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Hi all ,,,
I am a married female living in the grater Chicagoland area , I have joined this site to learn more about crossdressers and the life they live , recently my husband had informed me he dresses often and has been his whole life ,, I would like to learn more and also how can I help him-her be the best female version possible
XO
Katie
I myself have been dressing for years, and yet I am not attracted to men. I litteraly weeks ago just came out to my wife of 20 years. I am greatful she is understanding and did her research as well. At first it was traumatic understandably.But after we both gained our composure we were able to talk through it. Amazingly enough it sparked a whole new love for one another in and out of the bed. I know everyones tastes are different, bit because its such a taboo I couldnt tell my wife. It was litteraly the only secret I had. And it was hard to supress. I hope you both find common ground and realize the people you always have been. Im still me, the same person she fell in love with…the same father, lover, sibling, friend to everyone in my life!
I wish you both the best.Hi Katie and Welcome!
The fact that you are reaching out and asking is a great of something you significant other (SO) will need. That is support.
You both will. This can be a complicated issue and like many of us your SO has had no one to speak to, or dare tell about this part of their persona.
Be patient, be supportive and ask questions. They may not be able to answer every thing but this group if full of wonderful “ladies” who are willing to help at every turn.
Wonderful you are supportive.
Love and hugs to you both!
BeckaKatie,
Thanks for being so understanding and accepting of your husbands femme self. I am a cd/ transgender woman and I understand your husbands desire to explore these feelings. Hopefully he will slowly open up this side to you and respect your feelings. I wish you and your SO the best and happiness,
Kerri
Thanks so much for reaching out and being supportive of your husband. I too am fortunate to have a supportive wife (aka Significant Other if you choose to be gender neutral), but so many here are not that lucky. I’d say the most important thing is to support your sweetie at whatever level crossdressing he prefers. Since he’s been dressing for some time he probably has a good idea of how feminine he wants to be when dressing and how often. For me, I just started a couple years ago although the desire has been there since childhood. So my SO went through a bit of a roller coaster with me. It definitely is a journey you can share as long as both are understanding.
💕Lola
Well we will be glad to help you with things here. The girls 👧 here fill you in and each one are and have a different opinion. Welcome to the site
Hi Katie very nice to meet you and so happy you showed the intrest in learning about the secrets of your husband/girlfriend its such a hoonor to meet you as we have some ladies as yourself here my wife is also a member here so look her up and chat she will answer many of your questions under the group For Wifes and Significant Others look For Linda Bass and ask away .. We have been married 39 years and i came out to her when we got married and she supports and accepts me in our home thank you for joining us girls here and please ask any one of us or all of us what you would like to know more about and a big hug to you and again nice meeting you ..
Stephanie Bass
I think the most helpful thing you can do is what you are clearly doing… showing love and support by your acceptance. Most men (CD or not)would give anything for a woman with that level of acceptance. You already know far more than you think! If you accept him for who he is, everything else is secondary. You will both enjoy a long, happy marriage! Accepting couples stay together. Marriages usually survive even a wife is just tolerant, which describes most. Supporting wives and husbands are truly blessed! you can share freely with each other without judgment and have fun doing many things most couples would never do. Enjoy your life. You’ve earned it!
Hi Katie and welcome to CDH.You are already well on your way to understanding your husbands crossdressing. She{He} probably wants to do the same thing you do,go grocery shopping,run errands,maybe go dress shopping,which can be fun with a mate that understands fashion for both of you.Please do one very simple thing…..talk to each other and have fun as two ladies.
Wow amazing Katie welcome to the CDH family so good to have you here. We all appreciate you being supportive, understanding and wanting to learn more. I believe making you man know it is ok to express part of his authentic self and you want to help is such a great gift Katie, many here wish that they were in relationship with their wife who exhibited your level of acceptance support learning and help. We are all glad you are here. Explore join the women only section and read forum topics and read biographies and participate you can also private message members too. Happy for you and your husband how terrific for both of you!
Hugs April
Hi Katie.
That took a lot of courage for you to come here. I applaud what you are doing. It takes someone very special to want to make that commitment. Im sure your husband dearly loves you as you must love him.
