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I am currently not dressing, but I think my family is open enough that as my daughter (now only ten months) gets older I will be very honest as she answers questions about gender. Perhaps I am projecting too much, but I feel like normal questions like “why can’t men wear dresses?” and “do you ever wish you were a girl?” will come up and really move us toward a comfortable place of acceptance when I can embrace this part of myself.
Has anyone lived this before? It seems like most people here are very active yet secretive, or at least had been, but I’m trying to be open and active together.
I have a son and a daughter (both teenagers). I was very open with them about my new journey with crossdressing. Both of them are very accepting of it. My daughter loves it and helps with my nails and makeup. She is also usually gets the clothes that I try on that don’t fit. My son only cares that I’m happy with my crossdressing. They understand it’s something that makes me happy. We raised them to be opened minded about everything and not to judge people by their looks.
I’m with Samantha on this. I only have one little boy. I read this this morning while we were getting ready to go out for the day. My fiancé said she is totally for being open and honest from the get go. We are a very accepting family by nature and want to teach our son that being “different” is really normal and hating/discriminating against others for gender identity, sexual orientation, size or anything else is wrong. My fiancé said she is completely willing to go out as mommy daddy and family some days and go out as mommy Skyler and the kiddos others. We want our kids (eventually we’ll have one more, maybe) to know from a young age, and we’ll probably start very soon.
I love my daughter so much and I know she really loves me. She is older now, late twenties. I have thought about telling her, but the answer always comes up no. I just don’t want to hurt her, she has always known me as someone else, even as her knight in shinning armor. I have spoken with a few gay guys on the subject and what it was like for them to come out to there kids. They all recommend it and say it will be fine. However, my femme side is just so radically different from my guy side and my love so deep for her that it scares the hell out of me. Maybe someday, but it will be awhile.
I was standing in a queue last week with my teenage daughter, taking her to see one of her favourite bands.
Looooonnng wait, She was getting cold so I gave her my zip up hoody. She commented on how comfy it was and how it was better than her hoodies. I dropped in the conversation there should not be men’s and women’s clothes, just clothes, which she agreed with !
I then shared with her that I was wearing women’s size 10 jeans which fitted like a glove. I had worn them often but she never noticed. She accepted this no problem, only commenting ‘at least you won’t get them mixed up with mine, yours are blue, mine are all black’ Small steps !
They are slim fitted jeans, so I wore a thong underneath to prevent a VPL, I kept that to myself, but it felt good. The crowd was 95% female, we both had a great time. I would have loved to go in full Bianca mode, wig, make up etc, think I would have blended in better than in my drab male appearance, but don’t think she is ready for that yet 😂
hi aoife. this is an interesting question that’s been bugging me for a while. my wife knows about me but my sons dont. now I would far prefer to be open and honest and just get it all out in the open so there is no secrets. just to be able to walk around in my own house would be a blessing! instead of being confined to the bedroom as ‘fiona’. sometimes I feel like a caged animal wanting to be released if that makes sense. the one thing that stops me telling my sons is simple…… I just dont know how they would respond. I mean, you think you know your kids better than anyone, yes? you only get one bite at the cherry and the words cannot be reversed once spoken, so there is too much at stake for me and I admit, i’m kinda scared.
society is to blame, pure and simple and not just for us but for homosexuality, transgender, your height, your weight even the colour of your skin. its a very sad thing to say but if you are ‘different’ then you get hassle. I cant believe in the 21st century that there are even issues anymore. people need to move on and be more civilised and accepting of your fellow human beings because that’s what we all are, we are all the same under the skin. for me if peoples attitudes changed, I would have no hestitation discussing my c/d with anyone. take care girls!
fiona xx
Hi Fiona,
I know exactly what you mean about being scared to reveal our feminine self to children. I used the phrase ‘ small steps ‘ to try to normalise our dressing, to try to desensitise people to seeing us wearing feminine stuff, to try to show them it is not so bad, we are still the same person.
I agree it is societal expectations of ‘ normal’ which have to change, and I think things are changing. I feel very few people would be prepared to openly show prejudiced, bigoted, ignorant behaviour in public, as they know they themselves are likely ( quite rightly ) to be criticised for their comments/insults. I feel the population in general, and particularly among the young, are becoming more accepting of ‘anything goes’ as long as you are doing others no harm. I wonder how much of this fear of being seen as some kind of weirdo/deviant is acually inside our heads, and in reality most people would just accept us, and get on with whatever they are doing.
