin tone, its incredibly hard to perfectly match it, and the skin changes (ever so slightly) its tone around the face. Especially as we age.

          Trust me. (If not me, makeup experts)If you dont blend your foundation under your jawline you will have a mask.

          • #650745

            Hi Mary Jane, thanks. I have several friends who are aestheticians, they’ve taught me most of the basics and a number of tricks, so now I am able do a quicker job of “getting my face on” every morning as I get ready for work. I know what you’re talking about because I’ve seen many ‘mask’ examples through the years on lots of women. I don’t use a lot of foundation, just a bit of beard shadow cover and a touch of concealer. I blend under and behind the jawline and also use a bit of toning under the chin area.

            Hugs,
            Lauren M

      • #736875
        Harriette
        Lady

        Yesterday, there was clear, bright sun outside and I waited behind two young women waiting to cross the street. I couldn’t see the face of one, but the other was gorgeous.

        Lots of makeup, though, so much so that it looked as if a paint roller applied it! The colour of it didn’t match uncovered areas, either. With the bright sun on the side of her face, it made me wonder if she understood how she looked. Aside from exaggerated theatre makeup, I had never seen anything quite like this before.

    • #650366

      “19. Keep your accessories and jewelry under control. If you over-accessorize you will draw more attention than what you may be able to handle.”

      Or, as Mme. Gabrielle was said to say, check yourself in a mirror before going out … and take something off.

      Araminta.

    • #650386
      Fiona Black
      Baroness - Annual

      Gabriella,

      One thing I have noticed is that some beginning CD’s wear their boobs too high. They get a bra, fill it with forms, balloons, padding…etc and put on a top or dress without adjusting the bra straps. Women’s boobs tend to droop over time. For example, I have my bra straps extended to their longest length which gives me the correct look to blend in while out en femme.

      • #650469
        Anonymous

        You are absolutely right Fiona! Thank you for adding this one!

      • #650572

        I’m certainly guilty of boobs too high. Especially with a push-up bra. I have to make a conscious decision now to remember to go lower.

    • #650393

      What a great read for all here, great advice for all thanks Gaby

      Hugs Paula

      • #650653
        Anonymous

        You are very welcome Paula!

    • #650403
      Peggy Sue Williams
      Duchess - Annual

      An excellent review, even for those of us who have been around for a while.  We sometimes tend to forget the obvious, well I do anyway, speaking for myself.

      Also, good items for discussion at a support meeting.

      Thank you for sharing, Gaby!

       

       

      • #650520
        Anonymous

        Thank you Peggy Sue! 🙂

        You go out quite a bit… so please share anything else you want!

    • #650498

      Peggy Sue is right.  This is a great concise source of information.  I’m glad it came to the surface again since I missed it the first time.  Thanks Gaby for gathering and posting this and thanks to everyone else that added to the mix.       Marg

      • #650570
        Anonymous

        Thank you Marg!!

    • #650524
      Anonymous

      I always find current ladies fashion to just not be very nice hehe,  I just stick to what I think I look and feel good in.  Nice tips

      • #734399
        Anonymous

        Most definitely.

        What is fasionable today may look terrible on us. That’s why it is very important to find our own style…
        Style always triumphs over fashion!!!

    • #650868

      Wow, you covered it all, great tutorial thank you Gabriela

    • #651059
      Lea
      Lady

      Great advice Gaby, that would save years of painfully learning. Mine…

      1) You have the right to crossdress. Everyone else has the right to their opinion, including SOs. The conflict is sometimes these 2 rights.

      2) Beware of the pink fog, it’s real, it can cause regret.

      3) Be confident. Everything else will come with that.

      4) Be upfront and honest about the CD thing at the beginning of a relationship or friendship. It’s better to know where things stand up front.

      • #652252
        Anonymous

        Your # 4 is incredibly important. Huge.

    • #652256
      Jasmine
      Lady

      From my personal opinion and experience one thing i definitely learned don’t let stereotypes or stigmatism hold you back if you feel happy with what you’re doing then go with it because nobody else can make you happy you have to make yourself happy

    • #652945
      DianaCD22
      Duchess

      What a wonderful article Gabriela.

      When I was very early in my cross dressing life I found a professional who would do the transformation. She was a professional domme but I learned a lot from her and had my first outing too.

      I would say that if someone starts to have the desire to go out but doesn’t have the support of a SO or close friend who can help, finding a professional who serves the CD community can make that first time out a wonderful experience. Not only will they help with your outfit and makeup, the know of safe places to go.  Being is a friendly and fun place can make that first time out a memorable experience. And it will help build confidence for going out again.

      Kisses

      Diana

    • #652946

      A great list of advice Gabriela!!

    • #653101

      This should be saved as an article or similar.  Lots of great advice in there.

    • #653119

      This should be posted as STANDARD ADVICE TO ALL CROSS DRESSERS
      Thank you

      • #658397
        Anonymous

        Thank you Rachel!!

    • #658454

      Excellent advice.
      I had to learn (mostly) through trial-and-error.
      Learning to get the right sized clothing and select appropriate colours proved to be the big breakthrough that gave me the confidence to finally step out of the house and be seen by random members of the public.

