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In a moment of retrospection, it dawned on me that throughout my life my sexuality was based on my feminine side. As strange as it sounds, when I’m in man mode, I really don’t think about sex that much, but when I’m femme my sexuality comes to the fore. I have never felt sexy as a man, but feel sexy as Heather.
Even though my wife is supportive, she doesn’t like sexual contact when I’m Heather. She said she wasn’t a lesbian. A few years ago when I dressed more than I do now, I had a hairless body, (pretty much), and she was somewhat taken aback and missed my chest hair. I can understand where she is coming from; marrying a man and finding out down the road he loves to dress as a girl. I get it.
I have had a desire, and tendency, to dress and be feminine for as long as I can remember. I remember my dad saying he wanted to have a daughter and me thinking I could be. Also from being a preteen I have been embarrassed when I get an erection and have tucked my penis between my legs, and don’t have to use any gaffes.
I’ve have a hard time doing most guy things; don’t like sports, etc. That being said, I’m probably bisexual. I’ve had a few encounters with men, and I seem to take on the female role. This is all confusing to me to this day.
Since I’ve gotten older, my testosterone level has decreased and my breasts have grown. At this point in my life I’m still not sure where this journey will take me.
Happy Trails,
Heather
a very difficult topic thank you for bringing it up. I think when talking about gender expression and sexual desire or orientation we need to keep an open mind. Everyone has different feelings on the topic and we all have the right to our feelings. This is one of the best things I see coming out of this LGBT movement. We have the right to feel what we feel and that feeling is allowed to change over time. We do not make a declaration at puberty that I am a ___ attracted to ____ and this is how I will be for the rest of my life. We also cannot expect others to appreciate our insight into our freedoms of expression. My wife of many years is not sexually attracted to me anymore, But we are best friends and I think rather intimate. I love cuddling, she does as well. What’s not to love about cuddling. We are older perhaps sexual desires are supposed to change with age. I do not believe everything I see in the movies. I do not present as a women 80% of the time but I feel like I think like a woman, I wear a lot of women’s clothing. especially around the house and to sleep in. I like the freedom I am learning to give myself to be me. I fall somewhere on the gender spectrum, somewhere else on the gender expression spectrum and an entirely different place on the sexuality spectrum. That is all nobody’s business unless I choose to let them into my weird little world. My wife came along for the ride with eye somewhat open. she just never understood what it all meant. neither did I. but we are best friends and look out for each other. ( I went to a hockey game once a little on the fem side and ask if she thought it was too much? she said if anyone give you a hard time I will kick their ass. ) Learning to be open with ourselves and the important people around us is very powerful.
Hi Heather,
If I have learned any thing here it’s that we as a group here are alike but in so many ways we are all totally different.
Every one of us has a different take on why we have chosen our feminine side.
Or better yet it has chosen us.
Especially in how and why we are here.
However it doesn’t matter as we are all beautiful interesting people .
Thanks for sharing.
Patty
Thank you for the thoughtful response Erica. Yes, this can be a touchy topic.
I know the desire to crossdress is stressful on many relationships, including mine. I struggle with feelings of guilt, as I feel my desire to be Heather seems selfish somehow. Sexual and other aspects of relationships with our partners can be strained.
I have come to the realization that this is who I am, even though I’ve tried to deny it for years.
We can just do the best we can.
Heather your post has made me truly think about how I how mt sexuality changes in response to the gender role I am assuming at the time. I am one of those that feels fully comfortable in both femme and male mode, and who spends far more time in female mode than male mode.That being said my perception of my desirability and sexuality is remarkably different depending on my mode sad therefore my mood.
In male mode, I find that I am mainly interested in women and other cds of trans females, but I perceive myself as just an average guy. while I am fairly attractive, very fit and intelligent, I don’t see myself as someone’s object of desire, even though I have been told otherwise on many occasions by those to which I am attracted. My “game’ in pursuing others sexually is somewhat lacking.
In female mode the opposite is true. I am invested in all, men. genetic women, and women like myself. I feel like I am desired and use all of my wiles to connect with others an emotional and sexual level.I love being flirtatious and forward in expressing my desires. This has also carried forth on the few times I have met with others in person while en femme.It is a true turn around for me and one that appears to be opposite of what are considered societal norms. I also am far more sexually aroused in these encounters.
For the most part I have just accepted these differences and enjoyed the variety they have provided and hope to explore it more in the future, I sure I will, Love to all, Sara
As pansexual girl, I have a mixed impression.
On one side, I am romantic and I enjoy nice men, telling me compliments, charming and playing until we go together in bed ( and others places ). I love the masculine hands over my body, feeling desired and exciting him
On the other side, I enjoy kissing and cuddling with women like my lesbian side.
Hi Heather Without question this subject is a important one and should be discussed in another forum. I believe what gets us sexually excited and cross dressing are closely connected in the pleasure zone part of our brain. It can get very confusing for all of us We all get very excited when we finally get to express those feminine thoughts and feelings outwardly. Its like a brand new nerve that gets touched that goes right to the pleasure zone. There are so many things that bring us pleasure and varies from person to person or even gender to gender. Simple words can bring pleasure. Eating can bring pleasure for some people. I believe when we were young and still trying to understand what bought us pleasure we i identified displaying our selves in the opposite gender gave us pleasure. There is a sense of peace and calmness that everything is right and it just feels good. So who in this world does not want to feel good? If you can make others feel happy and feel good at the same time that is the ultimate experience. Asking the question why expressing our selves in the opposite gender makes us feel good is like asking the question why do the words I LOVE YOU bring so much pleasure to some. It can be a great discussion and can bring pleasure to a lot of us just discussing WHAT MAKES US FEEL PLEASURE. I am sure we would all be amazed and fascinated by what brings pleasure to others. Its a endless subject. We here are all discussing the joy and pleasure we feel when expressing our selves in the opposite gender. It can be a simple pair of feminine panties or a complete cute and pretty outfit with make up and accessories some times in private or full time all the time it does not matter. Its a great subject filled with learning, tons of information and friendships that can be developed just by connecting to others that find pleasure in the same things you do. If you would like to understand WHY? then best take classes at the university I am sure there are scholars that enjoy discussing the subject as well. So in the meantime just enjoy what makes you feel pleasure and if you can help other feel the same way at the same time it all the better There is defiantly nothing wrong with trying to understand the opposite gender. I am not sure what offends so many. Luv Stephanie
Heather,
I think you are addressing the distinction between sex and gender, and the confusion which results when the two are not congruent. Since age and perhaps medical condition has put out my “fire”, I have a more clear view of the distinction. I was attracted to girls only, from an early age, but I also preferred their company on a social level, and never did fit into male society. With 20/20 hindsight, I can see that I had a mostly feminine nature (which was suppressed for decades). That nature has since been set free, and Bettylou is all-girl – but still in love with my wife, and I still enjoy looking at beautiful women. (I do pay more attention to what they are wearing, now).
Hugs,
Bettylou
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