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  • #687657
    Erika Pilkington
    Participant
    Registered On: January 3, 2022
    Topics: 3
    Replies: 7
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    After my divorce I promised myself that when I started dating again I would always tell my significant other about the crossdressing thing when the time was right. So this time I didn’t wait too long, I wanted to get it out of the way and see what would happen. I told her and her reception was that she accepted it, but didn’t want anything to do with it. Now there is a lot of awkward moments about the topic, that make me feel uncomfortable. Like I commented on how much makeup she had, and she replied that it would be creepy if I wanted to use it. These kinds of things keep happening, it is her letting me know that she not ok with it, so it seems like she is not really accepting. I know that many of us have struggled with this in our relationships, I did during my marriage. Now that I am out there dating again, I feel like having a partner that is really ok with it. What are your thoughts and opinions?

Viewing 14 reply threads
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    • #687926
      J J
      Lady
      Registered On: September 13, 2019
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 322
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      That’s how I feel about it. If it is wierd now how is it going to be if it goes longer.

      If she is an otherwise good person, giving it a little time is reasonable. If she warms to the idea then continue, but I would end it if not.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #687887
      Shannon Marx
      Duchess
      Registered On: March 11, 2021
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 49
      Has thanked: 325 times
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      My SO is the same way , casual talks and flirts about Shannon , but really wants nothing to do with her. I accept that i am not Shannon more then I am . So i can keep that part of myself to me and my occasional outings.

      Best not to force something on someone,  she accepts you dress, and is still with you let the Heels dall where they may. Best of Luck😘

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #687877
      Kim Dahlenbergen
      Lady
      Registered On: November 18, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 240
      Has thanked: 204 times
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      Is this what you want? I dont think I could tip-toe around the subject. My second wife gave me Luke-warm/half-hearted support when I first came out (before we were engaged), but over time it became clear that she found it troubling. The marriage endured 16 years, but ended because she could not tolerate my cross dressing.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #687909
        Erika Pilkington
        Lady
        Registered On: January 3, 2022
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 7
        Has thanked: 50 times
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        That’s how I feel about it. If it is wierd now how is it going to be if it goes longer.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #687809
      J J
      Lady
      Registered On: September 13, 2019
      Topics: 5
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      She is telling she is not alright with it, so you now need decide if you are alright with dating her. It might be fun for a short time, since we all don’t need to be 100% the same, but long term it shows a lack of compatibility. Keep dating others and keep being honest to them and yourself.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #687784
      Erika Pilkington
      Lady
      Registered On: January 3, 2022
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 7
      Has thanked: 50 times
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      Thanks to everyone, I appreciate the input. As much as it hurts I have broke things off with her. I am hurting right now, because we were so intellectually compatible except for this and some sexual stuff. I really liked her, but I know how this will turn out. It will be worse if I let it go on. I know some of you have significant others that play with you and that is great. It gives me hope that it does exist. For right now I feel broken and I am glad you are all here for support. It makes feel like less of a weirdo.

      • #687806
        April Sinclair
        Duchess
        Registered On: April 29, 2022
        Topics: 7
        Replies: 213
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        I understand Erika how hard breakups can be but rest assured you decided it would be better now than later as she was not compatible in areas that are most important to you and that’s what is most important that you have your needs met. It will get easier in time hang in there. We are all here to support you drop a line in private if you ever want to talk.

        Hugs April

        6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #687796
        Michelle McQueen
        Lady
        Registered On: June 14, 2021
        Topics: 29
        Replies: 1670
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        Hi Erika.

        I know it hurts now but I believe you did the right thing. We know our cross dressing desires never go away even when we push them back but then they just sit inside us and smolder making us frustrated and unhappy which can bleed into our every day lives making others unhappy too. Keep looking because there are women who can accept us, we just have to find those unicorns.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #687795
        Gwyneth
        Lady
        Registered On: January 21, 2021
        Topics: 6
        Replies: 400
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        I’m so sorry Erika. It’s hard to attach your heart to someone then break it off. I’m sure you’re wondering if it’s the right thing. It’s easy to say you’ll find someone else. Maybe you will with these items in place you desire to have with someone, but the intellectual and sexual parts won’t click. Only you can decide what is most important and what can be lived without or at least marginal. We have unique desires and needs. Plus the usual ones. What are we to do?

