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Can you be a crossdresser but still a heterosexual? I have been married many years to the same woman and a life long heterosexual yet over the last couple of years crossdressing has become very appealing to me. I like how woman’s clothes make me feel sexy and sensual. My wife has me clean the house in bra and panties.I discovered bedroom intimacy with my wife feels more sensual and erotic when I wear lingerie. I do not find men attractive but I find very arousing pictures of crossdressers. I do not feel like a woman. Perhap I might find another crossdresser where there is some chemistry between us with me as a crossdresser or as a man.
Yes, it is possible to be a crossdresser and heterosexual. I am only attracted to women and have been happily married to my wife for 10 years. Crossdressjng for me has never been about sexual attraction and or a sexual experience. Regardless of how I am dressed, I perceive myself as a man, and have no desire to be a woman.
Remember that though our journeys have similar threads, they are each different.
Mackenzie Alexandra
Joanne,
I am in a similar boat as you are. While I have been crossdressing for years I have no desire to be a woman. When I told my wife about my desire to cross dress her only concern was that I wouldn’t find her attractive or that it would tear us apart. Once I explained that I don’t want to be a woman and that I want to remain a man who simply enjoys cross dressing, she has totally embraced it. We have brought it into the bedroom and it is very satisfying. We still enjoy time together in traditional male / female roles. I still dress on my own but I have given her the option for us both to be pretty. Letting her have some control over our time together with me as en femme has allowed her to ease into things and each time it gets better and I can go further.
I struggled with the idea of cross dressing for years but after spending some time here I have realized very clearly that everyone has their own preferences. We are all unique individuals and we all have different needs and wants. I have become far more confident en femme and the shame I used to feel is gone. Recognizing that I could be a heterosexual man who likes to cross dress has changed my outlook on life in a dramatic way.
Bottom line is, embrace who you are and count yourself extremely lucky that your wife embraces it. So many on here have to keep it a secret from their SO.
Hi Becca, thanks for your thoughful reply. When you dress is it completely as a woman, with make-up, wig etc. I have yet to discuss that with my wife. Do you every go out in public dress or have an interest in doing so. I find the thought of being out with my wife dressed as a woman could be fun,but i would have alot of work to look passable. Best of luck to you. Glad to hear I am not alone.
Becca, that was a beautiful reply to Joanne Jones. Back when my SO was alive, she at times wanted me to dress up, in her clothes. However, at that time in our life, even though I secretly wanted to do so, I was to busy being a man, in a man’s world. Two tours in Nam, 35 years as a P. I., I had to keep the image up.
Veronica Raines
Being a crossdresser doesn’t mean that you are anything or anyone else. You are still the same person but with a special passion. Many here love the chance to be the other person and to follow all the feelings, the manurisions ,and actions pertaining to femininity. I have read that 1 in 10 crossdress and 8 of those in 10 are heterosexual so your in good company. I look at myself as they say as genderfliud . I love my male persona but there are times I like being feminine and to experience that what a women would feel and think being Thoughts of being with men have been in thought when dressed up but only in fantasy. But in real life I’m only attracted to women and likely always will. But as life moves along so could your thoughts and feelings towards changes , one never knows. Much of us are no where passable while others are amazing, and yes I do find quite attractive. In life who knows. I have a strong relationship with my wife who I hold very dear to my heart. Totally loyal to her and only her. But if circumstances changed and I do lose her for a variety of reasons then changes could happen and thoughts may circle my mined and my journey could take a different path. Until then I am hetero, I love women and enjoy the world of crossdressing. 🌹
Hi Stephanie, very thoughtful and experienced reply. I did not realize so many CD’s might be hetrosexual. I am excited about this journey I am on and with my wife’s blessing will continue. I was looking online at some clothing designed for crossdresser with so many differenct colors, designs, fabric etc as which would be best for me but this is something my wife has been doing her whole life. I am having fun with this. Good luck on your journey.
I’ve been cross dressing in varying degrees pretty much my whole life. I’m married and straight. It’s been suggested to me by others that I like to dress like girls I would like to be intimate with. They think I’m a fetish cross dresser. I think they are probably right.
Hi Patty, thanks for your perspective. I have only been crossdressing a short time,sitting her in bra and panties as I type this. I certainly think my feeling are a least a fetish as I feel like a man and not at all like a woman. It is strange to me that I find pictures of CD’s so arousing, perhaps its just something novelty but I am anxious to give it a try.
Regards
JoannePS Nice looking legs
Thanks Joanne,
My dressing began with wearing pantyhose when I was 4. As years went by, I began wearing more things more often until through numerous events I began dressing at home everyday and a lot in college, mostly for parties. I think back then, while it was a lot of fun it was very erotic and sexually driven.
After college and not dressing for 22 years I began again. I discovered Femme Fever on Long Island and began going to some of the events. it was fun and a rush to not just be dressing again, but dressing with others.
Yes it is thrilling but not sexual and erotic like it used to be. Now I just love wearing the clothes and how I look and feel. I love showing my legs in my nice shiny pantyhose with my sometimes too short dress and too high heels. It definitely is the way I liked girls I was attracted to to dress, hence the fetish.