My wife isnt on this site but she embraces everything I do in my enjoyment of being Ellie and I hope I can say that we have a better marriage for it. Especially the fun of shopping.
I hope you enjoy your time here and find we are not some group of weird people but we are just the person next door or friend or the person who makes your daily coffee. We are just normal people.
take care and stay safe. You are one very special person.
Hugs
Ellie
Hi Katie
Welcome to the site, hope you have fun exploring and stick around.
I won’t offer any advice, I’m sure you have had lots already from previous comments.
Well done you for supporting your husband, and Im sure with your support and feminine eye for what looks good fashionwise, you will help him be the best he can be.
I hope you have many fun filled days ahead.B x
Welcome to CDH Katie, your expression of Love and understanding is so heart warming.
Under the “Group” heading above is a sub heading of “All Groups”. In this you’ll find a group titled ” For The Wives Or Significant Others” .
I am a cd so I’m not a member of it but I thought that you might want to take a look at it.
Hello Katie
Thank you. There are a dozen wonderful articulate replies to you so I won’t repeat. I would however like your advice. Obviously every spouse is different and would take the discovery of finding out about their man’s femininity in different ways. I’ve read about some successful and not so successful reveals. You are one of the most positive. As a wife who has gone through it…. What do you think the best way to find out would be? What could be the least shocking way to say it or show it to a longtime wife that would open the door (or drawer) to revealing this special secret?
Thanks MeeshelleHi Katie
It is always lovely to be able to say hello to a supportive SO, it is wonderful to see you here, you will find lots of help and information. I have been crossdressing for almost all my life so if there is anything you want to ask me just PM me………
I have a blog that you may find of interest:
Andrea x
No doubt you have found a lot of information from various sources, both good and bad. Take it all with an open, but questioning mind. This is a god place to learn because it offers a broad cross section of dressers who all come to it with different perspectives.
One of the first and biggest questions I hear from wives/SOs is “is he gay?” The answer is almost always, “no”. Yes there are gay CDers, but the vast majority of us are not. We may be a bit more open minded about gender and such, but cross dressers are no more likely to be gay then the general population.
Welcome Katie! Nice to find a sister in my area.
My best advice is to read up on everything you can, keep an open mind, find other wives to communicate with, and only accept what you’re comfortable with.
Hugs, Eileen
Hi Katie
Welcome to CDH, I hope you can find here a warm and welcoming family atmosphere, a special family that does not judge and is open to the exchange of opinions.
What to add in more well! simply that your husband is a very lucky CDgirl to have a wife like you that she listened to and accepted her needs to be CD. Welcome, I think you are in the right place!XOXOX from Italy
Greta ❤️Do you think it is a good thing that your husband is knowledgeable about fashion, women’s clothing, women’s underwear, women’s hair, makeup and jewelry? If he’s anything like me, he’ll greatly enjoy swapping notes on these kind of topics. If he is new to this thing then you can probably teach him a lot about being a proper girl. Taking him out shopping it could be fun for you as well if you like shopping for clothes. If you’re comfortable with seeing him en femme, that’s pretty cool. If you’re comfortable with going out with him en femme, that is ultra cool. Very few of us get to this level, on a spectrum of tolerance to fully embracing. I think it’s also relevant if he is fulfilling his adult responsibilities, so he could earn a pass on this. I think you’re also justified to condition your acceptance on his paying some attention to your needs as well. Love conquers all.
Welcome Katie. Wonderful you have taken the time to do some research. I’m also lucky that my wife also did the same. All I’d say is keep talking and respecting each other. It’s hard for everyone so please be patient.
Katie Welcome , this is certainly the place you’ll find many of the answers you are seeking. For you it would be extremely difficult. I saw the shock from my wife as for us we were married for many years and only a short while ago that I opened up to her . The biggest concern was the mistrust I caused. Seeing her and the hurt that it caused was hard. We had many talks and through this agreements and guidelines were set and together were slowly working it out. But Cdh and it’s resources helped my wife and myself understand more about our individual troubles. I learned more about myself and she with help from a wonderful group we have here exclusive for my wife where many GG gals like yourself could receive the help and support to get the answers your wanted to know. This group – private ( wives and significant others ) .