        But if you can share, how did she take the breakup?

        Love you… Gwyn

        4 users thanked author for this post.
        • #687843
          Erika Pilkington
          Lady
          Registered On: January 3, 2022
          Topics: 3
          Replies: 7
          Has thanked: 50 times
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          She was upset of course. She doesn’t understand why. I don’t know how to explain it to her. Somethings are left better unsaid.

          4 users thanked author for this post.
          • #687978
            Marlene Roberts
            Lady
            Registered On: December 9, 2019
            Topics: 0
            Replies: 263
            Has thanked: 3728 times
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            Tried to reply before but finger slipped; too much eggnog. OK its early in the season. While I agree some things are best left unsaid (can’t say I have found any with my SO but I’m sure there are and I have thrown her some real curve balls which she just shrugged off; previous heterosexual relationships) with the right simpatico a heart to heart may bring a mutual understanding. And there is little to loose.

            Hope you can work it out as it seems you both have a lot in common apart from the CD. Best. Marlene.

            1 user thanked author for this post.
          • #687855
            Gwyneth
            Lady
            Registered On: January 21, 2021
            Topics: 6
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            I’ve had MANY arguments with my wife. She often says, “I don’t understand!”. My go to reply anymore is, “All I can do is tell you the same thing again. I can’t make you understand!”

            You are keeping your promise to yourself. Which is always a good thing.

            Love! Gwyn

            • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Gwyneth.
            1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #687774
      Jane Don
      Lady
      Registered On: March 4, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 123
      Has thanked: 31 times
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      Back when I started dating my wife I didn’t consider myself a Crossdresser–I like womens clothes & would play with them like telling her how much more comfortable Nites/dresses ect looked–even slipping into a nites ect –It wasn’t long before she really got into things–I didn’t plan it that way but that’s how it worked–Looking back -I think our success (over 30yrs together until she got sick & died) was we made it Fun rather than serious–

    • #687721
      Rozalyn Richards
      Lady
      Registered On: July 27, 2022
      Topics: 0
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      Hi Erika with my present situation I’m not in a position to offer you any advice as I’m still in the closet to my wife, only you can decide what is best for you, all i can say is good luck for the future, I hope everything works out for you X

      Hugs Rozalyn X 🎀

      I’m with you there Erika telling your new partner about your crossdressing, if i was to get divorced and met someone else that is the first thing i would tell them that i like to crossdress and wear women’s clothes, then it would be up to them if they can put up with the life i want to live,

      No more secrets X 🎀

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #687706
      Wanda Ovahear
      Registered On: October 19, 2022
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 245
      Has thanked: 1075 times
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      Gabriela is right, wanting nothing to do with your feminine expression isn’t really acceptance. You have to decide if that is something you can endure for the sake of being with this person.

      Hugs & kisses,
      W.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #687696
      Amy Myers
      Baroness
      Registered On: February 11, 2019
      Topics: 23
      Replies: 1660
      Has thanked: 5042 times
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      Like the others, giving relationship advice can be fraught with pitfalls, but here’s my take on this.

      Some women seem to be able accept this gender fluidity we have, others can’t. Certainly opinions can change over time with experience and education but you have to know if this is the right Lady for you.

      So you need to find a way to get her to accept both of your sides, or perhaps you should consider moving on. Which is a very sad thing for me to say, as I’m great believer in Love. The dating scene can be tough, though I’ve not been in it for some years now, but it’s better than getting seriously involved only to have it all come crashing down around you again.

      My few cents worth, take it for what it’s worth, and I wish you very well, whichever way it goes.