I think the reason why we find beautiful CD’s arousing is we are men and visually driven. When we see a beautiful girl dressed the way we like, we naturally look and desire her. When we see that beautiful CD, we are thinking, sexy girl we want and desire. That’s our visual stimulation. But we know it’s a guy dressed as a girl. We are straight. How can this be? It doesn’t make sense. But it does. We are seeing a girl. That’s the emotional part. That’s the way we have been most of our lives. But this is a guy dressed as a beautiful girl. It’s only clothes. I’m not attracted to men at all. That’s the rational side. It’s confusing and a conflict. I want something I don’t want.
When I was in college I dressed very sexy and slutty for parties. My pantyhose was always nice and shiny. My dresses were always too short. My heels were always too high. My breasts often too large and my hair usually too wild and free and my makeup overdone. That was my look and worked hard to get it. It was me being my fantasy whore. The fetish. But I was really just a guy presenting a feminine illusion, just like those other sexy CD’s you see here and elsewhere.
When I would walk around I could see guys eyes following me. If I got close enough to them where they could see the mesh of my pantyhose, they had that red faced longing look on their face and squirmed uncomfortably. I knew they wanted me. I would say something to them. “I’m sorry I came over here to say hello to (someone) or get a drink or food (whatever it was) and I walked right in front of you”. They had that “I want you so bad I could die” look on their face. I knew it well. I had been where they are countless times when dealing with a sexy girl. No one ever told me to get lost or called me anything nasty or derogatory. They were always courteous and often complimented me on my costume and how I managed to look so good. They knew I was a guy but I looked like their want and desire. They were confused and conflicted. Their eyes told them one thing. Their rational side something else.
I don’t think you are unusual at all Joanne. Just maybe a bit new and trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense. Just enjoy yourself in what ever way that might be. Grow some. Expand your dressing. Maybe find some local CD/TG meet up group and join them. Chat and post here on CDH and other sites. Learn and have fun.
Thanks for responding
Patty
PS – Thanks for the legs compliment. That is a glamor shot. It proves conclusively, if you take enough pics of something you will get one that looks good eventually. Appreciate it though.
Hi Patty, very intersting perspective. Sounds like you have had alot of fun as a CD. To me as well I see a CD as a girl not a man. I also seem to think CD maybe more sexually adventurous and I hope to find that out. I have showed my wife some of the clothes I would like to buy. I like short mid thigh frilly or tight skirts. I would also like to wear pantyhose with and open butt under a dress, just the thought of walking around in public like that gets me excited. I don’t how far my wife is going to let me take this, I have not done make-up, wigs etc but she does want to take me for a complete brazilian. I think with some work I could be passable. My wife knows the sexual power woman have over me, but she does not use it against me. Thanks for the encouragement. I am interested to find out where this leds and what kind of feminine style I might develop.
Kisses Joanne
Very well written and said. I feel exactly the same as you do. I don’t go out as often as you do, but when I do I relish the way I’m looked at, and the way it makes me feel. As you, I am straight, but inside I wish I was born a girl. The beauty that I see when I see a girl dressed, is the way I feel. It makes me forget that I’m a man for a while.
I feel like a post-adolescent 17-18 year old myself. Its a real turn on for me and i feel so sexy. It would be great if i could look half as good as i feel.
My wife loved dressing me. I’m straight and non-passable.
Hi Joanne,
Think of yourself as a Sexual Being and not having to fit in any square box such as Heterosexual. Bisexual, Homosexual, or any thing else for that matter. You say you find Cross dressers attractive . So do I.
I have been with my wife along time. But as Stephanie said if something was to happen that it was no longer the case. It would bee interesting to se what my next relation ship would look like. The fact that you find a CD attractive just means That you have a good eye for beauty where ever you see it.
Amanda
Howdy Joanne! Welcome to CDH. Feel free to explore our site and chat with the girls. We are all willing to assist you to become a part-time girl. It is not as easy as it might seem. Sizing for lingerie and outwear, shoe sizing and make up, female mannerisms and what not is difficult. We can refer you to web-sites that are cross dresser friendly and helpful, while maintaining you privacy. Word of advice here. Like it or not…females (real) are very curious……keep your cell phone and lap top out of their reach and preferably locked. This will save your info from your wife and save future problems….unless she is already OK with it.
Being a part-time female and male the rest of the time…..is OK and perfectly normal.
Lady Veronica
Hi Lady Veronica, thanks for the welcoming and offer of further advice. My wife know of my CD interest and we will have to see how far she let’s this go. I have started to make contact with other CD on this site you live in the Central Ohio area. If you have suggetions as to other sites for meeting CD or clothing,wigs etc please let know.
Hugs
Joanne
Not only is it possible, the vast majority of us are heterosexual. (Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay or bi).
I’ve been dressing for 45 years now. As a teen I thought if I liked to dress like a girl, I must be gay. So I convinced a gay friend of mine to fool around with me. I found out rather quickly that I wasn’t gay. I then did some research and learned that nearly 90% of cross dressers are straight, and most are married. So, enjoy exploring your female side and be thankful you have an understanding and suportive wife. I didn’t.
