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Hi Ladies,
I am out to my wife about my crossdressing. She is accepting and and doesn’t mind me dressing when she is around as long it’s nothing over the top. Whenever we have a conversation about my dressing I am always the one who initiates the conversation. She will never bring up the subject. She has admitted on occasion that if she doesn’t talk about it the it will go away. I sometimes feel that I am walking on eggshells and am beginning to be afraid to bring up the subject.
My question is do you ever initiate conversations about crossdressing with your husband or boyfriend? How long after him coming out did it take before you felt comfortable talking about it with him?
Thanks for your help,
Robin
Hi, Robin yes I do we are open about the CD. It is not easy for some partners to accept so its a case of the 3 monkeys see nothing hear nothing say nothing and that way it does not happen. Every SO deals with it in their own way Robin.
After the initial shock of “oh my god he dresses like a woman” and a few not so nice arguments we did start to talk in an adult manner, I should say it took about 4 months for the dust to settle.
Robin
I am one of the blessed CIS Women as I knew from the beginning. I asked tons of questions and I initiate many of our conversations.
My suggestion would to be patient. Maybe at some point she will feel comfortable initiating a conversation.
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I understand the thought of feeling fortunate to have known about your husband’s crossdressing from the beginning. This says a lot about you and how you made your husband feel empowered to share his, likely, deepest secret. That noted, you referenced yourself as “blessed”. Were other wives “cursed” to have found out later? While your spouse told you prior to marriage, I shudder to think your perception is other wives are not blessed having found out their husbands were crossdressers after being married. Have you any idea the angst we wrestle in trying to wish this away, at many points in life, and/or the struggle to accept and decide whether to tell or live partial lives and place this part of our psyche in a vault?
Accepting oneself with this characteristic is hard enough, not to mention hoping the woman you pledged your life to finds acceptance. To elude people are not blessed to have found out at a particular time is brash and insensitive.
Hi Robin,
I am not a spouse but a fellow crossdresser.
I would like to offer my experience with my S/O.
She was initially mildly supportive, allowing me to dress around the house and helped me shop occasionally.She stated she married a man and didn’t want it to creep into our intimate times.
As I became more enthused and started acting more feminine when dressed, It began to really bother my wife and I was so caught up in crossdressing I didn’t listen to her.
I also had panties on one intimate night.
It brought our marriage to the edge of divorce.
My marriage is very important to me she is the love of my life.
We had a long talk and I told her I didn’t think I could quit even if I wanted to,so we came to the understanding that I am going to keep my crossdressing activity out of sight.
And I will have friends that are crossdressers and she wants no part of it
Note; I was also buying way too much clothing and not telling her and that wasn’t fair to her
I just wanted to offer this so you may take a cautious path with your spouse.
It is hard for many of them.
I know some divorce upon discovering this about their spouse,so far I’m lucky
Patty
Hi Patty,
My wife and I were together for over 20 years before I finally gave into my desire to dress. When I realized that this was a path I needed go down, I came out to her right away and have been totally upfront with her. She was very appreciative for that. While I have had this desire my whole life, I managed to keep it suppressed. Somewhere in my mid fifties it hit me very hard and I had to give in to keep my sanity. We’re about 2 maybe 3 months into this journey and she is trying to make sense of it all. It’s going to take some time.
Robin
Hi robin,
I also was married 22 years before I discovered this side of me.
I too was up front (other than buying too many cloths )
I am just saying it is very hard for a lot of women to accept.
So give your wife plenty of time, don’t go too overboard too quickly and listen very carefully to what she has to say.
And it may be something to enjoy without her on your time.
I wish the best for you two and hope it works out well
Love patty
I am sorry you feel you need to walk on eggshells around you’re wife. Do not let your fear hold you back from talking to her. Good communication is important. If she’s not approaching you, maybe it because she still isn’t sure of how to deal with this all and needs you to help guide her through? I don’t know her mind but I just know it takes time. Question you should ask yourself, why is it important to you that she brings up the crossdressing?
My question is do you ever initiate conversations about crossdressing with your husband or boyfriend? I have. I think about a year in after we already got him some makeup and clothes, but she really wasn’t dressing much or atleast infront of me, I asked her one day, why she wasn’t CDing? And it started a good conversation about this all. We talk about it from time to time, but mostly I wait for him to bring it up. But if I have an issue I will say something.
How long after him coming out did it take before you felt comfortable talking about it with him? I think I always feel alittle awkward when talking about it, because I am afraid to say something that might hurt him. Its hard finding the right language and to say something that doesn’t come across right.
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