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Hello ladies,
Not sure if this is the right place but just wanted to get some perspective. I have been into crossdressing as long as i can remember. Many of my favorite childhood memories are tied to trying on women’s clothing in secret.
Over the years i have repressed my desires and only allowed myself to embrace it in absolute secret. I went years from around 15 years old to 23 without indulging. After getting out of a 9 month relationship with a woman I decided I couldn’t deny my interests anymore. I made my first purchase at walmart for an assortment of panties and thongs i grabbed anxiously in a scramble. Once i felt that rush i became addicted and made multiple Target runs for bras, thigh highs, more underwear, etc and every night i would privately dress in my bedroom while living at home with parents who would never understand. Over the years i developed a normal guy persona and reputation. The cycle of repression continues and then my desires come back stronger and stronger. I just splurged on my first breast forms, body shapewear and more clothes. It hasnt arrived yet but i am eager to embrace this.
I am tired of living in shame and pushing down who i truly am. Does anyone have good advice or similar experiences to help me?
A well trodden path here Candice. In my case the urges never went away so I just managed them to the extent I dressed when I could. Try keeping the clothes as you never know when the next dressing session will be required. The other thing is that you may get into another relationship so how will you deal with that. Admit early on if things are going well or keep it a secret? I am being the devils advocate here as you are the one to know if these urges will go away or remain forever and can be very toxic to a relationship should it be found out later in the marriage. Of course it can work but that is less likely All I do is cite from my own experience after relationships failed due to the dressing. I decided that I could not give up dressing so decided that I would stay single as not to cause grief and be able to be myself.
If you have no friends or family to confide in then the obvious is to seek a therapist otherwise sit and have a real deep think.
I hope you find what you are looking for but be assured there are plenty of us here that have experienced similar and always available to lend an ear and sage advice.
This could be me. I’ve ridden the cycles of shame, confusion and fear around crossdressing my whole life. It’s only been relatively recently that I’ve had the self-awareness, safety, and support to finally get to self-acceptance, much of which I owe to the unwavering support of my spouse. I might well have arrived at the same place without her eventually, but it might have taken decades. This is such an individual journey, and it’s hard to draw parallels from one’s experience to another’s, but I identified with a lot of what you’ve been wrestling with and all I can say is be kind to yourself and find a way to move past shame and fear. Love yourself in all your dimensions, it’s liberating! It’s ok to be all of you. Good luck on your journey. xo, Nikki
Hi, Candice. I was in the same place as you only for me I became very bitter and angry. It wasn’t until recently that I revealed Allysa to a group of friends. For a long time I hid who I was. Since making others aware of who I am my attitude and self awareness have changed. Others have seen the changes in me and they like the new me. Wish you the best. Hugs, Allysa
Candice,
If you can afford it, you should move to your own place. Then you can wear what you want when you want.
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I think we’ve all been where you are at some point. Shame, guilt, and denial, then the feeling to dress comes back stronger than ever. Its just a part of our lifestyle until we can begin to accept that this desire is a permanent part of us and only then we can begin to deal with it in various ways. The guilt, shame, and anxiety will fade with self acceptance. Its not easy being a CD.
Candice, yes your experience runs similar to my own. Dress up for a year or more purge repeat. A few years back I had the desire to dress more often then I found CDH. Now my feminine side is out and NEEDS TO BE OUT THERE. Cassie is so much taking over she has started a job of her own. Just hang in there Candice there is nothing wrong with what you are doing and and you just may find your own perfect male/female balance.
. CassieIf you get into a serious, a serious relationship with someone, be up front with who you are. But, as I realized a couple weeks ago, after over 50 years as a crossdressing person, be up front to yourself with who you are. I realized my wife is more comfortable with my dressing and fem self than I am and that is taking a bit to work through. Blessings on your journey.
You have nothing to be ashamed of, nor are you abnormal, you just like women’s clothes, as many do. Take your time and just enjoy the sensations you feel when dressed and when shopping…both are really fun and that pleasure is why we do it. Don’t purge, rather just put things away from time to time until you find your place in this crossdressed world. As my wife says, they are just clothes. If you read here and other places you will soon realize many men like to dress to some degree or other. I seriously think it is way more common then people think, as so many men won’t admit it even to themselves, let alone the rest of the world.
Hiya, Candice; this isn’t anything that is unusual for any of the ladies on this site: I’m sure we’ve all felt the need to purge, even though some may not have acted upon it. My first purge was of… well, let’s just say “publications featuring young ladies in artistic poses” and I soon found that the “shouldn’t be doing this” feelings were applying to my (at the time, very limited) collection of pretty clothing. What I can pretty well guarantee, however, is that NO-ONE who has ever been through the cycle of purging has ever looked back on it and NOT regretted it! Please try to resist any urge to “rule it out and start again”; you’ll only come to regret giving in… Love you: Holly XXX
You’re fortunate to be young. You have an abundance of time to wrap your head around who you are, in all dimensions.
My advice is to seek counseling. I know, that sounds like an awful thing, but seriously, telling another person what you feel is good in and of itself. You have to make your own decisions, but a therapist can help you work through your feelings, help you learn to make good decisions, and clarify what you want out of life.
And yes, as soon as you can, get a place of your own.
the Cycle of Denial can be very brutal! I have fought my cross dressing side for years. Asking why me, why can’t I be like other typical guys. Why do I enjoy it so much? How does it relax me but yet stresses me out that I enjoy being dressed up?
If we had more support, understanding and acceptance, we woudl all be in a much better place. Why getting that support from our wife or so would be great, we cannot rely upon them to fill that bucket for us. We haev to do the primary work and hopefully they can add to it.
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