Hi Elise, thanks for the reply, It is surprising to me so many CD are straight. It does puzzle me as to my attraction of CD knowing they are men. I came across some physcology on this matter and men who desire women at some point their desire move from not only wanting the woman but becoming the woman. Seeking the desire to feel and experience things as a woman. Womans clothes make me feel good, nice material, pretty, sexy etc. At the moment my CD is wearing lingerie with my wife along with some bedroom play. I don’t know how far she will let this go. I am interested to see how I might look with make-up, wig etc. Good luck. Nice picture, your a pretty girl
Joanne
Hey there Joanne,
i had the same question before recently joining this site. I have never been attracted to men at all, nor do I have the desire to actually be a woman, but I really enjoy looking like one sometimes.
Thats amazing that your wife accepts it and that you get to dress around her! I have been fantasizing about that Wife my wife since we met.
You seem like a great person and you are very lucky! You are also definitely not alone in being a straight male on this site.
Thanks for sharing your story! <3
Hi Abby, thanks for the reply. I am amazed at the replys being hetro in a CD is not uncommon. My wife and I have been together many year and can be open to each other. It for the most part is just lingerie. It just started awhile back while in bed she had a very soft silky pair of panties which felt amazing when I rubbed against her butt so I pulled the panties down enough so I could place my man tool inside of the panties and it really turned her on. The rest just evolved from there. More recently she was throwing away some clothes and I just started to put them on, tops, dresses etc and it felt great, very sexy, she laughed but I kept some of those clothes for myself. We will see how far she lets me go. Good luck.
Patty,
i just enjoy the experience of getting dressed up and liking how I look. I like the feeling of hair brushing my cheeks, the click of my heels when I walk and the weight of my breasts. I get changed and do household tasks as my girl self. I’ve been married for years and do not wish to become fully female, and my wife is tolerant of my dressing. We all have different reasons why we dress. You are entitled to yours, girlfriend!
Leah
Hi Leah thank you for your reply. With more discusssion with my wife I am looking forward to developing my feminine look, make-up, wig etc. If I become passable then I am hopeful to go our with her as girlfriends. It would be a trip for me and maybe her too. Just trying to be who I am.
Good luck
Hugs
Joanne
Yes I feel most CD are hetro sexual and are generally married. I am at least, I have no interest in men at all but like you I may find a TV attractive. Not sure I would ever act upon it but I think because they give the illusion of a female but some boy parts as well, plus they take better care down below than most men
This is a fantastic thread, and I thank everyone who has shared because I have really enjoyed reading what you have to say. Thanks to the OP, Joanne.
For me, I do consider myself hetero, but some would say that is debatable, lol. To the ‘public’ and my wife, I have always been the ‘typical’ man. But I have dressed in private for many years. As all of you do, I just love the way it feels to make myself as feminine as I am able. However, many many years ago I also had to admit to myself that I may find a crossdresser or trans-person just as sexually attractive to me as I would any given woman. What I am saying is that certain women turn me on, as do certain transsexuals or cd’s. At first I was confused as what that meant for me, but eventually I just accepted it and let me be me. I do not mind commenting to anyone if I see someone I find attractive, I just state it as fact and no one seems to care. But I totally understand how a man can be a crossdresser and remain a complete heterosexual. ~Chari
I also think most cd’s are not gay but believe when we are dressed up rather sexy we want men to fancy us and treat us as ladies but apart from some flirting that is as far as it goes really
Wow
great comments from all
I am hetero married for 25 years 50plus yo
i m totally attracted to women but get totalky charged in femme mode
i used to think I had to pass now I just wear what I want at home and femme clothes in public that arent dresses
i underdress all the time , i love my nail polish on my toes
I am attracted to some CD cause I see a woman
Hi Stef, I to wear woman’s clothes most of the time but they are slightly gender neutral so I don’t get any funny looks. I was even complimented by a lady I met who said my size 12 coat was stylish without realizing it was a ladies coat.
Yes i ve had that happen
i was wearing all femme clothes
baby boot stretch jeans
gap womens turtle neck
panties and bra
cowboy boots
an atteactive mud 30s blond complimented me on my outfit
she said I really like a man who knows how to dress you really look good
I don’t know what the lady would think if she saw my sexy underwear beneath my clothes, incidently I was wearing a ladies fleece and stretch jeans as well.
Yes I have no desire to be with any kind of man. I do enjoy wearing womans clothing. It makes me comfortable and at the end of the day they are clothes. Woman or mens dosent matter wear what makes u happy
I could write a book on this subject———of course CD’rs remain hetero ( 75% of the time–it’s a very large group with many different ‘wish’s’—-I’ve been to thailand many times and those ‘gurls’ are totally beautiful, as are many here in the states……..and I’ve never desired a relationship with one of them, nor could I ever see me, in glamour mode, seeking to tease a male…as I don’t venture out…it’s ALL within our home. And my wife allows me to be as womanly as I can be….and it keeps getting pushed further every year………..I’m very lucky because she sees me behind the make-up, the sheerest of stocking and the sluttiest of lingerie…………..and never asks to ‘take it down a notch’–never–we can even do our make up together and she’ll style the wig to be worn………..it’s a great experience and I’m all into it……………but I have never had bi, gay, or outside of marriage desires or dreams………all I dream about, is how can I get to the next level……..Whenever I see a beautiful woman in public, I’m NOT thinking about coming on to her, but I wonder what the hell has she underneath that skirt, a thong, bikini panty, etc…..or………..something like—I need to do what she does with her blush, or lip liner, I’m a student of the female form, and it’s totally OK with my SO………
“Can you be a crossdresser but still a heterosexual?” I can only speak for myself: yes. I have never known an actual crossdresser personally, but from the comments so far in this topic, and from reading many of the other Forum topics, it looks like most of us crossdressers here at CDH seem to be hetero.
