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After my divorce I promised myself that when I started dating again I would always tell my significant other about the crossdressing thing when the time was right. So this time I didn’t wait too long, I wanted to get it out of the way and see what would happen. I told her and her reception was that she accepted it, but didn’t want anything to do with it. Now there is a lot of awkward moments about the topic, that make me feel uncomfortable. Like I commented on how much makeup she had, and she replied that it would be creepy if I wanted to use it. These kinds of things keep happening, it is her letting me know that she not ok with it, so it seems like she is not really accepting. I know that many of us have struggled with this in our relationships, I did during my marriage. Now that I am out there dating again, I feel like having a partner that is really ok with it. What are your thoughts and opinions?
Erika,
My very personal opinion… You are still in time to do what you may already know is the right thing for you.
People really doesn’t change. Her lack of acceptance now is unlikely to become into enthusiasm after a while. And your desire to crossdress is not likely going to go away.
You already showed her your cards, and know what to expect. Time to let her know that much as you care for her, you need to know if she is willing to accept all of you. Before you two invest much more into this relationship. It is part of your baggage, as I’m sure she has some of her own.
A sad breakup today may be much less painful than years and years of regret.
Good luck!!
If you truly want a woman to love this about you and want to play girlfriends and lovers in the bedroom with this incorporated at times then you need to move on. If however you like her and or love her for many good qualities you need to decide how much acceptance from her you need. She may be accepting to a small degree out of sight out of mind she maybe more indifferent just doesn’t want to see or hear about it. You don’t need it to consume all your time or conversation with her. I feel you need to share more with us to help it is hard to say is she don’t ask don’t tell or you do you when alone but you can talk a little about it. Did she ask the questions are you gay or bisexual do you want to transition or get breast implants take hormones what surgeries top, bottom both tracheal shave. If she is happy with you as a man and you are and she is good with you having girl time alone by yourself or with others like you to have time hanging out with to attend events or girls night out you need to decide what you want and what she is good with. To be fair to her she can change some over time by learning more and talking to real women who have husbands or boyfriends who crossdress. I feel you two need to talk more to find some of these things out. With that being said she was probably offended by you making the comment about how much makeup she had and she replied in turn, but honestly most women would not want to share clothing or makeup from my experience and or discussion with others. It is taboo and a breaking of trust if you ever do.
Wish you the best in this first decide what is most important to you and what you are willing to live with in a relationship I am sure she is doing the same. Curious if you have asked her if she has shared or talked with anyone else about it and what their feedback was that can influence things also be it a sister a mother a girlfriend.
Like the others, giving relationship advice can be fraught with pitfalls, but here’s my take on this.
Some women seem to be able accept this gender fluidity we have, others can’t. Certainly opinions can change over time with experience and education but you have to know if this is the right Lady for you.
So you need to find a way to get her to accept both of your sides, or perhaps you should consider moving on. Which is a very sad thing for me to say, as I’m great believer in Love. The dating scene can be tough, though I’ve not been in it for some years now, but it’s better than getting seriously involved only to have it all come crashing down around you again.
My few cents worth, take it for what it’s worth, and I wish you very well, whichever way it goes.
Amy
Hi Erika with my present situation I’m not in a position to offer you any advice as I’m still in the closet to my wife, only you can decide what is best for you, all i can say is good luck for the future, I hope everything works out for you X
Hugs Rozalyn X 🎀
I’m with you there Erika telling your new partner about your crossdressing, if i was to get divorced and met someone else that is the first thing i would tell them that i like to crossdress and wear women’s clothes, then it would be up to them if they can put up with the life i want to live,
No more secrets X 🎀
Back when I started dating my wife I didn’t consider myself a Crossdresser–I like womens clothes & would play with them like telling her how much more comfortable Nites/dresses ect looked–even slipping into a nites ect –It wasn’t long before she really got into things–I didn’t plan it that way but that’s how it worked–Looking back -I think our success (over 30yrs together until she got sick & died) was we made it Fun rather than serious–
Thanks to everyone, I appreciate the input. As much as it hurts I have broke things off with her. I am hurting right now, because we were so intellectually compatible except for this and some sexual stuff. I really liked her, but I know how this will turn out. It will be worse if I let it go on. I know some of you have significant others that play with you and that is great. It gives me hope that it does exist. For right now I feel broken and I am glad you are all here for support. It makes feel like less of a weirdo.