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/groups/wives-and-significant-others/
For you special ladies where Cders are not allowed. Meet with them and get the support you need. Look into other forms written by others who talk about their experiences, their questions they may ask with many offering help and advice so everyone can understand better on so many confusing topic. Things that I may say First, make sure that this is something you can deal with. If not, you need to make that clear and be honest with him and yourself
Just talk with him and find out how far he wants to take his cding. Find out his likes and how much he wants to dress up. If you can give him some space to store his clothes and some time to dress up. Sounds like you’ve taken the biggest step already in that you want to be supportive. He’s probably afraid of what you may be thinking and if you might leave him. The best way to approach this is to slowly gain his trust by answering his questions and giving advice when he asks for it. There are lots of ways to support your husband firstly – don’t judge, and talk to him, what does he like he is going to be super embarrassed so be nice. most guys have worn womans’ clothes at some point in their life and many still like to wear them.
First, figure out how far you’re comfortable with it. Some women simply tolerate and let their men enjoy it around the house while others totally embrace it and openly accompany their men in public as “girlfriends”. Also find out how far he wants to take it.
For him: How far does he intend/desire/need to take this to feel happy? Some men are content just “underdressing”, that is having the feel of something soft and feminine against their skin under their regular clothes. Some men want the whole outfit — undergarments, skirt/blouse or dress, whatever. Some men want to just briefly visit the total world of womanhood by adding the fake breasts, makeup, wig, etc. Some separate their “girl” time from the rest of their day by also going by a female-sounding name. Of those, some are perfectly fine (or even prefer) just staying home to do this, but others need to feel validated by attempting to pass in public and meet up with fellow part-time girls. men most of the time but need a little break from society’s demands on masculinity. But what if he wants to go farther? What if he wants to dress that way all the time, have you call him “her” and use a girl’s name? What if he wants hormone replacement therapy to grow real breasts? What if he wants the surgery? Now we’re talking serious and (more or less) permanent life-changing choices, and not many women are OK with that. Think of it as a breach of contract: You married him on the understanding that he was a straight, monogamous male and now he wants to change the terms of the contract you agreed to. So you should not feel obligated to accept that change or guilty about not wanting to support it. On the other hand, maybe your relationship is stronger, and more important to you, than a little thing like a sex change can’t stop that train.
Let’s assume for the moment that he is a straight, monogamous male who fully identifies as male and has no intention of any kind of permanent change. There’s still that whole range I mentioned a few paragraphs ago, and you probably have a line in your mind you’re not willing — or prepared — to cross, at least not yet. By the same token, though, he has an itch that has to be scratched one way or the other. I can tell you right now that it is very unlikely he will be able to suppress it completely, or permanently. Every crossdresser has gone through a purge process where we tell ourselves this was only a temporary phase; we throw out all our girly clothes and ignore that itch as long as we can. Some succeed! I have friends who, for religious reasons, feel compelled to suppress that urge and they have been very successful at doing so. If that’s something your husband is interested in. But they’re the exception. For most crossdressers, the compulsion is so strong that the longer we try to suppress it, the more of a psychological and emotional toll it costs. If you are unwilling to give in even a little bit, he’s going to have a very rough time of it
Other men have found similar halfway points: OK to dress at home, but not in public. OK to dress in public, but not where anybody knows you (e.g., another town). Everything except breasts is OK. Everything including breasts, but no female name. Dress and call yourself whatever you want, but go back to being all man when we’re being intimate. Do whatever you want, but not while the wife is around (“don’t ask, don’t tell”). When she really can’t bear the sight of him in femme mode, they can agree to give him specific days when he can do whatever he wants while she’s away from the house, but the rest of the time he agrees to be the man she married.
You get the idea. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. And nothing is set in stone. If you’re not comfortable with it, over time your boundaries may move. The important thing here is transparency: Once you’ve agreed to the boundaries, it’s on him to stick to what you agreed to until you’re ready to move on. I have absolutely no tolerance or sympathy for men who lie to their wives. Once that foundation of trust is demolished, it can take a lifetime to build it back up.