Now, I’m “getting up in age” and I find that I rarely have any attraction to younger women. I tend to greatly admire women more my age, and when I’m out and about (in drab) and I see one that tickles my fancy, I’m surprised that I find myself wondering, “Gee, I wonder how SHE would feel about having a crossdresser for a husband?” and “Would she be so supportive that she would enjoy going out together as two girls?” and “How would she feel about her CD hubby sleeping en femme?”
Then I snap out of it, say “dream on,” and go home to my closet and dress for the evening.
Like so many things there is a large spectrum of tastes and feelings.
I am heterosexual, love my wife of many, many years and looking at women. There is no desire to be with a man. I just love the feel of being en femme. Luckily my wife is becoming a lot more accepting of my dressing, but I would never go outside.
Davina
+1
I am so strongly attracted to women only that I think I might be a lesbian…
Love Laura
Yes of course.
I started that way, but have since become very bi-curious. That is me, my experience however and may not be yours!
Have fun dressing!
Rebekka!
This is my 7th month of MTF Crossdressing. I don’t have the childhood or teen history that I’ve read here at CDH. I’m a late bloomer Closet Gurl. Since I put on those first Stiletto Ankle Boots… I have either actually crossed everything previous line or entertained the idea. I find once I’m Dressed I am a FLIRT and if I wasn’t a Closet Gurl I probably take it further then just a TEASE. But for now; my mirrors are my only companions and occasionally we share. Bi has high probability when dressing. Not even a thought while in man- mode. Like the rest of my MTF I can’t explain it nor do I understand it. But I do.. ENJOY IT💋
Hi this is Joanne Jones who started this thread and wanted to give an update.
Over the last two year my feminine feelings have continued to progress and I now have a desire to be with a man. I feel having a man desire me will affirm my feminine appeal. I have no desire of being with a man as a man. I have been with other CD’s and in my mind I view this a lesbian sex. If I am dressed as woman and with a man I see this as hetro sex. How my mind reconcile this is a mystery to me. Perhaps its not about the body part but more the role of how the mind and heart feel.
I love my wife, I have no desire to a mtf transition, we have wonderful sex. She does allow me to explore this aspect of my sexuality. She will not go out with me as a woman.
Thank you all who responded to this message.
I have been dressing since I was 5 yrs old and have never had any interest in men whether dressed up or in men’s clothes. I do not think that will ever change. Foe me dressing has always been a sexual thing, and even more enjoyable to share with a GG. I think that there is just a small percentage of Cd’s that are gay or bi (less than 20%) . At the end of the day, whatever you want or fills your cup is what you should do.
Hi Joanne. The short answer is “Yes, it is possible”. Personally, I am not, never have been, sexually attracted to men. I have been crossdressing since I was 12, almost 50 years. I am sure someone will have a bunch of statistics which will confirm that you are amongst a large number of similarly heterosexual men who are more than comfortable to dress an femme. Please accept a virtual hug. Sian x
Joanne,
You are far from alone about this. I’m absolutely hetero, and happily married to the same woman for 50-plus years. But since the Pink Fog overtook me about 3 years ago, I’m a committed cross dresser who prefers to stay dressed as much as possible. I enjoy looking at pretty ladies, including CDs, but is is just admiration, and nothing sexual.
I can’t explain why I am this way, but I am at peace with it, and intent on making the most of it.
Hugs,
BettylouHey Joanne, thanks for the great question and I am glad you are making progress on it with your partner.
I feel it is important to begin with a bit of a disclaimer, most of the terms used are labels used by society to identify something viewed as “deviant” or “wrong.” Gender is an arbitrary concept, but that does not mean it is not relevant in a culture build around it. Both gender and sexuality are spectrums, and few are perfectly at one end or exactly in the middle. I want you to remember that there is nothing wrong or shameful about the way you feel with your partner, or towards dresses as opposed to pants.
I do not know if everyone here has the same experience I did, but I feel it might give some useful context in your own life. I have been fascinated by femininity since I was a child. It was exclusive and I have always been curious about how dresses felt and the other aspects forbidden to me by society. I have always been attracted to women, and I have always been attracted to their clothing as well. As a child I dreamed of waking up as a women just to wear the nice clothes. But what we are does not fit easily into our cultures’ prepackaged notions of life, gender, and sexuality. I am a straight man who likes to wear dresses, does that make me a lesbian? Trans? Or am I gay? Obviously I am none but it took me a while to understand that. I broke up with my first long term girlfriend, who had rejected my crossdressing, for a number of reasons. After that I did not have much success at dating. This was mostly due to school because I was up all night studying or drinking. In time I began to doubt myself. I assumed my lack of success in the women department was not due to my drinking or unhealthy schedule but due to a subconscious choice. I assumed I must be gay or trans.