Mods, Rockers, Punks, New Romantics etc etc all just got on with it, didn’t care what others thought, maybe we should just do the same. It is just taking that step, especially when we have family, that is the hardest. I know, I am too scared at the moment other than to sometimes underdress, wear women’s jeans, the occasional lip gloss/mascara in public. Christmas is coming, and it’s hard to see all the gorgeous dresses, heels, skirts, glittering tops etc in the shops, knowing our lot is probably a suit,shirt,tie,oxfords….boring😂
love
Bianca
hi Bianca. yes its nice to see others feel like I do and not just me but of course it does not solve the situation. regarding the clothes at Christmas and indeed any other time of the year I have another moan! and this must be an age old grievance with us, why can women dress up in ‘mens’ clothes i.e. jeans or trousers, a jacket, shirt even a tie? and never get noticed or ridiculed, yet if men wear a skirt or dress, blouse, tights, knickers etc, suddenly virtually the whole world is against us! I know the answer, its society again and social status, men are supposed to be men, look like men, act like men, drink like men etc etc etc. the world is in dire need of being re-educated and take people for what they are rather than what they do. I love what I do, I dont harm anyone, i’m committing no offences yet stupid ignorant people all jump on the bandwagon and accuse us of being ‘different’ and therefore worthy of nasty comments and actions. this is why I would rather be in the company of like-minded people who more than anyone know what it is like to c/d and all the problems associated with it.
you girls are the best! thankyou for accepting me on this site, sometimes I might come across as being a little outspoken, but its mainly frustration and certainly not aimed at anyone here. I have upmost respect for you all as I do myself.
love, hugs and kisses, fiona xx
Your thread about the inequality between women, who have free range with clothes, and men, is reflected in my biographical info in my profile, which I typed when I joined a couple of years ago. Also in my comments on this subject I made to my daughter about there being just clothes, not men’s clothes and women’s clothes. We are on the same page here.
Unfortunately my friend, society does not change overnight, but things are changing. This year I have seen a lot more brighter floral designs in men’s Summer tee shirts and shirts, more fitted ( muscle fit 😂) tees. Men now have many more skinny jeans options, although women’s still seem to have more Lycra making them more stretchy and comfortable. For the first time this year I saw TV adverts for male body hair removal products, moisturiser etc. The Israelly trans woman with the beard who won the Eurovision Song Contest in a gorgeous gown. Small steps I know, and a long way from dresses, heels, skirts etc, but what exactly am I striving for ? Do I want the male me to be accepted as you see me in my photos ? Or do I want to be accepted as me in a beautiful dress without the wig, going out with my kids. I have been out a few times fully dressed en femme, and think I am becoming more comfortable now doing that because of the anonymity. When I am out dressed I am Bianca. If I ever were to ‘come out to family or friends would it be piecemeal ? In male clothing apart from my gorgeous black patent heels, think I would be more terrified of a situation like that than going out fully made up, wig and all. The wig is a big thing here. If I did not wear it but did the rest, dress, make up, heels etc I would be me, not Bianca. Now I know I am one in the same person, but feel this is a huge hurdle to fully merge my male self with all of Biancas joy, femininity, and clothes, so do it in tiny increments, looking for more fitted, brighter clothes in different materials in menswear stores, or items in womenswear I think I could get away with in my daily life. Trying to bring the two together, androgyny, short term fix !
It seems many of us are on the same page as far as the double standard of dressing. It seems so silly that society still has these hang ups. However it has kept me from discussing with my children ( who are all adults now) but I believe my daughter knows. Hard to hide all the clothes that I have and they sure arent Moms size. LOL
I do want to be open with them about this because it is such an important part of my life. I want to be Stephie more. I think my wife has become open to this but we will see.
It is so great to have all you ladies on line to share our feelings and thoughts on this subject. This has really helped me to realize I should not feel ashamed for who I am and what I do. To all my sisters out there be strong and be safe.
Stephie
- Very thought provoking post with great additions by bianca and Roxanne. Teaching our children to lose all the prejudices is so important and i believe showing by example is paramount. The other points brought up were the anxiety about how we percieve what society sees as normal, and what seems to be a constant battle within even ourselves to figure out why we feel the need to do this and what started it. The therapists are making a fortune! I’ll be the first to admit that i have trouble with the society issue mostly due to the backlash that would fall on my family and friends whom would feel the need to try and defend my actions. I’m working on that one. I don’t beat myself up on the why or what made me; we don’t do it for anything else we do in my life either, ie hunt, golf, dance. I enjoy what i do because it makes me feel good about myself, shouldn’t that be enough.
I have two daughters that have no problems with what daddy wears, they grew up seeing dad in his silky pajamas and robe and nightgowns and took it as A natural thing. when they grew older and became more aware of dads choice of clothing, we sat them down and had A long talk about wearing such things made dad and mom very happy and closer together. We also told them its mom and dads special secret and they were not to tell anyone about it and they had no problem with it. Now that they have grown up and have started their own families they both are doing quite well and still think the world of old dad.
Sarasue
What I mean is that I plan on being totally open with her and by extension my wife as these topics are breached. I think nothing but good can come out of me telling my children that their hyper masculine appearing father has wished to be a girl, loves to dress up, and believes in exploration. I hope for them to see they are not limited by whatever roles are placed on them and that maybe it could help me not only live out that side of myself but encourage acceptance from their mother.
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