      Amy

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #687683
      Stephanie Bass
      Hostess
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 27
      Replies: 4211
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      Hi Erika im not one to give you any advice to this except to let you know you have support here  as i have been married for 39  working on 40 years now my first marrige wifes second and it was right as we met and 6 months later we were married so it was right .. good luck girlfriend ..

      Stephanie

    • #687678
      Саманта
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
      Topics: 784
      Replies: 1668
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      I say this as someone who was once in a decade long relationship with a family and all that…we weren’t married thank God but for all practical purposes…

      When that ended, everything was different. It was like I had tried to keep the dam from bursting as long as I could. Altho i was very upset for my family coming apart, the woman I had been with was a bad bad woman and I was grateful to have gotten a second chance, which was what my new life felt like. And I won’t waste it on the kinds of relationships I had when I was younger.

      Once a long time ago a woman i had dated said this to me: “Don’t settle.” I finally understood.

      I won’t tolerate that. I will have no hard time, snide remarks or backhanded comments about my so called gender issues. That’s absolutely not what I’m in it for. Make me feel bad and I’m over it. You just showed me that you’re not for me.

      That’s my perspective, Erika. What you do is up to you of course but you deserve to have the kind of relationship you want to have. It all depends on what feels right to you.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #687674
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 69
      Replies: 1095
      Has thanked: 2604 times
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      Erica, you are looking for what we all want, an accepting partner. Sounds to me like your current flame is not really sure of your CD desires. Maybe let her see you by ‘accident’ one day. This will open the door to more conversation.

      . Cassie

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #687670
      April Sinclair
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 29, 2022
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 213
      Has thanked: 2727 times
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      If you truly want a woman to love this about you and want to play girlfriends and lovers in the bedroom with this incorporated at times then you need to move on. If however you like her and or love her for many good qualities you need to decide how much acceptance from her you need. She may be accepting to a small degree out of sight out of mind she maybe more indifferent just doesn’t want to see or hear about it. You don’t need it to consume all your time or conversation with her. I feel you need to share more with us to help it is hard to say is she don’t ask don’t tell or you do you when alone but you can talk a little about it. Did she ask the questions are you gay or bisexual do you want to transition or get breast implants take hormones what surgeries top, bottom both tracheal shave. If she is happy with you as a man and you are and she is good with you having girl time alone by yourself or with others like you to have time hanging out with to attend events or girls night out you need to decide what you want and what she is good with. To be fair to her she can change some over time by learning more and talking to real women who have husbands or boyfriends who crossdress. I feel you two need to talk more to find some of these things out. With that being said she was probably offended by you making the comment about how much makeup she had and she replied in turn, but honestly most women would not want to share clothing or makeup from my experience and or discussion with others. It is taboo and a breaking of trust if you ever do.

      Wish you the best in this first decide what is most important to you and what you are willing to live with in a relationship I am sure she is doing the same. Curious if you have asked her if she has shared or talked with anyone else about it and what their feedback was that can influence things also be it a sister a mother a girlfriend.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #687865
        Marlene Roberts
        Lady
        Registered On: December 9, 2019
        Topics: 0
        Replies: 263
        Has thanked: 3728 times
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        What a great reply and so full of wisdom. Best, Marlene.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #687663
      Gabriela
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 11, 2021
      Topics: 1116
      Replies: 486
      Has thanked: 426 times
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      Erika,

      My very personal opinion… You are still in time to do what you may already know is the right thing for you.

      People really doesn’t change. Her lack of acceptance now is unlikely to become into enthusiasm after a while. And your desire to crossdress is not likely going to go away.

      You already showed her your cards, and know what to expect. Time to let her know that much as you care for her, you need to know if she is willing to accept all of you. Before you two invest much more into this relationship. It is part of your baggage, as I’m sure she has some of her own.

      A sad breakup today may be much less painful than years and years of regret.

      Good luck!!

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #687659
      Gwyneth
      Lady
      Registered On: January 21, 2021
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 400
      Has thanked: 2606 times
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      I probably know your answer before you give it, but have you considered dating a man and letting him know the truth up front?

      Gwyn

      2 users thanked author for this post.
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