Obviously that’s a bit of a leap, but to a young person who is finding themselves and have yet to learn what the world is it seemed reasonable. I partially blame porn for this, there’s no hetero crossdresser category. All CD porn is gay (male and male) porn and it is not a healthy way to learn about yourself. Needless to say this all ended up in some unhealthy behaviours. I wound up using craigslist to try and find partners and quickly learned women do not use craigslist, and I would have to answer gay adds. Having performed sex acts on men and women I can honestly say I prefer women. To this day though though most of my sexual experience wearing dresses involves men and I worry constantly that if my partner found out she would leave me. I assume if I had had more hetero sex in a dress my fantasies would be that, rather than replaying my sordid craigslist past. I am not sure why, but on those occasions when men rejected my clothing choice and it hurt less than when a woman did. Perhaps it was the anonymity, the lack of connection, $60, or because I secretly expected it. What I can say honestly though is that I do not feel about men what I feel about women and I have the experience to prove it.
While my partner knows about my past to some extent, I do not think she truly understands what happened. She has labelled me as “bisexual” which may technically be true, but is not what I identify as and I find hurtful. She cannot understand how I am sure of what I like, and what it took to get to my level of acceptance of myself. When I was younger any female contact would get my sex drive started but now that I am older I fined the tidal wave of testosterone has receded. Wearing my dresses now is less sexual and more pleasant. I believe I understand how you feel about other CD’s, maybe it reminds you of your own sexual past, or maybe you see them as women. It may be the case that dressed as a women you feel your outfit is incompetent with some male eye candy. No matter what as long as you are happy and safe it is alright, and I am glad your partner is so accepting.
Best of Luck,
Bestdressed
Surely you have heard this before: Sexuality and gender identity are different. One need not assume that because you like to wear women’s clothing, that somehow implies that you might be gay or bi. The fact is that most cross dressers are straight. As a transgender …non-binary but leaning towards transwoman… I remain attracted to women. I just do not have wiring necessary to find male anatomy or male psyche attractive. Other transwomen and non-binary transgender people are wired differently. As the saying goes YMMV.
I do it. I am not interested in men. I like the feel of being a girl and dressing as such I find it very exciting to be with my girlfriend while dressed as just another one of the girls.
I have replied to something like this before. In my case I love woman and indeed married one, however when dressed as an attractive lady I would like the attention of guys in a romantic sort of way. I do not like seeing men kissing but approve if one is dressed as a lady. Weird or what,isn’t life odd ?
I too am straight ( but love being a crossdresser). Check out on You Tube. Anita Lasenza “Amazing Crossdressers”! Wow, some are unbelieveable pretty (sure they arent GG?) I mean you’d want to kiss some of them, but as another writer wrote once the clothes came off, Id run a mile!!
Hi Joanne, it took some reading to cover your initial post, all the responses, and then your updated post. I just want to say that as much as anyone can understand what it is with us, I do have some understanding of your update of last week. I perceive myself as heterosexual, and in male mode, I have only any sexual preference for females as potential partners, and being married (happily), only for my spouse. Dressed en femme, there would never be any remote chance of me ever wanting to be intimate with a male…as I am. But, if there were a moment where I would be at least a physically appearing female (ignoring the XX/XY chromosome issue) with appropriate genitalia, I would ONLY want to be with a male and not a female. That to me, makes me heterosexual. So yes, I crossdress and I’m heterosexual, but not in the way you initially described it, but maybe closer to your updated thoughts.
It’s a complicated life that each of us leads if we were actually ‘normal’ (whatever that is) and having this inner desire and how we understand it, come to grips with it, live with and even express it at times, makes our lives even more complicated, sometimes almost more than we can handle. Being as I am, I have learned one important concept, and that is, I cannot even dream of looking at someone else and only seeing them partake of some physical activity that is not causing harm to themselves nor to others and find some reason to think less of them. Like two men kissing, or having unusual predilections (furries come to mind). I do have problems with those who do find fault with others (like me, now finding fault, I suppose) and express it publicly with aim to harass (physically or emotionally) or cause others to join them in that harassment. I feel sorry for them. I don’t necessarily love everyone (like some religions encourage), but I certainly don’t hate people different than me. I think most of us want to be accepted for who we are. I tend to accept others at face value, and you would have to do something like intentionally hurting yourself or me or others (one way or another) to make me think less of you. So, if you’re not intentionally hurting yourself, or others, you have – or should have – the freedom to live as you choose. And if you can find someone to share that life with, so much the better. But, that’s just my feelings, as someone else here said – YMMV.
Nothing new on this post, just adding myself to the long list of straight CDs who have already responded.
I like women. I married one. The thought of another man touching me in an intimate manner – brrrrr – no. I have absolutely no problem with gay guys, I just don’t want to be one.
I enjoy looking like a woman, but I know that under all the lovely clothes and makeup I’m still a hetero man.