I’m so sorry Erika. It’s hard to attach your heart to someone then break it off. I’m sure you’re wondering if it’s the right thing. It’s easy to say you’ll find someone else. Maybe you will with these items in place you desire to have with someone, but the intellectual and sexual parts won’t click. Only you can decide what is most important and what can be lived without or at least marginal. We have unique desires and needs. Plus the usual ones. What are we to do?
But if you can share, how did she take the breakup?
Love you… Gwyn
She was upset of course. She doesn’t understand why. I don’t know how to explain it to her. Somethings are left better unsaid.
I’ve had MANY arguments with my wife. She often says, “I don’t understand!”. My go to reply anymore is, “All I can do is tell you the same thing again. I can’t make you understand!”
You are keeping your promise to yourself. Which is always a good thing.
Love! Gwyn
Tried to reply before but finger slipped; too much eggnog. OK its early in the season. While I agree some things are best left unsaid (can’t say I have found any with my SO but I’m sure there are and I have thrown her some real curve balls which she just shrugged off; previous heterosexual relationships) with the right simpatico a heart to heart may bring a mutual understanding. And there is little to loose.
Hope you can work it out as it seems you both have a lot in common apart from the CD. Best. Marlene.
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Hi Erika.
I know it hurts now but I believe you did the right thing. We know our cross dressing desires never go away even when we push them back but then they just sit inside us and smolder making us frustrated and unhappy which can bleed into our every day lives making others unhappy too. Keep looking because there are women who can accept us, we just have to find those unicorns.
I understand Erika how hard breakups can be but rest assured you decided it would be better now than later as she was not compatible in areas that are most important to you and that’s what is most important that you have your needs met. It will get easier in time hang in there. We are all here to support you drop a line in private if you ever want to talk.
Hugs April
Is this what you want? I dont think I could tip-toe around the subject. My second wife gave me Luke-warm/half-hearted support when I first came out (before we were engaged), but over time it became clear that she found it troubling. The marriage endured 16 years, but ended because she could not tolerate my cross dressing.
My SO is the same way , casual talks and flirts about Shannon , but really wants nothing to do with her. I accept that i am not Shannon more then I am . So i can keep that part of myself to me and my occasional outings.
Best not to force something on someone, she accepts you dress, and is still with you let the Heels dall where they may. Best of Luck😘
There are accepting women out there. When I was courting my present girlfriend, I was so nervous about telling her but knew I had to speak the truth. To my surprise she was quite accepting. She has her limits, however, and I can live with them.
You probably will need to make compromises, but if you cannot be comfortable as yourself, you might do well to continue the search for an accepting partner.Hi Erika,
This is a massive dilemma and I was fortunate my wife accepted my dressing. There are certainly women who will accept it and I very much hope you can find someone.
I have lost interest in dating women, it simply does not feel right as I now identify mainly as a woman, perhaps that is for the best.
Janet
Like you, I would want someone who is accepting of it. If this is highly important to you then maybe this person isn’t the right one. There are people out there who are accepting so maybe you need to keep looking. I hope this doesn’t sound harsh but it’s just my read on the situation based on what you conveyed to us.
I was Lucky–my wife was More than accepting (she actually had Fun with my dressing) I’m widowed now I have dated some women–(although I think I’m more interested in dating men at this point–with my experience–I’d say-If whomever you with has doubts that can’t be soothed–then it’s a Big waste of time & energy – I read others experiences & it seems that if a wife/girlfriend disapproves couples split up-this eats up Yrs of possible happiness–It’s just Not worth it-
Don’t settle. It doesn’t sound like she’s even remotely accepting. Finding a woman who is accepting and supportive is possible, it’s just challenging. For my part, I’d rather be alone than with someone who was going to pick and choose the things about me that she’ll accept. I spent almost 25 years with THAT person, and after that I decided never again.
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