As a dress-wearing husband to an understanding wife, I thank you for taking this step to understand your man’s needs.
Many face this troubling ordeal but be assured you have support and help from everyone here . Relax, get comfortable and enjoy being part of this wonderful community that really does care for all that passes through our doors. The best to you both as you venture through these new paths together . Very happy meeting you and welcome.
Stephanie 🌷
Thank you all for the warm welcome ,
I am in complete support of my feminine husband , matter of fact I welcome it . we have had deep talks together and for him-her it is about expressing a softer side , feeling sexy and enjoying all the great things a girl enjoys. What makes me the most happy is I have a sexy new girlfriend/ lover and yet still have my male husband . our plan and intention is teach her more about makeup & hair and also shopping as girlfriends , one concern I have is shopping ? the world can be very harsh and judgmental , are the stores open minded to CD girls trying things in dressing rooms ? examples would be stores like Macy’s to Victoria secret and everything in between . I am fully in support of her and what her and me to enjoy the best of everything life offers as girlfriends .
Katie from everything I have read and from other crossdressers personal experiences both Macys and Victoria Secrets are trans friendly and have corporate policies to them. I would review online the stores you would like to go to and see but I believe many are welcoming they want your money. There is still always a chance of having negative encounters but if you both go as women and smile and conduct yourselves with respect and class I believe you will be fine with store employees. Other customers may look twice but in the dressing room you should be fine. Enjoy so many here envy your husband and desire your open loving support in their own spouses. Thank you so much for sharing.
Hugs and a smile April
Katie, when she is ready, don’t forget to introduce us to her. She is soooo lucky to have you.
Much love,
RaquelKatie,
Thank you for being on CDH and so supportive and encouraging of her cross dressing. I wish more ladies were like you. Hard to add anything more than what has already been said. But I will be a great and exciting journey for both of you. Best thing is to try to keep her shame and guilt minimized.
Leah
Dear Katie
You are very welcome here, its nice to have a SO on CDH, for two reasons. Firstly, we can try to help you to deal with your new situation, which you seem to be dealing with in a most generous and supportive manner – your new lady friend is very lucky having you in her life; but also for the rest of the community, to help us realise the difficulties our SOs face, how they feel and what questions they have. So on both counts, thank you.
I, like your new girl friend, have a very supportive wife who is my wife, my lover, my best friend, my confidant. She is critical of my silly girlie mistakes and helps me become the woman I want to be. This is not always the case, but I see you realise, the person you married is the same person, whether a girl or a boy. You will get the best of both worlds, a great girlfriend and a great boyfriend. And with your support, she will be happy and confident and this will improve your relationship to levels you could never expect.
Please keep us posted of how you and your new girlfriend’s life and relationship evolve – the problems and frustrations, but also the good things, the happy times and the laughter.
You are an exceptional person. It makes me happy to know that there are people like you (and my wife) are out there. Good on you, you are exceptional!
Hugs and kisses from someone who knows the importance of a wife’s support and encouragement.
Christine
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The stores you mention have never been a problem for me either dressed en femme or in male mode. The easy answer is to call ahead and ask if you ate concerned.Your SO may be very nervous going out dressed in public, but having you there for support will likely help a lot. For your first forays out shopping I suggest going when stores first open as they tend to be less crowded. Just be yourselves and relax. Confidence goes a long way to get others to treat you as you wish to be treated. Of course being pleasant and courteous in stores go a long way. Many sales associates say they prefer CD customers to many of their cis-female customers since they are always so sweet and nice to deal with.
Most importantly, just have fun. New experiences are to be cherished and only happen once, so enjoy…and report back, we would love to hear how it goes.
My first experience dressing was with a lady who ran a professional dressing service. I had no wardrobe. She took me to Macy’s, picked out some dresses for me while I ducked behind the racks. I was allowed to use the women’s dressing room; came away with two great dresses I still wear. Macy’s, Dillards, Lane Bryant, Victoria Secret, and Sophia, and, I understand Torrid are among many more than welcoming to CDs. These stores train sales clerks how to make their customers feel relaxed and welcome. The Mac counter is a favorite haunt for CDs seeking makeup advice.
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