Connie
xxx
Hi Joanne there is a high percentage of crossdresser’s who are straight, there are some who are bi and some are gay,
It’s not a set thing that you have to be bi or gay, life is very complicated and there is no right or wrong, you do what’s right for you, You seem to have the perfect setup your wife has accepted your a crossdresser , so just carry on and live your life how you want to X
Hugs 🤗 Roz X
Can you be a cross dresser and heterosexual?……Absolutely !
Also, I think it’s important to point out the distinction between cross dressing and presenting as a woman.
Personally , I have never had the desire to wear a wig and makeup etc and present myself as female, but choose to wear female clothing because that’s how I feel comfortable , both physically and mentally.
I am a straight crossdresser and have no interest in men. When I’m all dressed up and feeling very feminine I don’t have a problem with men lusting over me but as the saying goes “You can look but you can’t touch”
I’ve been crossdressing since early childhood and I’ve always been very jealous of the attention girls got over us boys.
My dilemma is, when I’m dressed and feeling feminine I feel worthy of attention but the only attention I’m going to attract is from men.
I’m not transexual but I do have fantasies of being a male lesbian, if that makes any sense
I’m happily married to a wonderful woman who has no problem with me being in bed with her and having sex while wearing lingerie. She doesn’t know it but I fantasize about us being two girls having sex together.
You sound like me. I dressed for years with my wife’s approval but only in the house. I did go out wearing women’s jeans and no one noticed. I recently got back to dressing and realized how good it makes me feel. I never really wanted another man but, like you, enjoyed intimacy very much with my wife. I know I will never pass but I still like to dress. We have been together 49 years and married almost 48 years. I hope you enjoy your dressing and wish you happiness in life.
It’s a very fair question. Gender and sexuality are both spectrums in themselves, and can then also interact with each other and intersect in points. My journey has helped me understand how I identify, which has changes and evolved over the years. I did feel like you did for some time. At this point in my life, as has come out as bi to my wife. The key, I think, is to just be yourself and try not to worry about labels. Owning who you are has a way of working things out :).
Xoxo, KateAn oft-discussed topic on CDH 🙂
The truth is that sexual orientation has nothing to do with clothing, or much else it sometimes seems.
I have had sex with many, many men. If I had a nickel for every time a guy made love to me while insisting he was “straight,” I’d be a millionaire.
As for CDs, I’ve had countless, countless interactions with other CDs who publicly insist they are hetero, yet are much less adamant in private. So, take the public proclamations that “most CDs are straight!” with a very heavy grain of salt. 😉
The bottom line (for me, anyway) is that orientation is a blurry, confusing, impossible to define and unnecessary label. We like who we like. Some guys like other guys. Some guys like girls. Some CDs like other CDs and call themselves lesbians. The variations are endless and an endlessly interesting topic to discuss.
That was very well stated. You are very perceptive.
One of the challenges of being a crossdresser is that we have become fetishized by much of popular culture and especially by porn. So, more than a few people assume that a crossdresser is a living sex toy. At the very least, we are expected to play into the stereotype of being submissive and ready to please a dominant man at the drop of a hat. This makes it so that purely hetero crossdressers must be constantly explaining themselves to others. Personally, I am bisexual in practice but truly attracted to women only. My same-sex exposure revolves entirely around my female persona and the attraction and validation that she receives. I have to admit that I have perpetuated some of those stereotypes by sometimes being eager to please a man who provides me with attention and validation. That said, I am comfortable being labeled as bi- pan- or homo-. No issue there. This is just a long-winded way of saying that you should be comfortable being yourself, whether that’s a heterosexual, bi or gay yourself.
Monica,
I hope you don’t mind that I picked your comment to expand on the heterosexual/gender discussion. This morning, out of some curiosity, I searched the “Poshmark” site for “crossdressing.” I have frequently used “Poshmark” to buy and sell clothing, shoes, and accessories; never really items that would scream crossdresser; except for size 11 shoes, my stuff is a pretty mainstream women’s assortment. I won’t use the word “appalled,” but I was truly disappointed that everything I found was fetish, erotic, drag queen stuff. They have played into the stereotypes of CDs. I find it hard to believe that the managers of the site are naive or judgmental about their regular customers. They must know that many of us are crossdressers. Of course, I use Falecia McGuire and an address under that name.As I mull current controversies regarding the Transgender issue, I often wonder how we crossdressers (heterosexual or not) could help understanding and acceptance. When I was an adolescent, I began my fascination with feminine form and clothing. In my immaturity, I was drawn to the shape of women’s bodies and the way their clothing contributed to their appearance. I’m sure much of my behavior was fetishistic, even before puberty. But, were it today, I might have felt my compulsion meant I was transgender. Nonetheless, in the 1950’s, I was able to experience my fantasy along side other adolescents who may have been equally drawn to the women in their lives without my crossdressing inclinations.