      Thanks,
      Katherine

      • #667286
        Anonymous

        Finding the right sizes and colors and styles can be really hard when you are just getting started. But sure is worth it!!

    • #658992

      What an incredible list! A must read for everyone, thank you Gabriela.

      • #685588
        Anonymous

        Thank you Sara!

    • #667287

      Thank you Gabriela, some wonderful and wise advise!

      • #685699
        Anonymous

        Thank you @kelly60 !

        Happy to share it! Most of the things may sound obvious, but they en up being things that many of us need to hear from time to time anyway! 🙂

    • #667301

      Thank you Gabi for all this advice. I have said it before but I wish I had joined up here years ago the ladies are awesome and the advice is even better.

      Gracias

      Susan

      • #685776
        Anonymous

        Thank you Susan. Haven’t seen you in a while, hope all is well!

    • #685819

      I love the article and great advice thank you very much

      • #685976
        Anonymous

        Thank you Sara!

    • #685824
      Roberta Broussard
      Duchess - Annual

      Thank you Gabby for all of the effort you put into this and sharing. CDH should find a way to send this to every new member as part of the welcome message. It really has so much that would help so many.

      I think it was so very kind and generous of you to do this.

       

      • #686587
        Anonymous

        Roberta,

        Thank you very much, you are too kind. Tribal knowledge to be shared because young women get all the advise from her older family members and their friends, and for the most part, we only have each other.

        Gaby

    • #685993

      thank you for the advice and much more learning on how to dress up and look like a female

    • #686033

      This is awesome advice. Thanks so much for sharing.

      • #697093
        Anonymous

        You are welcome Jessica!

    • #686614
      Elaine
      Duchess

      Gabi – thank you so much for these tips. BTW I admire how you present as a lady. Very classy.

       

      • #697092
        Anonymous

        Thank you Elaine!! 🌻

    • #686773

      Gabriela,
      One thing I also notice is that we all wear a watch. Some are bigger then a women’s watch. The area where I watch sits on your wrist is much lighter in skin tone then the rest of the arm. Also if you have a job where your arm(s) are in the sun a lot (driver, outside worker…) you will see a difference in skin tone from your shoulder to your elbow. Sometimes slight, and sometime heavy. If your wearing a sleeveless dress check your arms.
      I’ve seen these tone differences in many photos over the years. I first noticed it on my own many years ago since then I like to inform others so not to make the same mistakes.
      Overall great tips from Gabriela for all us ladies to remember.

      Lisa Leigh

      • #687589
        Anonymous

        Since I haven’t been wearing a watch for many years, personally I don’t have that problem. But yes, you are right. Many wear watches which are still rather masculine.
        Takes a long time to get better at picking and editing our accessories. Another example, large pearls accessories are not what most women would wear to run errands. They are pretty and well, everybody has their own style.
        Thanks for your reply!

      • #697474
        Anonymous
        Lady

        Hi Lisa. Thanks for the tip most don’t think about.

        Yes, and the dreaded “farmers” tan line on the upper arms…. uggh! Also if you wear a womens V or scoop neckline the upper chest might be tanned much lighter or even white… again… uggh!

    • #697427
      Anonymous

      Thank you so much for sharing this advice Gabriela.

      As someone just coming to terms with being more open about my cross dressing, this is invaluable advice.

      Very much appreciated.

      Gemma.

      • #697961
        Anonymous

        You are very welcome!

        most is tribal knowledge I got to learn from friends, from females and some from personal experience.
        I really hope they can help others stay safe, or save them from some situations which are totally avoidable.

         

    • #697431
      Davina
      Lady

      Thank you for all of your advice. Much appreciated. I guess the one thing I would have like to have known, but learned myself, is that for the most part people will accept you in the public so long as you are reasonably dressed. The majority of people I have found out don’t even take the time to look or notice. Obviously there are exceptions and yes we have to be careful where and when we go out. But I have found that walking through a mall for example,  is not that difficult. However, I still worry that someone I know might see or recognize me!

      • #698098
        Anonymous

        Thank you Davina. It is a huge and relevant thing. But like I keep on repeating and hope others will “get it”…

        we can dress our best, present with flawless makeup, hair, accessories, mannerisms. But even with all in place, we CANNOT control if others are seeing us as a woman (ideal!) or if they can tell we are not cis-females.
        However, the best thing is that depending on those we interact with, we may be accepted!! As a transgendered individual, as a CD, and ultimately as a human being who is going about her day.
        Some will accept you because they are nice people. But sume will only tolerate you because they have to. We can’t win them all.

    • #736774
      Harriette
      Lady

      This is another post that should be added to a collection for an all / new members welcome package.

      • #736792

        This is such a great post. Covers many, many good points that we should all consider.

    • #737138

      Excellent post! I agree with everything.

      One of my rules in addition: Listen to your intuition. It can be more useful than you think! If you feel worried about something – don’t do it. For example if you can’t go out for some reason – don’t go, maybe your intuition telling you that your too conservative neighbor is somewhere around. If you feeling that is something wrong with that bar or that street – don’t go there, thrust your intuition.

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