Maybe a lot of what young gender-confused people are experiencing is no more or less significant (or natural) than the experience of the members of CDH? Why not let them dress and behave across gender lines with little fuss and no discrimination? Maybe their inclinations can be supported and accepted without “horror” or rushing to some chemical, physical, or emotional alteration that forces or prohibits one lifestyle to replace it with another. Maybe if our “professionals” looked at those of us who have lifetimes of gender ambivalence that have contributed to lives of productivity, procreation, and service to others. Life is not always a piece of cake; it is often a struggle. That said, we have a great propensity and capacity for sharing, support, and understanding. There can be a playfulness about of lives that can lesson the burden of others, if we let ourselves find it. Some of the (financially) poorest people in the world display incredible joy.
FAM
A rabbit hole 🕳! I too thought that because i liked womens clothing i must be female so i must be gay or bi or want to transition! Wrong! Cd ers come in all forms! Some like me are just heterosexual like femme clothing get turned on crossing genders. Have no bisexual tendencies and only attracted to women. If thats u thats real and just fine. Think it through, ask yourself the tough questions!
StephTo be honest, I only read your first question/sentence. The short answer is, Yes!
That was me for a long time, but I’ve become very bi-curious (I probably always was), and have had minimal experience.
So you may end up exploring the opposite sex, you may not. Enjoy the crossdressing and the pleasure it brings you. What happens later, will happen.
Love and hugs,
Rebecka!This a topic that I think about quite a bit. Like many crossdressers, I have been heterosexual my whole life. I feel no attraction to men, and find the feminine body very appealing.
Yet when I’m dressed, I do feel a desire to be with a man. And that desire gets stronger as I get older and the more I dress. I still don’t feel attracted to men. But I know it is only a matter of time before I experience intimacy with a man. It has become something that I want very much. And I have definitely begun to think of myself as bi-sexual.
Perhaps I have always been bisexual, and have only realized it since I’ve been exploring my feminine side…Maybe you have been always been curious. I was curious for years, but once I crossed that line once I knew that it was more than curiosity. It didn’t surface much, but Haley allowed me the freedom to explore my sexuality from a different mental perspective and I found that she is attracted to both men and women in a way that Hal is not. Trying to see and feel things from a female point of view is different, but so cool. First time my friend pulled me close, kissed me deeply and told me how beautiful he thought I was I almost melted I was so happy. Had our encounter stopped right there I would have been a happy girl, but it didn’t…
I definitely think you can Joanne, seems like most of the members here are. In my case I considered myself hetero in my teens and was only interested in girls until I hit my 20s when the urges to be in a relationship with a guy grew intense, probably out of how feminine I was feeling from wearing lingerie to bed every night. I ended up having a boyfriend who I’m still with now and I’m very much in love with him.
Hey Gang,
I still believe that most (not overwhelmingly) are heterosexual. But, here’s a treatment I wrote a while back.
FAM
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/red-patent-heels-other-inanities/
Great article, Felicia.
I am of the opinion that crossdressing does not change us, it can only give us the opportunity to see another part of who we are.
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I would say yes, however once you start going down the path, many possibilities could open up. Myself, I indeed started as a hetero crossdresser…well still am. However, things have evolved into certain curiosities for sure. Maybe it’s just the evolution of an addiction, wanting more and more. Maybe it’s just Another world opening up. 🤷♀️
The more fem I felt, the more I wanted to enjoy what many women enjoy!
Haley
As some have said, beware, it is a slippery slope once you open the door and allow yourself to begin.
Remember, when we are all dolled up pretty we feel and act very feminine. Well, at least I do, although I have known a few CDs over the years who continue to act very manly while cross dressed.
Not only do we feel womanly, but we are sending out womanly messages, sometimes messages that may be misunderstood by some people. In a very few rare instances, I have been approached by males who are fully aware that I am a male, yet they want to “hook up” with me.
I agree with everyone who has said that of course you can be straight and crossdress, many or most are, and I even think you can fantasize about a man while dressed and that doesn’t really change anything – you’re simply a straight crossdresser who sometimes has a harmless fantasy.
For myself, I don’t find men attractive in either male or female mode, and I consider myself a straight male. However, my wife and I have a dominant/submissive relationship, it is what underpins my crossdressing, and it extends to the bedroom. I don’t want to be too explicit, but she sometimes does with artificial equipment what a man would do with natural equipment. Does that indicate homosexuality on my part? Does the equipment matter or the person using it – in this case, a woman. Does it matter that it is at bottom (so to speak), a role play and I’m getting excitement from the scenario itself as much as the physical aspect? These might be questions to be answered by a philosopher or a sex researcher, but I find them to be a waste of time for me. I am who I am and like what I like. So does my wife. We have an unusual arrangement and an unusual sex life. What label is on it isn’t really important to us.
Sort of an old topic, but still very pertinent to how we all deal with this.
To answer the question, I personally think you can be a crossdresser and practically anything else (not directly related to cd’ing) that you want to be…or actually are.
Crossdressing only defines one aspect of my life, how much I want to make it my whole life or a major part or a sometimes part or an on occasion part is something for each of us to decide. It should be about what makes us feel good, and if there is another involved what makes them still accept us for who we are.
I’ve mentioned before I’m a failed transsexual, but sometimes I almost think of myself as that ‘two spirit’ type of person. When I’m in male mode and NOT thinking about dressing, I’ll do, with little problem, all those things people believe are associated with being a male – except spitting/chewing/smoking/beating up family members…you get the idea. I’ve worked on cars getting really greasy, done basic plumbing, wiring, nailing two boards together. (hint – both my spouses’ fathers were in order a union carpenter and a union electrician, the expectations of me because of this have been fairly high). It’s not that I like all that, it’s that it’s what’s expected of me, so I don’t hate any of it, but I don’t love most of it either. I just do it.
When I’m in female mode, well, that’s a whole other world, with me wondering (and seriously imagining) what it would be (back then) and now have been like to grow up a girl, with girlfriends and all that, find some guy to love, get married, have kids and those moments involved with that including giving birth!, do housework, get a parttime or full time job – at a lower pay than any job I’ve held as a male. Grow old still in love with my husband, and spoil my grandkids.
I’ve fathered 3 children who are all healthy, in good situations, with now 4 grandchildren. And in all reality, I’m sort of surprised – for obvious reasons – it was that few, except over the years I’ve been helping my spouse(s) track things as needed.
So, can you be hetero? I can’t speak for anyone else as you would have to sit down and understand yourself and what you feel capable of, but yes, I believe you can be.
Hugs, ChloeC
Hi girls, I think it is quite an interesting topic, I consider myself heterosexual, I have never felt attracted to men, not even when I am as a woman, although I must admit that I like to see the reactions that I can generate in other men when they see me as Sofia, I It is intriguing to know if they see me as attractive or if they find me pretty, I think that in this topic it should be seen and understood in a flexible way, I don’t think there is only black or white, it is a whole gray scale, accompanied by experimentation and discovery that is different , that each one can feel and live in very different ways,
Greetings to all,Hi Joanne, I found out along time ago when I was in my early twenties to never say never. There were several times a year that I was in Vancouver on business for 2 to 3 days and took full advantage. Once work was done I’d go to the hotel and change into Trish and go out shopping and just exploring the city. I had no trouble passing back then and during my walks I would often get hit on by men. One night I felt like a drink so I went to a gay bar. I had no intentions of hooking up with anyone and had never thought about being intimate with a man but this night changed things a bit. A while after I was this guy bought me a drink which I accepted and then came over and running his hand up my leg said “you really have nice legs”. We talked a bit and had more drinks then he asked me to dance, he was really very nice and very good looking. Well between too many drinks and him being as nice as he was we ended up in my hotel room where we had another drink. I was sitting on the bed and he came over and pushed me back and lay on top of me. I could feel his erection and we hadn’t done anything yet. We began to kiss and fondle and ended up making out. After he left I was thinking to myself what just happened? I wasn’t at all upset or ashamed at what had happened and to be honest I had never been made to feel so feminine before or since. I have never been with a man since but I do often think about him and the time we were together. It is an experience I will never forget.
Trish – your comment made me also think about the man who got away from me and whom I often (!!) think about.
I’ve been with dozens of guys in my life, not even sure how many really. When dressed, there’s nothing more exciting than to take the woman’s role in bed with a man. It’s exhilarating.
About 10 years ago, one man in particular really knew how to make me his woman. He was much older, bigger, hairy chest (always had a big, big thing for hairy chested men). He was married of course – the guys who like CDs always are. I went to his apartment, dressed in lingerie for him, then did anything and everything with him all night long. He was an incredible lover. All my male lovers have been good, but he was amazing.
I’ll never forget how he first drew me in for that electric kiss – his arms around me, my hands on his hairy chest, on my tip toes to reach his lips, while able to feel how aroused he was. Well, I stupidly let him get away, wrongly thinking many more men like him would come along. I probably think about him nearly every day, wondering what might have been 🙁
I know, right? I said to one of my girl friends that had I been single I could see a relationship forming with this man. He was so sweet.
I had a boyfriend when I was single in my late twenties that I let get away. I still think of him 30 plus years later. I should have said to hell with what other people think and hung on to him for dear life.
I find it a bit weird! I am hetro, but dressed I fantasize about sex with a man. If I look up gay porn, for the most part it does nothing for me. I can’t imagine having sex with some big hairy guy, yech! Perhaps somewhat younger, college boy type, some call them twinks, but it still doesn’t do much for me. I have a tough time understanding why a woman wants to have sex with a large hairy guy. Gross!
I do have an attraction to shemales, but they need to be very feminine. It is tough to explain how feminine, but they have appear to be a very attractive woman with something extra. Many of them have a male body, with obviously fake breasts, that doesn’t work for me at all! Or when they talk and they have the male voice, nope, kills it!
Since retiring and living with my laptop and the mother of my children, I wear a skirt or dress all the time. I have long hair, nail polish, a deep voice, and a beard. Everyone is friendly and complimentary. Seeing men in shorts below their stomachs is not aesthetic. In general male dress is really dumb. Dressing is the primary art. Female dress is anything and usually artistic. It’s no wonder that males seek female caring and creativity.
That is so true regarding the gender continuum! As I have shared more with my physician, she shared her same perspective on the gender spectrum. She said there are the manliest of men at one end, and the girliest of girls at the other end…and the rest of us fall somewhere in between. I dislike labels, yet still believe that “straight” cross dressers are not as high of a % as some want to believe. But, what does this old pansexual know?
Haley
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